Chapter Text
Week 1
A trip like this was supposed to be exciting. Everything was planned out almost to the letter. They were running on schedule. Logically, it seemed like there was nothing to worry about. And yet, Hans Dietrich was worrying. He gave a heavy sigh while closing up his suitcase, and glanced over his shoulder across the hall. His wife, Esther, was touching up her lipstick, blissfully focused on that and nothing else for the moment. Dietrich found himself tempted to say something, but decided it was better to wait until they were on the road to Cologne. He set his luggage outside the bedroom before pausing at the bathroom door. "Are you ready, Esther?"
"Just about, Hans," Esther said. She checked her lipstick one last time before turning to her husband. "Are you doing alright?"
"Yes. Why?" Dietrich asked.
"You have that look on your face. You're worried about something."
Dietrich sighed. "Perhaps. I… We can talk in the car. Don't worry. I am not cancelling anything. I just… want to say a few things."
Esther nodded, though now she had a worried look of her own.
Dietrich cursed under his breath. This isn't how I want our Christmas to begin. He brought his suitcase and Esther's downstairs, where his nephew, Anselm, was grating a ginger root over a bowl in the kitchen. "Do you have any questions, Anselm?"
"No, Uncle Hans," Anselm said. "I hope you and Aunt Esther have fun. You two have needed—"
"Ah." Dietrich held up his hand. "We are taking care of it. No need to trouble yourself with what we're doing."
"Okay." Anselm briefly turned back to his ginger. "I know to pick up Gunther from school."
"Good."
"Better yet—" Anselm grinned, "I haven't told Troy where you're going."
"I appreciate that, but you do know that if I told him and said I just want time alone with Esther, he would listen."
"I know."
Dietrich looked up when he heard Esther coming down the stairs, then turned back to Anselm. "Enjoy your time alone here, alright?"
"I will, Uncle Hans."
Esther went into the kitchen to give Anselm a kiss on his cheek. "We'll be back in a few days. I put the hotel phone number by the telephone in case you need us." She gave him a quick hug before jogging over to the coat rack. Her expression changed when she glanced at Dietrich while putting her nicest coat on.
Dietrich was quiet while putting on his own coat and bringing their luggage out to the car. There wasn't a cloud in the sky that day, but that night was going to bring more snow all across Germany. After getting into the driver's seat, he glanced at Esther. "I will admit, I am a bit nervous right now. I have had this planned for over a month now."
"There is always the possibility of something going wrong. It's perfectly alright to be nervous," Esther replied.
"It… is not just that. I, um, I started planning this after everything that has happened this year, and last, and—" Dietrich sighed, "Really every year since Gunther started walking and talking on his own." He looked down at his lap, then over his shoulder as he began backing out of the driveway. "I feel like we have been neglecting each other. I certainly have, and I have no excuse."
"You have been depressed more—"
"No. I do not want my depression to be an excuse. I really have been a terrible husband this year. And an even worse father."
"Oh, Hans." Esther gave him a sad look. "You haven't been terrible at all."
"Are you just saying that to make me feel better?"
Esther sighed and faced forward. She was quiet for a few minutes as they headed northwest. "I think I am. I haven't had the courage to say this, but I have been feeling like… things are lacking between us. You seem upset more, I can't get through to you. It has been… difficult." She went quiet again. "I was hoping after… after you nearly died from snakebite that things would change for the better."
Dietrich wasn't sure what to say to that. Part of him regretted bringing all of this up. He looked at Esther. "I doubt a simple apology will do much. I do love you. Do you—"
"Of course I love you, too, Hans. I will never forget everything you've done for me. Life just… got in the way, I guess."
"Have I made you angry, or disappointed at all?"
"Sometimes. Especially with Gunther, and then you let that ruin everything else."
Dietrich winced.
"I'm sorry, but it is the truth, Hans. You get frustrated with him far too easily, and you let that cloud over everything else."
"I know. I really am turning into my parents."
"That's another problem. You get that in your head and then you stew about it instead of changing things." Esther reached over to touch Dietrich's hand when they came to a traffic light. "I also wish you would stop accusing me of being on Gunther's side. He's a child. He's doing what children do. He wants to make friends and have fun. He deserves that. You and I didn't have that."
Dietrich nodded in agreement. "It is difficult to communicate when I have nothing to share with him from my own childhood. I never know how to help him with anything, so I just feel… inadequate."
"Pushing him away isn't going to help your relationship in the long run."
"No, it isn't." Dietrich glanced at his wife. "I am a mess."
"I haven't been helpful, either." Esther looked down at her lap. "This isn't the only thing bothering me."
"Oh?"
"Back in August, when you were on duty, I got a phone call from my mother."
"She hasn't spoken to you in years. How did she get our number?"
"I gave my parents the house number and address when I invited them to the wedding. I… I wanted to visit them after we got married, but I became too frightened to do so. When Gunther came along, I put it out of my mind entirely. Watching you and Troy and the others trying to mend things with your families has made me think, though it's mainly about how I don't know what to do."
"I hope they're more open to talk than Vanora's parents," Dietrich said.
"Poor Vanora. She's had such a difficult time with them. Honestly, that's part of why I've been so scared."
"You fear getting into the same situation as her."
"Yes."
"I can understand that. I certainly won't force you to talk to your parents if you do not feel ready. What did your mother say to you?"
"She wanted to know how I was. It was very brief. I said I was doing well, but didn't elaborate. She asked if I was still with you. I said 'yes.' She asked if I was still happy, or if we were just living with each other. I was a bit appalled at such a question, but I kept calm and said, 'Yes, I'm still happy.' We left it at that. She told me that she hoped I would visit one day." Esther kept looking down at her lap. "When you said we were going to Cologne, my… my first thought was that my parents always go to the Christmas market together. Almost every year when I was a child. I don't know if they still do. I'm afraid of running into them."
"The chances of that are probably slim, but I don't blame you for being afraid." Dietrich sighed. "I apologize for putting you in this situation. I wanted to do something nice for you, and—"
"And we can have that. Believe me, Hans, I've been looking forward to this ever since you told me. Just the two of us together."
Dietrich nodded, and allowed himself to smile. "Alright. I was going to save this for tomorrow night, but I suppose I will tell you now. I booked us a table at a very nice restaurant overlooking the Rhine—quite close to our hotel—on the same night that they are opening their ballroom. There will be a lovely Christmas display, desserts, drinks, and, yes, dancing."
Now Esther was smiling. "Oh, Hans! You didn't!"
"Yes, I did."
"So that's why you told me to pack my nicest dress."
"Exactly. I want to give you a good Christmas, and just a lovely night out in general. Lovely few nights. We will have dancing one night. I will take you shopping for whatever you wish, and later, when we are in our hotel room—" Dietrich blushed, "I was hoping we do something… intimate."
"I was hoping you would say that," Esther said with a grin. "I brought some things to wear that I know you like."
Dietrich grinned as well. "I look forward to seeing what you brought, then."
The drive out to Cologne would take three hours, and much of that time was spent in silence, despite their conversation ending on a happier note than it started. By the time they reached the city, the sun had started setting, and traffic was heavy. Dietrich glanced at Esther. "One of the many reasons I hope Anselm doesn't choose to live in a city. I would rather not deal with this every time we want to visit."
"I won't argue with you on that. We're not going to miss anything, are we?" Esther asked.
"No. I planned for this. Admittedly, I am getting hungry."
Esther reached over to poke Dietrich's stomach. "Did you have a place in mind you wanted to go for dinner?"
"No. I never got the chance to look around the last time I was in Cologne. General Preisner took me and a few other officers to a beer garden, which I know you won't like."
"I would be willing to go once. I know you don't drink heavily."
"But why else do people go to beer gardens, angel? To have beer. I am extremely picky with beer. Besides, you deserve to go somewhere nicer."
"We are going to go somewhere nicer tomorrow. We can do something else tonight."
"Oh, alright. No beer gardens, though."
"Hans—"
"Why would you even want to go to one?"
Esther snapped. "Because I don't need to be protected from bad memories! I need to face everything sooner or later!"
Dietrich bit his lip. "Okay." He said nothing as he continued navigating traffic, only mumbling his relief when he saw the turn into the hotel parking lot.
Esther sighed. "I'm sorry, Hans."
"Apology accepted. Are you feeling alright?"
Esther didn't respond.
Once Dietrich found a space to park, he was tempted to say something more to Esther. Instead, he got out of the car to get their luggage, and went around to the passenger side to open the door for his wife. "Let's get settled in our room, angel."
Esther nodded, and got out to follow him. Neither of them took the time to look around at the beautifully decorated lobby, or the old paintings on the wall that adorned it year-round. Dietrich kept looking over his shoulder to make sure Esther was with him, even when they were in the elevator. They were alone for the ride, and Dietrich felt Esther glance up at him before moving closer to him. When the elevator stopped, they headed into the hallway, past a lit Christmas tree.
Dietrich had to set one of their suitcases down in order to unlock their room, then held open the door for Esther. After closing the door, he breathed a heavy sigh. "I don't think we should go out in public until we have a talk."
Esther sank down to the bed without taking her coat or boots off.
"This is about your parents, isn't it?"
"It… yes."
Dietrich sat next to her. "Bottling this up will not help anyone." He put his arm around her and kissed her cheek. "Least of all us. You have helped me countless times over the years. Let me help you." When Esther didn't say anything, Dietrich hugged her a little tighter, rocking side-to-side with her. "Esther?" He gave her another kiss. "Angel. Talk to me." He nuzzled her. "I am not going to give up until you speak to me."
Esther turned to face him. "It's silly. That's why I haven't said anything."
"No, no, don't pull that. Nothing you say or think is silly. I promise."
"You were the one who said the chances of running into them is slim."
"And I also said I do not blame you for being afraid." Dietrich was quiet, giving her a chance to respond. When she didn't, he kissed her again. "I promise, we are going to have a good time here. I will not let anyone ruin it for you."
"I'm more worried about things being ruined for you."
"Oh, don't worry about that. I want to see you happy this Christmas. That is all I want."
"I know. I'm sorry for disappointing you."
"You are not disappointing me. Let's get changed, and then we will go to dinner—wherever you like."
As much as Dietrich wished Esther had said something back when she first got a phone call from her mother, he couldn't blame her for not knowing what to do. He had been in a similar position with Markus after all. He tried to maintain his belief that the odds of running into Esther's parents were slim, but he also knew that if the powers-that-be decided it was time for Esther to confront her past, then it would happen, regardless of what any mere mortal thought.
That night started off quite lovely. The two had dinner at a restaurant in a village just outside of Cologne, away from the crowds that had come for the Christmas market. A hearty soup, with a creamy, savory broth and packed with chicken, potatoes, and dumplings was a perfect dish for a cold night. Admittedly, Dietrich missed having dinner at home with Gunther and Anselm.
They went back to Cologne after sunset. Along with stars and a full moon, the lights decorating the Christmas market were quite romantic. Dietrich would always enjoy the feeling of Esther pressing up against him for warmth. It was lovely the first time, as it wasn't something he ever experienced before. Somehow, he found the one person who looked to him and no one else for warmth and comfort.
They found a place to sit after getting bags of Lebkuchen and Pfeffernüsse, and large mugs of hot chocolate. Dietrich had been tempted to get a different drink, but quietly refused on account of Esther. After they took a few moments to get warm, Dietrich glanced at Esther. "I think I told you that I used to go to the Christmas market in Nuremberg completely alone. I would get a few things, because I used to do that with Aunt Miriam, but I also spent much of my time eating cookies like these and drinking Eierpunsch. Not enough to be stumbling, drooling drunk, but enough to be a bit… dazed."
"That doesn't sound fun," Esther said. "Especially alone."
"It wasn't. The Eierpunsch there was delicious, though. I thought about getting some here, but I do have to drive, and—" Dietrich stopped, remembering Esther snapping at him earlier. "Well, I have to drive."
Esther sighed. "I know exactly what you were going to say, Hans."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"No, it's… it's alright. I really don't want you to feel like you have to avoid things you enjoy around me. It really is time I push past my own fears. I trust you to be responsible when we're in public, Hans."
"I know. In public, though, I feel I should remain as alert as I can be. Part of that is due to having been a soldier for so long. Another part is that I feel responsible for protecting you."
Esther reached across the table to take Dietrich's hand. "I do appreciate that. One drink while we're out isn't going to hurt. I trust you. I can't say that about anyone else I saw in the past." She kissed his hand despite him wearing gloves. "I feel like I'm ruining this by making you concerned—"
"No, don't worry about that. I probably shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Basically, I wanted to say that I don't miss doing things like this alone. It is a lot more fun with someone to share it with."
"It is." Esther kept holding her husband's hand. "How are you doing?"
"Alright. Why?"
"Should we head back to the hotel after this, or do you want to keep looking around?"
"Well, we have a few nights to keep exploring. I would be alright with going back now."
The two finished their hot chocolate before leaving, carrying their bags of cookies and various trinkets. Dietrich was glad to get out of the cold. When they returned to their hotel room, he was glad to enjoy the company of his wife in private. He had brought his own soap—the scents Esther liked best—to use in the shower.
It turned out Esther did the same. As soon as she stepped out of the bathroom, the room was filled with a lightly sweet, floral smell. She gave Dietrich a grin before dimming the lights. "Am I getting put on the Naughty List this year?"
"I don't think it is naughty to be doing this with the one you truly love," Dietrich said. He began untying the band of his bathrobe, then paused to close the room's curtains.
It was still dark when Dietrich awoke the next morning. He blinked the sleep from his eyes before turning to see the clock on his nightstand. It was six, but felt much earlier. He turned back to Esther, appearing to still be sound asleep on the pillow next to him. He kissed the side of her forehead before cuddling up to her. She moved onto her back, looking up at her husband with bleary, red eyes. "Good morning, Hans."
"Good morning." Dietrich frowned. "Why do you look like you had a rough sleep? Did I—"
"No. It's nothing you did. Last night was wonderful. I had bad dreams, that's all."
"What sort of bad dreams?"
Esther was quiet for a moment. "I dreamt…" She sniffed. "My mother called to tell me that… that she didn't have long to live."
"I'm sorry."
"It's alright. It's… just a dream, after all."
"Not always."
"It felt too… fuzzy and distant to be something like what you have."
"That does not diminish what it could possibly mean. I happen to have greater clarity with dreams, on top of the odd vision or two. That's it. Do you remember anything else?"
Esther sighed. "I remember it was at night. It looked like it was at our house, but something felt different."
"Well, I think this is as simple as you are afraid of this actually happening. There were no differing objects, no animals?"
"No."
"I suppose that's good. Typically, if this were a message of sorts, there would be other signs."
"That doesn't make it any less distressing."
"I know." Dietrich drew in a breath. "I am going to leave this up to you, but I think you should talk to your parents again. While I doubt this dream is an immediate warning, it is also not something to be ignored. Say the things you want to say before it is too late."
"I guess that makes sense. I will admit that I don't like this happening so close to Christmas."
"The Christmas season either makes people more forgiving, or causes them to double down in their bitterness. If you decide to see your parents, I will be by your side."
"Thank you, Hans." Esther sat up to kiss Dietrich. "You know what? I'll surprise them. They don't live too far from Cologne. How about we go before we head home?"
"If that is what you wish to do, my angel."
Dietrich would never forget the tender romance of the last several days. The sweet moments, cuddles, kisses, and intimate passion. But he also knew a relationship wasn't cute moments alone. Dealing with difficulties his wife was facing and staying by her no matter what were equally important. She had done so for him, and he had spent that year feeling as though he wasn't doing that enough for her. He was glad he had that chance now, and that Esther trusted him to be there and help her.
They drove out to the quieter towns south of Cologne, and parked in front of a small home on the outskirts of one such town. Esther was hesitant at first, but eventually drew in a breath and stepped out of the car. Dietrich followed close behind, hoping and praying that things would go well. He hoped it wouldn't be a repeat of when Troy finally worked up the courage to see his mother again, even though that turned out well in the end. He didn't want to see Esther struggle the way Troy did. Whatever happened, he would stick with her.
Esther hesitated a few moments before knocking on the door. Dietrich put his hand on her shoulder, gently squeezing her when the door opened. An older woman stared in surprise for a moment. "Esther? Is that you?"
Esther nodded. "It is, Mother."
Dietrich let go when the older woman moved to take her daughter in for a tearful but happy hug. He allowed himself to smile, and glanced up when snow began to fall. Hearing Esther's mother say how much she missed her told him everything was going to be alright. He knew they would be a little late coming home, but he felt this was worth it to see his wife and her family happy again.