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Sometimes I wonder what you’re doing now. Not that I have any right to ask about it, but still.
Oh?
What was that?!
Quan Yizhen could have sworn that he just heard shixiong’s voice!
But he knew that shixiong was not there with him. And it had not been a message through the spiritual communication array, either. It felt different from that. Almost…
It almost felt like a prayer.
But that would be strange. Prayers were supposed to be used to ask for things, right? He had never heard of anyone trying to have an actual conversation with a god through their prayers. Well, shixiong wasn’t exactly doing that either, but-
Still… sometimes I wonder if you’re eating well and resting properly.
There it was again. It was definitely a prayer! Shixiong was… praying to him. To say he was worried about him.
Shixiong still cared about him.
Quan Yizhen scrambled to open his private communication array, to try to send a message to Yin Yu, but as it had been for the last century, it was closed. He had no way to contact him directly.
Why would shixiong pray to him, if he didn’t want them to talk?!
How stupid of me, right? You’re a martial god. You don’t even need to eat or sleep anymore. And of course you can take care of yourself. How presumptuous of me.
That particular “prayer” ended in a deep sigh. And shixiong’s voice sounded so sad! Quan Yizhen needed to find him, and do it soon. To clear up things. Why was shixiong thinking of him like that? And why was it turning into a prayer?
He tried his best to locate the source of it, but… this prayer was not like the rest.
Normally, he would be able to trace any prayer back to one of his temples or to a specific believer’s altar, but this particular one came from a place that seemed to be intentionally concealed. Maybe there was some kind of barrier? But… how did the prayer reach him, in that case? Nothing made sense!
Where was shixiong praying from? Where had he been all those years after… after…
That question was one that had gnawed at him from the moment he regained consciousness and found out that Yin Yu had already been banished. He had been looking for him since then, without any luck, no matter how much he tried. Just where was he hiding?
It had been so hard for Quan Yizhen, but he had to keep going. He told himself that no matter what, he was going to find shixiong again, and then they would talk things through, and fix whatever it was that went wrong between them.
Some days were real bad, no matter how hard he tried to cling to his hope. He had a deep-seated fear that his constant search for shixiong would end up with him getting his worst nightmare confirmed. That he would be too late, and shixiong would have already faded.
But now…
But even knowing that, I guess I can’t forget those times where you relied on me. That’s why I worry. Ahh, yet another stupid thing, coming from me. Things are not like that between us anymore, right? Ahh, I should really focus on my work instead of thinking of this.
That day, no more of those unexpected prayers came, and Quan Yizhen was left wondering what had happened to shixiong that led to this situation. He needed to find a way to contact him! Now that he knew that shixiong was still somewhere, he felt more determined than ever to find him.
He didn’t want to miss this chance. He couldn’t risk being too late.
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Yin Yu, of course, had no idea that any of this was happening. He simply had been lost in his own thoughts, which led right back to Quan Yizhen more frequently than he would like to admit. He felt so bad for thinking about Quan Yizhen like this, after hiding from him for so long. What right did he have to act like this? Even if it was only inside his mind… Yin Yu still felt guilty for it. For ‘talking’ to his shidi, as if there was any hope of rekindling things. As if he deserved even a minute of his time, after what he had done to Quan Yizhen.
But as every year, around the time of the Mid-Autumn Festival his guilt turned into something a bit more unbearable than normal, and he ended up drowning in the depths of his misery and his regrets. And talking to Quan Yizhen in his mind.
I hope this year you have a nice birthday celebration, Yizhen. Well, I suppose your believers will give plenty of gifts to you, right? Everyone knows that your worshipers are… quite passionate.
He was supposed to be working on yet another pile of pending paperwork, but his mind kept drifting away from him. It wasn’t like the City was going to crumble if he took a bit longer to finish working on this, anyway. Or so he hoped.
Yin Yu left his brush aside, and decided to take a break. He closed his eyes, holding his head between his hands for a minute, elbows resting over the desk.
There are so many things I wish I could tell you. So many things I should have said back then. I guess there’s no use in thinking of that now, right? You were never the sort of person who got stuck thinking. You actually did things, unlike me.
At that moment, Quan Yizhen was about to go back to the heavens, after dealing with a mission. He had to report to Ling Wen, of course, and was planning to ask her if there was some other way to track the prayer he had recently received and that he could try. Maybe there was some different way he didn’t know about?
As he was thinking about it, he got that new prayer, and it made him frantic. He really needed to speak to shixiong! Shixiong got it all wrong! They just needed to talk!
Well, of course when I finally did something without thinking it through, I fucked everything up. What a useless shixiong you have, Yizhen… Ah, well. You’re probably so much better without me, anyway.
“No!” Quan Yizhen screamed, startling the birds perched upon a nearby tree. He was still in the Mortal Realm, too rattled to ascend. “Shixiong is wrong!” But Yin Yu could not hear him, of course.
They were not having an actual conversation.
Back in his office in Paradise Manor, Yin Yu let out a deep sigh, before trying to return to his paperwork. There was no use in dwelling on the past. There was no use in thinking about all the what-ifs. His time would be better spent on preparing some more ink and dealing with the next pile of requests to Hua Chengzhu he had yet to review.
There’s no way for me to change what already happened, or to take back my words. And yet here I am, thinking about this again. How pathetic. You’d be so disappointed in me…
His brain kept fixating on the past… and thanks to his distraction, his inkstick shattered.
But if I wasn’t a coward… If I was a better person, I would ask for your forgiveness, even if I know I don’t deserve it at all.
Ugh.
Better to take a break. Not a long one of course, but he needed to clean his hands.
And clear his head, too.
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“Ling Wen!” Quan Yizhen just barged into her office without a care. “Ling Wen, I need your help!”
She just sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. This was not exactly something new, but Quan Yizhen was… quite lively, this time.
“General Qi Ying,” she greeted him in her usual emotionless voice. “Is this about His Highness Yin Yu again?” Ninety-nine percent of the time, it was about him, but she still had to ask.
“Yes!” Quan Yizhen approached her desk, splaying his hands over it without even checking if he was going to crumple any of her scrolls. Fortunately, he managed not to ruin any of them or smear any fresh writings. “Ling Wen, do you know if there’s any special way to track a prayer?”
“General, you should be able to track any prayers without issue with the usual method,” she replied, a tiny bit intrigued by the reason behind such a specific question.
“But there’s a prayer that I cannot locate! There must be some other way, right?” Ah, he always seemed to have a lot of faith in her abilities to source information…
“I’m sorry, General. I’ve never heard about a prayer that could not be tracked.” She wasn’t lying. This really had no precedent at all. Well, probably there weren't any gods who cared enough to ask about something like this. For most of them, an untrackable prayer would be a nuisance to ignore, instead of a problem worthy of investigation. “A prayer is a direct way of communication between a believer and their god. There shouldn’t be any barrier there. Unless…” She looked at Quan Yizhen, remembering that he had just said that this was about Yin Yu. “Unless said believer didn’t want to be found, for some reason.”
Oh. That… That probably explained it, then.
“I see,” Quan Yizhen said, quickly deflating, all his previous enthusiasm leaving his body. “Thank you, Ling Wen.” He always thanked her for her help, even if it never amounted to anything. She was still the only one in Heaven who didn’t look at him as if he was some pitiful freak or an unruly child.
“I’m sorry for not having a different answer to offer you, General Qi Ying.” Even if Ling Wen was already used to being the one who constantly brought a deep disappointment to Quan Yizhen’s face, that didn’t mean she enjoyed it. She had never enjoyed his suffering, and the whole incident with the Brocade Immortal had been… “I wish I had better news for you, but…”
“But there’s no news of shixiong.” Quan Yizhen finished the phrase for her. There was nothing else to say, so he cupped his hands in front of him, bowed slightly, and left.
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What other options did he have to find shixiong? He really needed to find him soon! But apparently, Yin Yu was hiding too well. It was so strange! Why would shixiong pray to him and yet not want to be found? Why would he pray to say those heartfelt things and not request anything from him?
Well, in a sense, Yin Yu had asked for something.
He had asked for forgiveness.
Oh, if only he could let shixiong know that his forgiveness had been given so long ago! Shixiong didn’t need to ask for it at all! They just needed to talk so Quan Yizhen could explain that to shixiong. And tell him many other things too. There was so much they should talk about!
But Quan Yizhen had no idea where to look. And no matter how many times he asked Ling Wen, there was never any news on Yin Yu’s whereabouts! What was he supposed to do now? It wasn’t like he had not been looking on his own too! He just had no more leads to follow.
Well, there was one thing he had not tried. There were rumors about a certain Ghost King who could grant your wishes if you managed to win a game of dice against him. When he asked Ling Wen about it, she advised against it, saying that a Calamity should never, ever be trusted, and then she told him about the story of how Hua Cheng defied — and defeated — thirty-three Heavenly Officials.
In Quan Yizhen’s opinion, those Officials brought that to themselves, anyway. He was not going to act like them! Crimson Rain Sought Flower clearly had followed the terms they had set from the start, so he saw no reason to fear for his own safety. He was not going to try to cheat!
… He also had no idea what he could offer as a wager, but that question could wait. First, he had to find Crimson Rain’s infamous Ghost City. And then, he would offer whatever it was that Crimson Rain may want in return. Anything would be worth it, if it was for finding shixiong again.
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He didn’t speak about his idea with anyone else, knowing he would end up in trouble for going to Ghost City, and even worse, for intending to ask for help from the Heaven’s number one enemy. He was a bit nervous about it, if he was honest, because he knew he was doing something risky, and from what he had heard of it before, Ghost City was a horrible place.
It turned out to be more of a strange place than a horrible one. Overwhelming, too, full of people and creatures and odors, nonsensically built to a degree that left him breathless and stunned in the middle of the main street, as the ghosts and demons around him pushed, shoved and shouted at him to move out of their way, eyeing him suspiciously from the moment they saw him arrive.
Quan Yizhen did his best to hide his godly aura, but he might not have been completely successful, judging by the reactions of those creatures around him, some of them mumbling about how shameless he was, or mentioning a Waning Moon Officer. Well, he was not going to go down without a fight, if the need arose! He was going to meet Crimson Rain, no matter the cost!
Fortunately, before things went out of control, he caught word of two other… People? Beings? Going to the Gambler’s Den, loudly talking about how this was going to be their lucky day, since it seemed that Hua Chengzhu was present this time! So there was a chance to get to play against him!
Quan Yizhen immediately started following them — from a safe, inconspicuous distance — towards a big building reeking of evil aura: the closer they got to it, the more evident it became to him that he was going to have a bad time there. It was noisy, even more crowded than the streets, and the scent of alcohol was noticeable even from the outside.
But before he could enter the building, a tall, masked figure stopped him.
It was, of course, the Waning Moon Officer, who, after receiving some suspicious reports and noticing the presence of an unmasked Heavenly Official, had jumped to action on automatic mode, as his job demanded.
“Where do you think you’re g-” Yin Yu stopped mid-sentence, belatedly realizing exactly who he was talking to. Fuck. I fucked up. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. Shit. Fuck. Well, there goes my cover.
But maybe he could still run, right?
He could not, in fact, since he was already being tackled by an overexcited Quan Yizhen, as he loudly shouted “SHIXIOOOONG!” Of course he had recognized Yin Yu’s voice, he didn’t even need to see his face, the mask was not enough to hide his shixiong’s identity from him. His voice had been enough proof of his identity for Quan Yizhen.
Yin Yu barely managed to keep his balance as Quan Yizhen’s body hit him with the force of a battering ram, and then his arms squeezed Yin Yu very strongly, repeating a litany of “I’m so happy I found you! Shixiong, shixiong, why didn’t you tell me you were here? Ahh, shixiong!”
Recovering his wits — and his breath — Yin Yu took Quan Yizhen by the wrist, leading them to a more secluded area. Ah, he already knew he was not going to be able to escape Quan Yizhen anymore. Maybe if he listened to whatever it was that Quan Yizhen wanted to say, he would leave on his own accord. So he threw his dice and took them to his own lodgings.
“Whoa! Shixiong, that was so cool! How did you -” Quan Yizhen stopped talking, distracted and stunned by the image of Yin Yu taking off his mask. It had been so long since they last saw each other! Shixiong was just as handsome as ever, but at the same time he looked so tired! Should he be worried? But also he was still here, he finally found him, and, and -
“General-” Yin Yu quickly decided that was not going to work, so he changed strategies, “Yizhen, what in the world are you doing here?! Why didn’t you use a disguise, like every other Heavenly Official that comes to the City?!” He wiped his face with a hand, and then pinched the bridge of his nose, already feeling an incoming headache. “What were you thinking?! What if Chengzhu found you first?” He leaned against his desk, and finally crossed his arms as he waited for Quan Yizhen’s answer.
“Shixiong, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause you trouble. I tried to hide my aura!”
“Why are you here, Yizhen?” Heavenly Officials were not welcome in Ghost City, barely tolerated at most, and that was only if they pretended to be an average mortal visitor. And Quan Yizhen was not someone Yin Yu would imagine visiting the city for the same, ehem, purposes that usually brought the other Heavenly Officials there (those being: gambling, brothels, and questionable businesses at the Ghost Market).
“I was trying to find you, shixiong! But I had no idea that I would find you here,” Quan Yizhen moved towards Yin Yu,and considered reaching out, but quickly retracted his hands, reconsidering his attitude when he saw Yin Yu’s closed-off stance. “I just wanted to ask for Crimson Rain’s help, since everyone in the Mortal Realm says he’s powerful enough to grant any wishes, and everyone in the Heavenly Court seems to fear him. It must mean he really is powerful, right?”
Yin Yu wiped his face once more, this time accompanying the gesture with a deep sigh. There would be no use in debating how bad of an idea that was. And Yin Yu certainly was not in the mood to explain his own relationship to the most powerful Calamity in the Three Realms, either. Better to jump into the reasons for Quan Yizhen’s presence in Ghost City instead.
“Well, I am here.” Unfortunately, he had no way to escape Quan Yizhen. Not permanently. He knew that now that Quan Yizhen knew Yin Yu was here, he would not relent without getting to speak to him. “What is it that you wanted from me, Yizhen?”
Quan Yizhen’s eyes were a mix of bright hope and a self-conscious sort of sadness.
“I heard shixiong praying for me. I heard you many times, but I was never able to find you, and the last one made me worry so much that this was all I could think of to find you.”
“Prayers? What… What prayers? What are you talking about?” Yin Yu suddenly straightened out, going stiff as a board, his face flushing with embarrassment. He knew he had been thinking a lot about Quan Yizhen lately, but… those were not prayers, right?! There was no way!
“Shixiong prayed to me!” Quan Yizhen insisted, while nervously fidgeting with his fingers. “The last time you... you prayed for forgiveness.”
Yin Yu paled at those words. He had no idea how that had happened! It was not supposed to be like that! He never intended for those words to be heard by Quan Yizhen!
“I... I did not mean for that to be a prayer, Yizhen. I'm sorry for... for bothering you.” Ah, he was sorry for so many other things too, too many to count, even. But this was not how he expected their eventual conversation to go. Well. He had not really intended for them to talk about this. He never expected Quan Yizhen to appear in front of him like this!
“Shixiong did not bother me. And I… I just wanted to see shixiong again,” Quan Yizhen looked at him with his big, guileless, starry eyes, and Yin Yu could feel any and all specks of his resolve to run away, disappearing and vanishing into nothing. “I’ve missed shixiong so much. I had been trying to find shixiong all this time, it wasn’t only because of the prayers!”
“Why would you even want to-” But Yin Yu was not allowed to finish that sentence.
“Shixiong, you have everything wrong!” Quan Yizhen interrupted him and, in a desperate and impulsive decision, took his hands, squeezing them hard before looking at Yin Yu’s face again. “Shixiong is not useless or pathetic. And this one’s life it’s not better without shixiong!” He tried to remember the things Yin Yu had “prayed” about, because he wanted to refute all his sad thoughts and insecurities. “Shixiong is not bothering me, and has not disappointed this one. And this one has forgiven shixiong a long time ago! We just didn’t have the chance to talk about it.”
Yin Yu just stood there, overwhelmed by Quan Yizhen’s vehement words. He didn’t even try to free his hands from Quan Yizhen’s hold, completely stunned.
For a while, they just stood there in silence, and Quan Yizhen just waited for Yin Yu to say something, anything at all. But he didn’t want to pressure him. And Quan Yizhen knew that he himself wasn’t good with words at all, so it was better to just wait for shixiong to react, instead of just keep blabbering.
“You… you really heard me say all those things,” Yin Yu finally broke their weird standstill. “My thoughts about you turned into prayers.” He seemed a bit horrified by that idea, but at least saying it should help him process it. “You heard my thoughts. About you.”
“This happened just a few times, only this last month.” Quan Yizhen tried to reassure Yin Yu, realizing that the whole situation probably sounded much more embarrassing than it should. “It seemed like you were worried about me, maybe that’s why those thoughts turned into a prayer?” Quan Yizhen did his best to offer an explanation, even if he wasn’t really sure of how any of it had happened. “I tried to find you through the prayer, but I couldn’t track it. I was worried, shixiong. I wanted to comfort you.”
“You wanted to comfort me?” After so many years of torturing himself believing Quan Yizhen would never forgive him, that he would come to confront him and demand compensation for what he’d done… This felt almost like some hallucination to him.
To have Quan Yizhen right in front of him, acting the same as ever. To find no anger in that familiar, molten amber gaze.
“Yes! Shixiong sounded very sad. And shixiong was wrong about the things he said! But now that I’m here, I can explain.” Oh, Quan Yizhen really had not changed at all, had he?
He looked at Yin Yu with the same devoted expression he always had. He was the same eager and bright shidi that followed him everywhere, acting as sunny and happy to see him as he always did.
“Explain? Why would you have to explain anything?” It wasn’t Quan Yizhen who ruined everything! It was him! He was the one who should explain, and kowtow, and beg for forgiveness. “Yizhen, you were not the one in the wrong.” Yin Yu finally deflated, his posture sagging.
“We both did things that hurt us without meaning to, shixiong. But I’m here to listen to shixiong, if he wants to talk.” He paused for a moment, unsure, and looked into Yin Yu’s eyes, trying to find some sort of confirmation. “Shixiong seemed like he had a lot to say, when he… When he prayed to me. So if there’s anything shixiong wants to say… This one will listen.”
Yin Yu considered his answer for a while. Of course he had a lot he should say to Quan Yizhen. He had been thinking about it for a long time, even before all those thoughts turned into involuntary prayers. But he had never intended for those thoughts to reach him. He had never felt prepared for it. Or deserving of it at all.
“I don’t even know where to start, Yizhen,” Yin Yu whispered, still sagging against the desk, hands still trapped between Quan Yizhen’s. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“Shixiong wants this one to leave?” Quan Yizhen asked, his voice low, matching Yin Yu’s own.
“No.” Yin Yu surprised even himself with his instant reply. “No, don’t leave. Please.” He squeezed Quan Yizhen’s hands, his body finally reacting to his closeness.
“We don’t have to talk right now,” Quan Yizhen declared, a soft smile permeating his words. “But if shixiong ever wants to tell me something, he can call for me. Or pray to me again. This one will always come to find him.”
“Yizhen, why aren’t you mad at me?” Yin Yu’s hands trembled as he said those words. “Shouldn’t you hate me? Shouldn’t you want revenge?!”
“I have no reason to be mad. I wasn’t mad before shixiong prayed to me, and then shixiong’s prayers just confirmed what I knew. That shixiong never meant to hurt me. And shixiong still cared about me, just the same as I care about shixiong.”
“But I’m a horrible person, Yizhen. I’ve never been the shixiong you believed I was. I have so many horrible thoughts! I-”
“Shixiong has always been kind to me. We all have bad thoughts sometimes, but actions are more important! And… Even if it was accidental, I literally listened to your -”
“Those are not the only thoughts I've had! You don't know how twisted my heart truly is, Yizhen.”
“Did shixiong hurt me on purpose, then?” Quan Yizhen was doing his best to make sense of Yin Yu's words.
“No! I never wanted to hurt you, I just -”
“Then it was a mistake, and shixiong taught me that mistakes are needed to learn. That we have to learn from them and be better than before thanks to it.” Quan Yizhen had treasured every word and every lesson he had received from Yin Yu. He had done his best to follow them, to be the kind of person shixiong had expected of him.
“You still remember that?” Yin Yu's expression changed into the tiniest of smiles. “Even… even after what happened?”
“I remember everything shixiong has taught me!” Quan Yizhen's voice was full of enthusiasm, suddenly fired up by the way Yin Yu's lips slightly curved up. “I've always followed your advice and your lessons! I… I wanted to be a good shidi that would make you proud.”
Before he could stop himself, Yin Yu freed one hand to pat Quan Yizhen's messy mop of curls.
“This shixiong is sorry for disappointing and hurting his shidi,” he finally said, the weight on his heart lifting a tiny bit. “Yizhen, I'm so sorry for everything.”
“This one can forgive you again. As many times as shixiong needs. And I will listen, when shixiong is ready to explain the things he wanted to explain.” Quan Yizhen's eyes were hopeful, and Yin Yu felt his own heart squeezing at that innocent and bright gaze.
“It may take some time,” he replied, trying his best to not close off again. To allow that hopeful flame he saw in Quan Yizhen's eyes to rekindle his own soul, too. “I can't promise I'll be able to.”
“Then, can I visit you again, shixiong? I miss you so much. I promise I won't cause problems! I won't even tell anyone where you are if you don't want me to.” Oh. Yin Yu hadn't even considered that detail, too lost and confused by Yizhen's unexpected visit. “That way we can talk more. Please?”
“Oh, right. You shouldn't mention your visits to anyone in Heaven, Yizhen. And we will need to get you a mask, or you will have problems here in Ghost City. Don't worry, I'll get you a nice one, okay?”
“Does that mean that I can visit you again, shixiong?”
“Yes, we will have to be careful, but -”
His words were interrupted by a sudden, strong and warm hug from Quan Yizhen.
This time, Yin Yu reciprocated, and even laughed a bit. He had missed this. And as he started to laugh, Quan Yizhen spun them around and started laughing too.
Artwork by Soban
“I'm so happy, shixiong!” Quan Yizhen said, finally letting go of Yin Yu. “I promise I will be good!”
“I know you will, Yizhen.”
Yin Yu patted Quan Yizhen's curls once more, and let himself get lost in the warm depths of his molten amber gaze.
Maybe he could allow himself some hope.
Allowing himself to smile was a good start, right? The first step of many more.
The way Quan Yizhen smiled back so sweetly was proof.
Yin Yu wouldn't have to walk on his own anymore.
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Some weeks later, Yin Yu found himself in front of Quan Yizhen, sharing a table in one of the many food establishments in Ghost City. Well, it was one of the few he knew were safe for him —and now, for Quan Yizhen— to visit without the fear of ending up sick, or worse, cursed.
Both had masks on now, but soon those would be put to the side of their faces, to allow them to eat comfortably: Yin Yu was, of course, wearing his usual one, with a woeful smile painted over the ceramic surface, and two little horns crowning the top. Quan Yizhen, on his part, had chosen a design that resembled a mountain cat —whiskers included!—. Which, coupled with his own wild mane of hair, actually made him look kind of like a lion.
Artwork by Soban
“Thank you for letting me come here with you tonight, shixiong!” Quan Yizhen’s voice, a bit muffled by the mask, reached Yin Yu and made him smile under his mask. “I wondered how the City would look during the festival.”
“As long as you keep the appearances as I told you to, we will not have any trouble,” Yin Yu replied, and before he could add something else, a huge creature —was it a bull? maybe?— appeared to bring them their plates.
“Here you go, Officer,” the bull bowed exaggeratedly, “please put a good word in for us with Chengzhu.”
After the server left them alone, they finally moved their masks to the side and then started eating their meal in a companionable silence; Quan Yizhen practically inhaled his noodles, with his usual, inhuman speed, while Yin Yu maintained the same elegant demeanor he’d always had, taking his time with every bite.
It meant that by the time Quan Yizhen had finished, Yin Yu still had to finish his own plate, and while doing so, he got to watch how his shidi got increasingly restless, constantly changing his posture over the wooden seat —a leg under himself, then crossing both legs, then trying to sit still, then adopting a lotus position, and then rinse and repeat—, fidgeting with the whiskers in his mask, and tapping over the table.
“You really have not changed at all, Yizhen,” Yin Yu said, amused. “Do you want another serving?”
“No, shixiong. I’m just impatient.” He was now rocking side to side over the seat, like he used to do during classes at their sect, and even during meetings in the Heavenly Court. “But you can take your time! This shidi will wait!”
“I’m almost done, Yizhen.” He finished his own serving of noodles, and flagged the servant to pay for their meal, (“No, Yizhen, you’re not allowed to pay for our meal tonight, put that away!”) before getting up.
Quan Yizhen tried to get his mask in position again, but somehow managed to tangle his hair with the ties of it. But soon, his shixiong’s nimble fingers were undoing the mess and helping him tie it comfortably again. A chance that Quan Yizhen used to absorb all the details of Yin Yu’s features, since they were so close and Yin Yu still had not put his mask on again. His own mask hid his flushed face, but couldn’t hide the brightness of his eyes.
Yin Yu avoided that intense gaze, placing his mask over his own face again to hide his own flustered expression, and then they finally moved to take a walk along the Ghost Market, which was even more crowded than usual.
“Do you want some tanghulu, shixiong?” Quan Yizhen asked, ready to get some for them. But Yin Yu stopped him, seeing that those were definitely not made of candied hawthorn.
“Yes, but not from that stand!” Yin Yu held him by the arm, firm but gentle. “I will buy us some that are actually safe to eat later, Yizhen.”
“Oh, alright. I forgot about that detail.” Quan Yizhen got so excited about everything in the City each time he was there! It was quite the adorable sight, honestly. He constantly forgot that most of the delicacies the vendors offered them were actually not safe, and was always making questions —about the buildings, the sellers, the products, and also about the mysterious Hua Chengzhu, who he had yet to meet—.
Yin Yu took his wrist to guide him through the crowds, until they reached the one stand that actually sold real tanghulu.
They ate while walking through the streets, now wandering away from the noisiest parts —Quan Yizhen feeling a slight disappointment from the lack of contact, now that Yin Yu wasn’t holding his wrist anymore—, until they were nearing an imposing and beautiful building, its architectural style and calm, welcoming aura contrasting heavily against its surroundings.
“Shixiong, is that a Temple?” Quan Yizhen asked, breaking their previous silence and immediately clocking what the building actually was. “Ghost City worships a god?!” He was actually very intrigued by it, and had started walking in that direction, but Yin Yu stopped him again.
“That’s Qiandeng Temple,” Yin Yu replied. “But it’s… a bit complicated to explain. It’s not open for worship at the moment.”
“It looks so out of place,” Quan Yizhen said, still confused about it. “But I mean it in a good way!” he amended, not wanting to offend anyone.
Yin Yu let out a soft chuckle, wondering how Hua Chengzhu would react to such a comment.
Before they could keep moving in a different direction, the lanterns in the distance started raising to the sky, filling the night with their soft golden light.
And also, a solitary lantern made his way among them, slowly raising from the Temple.
“Shixiong, who is that lantern for?”
Yin Yu figured that it wouldn’t hurt to let Quan Yizhen know. After all, he had proved to be able to keep the secret of their meetings from the rest of the Heavens —even agreed to not tell anything to Ling Wen, despite really wanting to let her know!— and had followed every instruction from Yin Yu, since the moment they met again. Not even Hua Chengzhu had found them!
“You have to keep the secret, Yizhen. Can you promise me that?” Yin Yu asked him, already knowing how he would reply.
“Of course, shixiong! This shidi will not tell anyone else!” Just as expected.
“Centuries ago, there was a Crown Prince who ascended while he was still very young. But unfortunately, his nation fell, thanks to the first Calamity that ever appeared in this world. He ended up banished, and Hua Chengzhu has been looking for him without success. So that lantern is for him, His Highness Xie Lian, the Crown Pri-”
“Xie Lian? Is he maybe a man around this tall,” Quan Yizhen extended his arm, a bit under his own height, “who wears white daoist robes and a straw hat, and carries a sentient strip of silk with him as a spiritual weapon? And likes to collect scraps?”
“Do you-”
Before Yin Yu could even finish talking, a silver butterfly fluttered in front of him —fuck, had that butterfly followed them both all this time?!— and then a flurry of many, many more came after it, as Hua Cheng materialized in front of them.
“Tell me everything you know about His Highness, right now, if you don’t want me to boot you out of my City as I should have done the instant you placed foot inside, Qi Ying.”
Quan Yizhen’s eyes opened real big, but he didn’t want to be forbidden from entering the City, of course, so after exchanging a look with his shixiong —who gave him the tiniest of nods—, he started talking.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽☀︎☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
“Well, I guess that went as well as it could,” Yin Yu said, while they shared some tea, back at Yin Yu’s residence, to come down from the adrenaline of that encounter. “Ah, but I couldn’t give you the last surprise I had prepared for you…”
“Shixiong had another surprise for me?!” Quan Yizhen was in absolute disbelief, and looked at Yin Yu, who was sitting beside him, like he was expecting him to backtrack.
“Well, it is your birthday, isn’t it?” Yin Yu replied, a bit embarrassed. But then, he steeled himself, took something from inside his qiankun sleeve, and then took Quan Yizhen’s hand, placing a jade token in it. “Happy birthday, Yizhen. I wanted to give you this while we looked at the lanterns, but…”
“Is this…?” Quan Yizhen’s eyes were brighter than ever.
“Yes.” Yin Yu smiled softly. “You will be able to enter my residence with it. But you have to promise to call me first, before you visit, alright? And you still can’t tell anyone in the Heavens. They…”
“They wouldn’t understand. I know.” They never understood anything. No one ever did, no one but shixiong! “But i don’t care about them. They don’t need to know if you don’t want them to, shixiong.” Quan Yizhen took Yin Yu’s hands in his, softly caressing them, with such a loving reverence that Yin Yu felt his heart melting right there and then.
“I never thought I would say this, but… but I’m glad that you found me again, Yizhen.” He wanted to say more things. He was trying his best to be open, to explain things to Yizhen. Quan Yizhen had visited him several times already, and even if he wasn’t there, they had talked some nights away through their private communication array. It was easier that way, too. Having to look at Quan Yizhen’s face would have been too much for him, during some of those conversations.
“I would have tried until I found you, shixiong. I was so ready to bet against Crimson Rain!” Quan Yizhen was as convinced and devoted as ever.
“Pffff. And what would you have placed as a wager, then?” Yin Yu tried to make light of it, but he had scolded Quan Yizhen for thinking of doing something so reckless.
“Everything,” was the simple response.
“Yizhen…”
“My temples. My spiritual energy. My palace, my divinity itself,” Quan Yizhen continued. “Anything I have, I would give, if that was the price to find you again.”
How was he supposed to resist that look? The intensity of that fervent devotion? The silent pleading in those eyes, hopeful for something they did not dare ask, but burned so deeply for?
Before he could overthink it, Yin Yu took Quan Yizhen’s face between his hands, soft, delicate, and closed the distance between them to kiss his lips, barely a touch at first, but soon Quan Yizhen’s eager enthusiasm turned it into a clumsy but very sweet, deeper kiss.
Artwork by Soban
“There’s no need for any of that,” Yin Yu whispered, eyes still closed, still sharing a breath with Quan Yizhen, lips touching with every word, barely a li of distance between them. “I’m right here. And now you know how to find me.”
“I love you, shixiong,” Quan Yizhen whispered in response, and Yin Yu’s heart squeezed inside his chest.
He would not be able to say it outloud yet.
But as he closed the distance between them once more, for yet another kiss —the first of many more that night—, he allowed himself to pray, this time consciously.
I love you too, Yizhen.
And this time, Quan Yizhen knew exactly where that prayer came from.