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My brothers are the absolute best five brothers that anyone could ever have.
Until they don't pay attention to me. Or do things with me. But they're still the greatest in their own way, you know?
Todomatsu is the best at talking to girls out of any of us. He even had a job once. Honestly if anyone can make it out there, it's probably Todomatsu. He's smart and underhanded, willing to do whatever to make himself look better, and I couldn't adore him more. I even love the way he asks Choromatsu to take him to the bathroom, or how when he gets scared he hides behind one of us. I really like it when he hides behind me in particular, it makes me feel strong, like I can protect him no matter what.
Jyushimatsu is probably the best person out of all of us, objectively speaking. He's weird, no one could ever doubt that, but once you get beyond that he just wants to help out and be useful. Sometimes he loses control, but it's temporary! Soon he's back to his cute self, playing baseball and swimming in the river. He'll never let me down, since he's kinda useless on his own, you know? He needs me or Ichimatsu to set him straight, and honestly, I think I'm kinda better at it than Ichimatsu is.
Ichimatsu is really cute, but in a different way. I think a lot of my brothers really misunderstand him. I call him the doll of darkness because he's morose, sure, but he's also fragile and precious like a porcelain doll. His dark undertones aren't an act like the others seems to think. Nah, they're real... I think Ichimatsu's just afraid of a lot of things, which makes him hate everyone. But honestly, he's just like a cat, if you rub his head and behind his ears he melts into a puddle. It's so cute. It makes me want to protect him forever, he's such a precious little brother.
Karamatsu. Okay, yeah, I'll get to Choromatsu, but listen, Karamatsu's a really great guy. He's totally painful but he's nice, almost as nice as Jyushimatsu. I feel like I could drag him around and get him to do almost anything without a complaint and I really really like that about him. I think he mimics us too, particularly me. Like if Karamatsu doesn't know what to do he'll just do the same thing as me and it's my favorite thing about him. Hell I don't even really hate his fashion that much, it's pretty cool, I wasn't lying when I said I'd try it on sometime.
Choromatsu... man, Choromatsu's the best. Even as he's trying so hard to abandon me I can't help but admire him. Not very good at much of anything, but god, does he try. I remember in high school, he used to get a C average, maybe a B in a class once in awhile if he really tried. I remember encouraging him lots, telling him he could do it, that he could be the best he could. Now I kinda regret it, because I think he took those words to heart and he keeps trying to apply for jobs and stuff. He's trying so hard to leave... maybe if I hadn't given him the idea that he could leave everything would be fine. But, really, he's my favorite brother, just don't tell everyone else I said that.
I just don't know why he left. Why did he get a stupid job. And why did it suddenly give everyone the courage to leave me?
Maybe it was just always a lie. Maybe they all realized how awful I am on the inside, how I always manipulated them into staying. It's probably better for them that they moved away. But it's not better for me. I want them back so bad. I feel like nothing without them here.
I feel the uneasiness settling in the pit of my stomach. I really wanna throw up but I can't get myself to get the hell up. The floor is my new best friend. I think if I need to throw up I'll just do it all over myself. My parents don't bother with me... not until they hand me a letter, that is.
I barely have the energy to open it until I see it's from Choromatsu. Suddenly it's being ripped open so furiously I barely avoid ripping the actual contents inside.
I pour over it like it's the last thing from Choromatsu I'll ever see or hear of, and it turns out that I'm right on both accounts.
I hate Choromatsu. He's easily my least favorite brother. They're all kind of the worst, don't get me wrong, but it's so obvious now that Choromatsu's never cared about me.
I'm tucking the letter under my pillow before I can stop myself. I cry for the first time in weeks and I don't know if I'll ever stop crying.