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there’s no regret (though we never thought that we could lose)

Summary:

karen squeezed joyce’s hand once. joyce had forgotten they were even holding hands.

“but you’re here,” she smiled cheekily.

“and so are you,” joyce exhaled shakily.

or: karen and joyce in the hospital, post-vecna.

Notes:

i took the yuri pills and now I’M ADDICTED

i thought about them ALL DAY at work and had to write this. i actually need post-canon joyren BAD but also love jopper so why can’t we have a little polycule moment… everyone else gets a polycule… let them have theirs…

i am so sorry if this is bad. i just needed to write something for them..

title from fernando by abba of course. mrs karen wheeler has good taste :3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

it had been exactly one week since they had defeated vecna. somehow, they all managed to make it out in one piece. max was awake, although she was still in the hospital for now — that’s what being in a coma for months does to you. will and el had lost their powers; it seemed they came and went with the upside down. there were some minor injuries, but nothing too bad.

ted wheeler, however, had passed away in the hospital the day after the demogorgon attack.

mike, nancy, and holly visited their mom everyday. she was recovering well and the doctors said she should be discharged within the next week or two.

joyce and hopper were letting the kids have a party tonight. party was a word they used loosely here, as it was only going to be them, hanging out, like they always do. even the older kids (who were technically adults now, but were still kids to them) would be there, so they weren’t worried. only lucas stayed back with max, while joyce promised to stay with karen.

joyce had been here for a few hours at this point, sitting beside karen’s bed in an uncomfortable hospital chair, but karen had been sleeping. she had been sleeping a lot, and joyce knew this. joyce even brought a book with her, thinking she’d use this time to read.

but, of course, she only used this time to look… at karen.

karen, who almost died. joyce couldn’t bear to lose anyone else she cared about.

after bob, after hopper… and yes, hopper was alive, but she still had grieved him.

if she had lost karen, too…

she needed to stop thinking like this. karen was okay. she was right there.

joyce reached out a hand, gently taking one of karen’s in her own.

“i’m so glad you’re alive,” she whispered.

karen’s eyes fluttered, slowly opening. the corners of her mouth turned upwards into a tired smile.

“hi,” she rasped.

joyce smiled back.

“hi. how are you feeling?”

“i’m okay. party?”

“yeah, everyone’s at steve’s house.”

karen squeezed joyce’s hand once. joyce had forgotten they were even holding hands.

“but you’re here,” she smiled cheekily.

“and so are you,” joyce exhaled shakily.

karen’s eyebrows lowered and she squeezed joyce’s hand again.

“i am.”

“god,” joyce choked out, pressing her forehead into their joined hands. she didn’t know why she was so emotional all of the sudden. it was as if every emotion she felt for karen had finally risen to the surface.

“joyce,” karen soothed, “honey, look at me.”

she didn’t. how could she? she felt like she had wasted her entire life — what could’ve been her and karen’s entire life. she knew she didn’t regret anything. not karen, not even lonnie. if things didn’t play out the way they did, she would’ve never had her two favorite people in the world. but that didn’t stop her from feeling bad about it.

she felt the tears slip out before she could stop them.

“joyce, i’m okay,” karen whispered. “i’m here. i’m with you.”

joyce shook her head, lifting it just enough to meet karen’s eyes.

“i’m sorry,” she said. and before karen could interrupt or tell her there was nothing to apologize for, “i love you.”

joyce watched as karen’s eyes shut, a single tear sneaking out. she watched as karen turned away to cover her mouth with her free hand, then let out the most pitiful sob joyce had ever heard.

“no, don’t cry. i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have said that,” joyce backtracked, moving to sit on the bed next to her.

she finally unclasped their hands to reach out and cradle karen’s face, wiping her tears as they fell.

“do you mean it?” karen asked.

joyce nodded, and karen took a deep breath.

“i love you, too. but what does it matter? you’re with… jim. and he loves you, and he’s a good man. way better than…” she paused, clearly considering her next words, “well, he’s better than anyone else either of us have dated.”

joyce laughed in surprise, then shook her head. “not better than you.”

karen scoffed.

“no, i’m serious,” joyce insisted, “you’re… equal.”

equal?” joyce could tell karen did not believe her.

but she meant it. she did love hopper. she was in love with him and she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

but karen. she had loved karen for so long, she couldn’t fathom not loving her. she was dating hopper, yes. but that didn’t mean she couldn’t continue loving karen.

“yes. equal. you were a great girlfriend,” joyce nodded. “in fact, you’re the only girlfriend i’ve ever had, which puts you above most men.”

karen laughed, “you’re the only girlfriend i’ve ever had, which puts you above all men.”

joyce jokingly nodded again. “that’s how it should be.”

she slowly took her hands back from where they were holding karen’s face, giving her some space as she realized what needed to be said next.

she hadn’t planned this, by any means. she was quite honestly prepared to go the rest of her life never talking to karen about this. but here was her chance.

“karen,” she started.

karen looked on in anticipation, as joyce began to fidget with her hands, suddenly unable to maintain eye contact.

“what if we…” she took a deep breath, “what if we tried again?”

scared, she looked back at karen, only to find her eyes wider than joyce had ever seen them.

“what?” karen whispered. joyce didn’t understand the look on her face.

“i- you- we don’t- have to. if you don’t want to. i just thought, you know, we’re older now, and the world- well it’s still not great, but it’s better. and i know you just lost ted, and god, i must sound so insensitive right now. i didn’t even think about that.”

she was afraid her heart was going to beat out of her chest, but she just stared at karen. she needed her to say something, anything.

“joyce, i… i don’t understand.”

joyce stood from the bed, “it’s okay. i get it, trust me. we can just forget this conversation ever-“

“joyce,” karen stated more firmly. “sit back down.”

joyce did as she was told.

“i feel like i’m dreaming right now. you can’t spring this on someone when they’ve just woken up and then cried. i’m so confused, joyce. we just talked about you and jim. i thought you were you happy with him. why would you want to throw that all away for…” she shrugged helplessly.

“but what if…” joyce slowly began, “why can’t i… have both?”

joyce watched as one of karen’s eyebrows immediately rose. “and you think he would be okay with that?”

to be honest, joyce never claimed to have thought this through. she was acting on impulse, on instinct, on her heart.

she didn’t even really know how hopper would react to the knowledge that joyce and karen used to be in a relationship, and that was in high school. she knew that, in theory, hopper was okay with queer people. he had accepted will when he came out as gay, and still thought of him as a son.

but her? she hadn’t thought about it too much — mainly just on the days when she’d hang out with karen, or think about karen, or- well you get the pattern. karen was the only woman joyce had ever had real feelings for, although she knew she liked both men and women. if she had a passing thought of oh, that actress is hot, it didn’t plague her — not like the reoccurring thoughts of karen did. it had been almost thirty years and she still loved karen like they were seventeen again.

if she were to tell hopper all of this, he would think she wants to break up. he would think she doesn’t love him, or even that she never did. but she did. she really did, and she didn’t want to lose that.

but she couldn’t lose karen again, either.

her only choice was to tell hopper. best case scenario, he still loves her and he’s okay with her dating both him and karen. worst case scenario, he leaves and she risks losing both of them. but would she ever be truly happy again if she kept this from him?

even if she and karen decided to not get back together, she told karen that she loved her. if she doesn’t tell hopper now, the guilt will eat at her forever.

with her decision made, she reached out and took karen’s hand once again.

“you’re right. i need to talk to hopper first. and i’m not sure how he’ll react, but i need to talk to him.”

“joyce, please don’t ruin your relationship because of me,” karen sighed.

“i’m not ruining anything. i’m just being honest about my feelings, which is a good basis for any relationship.”

karen stared at her, unamused. joyce winked, and karen rolled her eyes, startling a laugh out of joyce.

“fine,” is all karen said.

“fine?”

“fine, you talk with hopper. and when you ruin your relationship because of it, i suppose i will be here with no choice but to welcome you with open arms,” she sighed dramatically.

“but if it doesn’t ruin my relationship… would you still want me?”

karen face morphed into shock, “joyce, i-“ she took a deep breath, “joyce byers, you are the love of my life. i will take any small piece you will allow me to. i will always want you.”

joyce smiled. and karen smiled. and they smiled dumbly at each other for a beat. they loved each other. no matter the outcome, they would find a way to get through this. maybe all they needed was a little more life lived to give them the courage to fight for each other.

“you can’t say things like that and make me not want to kiss you,” joyce giggled.

“talk to hopper, and then i’m all yours,” she whispered, winking.

“i’ll talk with him tomorrow. tonight, i’m all yours. no one’s coming back until morning.”

“then get up here,” karen sat up higher, scooting to one side to give joyce room.

joyce complied as karen settled, purposefully closer than necessary. they were pressed together from shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip. karen slowly slouched lower until her head could comfortably rest on joyce’s shoulder.

“smooth,” joyce deadpanned.

“shut up, i’ve been injured. you’re supposed to take care of me.”

“what, am i your knight in shining armor now?” joyce laughed.

“yes.”

karen joined in on joyce’s laughter, before yawning.

“go back to sleep,” joyce offered. “i won’t go anywhere.”

“no, you’ll fall asleep. and what if jim sees us in the morning?”

joyce shrugged, “it’s an easy way to start the conversation.”

karen laughed, shocked, but relented, making them both move until they were laying comfortably. joyce’s arms were around karen, karen’s back resting against joyce’s front.

karen interlocked their fingers and sighed contentedly. “i love you, joyce.”

“i love you, too, karen,” joyce replied, kissing the top of karen’s head.

and they fell asleep like that, uncaring of the show playing on the tv, uncaring of anyone finding them like that, uncaring of anything but them, right here, right now.

it was always them.

Notes:

i hope this wasn’t bad bc it’s one of the longest things i’ve written??? and i feel like i could ramble on about their thoughts for way longer than i did here, i was like i have GOT to cut this short!

anyways pls lmk your thoughts if you’re so inclined! or leave a kudos, u are so very appreciated!! thank you for reading! <3