Chapter Text
“Your hands hurt because of the cold? Let me see. Oh yeah, your fingertips are all red. Here, stick them in my pockets.”
It was one of his usual lines to Hana, and despite her better judgement she always fell for it. However, this was one of the few times that he allowed her to play along, and despite the ache she felt in her chest, she let him take her hands into his pockets. “Thanks, Haku. It’s still pretty cold despite it being March already.” How much more of this could she take? Every minute spent pretending she didn’t have feelings for the man in front of her, Hana could feel the pain seep into her chest deeper and deeper. Some days it was hard to breathe around Haku, and on those days he flashed her his usual aloof smile that she’d come to adore so dearly. Other days the pain in her chest squeezed to the point that black dots would cross her vision, but Haku would pull her back from the depths with his casual flirtations that Hana knew were ingenuine, yet she still yearned to hear.
“I know right? Just last week on our mission at the amusement park it didn’t seem to be this cold. Maybe we’re having another cold snap like last February?” Haku shivered, and his body unintentionally got closer to Hana’s since they were connected via her hands in his jacket pocket.
Did Haku realize what effect he had over Hana? Did he realize the feelings she harboured for him? To Hana, her love for Haku was like a poison that infected even the deepest parts of her, yet the attention and fake affection he gave acted like an antidote, and the pain faded into the background as if it were a distant memory. The process would repeat once again, usually because of the sweet nothings Haku would quip sarcastically when they were alone, and Hana would take it gladly even though the damage became more severe with each interaction they had.
“I hope not; last year’s cold snap caused the sakura to bloom later than normal. Would you want to go for hanami with the Hotarubi ghouls once they bloom this year?”
Haku hummed as he pretended to think about her offer. “I dunno, if they get delayed again I might be too busy. Maybe a rain check?” He winked at his own joke, and damnit if she didn’t giggle like a fool.
Hana knows he might never consider her seriously, but that didn’t matter to her heart. She relished in the ache, in the despair, because it meant her feelings were truly and genuinely her own. For months, Hana worried over her inevitable descent into monsterhood thanks to the anomaly known as the Kyklos; with every passing day she felt like her feelings and actions were slowly becoming no longer her own. However, the Kyklos never inflicted anguish, nor did it cause her pain; what the Kyklos wanted was for Hana to give up control, and in order to convince her of that, the Kyklos only ever tried to give her a feeling of euphoria in times of uncertainty. The pain that came with loving Haku was a reassurance that Hana was still herself; still human.
Perhaps if Hana took some initiative, Haku might consider her seriously, and his casual flirtations could turn into something more. Not now of course, but maybe Hana could plan for a time to make her feelings known in a subtle manner. Haku often made suggestive and flirtatious comments; she could easily respond in a way that revealed her intentions. Hana wasn’t due to work with another house for a mission just yet, so she had time to hang out with the ghouls at Hotarubi a little longer.
~*~
The first time Hana had coughed up blood had been in February, specifically the 14th. Hana had carefully prepared chocolates for all of the ghouls, but she’d made Haku’s special. A hint of her feelings had been delivered with Haku’s gift, but he hadn’t even noticed.
“Whoa, chocolate? I didn't think you'd give them to me too. Guess I better think of something good to get you in return,” he chuckled as he popped one of the chocolates into his mouth. Haku hadn’t noticed the subtle note the chocolates spelled out, or perhaps he had deliberately ignored it, but either way, it hurt Hana to know he didn’t–wouldn’t–acknowledge her feelings.
That night, the pain that had been building in her chest since their second encounter exploded. It started deep in her chest, a wriggling sort of feeling that squeezed on her lungs, and Hana began coughing. She coughed and she coughed until her throat felt raw, and blood came out in droplets on her bedsheets rather than spit.
Instead of going to see Yuri for treatment at Mortkranken, Hana decided to ignore it. It’s not as if her curse would allow her to die of illness before it ran its course, so she knew she wasn't in danger from it. After ignoring it for a few days, she hadn’t coughed up any more blood. All that remained was the pain in her chest that Hana knew stemmed from her unrequited feelings for Haku.
~*~
“Here, for the chocolate you got me last month. I wasn't sure what you'd like, so I got the ones I remember you said were good.” Haku handed her the box of chocolates with the name of her favourite chocolatier in Tokyo. It was generic and impersonal sure, but Hana was still touched that he even bothered to get her chocolates in the first place for White Day.
“Thank you Haku! I really do like this chocolate shop; I’m glad you remembered.” Hana felt her cheeks warm up, and she hid the lower half of her face using the box of chocolates.
“Don’t mention it, it’s tradition after all.” He shrugged his shoulders as a show of nonchalance, as if the only thought behind his gift was just ‘tradition’. Hana had no doubt it was his only motive for giving her chocolates, and the thought made her chest tighten painfully once again. Hanging out with Haku brought her nothing but anguish, but she’d take it over and over again just to stay by his side.
That night, Hana began coughing up blood again. This time it was worse; it felt like her airways were blocked by something sharp, and every inhale, exhale, and cough was causing gashes on her insides. The blood she expelled this time was no longer just droplets; this time it flowed like drool into her bathroom sink, and there was something solid being coughed up as well. Something that looked similar to…petals.
Maybe it was time to go see Yuri for a check up.
Placing a surgical mask over her face, just in case she began coughing blood again, Hana left her dorm at Clementia, and began making her way across campus to Mortkranken.
“Oh? If it isn't our dear inspector, out for a midnight stroll, my dear?” Ed’s smooth voice called out to her as she walked through the forest surrounding Clementia.
“Not exactly.” Hana was desperately trying to suppress the coughs rising from her chest. If she coughed now, she knew it would be bloody, and she knew Ed would be able to smell it. Hana didn't want the other ghouls to know her condition was getting worse; she already felt bad about her curse, and that they were all working so hard to break it with no real results. If they knew Hana was sick on top of that–really sick–they would begin to overwork themselves for her sake. Some of them, at least.
“Would you allow me to accompany you to your destination? I worry about a defenceless young woman being all alone at night.” He put his hand to his cheek, and his eyebrows tilted downward as he pouted; always a flair for dramatics with Ed.
“Sure Ed, thank you.” Hana could do this, she could prevent herself from coughing long enough to get to Mortkranken.
Or so she told herself. They'd only made it a third of the way before Hana felt a flare up. The air was blocked from escaping her lungs, and Hana dropped to her knees as the coughing fit wracked her entire body. She tasted the blood as it left her throat, and coated the inside of her mask with fresh scarlet. Damnit, why did Ed have to be here?
“Hana–” Ed dropped down next to her, his hands hovering, but then he inhaled and froze. She didn't have to look up to know that his eyes had darkened, and his fangs were poking out. When he spoke next, his voice was lower; tense. “Hana, you're coughing up blood.”
“I know–cough–that's why I–cough–was going to–cough–Mortkranken,” she wheezed as the coughs made it very hard to speak.
“I understand.” Hana felt his arms underneath her, and then she was hoisted into the air. “This will be faster my dear. I apologize for handling you like this, but I need to keep your neck away from my face.”
All Hana could do was nod and hold on tight.
~*~
“You're saying this isn't the first time you've coughed up blood? You stupid worm, why didn't you come to me the first time it happened?” Yuri shouted as he began to fuss over Hana, taking her vitals, pressing against her lymph nodes, listening to her chest, and other things he needed to do to check her over. “Your chest sounds awful!”
Ed had left as soon as Yuri had received Hana, saying the smell was starting to get to him. Hana didn't blame him, and was grateful he'd brought her to Mortkranken in the first place. “I thought I'd get better; I thought my curse would eventually fight the illness.”
“Perhaps if it had been a normal illness, but this may be caused by another anomaly; like when you witnessed that suicide at the museum. Your curse may be slowing its effects, but it's not able to completely eradicate it. This new anomalous illness seems to be stronger than your curse, so it's getting worse.” Yuri was still listening to her chest through his stethoscope as he said this. “Your breathing is being affected the most by whatever it is you've caught. I want to take a couple X-rays, so get changed.”
Hana nodded, and changed into patient garments behind the curtain. Jiro came to lead her to their X-ray room, and got her into position. He went behind the protective wall to take the X-rays, and would give her directions to get different angles.
Back in the patient room, Hana was waiting for Yuri and Jiro to come back with the results of her X-rays, and what they thought was wrong with her. Hana was starting to worry; what if this was part of the progression of her curse? But it couldn't be, it was far too early, and the Kyklos curse tended to give her feelings of euphoria or madness, but not pain. So what could it be then?
“–definitely looks familiar to me, but I can't quite figure out why.” Hana could hear Yuri’s voice as he made his way back with Jiro. “Honour roll, how long have you been coughing up blood?”
“This is only the second time; the first time was mid-February.”
“Hmm.” Yuri continued to stare at her X-rays alongside Jiro. “Jiro, what did the blood analysis say from the samples in her mask?”
“They concluded that it's anomalous, but not what type of anomaly is involved.”
Yuri let out a sharp groan. “If we had updated testing systems, we would be able to identify the anomaly right away. Stupid Darkwick General taking all the funding for themselves.” Yuri picked up a green, steaming flask and gave it to Hana. “If it's anomalous, then perhaps my new formula of Isoprophen IX will prove effective!”
“I thought it was called Isoprophen DX?” Hana noted.
“I'm glad you remembered, but this is my newest version, hence a new name. Now drink up!” His eyes were gleaming, like a child on their birthday, as he held out the chemist flask to Hana.
Trying not to make a face, Hana took the flask from Yuri’s outstretched hand. She carefully regarded the neon green liquid before heaving a sigh, and downed the contents in one go. She tried not to think about the bitter taste that lingered on her tongue, and held the flask out towards Yuri, and the three of them waited for something to happen. However, nothing changed; her chest still felt like it held broken glass inside, and her curse mark remained in place.
“I guess whatever this new anomaly is, it's stronger than my new formula. It's also strong enough to hold up against the Kyklos curse which is even more worrisome.” Yuri held the flask up to his face as he processed his thoughts. “Stay overnight so we can run a few more tests; after your classes tomorrow I should hopefully be able to identify your newest affliction.”
~*~
That was what Yuri said, but his overnight tests hadn't told him anything new, so Hana had left for her classes feeling a little bit dejected. That is until she received a message from Haku.
Apparently she'd passed him in the hallway, but hadn't noticed him at all because she was so lost in her thoughts about whatever anomaly was affecting her health. Haku had noticed she wasn't feeling well, and Hana was touched that he cared enough to check in with her. He could be so sweet when he wanted to be, and Hana just ate it right up every time.
Oh yeah. Do you have a free day this week?
I’m free tomorrow! Is there another mission already?
Nope. Wanted to ask you on a date
Hana felt her brain short circuit as she read his last message over and over again.
Is this another joke…?
Sorry. I'm taking the teasing a little too far, aren't I?
Her face crumbled; of course he wasn't being serious. Just another–
Btw that one wasn't a joke
(suprised_cat_sticker)
The grin never left Hana’s face for the rest of the day.
~*~
In typical Yuri fashion, because he had so many things going on–and they hadn't made any concrete appointments–he'd forgotten to call her to his lab today. If he'd even thought about her newest illness, Yuri hadn't let Hana know, and she was quite okay with that after her conversation with Haku.
It was now the next day, and she had made plans with Haku to meet up. Of course, the reason was to do a follow up for a previous mission, but it was still time spent alone with Haku. After his sudden revelation that he had meant what he said about going on a date, Hana was reading into every little interaction they had with a lot more scrutiny; including their time spent together today.
Her phone buzzed a bit after her last class ended.
Hey, I'm nearly done here. You ready to go?
Yes, I'm ready!
Hana had made sure to pack everything she needed for their outing ahead of time, so they could spend as much time together as possible.
Great. Sorry, I wanted to leave as soon as your last class finished but something came up
Don't worry about it. I had some coursework I wanted to finish anyway
Oh, that's lucky. Meet you at the station? Looking forward to our date 😉
Okay, got it. I don't know if we should call this a date though…
And truthfully, Hana believed Haku was just teasing her again. Their outing–which had been approved by Darkwick–was to go back to the shrine from their first mission together, and they were to make sure everything was alright now. Not a date, though butterflies kept fluttering in her stomach every time Haku called it a date. Maybe, Hana could allow herself to believe–just this once–that Haku was considering her seriously. Maybe the pain of loving him all this time would finally pay off; would finally cease to hurt the more her unrequited love grew.
Hana quickly cleaned up all of her things, and began making her way to the Galaxy Express station. As she got closer, she could see Haku standing there scrolling on his phone. Hana slowed her steps, and allowed herself this rare moment to just take in the object of her affections without him noticing.
At the moment of their first meeting, Hana hadn't really been in the right state of mind to properly appreciate all that made up Haku Kusanagi. That was why it wasn't until their second meeting that she had started to develop feelings. His tall, lean figure rested languidly against the signpost, and she took in every angle his position allowed her to see.
As he scrolled through his phone, Hana watched his fingers carefully; she didn't know many people whose hands you could describe as beautiful, but Haku could be a hand model. Trailing her eyes upward, Hana took in his strong, lean, masculine build–and she meant that in the least creepy way possible despite totally ogling his body. Raising her gaze just a little more, Hana finally reached his face. From the shape of his eyebrows, the length and fullness of his eyelashes, to his lips that fit just right on his face, and his perfectly angular jaw, Hana couldn't find a single thing she didn't like about his handsome face. His clean cut, uneven hairstyle, red earrings, and aloof and easygoing attitude just added to his cool guy charm; with every moment spent in his company, Hana fell for him just a little more.
Suddenly she was staring at sharp, yellow-green eyes that were distinctly catlike. A wry smirk graced his pretty face, and Hana began walking again now that he'd noticed her.
“I was wondering when you'd get here. Ready to go now?”
“Yes!”
~*~
“Hey, it’s only the mission that's over. We've still got plenty of time till curfew.” Haku grasped her hand gently, and started tugging her along.
“What…? Are we going somewhere else after this?” Despite her reservations, Hana let him drag her along.
“Of course. You weren't taking me seriously when I said this was a date?” The corner of Haku’s mouth twitched upward. A whiff of incense tickled Hana’s nose, and goosebumps danced across her skin. Hana could feel her heartbeat in her throat as the anticipation grew. “Where to? I'll take you anywhere you want.”
“Hmm.” Hana took some time to think. Considering it was almost late March, and the sakura were starting to bloom, Hana wanted to visit her favourite spot for viewing the blossoms. “Let's go to Hibiya Park, I know a spot that's free of tourists.”
“Oh yeah? That's hard to come by these days, let's go.” A light tug on her hand had her following along beside him, and Hana allowed herself to enjoy this moment spent holding hands with Haku.
Under a newly blossoming sakura tree, on a blanket they'd sourced from a nearby hundred yen store, Haku and Hana were enjoying a sunset picnic. They'd gotten snacks and drinks at a konbini, and now they were just enjoying the sound of nature combined with each other's company. It really did feel like a date now.
“Did you come here often? Before coming to Darkwick I mean.”
“I didn't have the time in recent years, but before that yes. I lived in that apartment building–” Hana pointed high above the trees, at the white apartment building. “–and I would come here to study, eat lunch, or listen to music. I didn't have a lot of real life friends–most of my friends were online friends that I never even met in person–so I usually just came here alone.”
“But you're so social at Darkwick, I can't imagine you being on your own.” Haku had his cheek on his fist as he regarded Hana curiously.
“Well, the circumstances are a little different. I kind of need to be social with all of the ghouls at Darkwick, especially if I want to keep the peace between everyone. And it's just…easier there than it was growing up. I was an outcast basically from elementary all the way up to high school. I was a second year at Y University when I came to Darkwick, and I was just starting to make friends in my program.” Hana shrugged. “Honestly? I'm probably doing better at Darkwick than I would have been at Y University.”
“I'm glad you don't feel regret, but sometimes I do; about how we didn’t stop the Kyklos in time, how it ended up escaping, and you ended up cursed.” His voice had suddenly gone somber, and Hana looked back over him. His mouth dropped into a frown, and the look in his eyes made it seem like his mind had taken a rather dark turn. “I know I'm being selfish–but sometimes, I wish you'd just forget about me…that way you could go back to your regular life.”
Her eyes widened at his sudden confession, and without really thinking, Hana grasped his hand and squeezed it tightly. “I don't regret meeting you Haku; you don't know how much the time we spend together means to me.” She watched as his brows knit together, and his catlike eyes avoided reaching her gaze; it almost looked like…guilt. But what could he feel guilty about right now?
“Hana–”
“We should finish our snacks, so that we don't miss curfew.” She cut him off immediately. Something about the tone in his voice warned Hana that she didn't want to hear whatever it was he wanted to say.
“Right.” He took his hand back from her grasp, and picked up an onigiri. “Let's finish up before it gets any colder outside.”