Chapter Text
The automatic doors of the convenience store swung open with a somber tone, as if proclaiming the arrival of some great individual, some holy personage, who had purchased a can of black coffee and far too many discounted sweets.
Subaru Natsuki, Archbishop of Tokyo, left the shop with a sigh that bore two decades' worth of paper work and ministerial fatigue.
"My Lord," he whispered, pressing his thumb and index finger against his nose ridge, "if you were trying to give me a message to go on vacation, I could have taken a travel coupon rather than a bishops' meeting."
'Where has my youth gone'
He took a swig from his convenience-store coffee.
It was bitter, tasting of resignation steeped in scorched coffee beans.
The parking lot was eerily silent; the streetlights flickered intermittently. The air felt strange and heavy in its stillness, almost like something miraculous—or disastrous—was going to happen any minute.
Subaru prayed for the former.
He usually ended up with the latter.
"Fine," he said aloud, fiddling with his cassock with one hand and the snacks with the other. "To the hotel, review my schedule for tomorrow, plan youth outreach programs, prepare—"
A burst of pressure hit him in his chest.
Painful?
No, just…divine.
His eyes blurred, and the earth had taken the day off from being solid. His coffee fell from his hands, tiny droplets freezing in mid-air.
Subaru released a breath.
"Oh. Oh, You've got to be kidding me."
Blinding light enveloped him entirely.
Once the light vanished, there was no parking lot.
Instead, there was a bustling marketplace, made up of stone booths, wooden carts, and vendors wearing strange clothing straight out of a fantasy RPG.
Horse-drawn carriages rumbled past him. Whatever that was that resembled a lizard-dragon snorted at him, while a small child scurried by, carrying a gigantic carrot.
"Oh." Subaru said, dryly, "This is an isekai."
He lifted his eyes to the heavens, sighing heavily.
"Lord, I meant a vacation on Earth."
The locals around him weren't much help. They stared, wide-eyed and fearful, retreating backwards from the tall man clad in a formal black cassock, embroidered with gold.
"A new Archbishop?" one merchant wondered aloud.
"Bishop of yet another Sin?" gasped the second.
"And how composed he looks." shuddered the last.
Subaru blinked.
"I'm sorry?" he said politely.
And they fled like birds before a broom.
Subaru sighed. "Right. Language barrier. Classic problem."
He clasped his hands in front of him and enunciated carefully:
"Peace be with you!"
Everyone around him jumped out of their skin.
"HE SAID PEACE—A CURSED WORD!"
"He's going to trigger something!"
"For sure, it's a cult scripture spell!"
Subaru was shocked.
"…I don't understand your religious vocabulary."
Before he could even think of a strategy to defuse the situation, two heavily armored guards raced towards him.
"Halt! Witch Cult ArchBishop!"
Subaru felt himself leave his body in sheer shock.
"What—What part of me looks anything like a witch?!" he shouted as he indicated the crucifix around his neck.
The guards showed no sign of stopping.
"Put down the holy relic!"
"It's a crucifix, not a grenade!" Subaru shouted.
Trying to step backwards, he tripped on the rough cobblestone street. Subaru went into a fall, wildly waving his arms and launching his pastries into the air like offerings.
The guards thought he was casting a spell.
"HE'S CASTERING SPELLS!"
Subaru yelled, this time literally: "Time out! Time out! I am a man of peace! Of God! I don't…"
As the other guard lunged at him, Subaru instinctively twisted away, seizing his arm and whirling him by momentum alone.
The armored man hit the ground hard.
There was an enormous silence.
People gawked.
Somebody threw down a cabbage.
A dog whined.
The last guard quaked and recoiled.
"He— he beat Jared… by himself…!"
Subaru spluttered, "T-t-that's not winning! That was ACCIDENTAL REDIRECTION!"
The guard didn't pay attention. He dashed away, screaming into the distance.
"ARCHBISHOP OF PURIFICATION! NEW ARCHBISHOP OF PURIFICATION!"
"That Is Not a Title I Hold!"
Subaru rubbed a hand across his face.
"Right… right, Subaru," he mumbled. "Calm down. You've been isekai'd. You're all alone. Nobody understands you. Again."
He got to his knees, picking up the scattered sweet rolls with the proper demeanor.
"L-Lord… tell me I don't have another Job/mission."
Steps sounded behind him.
Subaru turned, anticipating more guards.
Instead, there was a Silver-haired girl with soft violet eyes standing before him, shining with the golden rays of twilight.
He stopped breathing.
"...An-Angel?" he breathed.
The girl blinked. "Uh… are you hurt?"
Her worry seemed angelic.
Subaru, feeling overwhelmed, clasped his hands in prayer.
Indeed, God moves in mysterious and beautiful ways.
"O heavenly messenger," he began reverently, "your grace shines the brightest when I am in need."
She blinked.
"…Oh, right. You hit your head."
Puck hovered beside her, laughing softly. "The priests say the most hilarious things."
Subaru smiled with relief.
"Oh. Talking spirits, eh? Perfect. This is definitely an isekai."
The onlookers, watching the bizarre spectacle unfold, exchanged knowing glances.
"Just look at that… that silver-haired half-elf is defending him."
"That confirms it. They must be working together."
"A new Archbishop and the Witch's daughter… we are doomed!"
Subaru stood, dusting himself off.
Emilia offered a hand.
He took it, grateful.
But as he did, he thought:
This may require a LOT of missionary work.