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chasing this elusive dream

Summary:

Since the moment she put on that headset and fell into the Amazing Digital Circus, all she wanted was to leave, to go back to her normal, boring life and forget the whole harrowing experience. But ever since escaping, Pomni (Christine, though her real name still feels foreign in her mouth) finds herself drawn back to that digital hellscape, haunted by her memories of the characters she met there, the people that should have escaped with her.

Around the struggles of returning to the real world after disappearing for several months (turns out jobs and leasing offices don't like it when you stop showing up and paying your rent, not to mention how worried her parents got), she's been searching for answers, turning over every corner of the internet she can find for any information about the Amazing Digital Circus and its inhabitants. (Her friends, though at least one would still scoff at that title.)

But time and again, she's run into dead ends, and she has to wonder: Will she ever find her friends again?
And, more importantly, do they even want to be found?

Notes:

I hope y'all enjoy my take on "the cast escapes and has to deal with the real world again"! Updates will likely be erratic due to real life being hectic, just so y'all know what you're getting into lol. Character designs for Pomni and Jax (when he eventually shows up) based on the designs from @zoyberg_queen_of-pigeon on insta (and you can blame her "Back to reality" comic for dragging me into the depths of this fandom and escaping the circus fics lol)
Fic title and chapter title come from the song Elusive Dream by Rain City Drive *finger guns*

Chapter 1: heaven knows the end is so bittersweet

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The coastline here is jagged, worn and broken by years of the ocean beating at it. Today though, the waves are calm, and there’s only the occasional spray of seafoam when one gets a little frisky. Seagulls whirl in the sky above, calling out to each other over the rushing crash of waves against stone, their white plumage stark against the blue of evening and the vivid oranges and reds painted by the setting sun. And at the base of one of the cliffs, where the sharp lines of the rock give just a tiny bit to slope into the water, is a woman.

She stands knee deep in the water, her dark slacks rolled up to keep them dry, while her arms are wrapped around her torso, clutching her thin sweater closed. The wind tugs at her loose hair, tangling through brown locks and flinging them against her face. She doesn’t flinch and makes no move to brush it away.

Her ice blue eyes are fixed on the horizon, the sun’s reflection wavering against her pupils with every breath she takes. When she blinks, slow and far between, tears slip past her lashes, though whether they come from the wind, the light, or her own thoughts is known only to her.

The sun slips below the horizon without a whisper.

The moon hangs silently over the top of the cliffs.

She curls her toes into the worn smooth pebbles beneath her and takes a breath of salt filled air.

And she turns her back on the horizon.

She’s home.

And that should be enough.

By the time she’s climbed the narrow, winding path back to the top of the cliffs, the vivid oranges have bled from the sky, chased away by the dark blue of the night to follow the sun. She doesn’t run, but she does pick up her pace as she heads for her car.

Just as she curls her fingers around the door handle, her phone rings. She fumbles in her pocket for a moment as she opens the door, glances at the caller ID, and answers. “Hi. I’m on my way home.”

She slides into the driver’s seat and shuts the door behind her. It closes with a slam, the sound echoing with a finality that she’s already broken over and over again.

Notes:

In other news, who's incredibly scared for episode 7 after that new trailer? (me. it's me. I'm so afeared for their sanity and wellbeing. this may become a fix-it fic before the year is out lol)