Chapter Text
How long has it been since he started watching him from afar? Admiring his beauty, his art, his harsh personality, little habits he had, like how he always tapped the erased end of the pencil onto the desk when thinking of design concepts.
He loved everything about him, he was head over heels for him. It was a bit difficult to talk to him, as they only had one class together. The only class they shared was a core course about math, which to be honest, Mika was failing.
He was far too shy to talk to him though. What could he talk about? He couldn't talk about the class cause Mika didn't understand it one bit.
Shu didn't seem interested in the class anyways. Of course he was passing it with how intelligent he is. But most of the time, he was far more focused on his sketchbook.
Watching him sketch was one of Mika's favorite things to do. His intense focus on making sure everything was perfect, the passion in his eyes, the way he made the pencil glide across the pages as if it was almost effortless. It truly inspired Mika. He was desperate to learn more about him.
Mika truly did intend on talking to Shu, he just wanted to learn a bit more about them before initiating anything. Mika was rather anxious, so he worried about the conversation fizzing out before he even got a chance to know him better.
But before he realized it, only knowing enough to start a conversation wasn't enough, he wanted more.
Getting to know Shu was a thrill he had never experienced before. New facts made him feel a sense of warmth in his chest. Shu made him feel as if the rotting sensation inside of him never existed.
Of course, there were a few things Mika came to learn about that made the warmth in his chest burn painfully. One of these things was another upperclassman, Nazuna Nito. Apparently, despite the two of them hardly knowing a thing about each other, Shu was so drawn to the other man that he had confessed his love for him on the first day they met. Nazuna was taken aback at first, but eventually fell in love as well. The two of them were now dating. A couple so close and in love that married couples could get jealous of them. However, whatever others felt towards their relationship paled in comparison to Mika's feelings.
His jealousy boiled him alive. When he thought about how close the couple was, he felt his insides rot like an abandoned bouquet. Jealousy wasn't a new feeling for Mika, quite the opposite, actually. But that never made it easier to deal with.
Shu did make Mika feel other feelings too though, ones that were brand new to him. Mika had never been in love before. He thought he had, he's been in relationships before after all. But seeing Shu made him realize that all his past relationships weren't love. They were made through a wish to not be left alone, to not be abandoned again. Shu was different though, as soon as Mika laid eyes on him, he knew. This was real love, and he was obsessed with the feeling.
The two of them are in different classes. He found out that Shu is a fashion design student by watching him walk to class, while Mika is a film student. He had to change his class schedule a bit to line up their breaks, but it was worth it when he could spend those breaks filming his new inspiration.
“Nng, he’s so beautiful…” Mika says quietly as he remains hidden to take photos of his muse. “So pretty… Ahh~ ‘m so jealous.” He pouts as he notices Shu clinging closer to Nazuna. He can’t hear their conversation from here, but he can guess what the man is saying. Something about how perfect Nazuna is, how he’s completely and utterly in love with the other man. It made Mika furious, he felt a strong pain in his chest when he saw the couple together. But it’s ok, soon enough Shu will be his, and his alone. He just… Needs to talk to him is all… Yes, once they get to talking Shu will see they’re meant to be together, and they’ll have their happy ending…
Nazuna checks his watch, and seems to let Shu know he has to leave to get ready for his next class. This is raven haired boy's chance, with Shu alone, he can finally approach him!
Mika clutches his camera tightly to his chest, slightly fidgeting with the lens, and gets up out of his hiding place.
—-
Aaand he couldn’t do it. Seriously, why did he run away? He had the perfect opportunity!
He’s back at his dorm room now, printing out the photos he took today. Mika takes one of the finished prints in his hand, and sees that Nazuna took up half the shot. His chest hurts, it hurts, and it feels as if the mold in his body grows. He can’t stand to look at that man. He takes a pair of stained scissors, and hastily cuts the blonde man’s face out of the photo in a fit of rage.
A smile spreads across his face, it was just him and Shu now. He finally feels as ease, as he takes a piece of tape and adds the cut photo to his collection on his walls.
“Y’know, Itsuki… ‘ve never told anyone this, but I often feel rotten on the inside. Like ma body is full-a mold or somethin’. Weird, right?” Mika chuckles to himself, alone in the room. “That is, until I met ya. Ya make me feel pure, like even I could become clean, just like ya.” He smiles. “I think… if there's anyone in the world that can fix someone like me, it’s you. That's why-” He cuts himself off with a gag, quickly cupping his hand over his mouth.
With his love, came a certain pain.
He continues to gag and cough, running to the bathroom and kneeling in front of the toilet. He coughs and coughs, until finally his body can’t take it anymore, and empties itself.
Though, what came out might not be what would usually be expected. Instead of vomit, he released petals. Purple lilacs to be specific. This should be shocking to the boy, but rather than surprised he looked happy looking down at the mess.
He had come to expect this, it’s been happening since he first laid eyes on the pink haired man.
Hanahaki disease, an illness caused by unrequited love. Those with this illness start to grow flowers located in their lungs. If the sick are not cured, they will eventually suffocate.
The cure to hanahaki is as one may assume. If the illness is caused by one-sided love, the cure is mutual love.
His body trembles, trying to calm down from what it just experienced. Yet the boy doesn't look afraid, he looks quite pleased actually.
“This is proof. This is proof-a ma devotion, my love, fer ya.” He smiles. “On these here petals, there is no rot or mold. They're perfectly healthy an’ pure despite comin’ out of me. It's cause ya purify me.”
He can't contain his happiness anymore, he happily laughs to himself, coming out strained and quiet due to his sore throat. “It's-a gift! A true blessing from ya. Yer just like a God.” Mika feels glad that he was chosen to be blessed out of all people.
His laugh dies out as suddenly as it starts, his face turns cold. “Dying with part of ya inside me wouldn't even be so bad…” He ponders for a moment, before shaking his head. “Nng, but dyin’ would do ya no good. What can I do fer ya in return?”
The boy looks over at his shrine of photos of the man as well as various belongings of his he had… Borrowed…
“Ya've already given me so much… But would one last prayer be too much to ask?” Mika says, before joining his hands together to pray. “If I could have just one more wish, could I continue ta watch over ya as well? Make sure yer safe, an’ happy.”
He slowly opens his eyes from his prayer. “If I were ta die… I can’t keep watchin’ ya from where I'm goin’.” He frowns. “But there are only two ways of surviving this… I gotta make ya realize ya love me too, or…” He shudders. He didn't even wanna say it, removing the flowers and losing his feelings for his God is unthinkable.
He finally gains the strength to get up off the floor, and walks back over to his wall of photos. “So I guess, there really is only one option.” He smiles.