Work Text:
i'm srs the VAs did an amazing job
[location: angel's room at the hotel, around 7 pm)
Angel: Ah, here it is. Ya ready for a wild night, Pen? These always go down better with a friend.
Pentious: Oh- ah - well – friend – me…?
Angel: *sigh* Who else could I be talking about?
Pentious: It’s just- I’ve- I’ve never quite had friends to …to do the drugs with?
Angel: Yeah, don’t overthink it. It’s not a big fuckin deal.
Pentious: (it is a big deal) Right, yes. Obviously.
Angel: You remember Charlie’s little skits about ‘evil crack heads’ selling ‘evil crack’ to innocent kids?
Pentious: Yes.
Angel: (annoyed) Well, it’s not like that at all. This is like asking a friend for a smoke or to share a drink or, hell, I dunno, to play board games together or somethin. It’s just what people do. I’m not forcing you to be here, am I?”
Pentious: Certainly not! I’m honored as your friend to participate in thisssss um…collaborative… breach of Ms Morningstar’s trust.
Angel: Pfft. I’m not even sure she’d have a problem with it.
Pentious: (relieved) what makes you say that?
Angel: There’s much more intense shit than just edibles ... Crack, for one. And I did a shit-ton of that before I clocked in this morning, so what does it matter anyway?
SFX: bag rustle, getting some stuff out
Pentious: Oh, they are…candysssss?
Angel: I am not stinking up my room with a bong. Fat Nuggets has to live here too!
SFX: pig squeak. Plastic rustle
Angel: These have a bit more kick, even if they take a little longer to set in.
(he hands him one)
Pentious, popping it in his mouth: oh, itssssss sweet.
Angel: You gotta be careful, they taste good so it’s easy to over do it
Pentious: Oh, I seeeeee, and may I inquire, is that not too much for you?
SFX: (wrapper crumple)
Angel: Ha! If I want to feel anything, I need the whole bag. My tolerance is through the fucking roof.
(they both lay down on the bed. A timer clicks)
Pentious: What if it doesssss awaken something in me? What if – Oh! – What if I hurt you? Would it be a good idea for me to tie myself to the bed?
Angel: Is that what you’re into?
Pentious: No! Not like that! Juusssst so I don’t…strangle you or …ssssssomething.
Angel: Pen. I get the shit fucked out of me 9 to fucking 5, I’d be surprised if you could genuinely hurt me.
Pentious: Okay… Just…you’ve been warned!
Angel: I’ve been warned!
SFX: timer clicking
Pen: Uh. Angel Dussssst. Hasssss it hit for you?
Angel, stoned: Ohhh yeah. It sure has.
Pen: And what, um, what doessss it feel like?
Angel: (long pause) fluffy.
Pen: You feel fluffy?
Angel: Yeah.
Pen: You are fluffy.
Angel: (somewhat sarcastically) No shiiiiiiit.
Pen: But it’sssss pleasant, yessss?
Angel: Hell yeah. It’s like I can … finally breathe. (long exhale, slow talking) Okay. Yep, this is going to be a nice high…. How about you?
Pen: It hasssssn’t done anything yet.
Angel: What? But this is your first time.
Pen: I know…
Angel: That's stupid. You’re a fuckin’ light weight with alcohol.
Pen: My mind’s a little fuzzy. That’sssss all.
Angel: Yeah, that’s a part of it, that’s the good part.
Pen: Issss it killing braincells?
Angel: God, I hope. Probably too late for that, since, y'know, dead (giggle).
Pen: (concerned) Oh. It is clearly having a different effect on you, Angel. I’m jusssst…a little dizzy. And kinda nervoussssss. Oh! Maybe I didn’t take enough of it!
Angel: I probably have a back-up bag under the bed. You can get it.
Pen: Oh, okay!
SFX: getting off the bed
Angel: Your legs might be a little wobbly.
Pen: I do not have legssss.
Angel: Oh! Right. (snort, giggle) Right.
SFX: rustling. Fat Nuggets appear.
Pen: Hello, little piggy. Can you point me towards the, um, edible bag, please?
SFX: snort-snort
Angel: Come up here. Come up. Boy. Come up. C’mon.
SFX: pig leaps up
Angel: (dizzy, quiet) Yaaaaayyyyyy.
Pen: Uh, the bag…
Angel: Okay, um., uhhhh…so there should be this red box.
Pen: Heart-shaped or rectangular?
Angel: Holy shit, do I still have chocolate? Please tell me I still have chocolate.
SFX: Rustle as he checks inside
Pen: I believe your pig got into it.
Angel: (dramatic) Oh, boooooo…(thunk) It’s okay, mommy forgives you.
SFX: pig squeak
Pen: So, uh. Rectangular red box? Right. Uh.
(lid opens, revealing a collection of Angel’s sex toys)
Pen: Oh, goodness gracious! There are sssso … many of them!
Angel: Oh, you found the gentleman’s club.
Pen: Uh-uh yesss. I did. If by gentlemen, you are referring to –
SFX: as he tries to put the lid back on the box, one of them buzzes
Pen: Eeep! It’ssss alive! I SWEAR I DIDN’T TOUCH IT!
Angel: I know, I know. That one’s a little broken.
Pen: You should really get rid of it, unless you’re planning on fixing it. Don’t put something like that inside yourself, it might explode.
Angel: God, I hope it does.
Pen: Uh-huh. Okay. Um, pleassssse don’t tell me the rest of the gummies are underneath your … gentlemen.
Angel: Oh. Yeah, I dunno where they are. Sorry.
Pen: It’s alright! I am learning quite a lot about you, Angel Dusssst, heh. (it hits) Oh. Oh, goodness.
SFX: thunk as he teeters
Pen: I think it finally hit. Thissss is… (long, long pause) Ah. Ssssso this is what it is to be high. Hmm. I don’t think I love thisssss.
Angel: Come back to bed.
Pen: I will…try.
SFX: struggle as he tries to get up
Pen: Take my arm, help me up.
Angel: ugh. Where are you? Gh.. Ugh.
SFX: they feel around for each other for a moment, before finally, Angel exerts and Pentious is pulled up.
Pentious: I have had turf warssss that were lesssss difficult than that.
Angel, breathless: Tell me about it.
(long ambient pause as moody music begins to fill the room)
Angel: I bet you have a high tolerance because you’re so old. So you were probably snorting like … ground up mummies or some shit.
Pen: Posssssibly. Or perhapsssss I just don’t have the personality for it.
Angel: Do you like living inside your mind?
Pen: Well, it is where all my thoughts usually are.
Angel: Could not be me.
Pen: Ah. This is nice, though. Sssspending time with you. Relaxing. It is … nice.
Angel: Uh-huh, stop talking.
Pen: Ah, of course.
(contented sigh)
(Angel’s phone goes off)
SFX: pig squeak
Angel: Fuck! Shit, it’s Valentino! Fuuuuuck why’d he have to call TONIGHT?
Pen: Jusssst uh ignore him. Let it go to voiccccccemail.
Angel: I cannot let Valentino go to voicemail. I just gotta … focus. Okay. Don’t look at me. I’m focusing.
(deep breath)
Angel: Stop looking at me.
Pen: Sorry!
(he gathers a breath and then answers the phone, sounding as normal as possible)
Angel: Heyyyy Val, how’re you doing tonight?
Val: Angelcakes, you will not believe what Vox did to me!
Angel: Oh no, what did he do?
Val: He STOOD me UP! Today was our anniversary …the anniversary of our business PARTNERSHIP. I told him last month and last week and this morning. And suddenly, he’s all held up at the studio because apparently having a dick measuring contest with a fucking deer is worth more than DECADES of companionship…with me! It’s just horrible, Angel, baby. I just needed to hear your sweet voice. You’d never treat Daddy Valentino like this, would you?
Angel, high as shit: Uh huh. I would … never. You are great, Val, you’re a great boss with a g-great dick.
Val: Thank you, oh, would you look whose coming over! Finally, flat-faced flat-ass remembered we had a date.
Angel: So you’re at a restaurant.
Val: I booked this reservation months in advance!
Angel: I hope the food’s good.
Val: Well, the company sure won’t be.
Vox, distantly: Val, I’m sorry, can we just order already? If you wanted to eat together, we could’ve just gotten take out, it didn’t need to be a whole thing.
Val: Oh, papi, thank you, but today is a little bit more special than just take-out, okay?
(hangs up)
SFX: angel flops back down on the bed
Angel: I am so fucking hungry. I could like … fuck up a carbonara right now. I shouldn’t have said that, shiiiit. (sfx, rolls over, muffled, face in a pillow) Ughhhhhhh I want to die!
Pen: I could try to find ssssomething.
Angel: What if Charlie sees you?
Pen: She won’t care…?
Angel: She might care. And I can’t have you getting in trouble on…my watch.
Pen: Oh… but even if she issss upset, surely we can move past that!
Angel: You can barely walk.
Pen: I sssssuppose that's true.
Angel: I can’t even remember the last time I ate something good… Val’s very strict with calories, AND I’m contracted to take it up the ass. It’s so fucking unfaaaaair.
SFX: shifts, rolls over
Angel: I thought hell was about indulgence.
Pen: I’m sssssorry…? Are you – are you crying?
Angel: (wiping his face) Fuck, I think I took too much - and Val called me…and, yep, this isn’t going to be a good one. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh, god.
Pen: Issss thissss supposed to happen?
Angel: Usually not, it’s- it’s a risk, I guess! You gotta be in a good state of mind and (sniffle) unfortunately, I never am, right? (pinching the bridge of his nose) Fuck.
Pen: I am sssso sssssorry. Is there anything I can do? I … I can try to get you some food, uh, maybe Husk can make you ssssomething? Uh, he oncccce made me a grilled cheese.
Angel: (choked up, laughing) Whaaat? Why the fuck would he do that?
Pen: It’ssss a really long sssstory, he was doing hisss thing where he readsss out all your flaws and insecurities-
Angel: (laughs) That’s his thing.
Pen: And I wasssss just a mess and drunk and he felt bad and Alasssstor wasn’t around… — no – I really think – at hissss core — he’sssss a nice guy, who I want to be better friendssss with.
Angel: Hm. He’s always pushing me away, what gives! Let me in. (sfx: blanket)
Pen: Should I try to get him?
Angel: No. It’s fine. I don’t want him seeing me like this, he’d have a fucking field day.
(pause)
Angel: Hey, can I request something weird?
Pen: Hm?
Angel: (deep breath) can you wrap me up in your tail and just…squeeze really fucking hard.
Pen: No! What if I hurt you?
Angel: You’re not going to hurt me. Just. Please. I need this.
Pen: I really don’t want to hurt you.
Angel: It’s fine. And even if it does hurt, that’s okay. It reminds me I’m still … not exactly alive, but here, I guess. It’s fine, you won’t. I know guys like you, you’re gentle.
SFX as they slide into place.
Pen: Ready to be sssqueeezed?
Angel: Yeah, do your worst.
(SFX, muscle flexing, Angel exhales. This is not an erotic scene – just sorta sad)
Angel: Oh, god, yeah. Tighter.
Pen: What?
Angel: Tighter!
(SFX, flex… longer pause)
Pen: Want me to let you go?
Angel: Actually, can you just hold me like this … for as long as you can … if you don’t mind?
Pen: Oh, of courssssse.
(SFX, blankets shifting)
Angel: You’re a good buddy. I’d fuckin’ die for you.
Pen: R-really? (starry eyes) Please… please don’t.
Angel: (weak chuckle)
Pen: Your pig is ssssstaring at me, I think he thinksss I’m trying to kill you.
Angel: (kiss sound) C’mon Nuggs, I’m safe, c’mon. (kiss kiss) Don’t tell anyone about this, okay, Pen?
Pen: I wouldn’t dream of it.
Angel: Thanks.