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He was too much for people. That was what he’d always been told, it was always the same. Ted, can you just stop being so much all the time? Ted, you need to calm down. Ted, I need space. He’d been too much for Michelle, even when he tried not to be, even when he’d given her space (over 4000 miles of it). He’d still been too much for her and in the end, he let her go and it damn near broke him. He was certain that he would always be too much for everyone and still never be enough.
Then things had shifted between himself and Rebecca. This thing between them was new, they were just starting out. They’d only officially been together a few weeks, only those closest to them knowing at the moment, and he was loving it. She made him so happy. And he was terrified.
Because he was bound to mess it up.
Rebecca was…well, Rebecca. The most stunning human being he had ever laid eyes upon. And she had been through hell with that villain Rupert. He didn’t want to hurt her. And he certainly didn’t want to smother her.
He was trying really hard to not be too much. But that didn’t stop him wanting to be near her all the time. She’d never said she didn’t want him there. Whenever he kissed her, she kissed him back enthusiastically. When they would watch a movie, she’d encourage him to lay with his head in her lap and she’d run her fingers through his hair. She listened when he was speaking and remembered all the things he rambled about. He would sometimes catch himself spiralling into an anecdote and he’d hear his own voice and he’d desperately try and claw it back, certain he was overwhelming or boring her but she’d just be sitting there, listening with a soft smile on her face.
The voice in the back of his mind still warned him, don’t be too much, don’t want too much - or she’ll leave.
He went up to her office at the end of practice, as had become routine, to find her sitting at her desk, her laptop open and paperwork surrounding her.
‘I was going to ask if you were ready to hit the road,’ Ted said nervously and Rebecca gave him a small smile, looking up at him.
‘If only,’ she sighed. ‘I need to get all of this sorted or I think Higgins might actually have a nervous breakdown.’
‘You want me to wait around?’
She smiled again. ‘I would love you to, but I know if you stayed here, I would immediately ditch all of this - which wouldn’t be good for the team or Higgins’ mental health.’
‘Message received and understood,’ he nodded, hoping he managed to hide his disappointment. It wasn’t like they were joined at the hip, she had work to do. He would just have to pull himself together. She wouldn’t want him with her all of the time. He needed to let her work and he needed to go home.
‘Well, I’ll see you then,’ he nodded and she gave him a look before he backed out of the room and hurried off down the corridor before she could respond or he could do anything stupid.
It was probably for the best, he thought. He hadn’t been back to his flat for a few days. He’d been spending most of his time at Rebecca’s and he’d been loving it. But she needed her own space, he could understand. He could give her space, all the space she needed. He could prove he wasn’t some clingy mess. He was totally normal. Not needy at all.
But walking into his empty flat made his heart sink. It was dark and he reached for the lights. He had never liked living alone, he’d gone from home to college, to roommates to being married. Being alone meant being alone with himself and his own company was not something he actively enjoyed. Even he got sick of himself soon enough.
He thought about calling Beard but he knew his best friend had plans with Jane. And it wasn’t Beard that he really wanted to speak to anyway.
He shook those thoughts quickly from his head. If he gave into them, he would become too much for Rebecca and then she would leave him and that wasn’t something he wanted to think about. No, he just needed to be content with his own company for a while. He could manage that.
XxX
Rebecca let herself into the house, gladly slipping out of her heels the moment she was through the door. She hung up her coat and dropped her keys on the hall table.
‘Ted,’ she called but got no response.
She moved through to the living room, finding it in darkness. She stepped into the kitchen, finding that empty too. It suddenly struck her. He wasn’t there.
He wasn’t there. Her heart thudded.
Ted had been strange the last few days and Ted Lasso Strange was very strange indeed.
Since they had gotten together, she’d become used to his presence in every part of her life, especially around her home. She loved waking up in his arms, being held by him. He made her feel safe, and loved. It had only been a few weeks but she’d never felt like this in a relationship before. She’d never had someone who so genuinely wanted to be around her.
She loved the way he was so attentive to her. The way he would hug her from behind when she was typing away on her laptop at the counter, or the way he would lay in her lap when they watched a movie together on the couch. It was all so perfect. She loved the closeness of him.
So where was he?
He’d been practically living with her since their first kiss. There had been no conversation about it, her place was just nicer, bigger and had no angry upstairs neighbours. She’d just handed over a spare key and they’d only spent a handful of nights apart in all that time.
Had he mentioned something about staying at his own place tonight? She couldn’t remember. She’d been more concerned trying to work out what had gotten into him.
He’d seemed edgy the last few days. Less cuddly than he usually was. Then he hadn’t kissed her when he left her office earlier - which he usually did if he was heading out without her. Had she done something wrong? Had she upset him? Had he changed his mind about her?
No, she shook her head. This was Ted. She knew Ted loved her. So, what was he playing at?
She grabbed her phone and quickly pressed call on his name.
‘Why, hello, boss,’ Ted said, trying to sound casual but not really managing it. ‘To what do I owe the pleasure?’
‘Where are you?’ She asked, glancing around her kitchen as though expecting him to suddenly materialise from somewhere.
‘Er…at my place,’ he said. ‘I thought..after you’d had such a long day at work that you might want me out of your space for a bit.’
There it was.
‘Ted,’ her voice softened. ‘Darling, this is exactly when I want you all up in my space.’
There was a pause. ‘I…I’m confused.’
‘So am I,’ she smiled slightly. ‘Did you really think I wouldn’t want you around?’
‘No, it's just…I know I can be a lot sometimes. And I don’t ever wanna annoy you. I know I can be annoying. I don’t want you to get sick of me, if I get too much-’
‘Darling,’ she cut him off gently. ‘You are never too much for me. Not ever.’
‘I…’
‘I mean it, Ted. I…I love it when you’re here. I…I miss you.’
He was quiet for a moment and she bit her lip. Maybe she shouldn’t have said that. She wasn't good at this.
‘You miss me?’
She heard the smile in his voice.
‘Yes, you ridiculous man. I came home from work and all I wanted was for you to be here so I could cuddle with you on the couch and forget all about work and you’ve kind of left me hanging.’
‘I…I didn’t want you to feel overwhelmed. I know I can be needy.’
‘I love you the way you are, Ted. Do you know how good it feels to be needed?’
He was quiet again.
‘Ted? You okay?’
‘I’m getting my shoes on. I’ll be like five minutes.’
She laughed fondly. ‘You want me to order dinner?’
‘Whatever you want,’ he said. ‘I am on my way.’
Less than five minutes later, Ted came barreling through the hall, into the kitchen and swept her up in his arms, burying his face in her neck. She laughed, hugging him tightly.
‘I love you so much,’ she said. ‘Don’t ever doubt that. I know you, Ted. And I want all of you.’
He smiled against her skin before pulling back just enough to look at her. ‘I love you too. I just…I just worried you’d get sick of me.’
‘Hey,’ she cupped his face. ‘Coupon for life, right?’
‘Coupon for life.’