Work Text:
Ochako wore a mischievous grin. “You ready babe?”
“Absolutely!” Replied her green haired beau, his face alight with a mischievous grin of his own.
“Everybody else ready?”
“HELL YEAH!” Roared out four other voices.
“Let’s do this shit,” chuckled out a fifth voice, much softer than the others.
Ochako giggled and unbuckled from the front passenger seat as she and her autobots rolled out.
Their trainer, Itsuka, had accidentally emailed the seven of them, plus her boyfriend, Izuku’s stepdad, about her shitty boyfriend cheating on her after dating for two years. Now the little jerk wasn’t letting her come back to their house to let her get her stuff back without talking to him first.
That simply wouldn’t do, and unfortunately for him, Itsuka’s clients included herself and Izuku, a pair of martial artists, their classmate, Rikido, an amateur freestyle wrestler, Ejiro, Tetsutetsu, and Inasa, a trio of collegiate linebackers, their professor, Mr. Aizawa, a former Navy SEAL, and Izuku’s aforementioned stepfather, Toshinori, a professional bodybuilder.
Eight pissed off meatheads with way too much empathy for their own good, well seven, Toshinori had a doctor’s appointment and couldn’t come, and one little asshole. Talk about bad luck.
“Ladies first?” Izuku asked as they approached the door.
“He’ll probably react better to you and Sato,” Ochako suggested.
Izuku nodded and knocked on the douche’s front door as Rikido took his place next to her boyfriend.
“Yes?” Asked a blonde haired, blue eyed Wasian man wearing an Atlanta Braves cap.
“Hi there! Are you Neito Monoma?”
“Who’s asking?”
“I’m Izuku, your ex-girlfriend, Itsuka, is my trainer. Do you mind if me and my friends here just pop in and get her stuff for her?”
“Fuck no! Get the hell off my property before I call the cops!”
The shrimp dicked loser then slammed the door in Izuku’s face.
Ochako let out a heavy sigh.
“Well, we tried being reasonable, what now honey?”
“Kirishima, you’re up,” Ochako hollered.
“You got it!” Replied the redhead with a dumb grin.
Ejiro knocked on the door.
Monoma opened the door and looked up in shock as the 201 centimeter tall man who looked like he weighed at least 115 kilos smiled at him from across the doorway. “Y-yes?”
“Hey there! I’m Ejiro Kirishima, I actually play football over at Georgia, your ex is one of my trainers.”
“Huh. Cool. Uh. Go Dawgs!” Monoma replied, sounding very nervous.
“Hell yeah man! Anyway, we heard you and her were splitting up, which really sucks for everyone, but we wanted to make things a little easier for her by just helping her grab her stuff while she’s busy with her other clients, y’know?”
“Uh, yeah, I see the logic, but I was hoping she could come out here herself, so we could talk things out. I’m sure you get it,” Monoma explained, trying his best to sound polite before closing the door.
Kiri dropped the smile. “What’s the play now?”
“Eh, I guess I’ll talk to him,” Ochako shrugged.
“I’m breaking in,” Aizawa said flatly, hopping off the balcony and then scaling the chainlink fence that divided the front yard from the back.
“Does he do that a lot?” Asked Tetsutetsu.
“Only when he’s pissed,” Izuku answered.
Ochako knocked.
“The third time is not the charm! Just go home!” Yelled Monoma.
“Check your backdoor,” Ochako replied.
Monoma turned around to see a very unhappy looking 183 centimeter tall man with long dark hair and an eyepatch staring at him in the face.
The asshole gulped. “Right. Um, come on in!”
Izuku, the only native born Japanese boy of the bunch, bowed politely to him. “Thank you so much! We’ll be in and out as quickly as we can.”
Ochako giggled. She knew Izuku meant what he said but she and him both knew that these meatheads would be as far from unintrusive as possible. There was a small hiccup that Monoma didn’t know about that was going to make today so much more fun.
They never actually told Itsuka they were coming, so none of them actually knew what stuff was her.
Izuku was still a fairly clever sort who was able to deduce what was needed well enough, thanks in part to just logical reasoning but mostly to just being a friendly guy who always liked getting to know people. It was why Ochako loved him so much.
After about 20 minutes, Izuku had two boxes full of Itsuka’s stuff, but in the meantime… Everyone else was being mischievous.
Aizawa was shadowing Monoma everywhere he went, even going as far as to stand outside of the bathroom when the douchebag went to take a piss. Sato was in his kitchen helping himself to a couple bowls of cereal. (“Dude! I fucking love Cookie Crisp!”) Meanwhile Ejiro, Tetsutetsu, and Inasa were all just picking up the furniture and turning it over then putting it back up right, for no other reason than to just show off that they could. While Ochako was helping Izuku out but also being a pain herself by tossing in random nicknacks like the batteries from tv remote, the bulbs from lamps and light fixtures, the covers of lightswitches, deodorant, shampoo, dress socks, shoelaces, toilet paper, everything she could toss in that she knew would make this dickhole’s life less convenient. Sato even went so far as to walk out with a third cereal bowl in one hand, the box of Cookie Crisp under his arm, and most of a gallon of milk in his opposite hand.
“Is that everything?” Monoma grumbled after we loaded everything into Inasa’s Explorer.
Izuku scanned the two small boxes of stuff then glanced back at Monoma. “Oh no! I’m sorry there’s just one more thing we need to grab!”
“And that is?”
Izuku plucked the hat off Monoma’s head.
“HEY!”
“That’s all! Have a great day pal!” The green haired man declared with the same bright, friendly grin he always wore.
“Bless your heart sweetie!” Ochako added, a disingenuous, shit eating grin plastered across her face.
“Take it sleezy!” Ejiro farewelled.
“See you at the game buddy!” Tetsutetsu added.
“Go Dawgs!” Inasa hollered before barking at the little blonde asshole.
“Thanks for cereal!” Rikido threw out.
“We’ll be in touch,” Aizawa murmured.
Ochako had to hold back from laughing as she watched Monoma’s face fill with angry tears. This was turning into such a great day.
Soon enough she and her Avengers had all assembled at Itsuka’s apartment, conveniently right as she was getting home from the gym.
The ginger blinked. “Oh hey guys! Whatcha got there?”
“Your stuff!” Izuku replied, holding out the two stacked boxes.
“My stuff?”
“Yeah! You’d been telling us each about your shitty ex keeping your stuff hostage, so we went and got it for you!” Ochako grinned.
“W-w-what did you even say to him?” Itsuka asked, her eyes starting to well up just like Monoma’s had, but with happy tears. “How do you all even know each other?”
“Well I am everyone here’s mentor, aren’t I?” Aizawa noted.
“He is,” Ochako concurred.
“Plus you accidentally emailed us all at once one time,” Sato noted between spoonfuls of his fifth bowl of cereal.
Itsuka looked at him confused before slapping her forehead and groaning at the recollection. “Oh yeah! I did do that once! Didn’t I? I’m sorry about that.”
“Don’t be! We were glad to help you out!” Ochako protested.
Itsuka finally lost it and hugged the other girl as she finally broke down and cried into Ochako’s shoulder.
Izuku quickly set the boxes down (gently) and hugged Itsuka from behind, gently rubbing her shoulder while Ochako rubbed her back. The scene quickly devolved into a group hug with all of the meatheads showering their trainer with the love and affection she deserved after dealing with such a shitty situation.
“You guys are the best,” the orange haired girl whimpered.
“Anything for you, Kendo,” Ochako reassured, once their friend was calm. “Anything.”
“Oh gosh, let me treat you guys. Who wants lunch?”
“I could go for some chipotle,” Aizawa said unexpectedly.
“Oh yeah! Burrito bowls sound great!” Chirped Ejiro.
“Burrito bowls it is!” Itsuka laughed, rubbing the wetness from her eyes.