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Pangi is currently sipping a random Christmas punch at the Brighton Crew’s Christmas party feeling only slightly out of place. Tubbo had rented out a house for them to host it in, letting those who had traveled spend the night there so they didn’t have to put up money for a hotel. Not him, of course, he was staying with Lukey in his apartment. The party was the last big event for them before they traveled out to spend Christmas with Lukey’s family.
He’s only a little bit nervous about it. Mainly because Lukey’s family is so large compared to his own and he isn’t sure how he’ll fit into their dynamic. Luckily, they had booked a hotel together since Lukey no longer has a room in their house for himself. It makes him feel better knowing there’s a place he can retreat to at the end of the day, and that he and Lukey will be able to talk completely alone somewhere if something comes up.
Especially since he has a few things he wants to talk to him about privately, but he’s saving that for later.
Partially, because first he has to survive tonight. Harry and Freddie have been handing him shots all night, and Pangi swears that every time he goes back for more punch there’s more alcohol in it than the last time. He wouldn’t mind but Tubbo had someone bring mistletoe to the party and now people are randomly kissing every time someone got a pair together underneath one. At first it was just the couples. Phil and Kristin. Scott and his boyfriend. Aimsey and Guqqie. But now people are starting to run around, trapping people to get them to kiss.
Pangi has been trying to keep track of who all has a piece of mistletoe and is forced to narrowly escape Harry in the kitchen. He spots Freddie lurking in an open door way down the hall by the bathroom and jumps out when Tubbo and Aimsey are passing by each other. The two are good sports, bursting out into laughter about it. Out in the kitchen Harry gets caught underneath mistletoe by Lukey who had some mistletoe hidden in his pocket, and is forced to kiss Tommy.
For a while he feels safe enough on the couch, even when Aimsey and Guqqie come sit by him. He and Guquie end up sharing a small peck due to Jack, giggling with Aimsey about it. But with Freddie slowly getting closer and closer and it makes him nervous enough to get up. He roams around the house, suddenly feeling every one of those shots he had earlier. His first inclination is to head towards Lukey and see what he’s talking to Scott about but he pauses half way there realizing that at no point will standing next to Lukey be safe. Someone is going to try to trick them into kissing, he knows it.
Instead he veers to the left into the kitchen and gets into a conversation with Phil and Kristin. He quickly realizes that with him standing next to them no one seems inclined to try to make him kiss either Kristin or Phil. Not that he would mind, it would probably be hilarious either way, but Freddie’s mischievous look dies upon looking at their little group, quickly moving on to other targets.
Lukey himself seems to be causing just as much trouble as anyone else. Pangi watches from the safety of the kitchen as he tricks Max and Harry into kissing, then Guqqie and Freddie, Max with Freddie, and Harry and Tubbo. Each time someone had tried to trick Lucas he has wriggled his way out of, mainly by not standing too close with anyone else. Pangi is just grateful that they seemed to be of the same mind about keeping their distance from each other. It worked up until Phil caught Lukey’s attention.
“Oh Lukey, come here.” Phil waves him over when Lukey is passing through the kitchen to get another drink.
“Hey guys.” Lucas slides next to him, throwing his arm around his shoulders. “What’s up?”
Pangi stiffens, looking around for dangers. He doesn’t see anyone glancing their way, but that doesn’t mean someone won’t sneak up on them if they put their guard down. Tubbo and Freddie are too busy shouting at each other over something stupid to notice them. Harry and Jack have dragged Tommy off somewhere, and the living room couches are full of people too drunk to care about anything anymore.
“We were just telling Pangi about our Christmas plans and he mentioned you two are going to your parents. Well if you’d like to come up and stay for a night and show Pangi the north or even go visit Scotland we have a spare room for the two of you.” Phil explains to Lukey what they had just been discussing earlier. It actually sounds like fun, but he had told Phil that he didn’t want to commit to anything without Lukey’s input.
Lukey’s face brightens. “Oh. That sounds awesome. Maybe, it kind of depends on what my family has planned, my mum says she wants it to be a su… surprise… Kristin?”
Pagni’s eyes snap to Lukey’s face who is looking upwards. His gut sinks, but he trails his eyes upwards to where Kristin is holding a mistletoe over their heads. He hadn’t even realized she had snuck behind them. Phil starts laughing as he turns out of Lukey’s arm to face her.
“Hahaha I got you guys.” Kristin shouts with a big smile on her face. Pangi can’t really be upset with her, she looks so pleased with herself, and Phil even steps around him to give her a congratulatory kiss on her cheek.
“Well done.” Phil laughs. “Alright you two pucker up.”
He glances over to Lukey in a panic, but his feelings about this situation don’t seem to be returned. Lukey is even chuckling along with them like this isn’t a huge deal. Pangi knows he doesn’t have to go along with it, but if he doesn’t people are going to give him way more shit about it than if he doesn’t.
Fuck… he hadn’t wanted to kiss Lukey in front of everyone. He had been hoping that if it was going to happen that they would get to enjoy that moment for just the two of them in private. He doesn’t want anyone to make a huge deal about it before they can even process what’s happening. It isn’t that he doesn’t want to kiss Lukey, he just wants it to be for them, and Pangi refuses to feel guilty about it.
He glances back towards Kristin and Phil to see if they’ll back off about them kissing but they’re looking at him expectantly so he immediately abandons any plans on begging for mercy. When he looks back at Lukey his amusement has dimmed at least. Maybe he’s too drunk to have realized what was actually happening at first. Stupid, adorable hamster.
“Fine, whatever.” He mumbles, and quickly steps forward, pressing his lips quickly against Lukey’s and then pulls away. “There. Happy?” It hardly counts as their first kiss, leaving them to have a proper one later.
Phil bursts into laughter. “Jesus, the yaoi really is just for show, huh?”
“Aww… that was lame. You guys can do better than that.” Kristin giggles, resting her head on Phil’s shoulder.
Pangi’s stomach clenches. “Oh come on guys.” He laughs nervously. “No one said I had to shove my tongue down his throat or anything.”
He feels Lukey brush past him, walking away without saying anything. Pangi can’t tell what look was on Lukey’s face as he walked off, but if the concerned looks Phil and Kristin give each other are any indication it’s not good.
“Oh shit… Lukey…” Kristin says quietly. She looks back at him with a face full of guilt. “I’m so sorry.” Her voice is soft, like she’s trying to comfort him but he doesn’t understand what just happened with Lukey that would mean he needs comforting.
“It’s fine.” He shrugs.
“No I… I feel horrible, I didn't think…” She trails off.
“We’re just friends.” He says defensively, not understanding what she’s getting at anymore.
Phil sighs at him disappointedly. “Mate…”
“What?” He asks, suddenly feeling like he’s being lectured by his parents.
“I don’t think he feels the same. Maybe you should talk with him about it.” Phil gives him a pointed look.
The comment puzzles Pangi, because he’s pretty sure that they do feel the same. They just haven't gotten around to talking about it fully yet. That’s also on the agenda in his mind. But as a conversation to have with Lukey a little later.
Before his talk with Phil can continue a big group comes back from wherever they had gone demanding everyone take another round of shots. Pangi lets himself be pulled along by Jack to the collection of bottles, but he doesn’t participate, suddenly not feeling well. He can’t see Lukey anywhere.
When the crowd starts to thin he goes in search of him, planning on checking on him before he goes back to the festivities. Despite looking in all the rooms he can’t find Lukey anywhere, but when he checks his phone his location is still at the house. Confused and too drunk to puzzle things out, he collapses onto an empty spot on a couch, nearly falling asleep next to Tubbo.
Aimsey appears in front of him at one point, shaking their head, and then he sees Lukey behind them, his face tight with anger. Pangi blinks to clear his vision, confused about what could have happened to make Lukey so upset.
Oh… Right. The kiss thing.
“You ok?” He asks, his words sounding less clear than he intended.
“Fine. Let’s go.” Lukey says in a clipped tone.
Pangi sighs. Well now there’s no questioning it. Lukey is pissed, probably at him for that stupid kiss earlier.
“Come on you, up you get.” Aimsey grabs his arm and tries to pull him off the couch. The first pull does nothing, but he helps just enough the second time that they manage to get him to his feet. Lukey’s already heading towards the door.
Aimsey helps him get his coat on, and then gives him a hug goodbye. “Don’t be an idiot.” They murmur into his ear before he walks out the door.
“What do you mean?” He asks, still having no clue what’s happening.
“Just go.” AImsey waves at him and Lukey then closes the door.
When he turns around Lukey already has his back to him and is slowly walking off in the direction of his apartment. He races to catch up and takes up a spot near him, making sure to give Lukey space. The walk back is awkward. Neither of them are talking and every time he catches a glimpse of Lukey’s face he looks like he’s furious still.
Pangi isn’t even sure that Lukey will let him into his apartment at this point, but he does, leaving the door open for him. They pile in, taking off their shoes and coats at the door. He silently follows Lukey into his office, the tiny apartment suddenly feeling suffocating. Pangi slips past him, and sits in one of the two chairs.
Lukey follows, looking like he wants to say something but he isn’t, so Pangi does it for him.
“You’re upset about the kiss, right?” He asks.
Lukey stares at him blankly for a moment and then nods. “Yea… something like that.”
Pangi shrugs. “It was just a stupid joke.”
“Was it?” Lukey asks darkly, and Pangi suddenly realizes he might not fully grasp why Lukey is mad at him.
“Yea…” He says shakily fully knowing that’s probably not the answer he was supposed to give.
Lukey nods, and sits in the other office chair, looking like he’s deep in thought. But there’s this heaviness in the air, like he’s done something horribly wrong.
“Why are you upset?” Pangi asks.
“I’m not.” Lukey says sharply.
“Ok, that was a lie.” He tries to give Lukey a teasing smile but it isn’t returned. Pangi sulks, trying to think about why Lukey would be upset with him. Maybe the kiss was bad? It was too short to really be considered good or bad in his estimation. He had wanted to get it over with quickly and… oh. Maybe Lukey is upset that he didn’t get any warning? He decides to try apologizing and see if he’s guessed it right. “I’m sorry, I should have given you more warning before I did it.”
Lukey’s face flashes with confusion. “What? No. That’s not the problem here.” At least he’s admitting there is a problem.
“Then I don’t know why you’re so upset.” Pangi huffs.
“You’re straight, and the fact they made you kiss me is wrong. Why aren't you more upset about this?” Lukey asks him bluntly.
Pangi takes a moment to process what Lukey just said. Is Lukey upset on his behalf? That’s sweet and all, but that doesn’t feel right. He isn't the type to take his anger for someone out on somebody else. The part about him being straight well… he hasn’t completely worked that out yet, but he’s getting there. The subject of his sexuality is actually what he’d been hoping to talk to Lukey about during their trip. “It’s just a kiss man… Why are you the one upset?”
Lukey freezes, his face looking like he’s been caught. “I… Never mind. I’m going to go get the air mattress, you can take my bed. I’ll sleep here.”
Pangi’s completely shocked by that reaction. “Lucas…” He says softly, wheeling his chair closer to Lukey’s. “Talk to me. Please? Why are you so mad?”
Lukey’s shoulders sag. “I just… didn’t want you to hate the idea of kissing me so much that you looked like you’d been sentenced to death.”
“Wait what? That’s not what I was thinking. Not even a little bit.” Pangi says earnestly. His heart sinks. If that’s what Lukey imagined then no wonder he’s so upset. He’d completely misunderstood his reaction.
Lukey sighs. “Yea? Well… that’s good I guess.”
Pangi watches him still get up from his chair to leave. “Lucas… Did you want me to want to kiss you? Is that the problem?” Lukey pauses in the doorway, not turning around. Pangi feels like he might be onto something so he keeps going. “Do you want me to kiss you like I want it? Is that what this is about?”
Lukey slowly turns around, guilt written all over his face. Pangi gets out of his chair without a second thought, closing the distance between them and pressing their lips together again, but Lukey pulls away almost instantly like he’s been burned. “You don’t need to do that. I don’t need your pity.”
“What if it’s because I want to?” Pangi insists, desperate to make things right between them. If that means having a proper first kiss now then so be it.
Lukey shakes his head. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yes I do. Please Lucas…” Pangi moves forward again, but Lukey steps back.
“But does it mean anything for you, or is this just an experiment? I…” Lukey swallows. “I don’t want to be your experiment.”
“I don’t need to experiment, Lucas. I don’t know what you think is happening here, but I promise I’m not going to use you and lose you. I’m not asking you out either for the record. Not yet. But… Can we please just go slow and see where this goes? Will you do that with me? Please?” Pangi begs. All of this is happening out of order, and he’s trying his best to not get too far ahead of himself.
Lukey nods slowly, stepping back into his personal space. “Promise even if it doesn’t work that we’ll still be friends?”
“Promise.” Pangi says with no hesitation, he doesn’t need it. The plan was never to lose Lukey.
Pangi presses his lips firmly against Lukey’s, enjoying the soft warm feeling of them against his own. They part for a moment but Pangi goes back in, this time moving his lips against Lukey’s, trying to find the perfect way for them to fit together. It’s as uncoordinated as most first kisses are, them being drunk doesn’t help either. But the feeling of Lukey relaxing against him, the arms that come up to hold the back of his neck, and the way Lukey’s waist feels under his hands more than makes up for it.
When they part, Lukey's eyes are shining with tears. “Where did that come from?”
“It was never that I didn’t want to kiss you, I just didn’t want to do it in front of everyone else.” Pangi explains softly, pressing their foreheads together. “We should talk.”
“Can we save it for the morning?” Lukey asks, a small smile finally breaking through the frown that had been etched onto his face since the party.
“Yea…” Pangi presses a kiss to Lukey’s cheek. “Let’s go to bed.”