Chapter Text
She extended her arm to Ramy.
‘Your shift’s done now, isn’t’ it? Dance with me’
Letty was beautiful, that was out of question. She looked magnificent, staring at him with her soft doe eyes full of expectation. The light made her light blue dress glow, and she definitely outshined everyone in this room.
As if a fairy dream came to life. Beautiful, dangerous and beyond the realm of possibility.
He laughed. ‘Absolutely not’
‘Come on’ She seized his hands and tugged him towards the dancing crowd. Her touch was cold. He flinched.
‘This waltz isn’t hard, I’ll teach you the steps – ‘
‘No, really, stop.’ Ramy extricated his hands from hers. This couldn’t go on.
Lette crossed her arms. Her mouth was a tin line and there was a spark of hurt in her eyes.
‘Well, it’s no fun just sitting here’
Ramy took a quick shallow breath. He needed her to understand. He needed her to leave him alone.
‘We’re sitting here because we’re already barely tolerated, and because as long as we don’t move too quickly or speak too loudly, we can blend into the background or at least pretend to be serving staff.’
Ramy looked her deep in her eyes, as if that would make her see.
‘That’s how this works Letty. A brown man at an Oxford ball is a fun curiosity as long as he keeps to himself and manages not to offend anyone, but if I dance with you, then someone’s going to hit me, or worse’
Kill me.
An uncomfortable silence followed, and he could feel Robins eyes fixated on him. Ramy refused to look at anyone then Letty.
She huffed. ‘Don’t be dramatic’
The disappointment that filled him was expected, but still unwelcome. Why was he still hoping, when the world proved him wrong everyday, every hour, every second.
‘I’m only prudent, dear’
If not, he would be already dead. If he wasn’t careful where to walk and cautious whom to speak, he could be lying in a ditch by now.
He felt no jealousy, when Letty took the opportunity to dance with someone else. Only relief that he managed to escape her dangerous request and a strange feeling of safety, when his thoughts found their way to the short boy beside him.
…
Even though his mind calmed down and his heart stared to beat more normally, the feeling of dread would not go away. His body was still stiff and there was no way he could relax in this atmosphere. In addition, was his worry about Robin who did not seem sober in any way. It was not only the concern about a potential death of alcohol poisoning, but more the thought that an intoxicated person was an easy prey. And none of them could afford to be easy or weak in any way.
At last, Ramy asked. ‘Well, are you going to ask anyone to dance?’
It was a desperate attempt to distract Robin from his mission to drink as much alcohol as possible. Jesus, what would this kid be doing without him?
Catched off guard, by Ramy’s sudden attempt of speaking, Robin turned around and lost his footing. Without even thinking, Ramy’s hand shot forward and he managed to grip Robin’s arm, before his friend even had the opportunity to kiss the floor. The shorter boy swayed lightly and Ramy held both his shoulders to steady him. Even though he paid attention to everyone and every possible threat this entire evening, his whole focus laid now on the unstable boy in front of him.
‘I don’t know how’, said Robin. His tone had a whiny note, and he peeked to the group of girls dancing and twirling on the dance floor. There was a creak in his eyebrows, as if he was genuinely irritated.
‘To dance? Or to ask?’ Ramy had no problem entertaining Robin, as long as he was occupied and safe in his grip.
Robin shifted his head from side to side, obviously thinking and considering Ramy’s question. Cute.
‘Well – both. But certainly, the latter. It seems you need to know them socially before it’s appropriate.’
His eyes left the girls on the dance floor and landed on Ramy.
In this moment, the music was reduced to a quite humming in the background. The world around them stilled and everything he knew and would ever know were the dark eyes in front of him. He was sinking in this dark deepness, in this beautiful nothingness, in this absolute comfort. Robin’s eyes were big and confused and even in this moment, in this state of him, they were only focussed on Ramy. The need to comfort him, was irresistible.
‘Oh, you’re handsome enough,’ said Ramy.
Well, there goes his hidden feelings. And while his words were nothing but the truth, it still felt like he said something forbidden, like he crossed an invisible line. Lucky for him, Ramy was an expert in concealing the truth behind fancy words and pretty sentences. Quickly and without letting the silence stretch he shoved the words: ‘And you’re a Babbler. I’m sure one of them would say yes.’
But his words didn’t even seem to be registered by Robin, because his eyes showed no reaction and were still confusing big. He looked deep sunken in thoughts.
Suddenly and with no warning or anything, Robin took Ramy’s hand in his. His touch was warm and comfortable and Ramy fought the urge to kiss them. Robin’s next question took him back to the cruel reality.
‘Why won’t you dance with Letty?’ Damnit, why did he had to bring up this specific topic?
‘I’m not looking to start a row.’ Hopefully Robin would just let it go.
‘No, really.’ Why was he so persistent?
‘Please, Birdie.’ Ramy sighed. ‘You know how it is.’ Robin knew, Robin had to know. There was no way he didn’t. No way his little bird was that oblivious.
‘She wants you,’ Robin said. Ramy suppressed a groan and looked up to the ceiling, maybe something would fall and take him down. He really didn’t want to do this here. Not with all this audience and not with Robin so unbelievably drunk.
‘Very badly. So why – ‘
‚Don’t you know why?’ Ramy cut him off. A moment of truth.
Their eyes met.
Tension laid between them, so thick, you could cut it with scissors. This was the moment; this was the invisible line. They stood at the edge of a neck breaking cliff and if the balance was lost, there was no chance of coming back up. The next step would be irreversible. Too bad that Ramy did not feel balanced at the slightest. He was swaying at the edge and there was nothing to grab on. Nothing to hold on. The fall was unavoidable; the truth was unavoidable.
But looking into the deep silence of Robin’s eyes, there was no truth. Only confusion and way too much trust.
Ramy took no step today. And even though he could never regret Robin, regret would find him, if today was the fall. They were not ready to find out, what was hidden at the bottom.
Abruptly Ramy stood. Something had caught his eye, something that triggered his sense of danger.
‘There’s trouble over there.’ There was always trouble everywhere.