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Parrot glanced at Wifies on the couch, who was staring intently at the tv; Home Alone 2 could not be this intriguing. His incredulous gaze met Theo’s, who seemed to be holding back a laugh.
Parrot shook his head. “How many times have you even watched that?”
“I stopped counting. It’s tradition at this point, and because I now live with you two idiots, it’s yours too.” Wifies hummed fondly.
Parrot glared, Theo spluttered. “You could’ve easily gotten a dorm,” he mumbled.
“And shared a room with three random people? I beg to differ.”
“Anyways, I’m not the idiot here—,” Parrot started.
Theo cut him off. “Yeah, that's ‘cause you're the dumbass.”
“Dumb and Dumber over here.” Wifies murmured.
Parrot shook his head, it was like arguing with a brick wall, at least he could know the “truth” even if Theo didn’t. “I’m still the biggest bird.”
“NO YOU’RE NOT.” Theo hissed.
“What if you’re both big birds?” Wifies groaned. “Will that make you shut up and let me watch?” he grumbled.
Both of them scoffed, but they stopped arguing.
“When are these bots getting here, bro.” Parrot commented, checking his phone. He’d already finished decorating like an hour ago, and he was getting hungry. Wasn’t it literally Spoke’s idea to cook together? He shouldn’t have even gone along with it; Spoke was going to burn his kitchen to the ground.
“The last time I tried to rush Spoke he showed up with his hat on fire.” Wifies shook his head, muttering something.
“Since when did Spoke wear hats?” Theo asked, surprised.
“He probably stopped when he set that one on fire.” Parrot sighed, rubbing his temples.
Someone knocked on the door.
“Speak of the devil,”
“No, Wifies; Spoke is the devil.”
Theo cackled at Parrot’s comment, walking towards the door.
Wemmbu and Egg stood in the entrance, Parrot noticed a lack of Minute; who was letting Egg stay at his place while Wemmbu sorted out living arrangements. Egg, holding a couple of grocery bags, waved.
“Yo,” Wemmbu walked in, taking one glance at the tv. “Who put on Home Alone?” He blinked, reaching over the couch and snatching the remote from Wifies, who gasped offendedly.
Egg shook his head, but his smirk betrayed him. “He’s gonna put Azali music on and act like it’s a movie.” He placed the bags on Parrot’s counter.
“You’re single handedly keeping that guy in business.” Theo snorted, as lo-and-behold, Wemmbu unsurprisingly swapped to spotify.
“All I’m saying is you guys never hound on Flame for listening to Nombra101.” Wemmbu shrugged.
“Thats because Flame uses headphones like a civilized person.” Parrot grumbled.
“My movie…” Wifies pouted, reaching for the remote as Wemmbu held it in the air and out of his reach.
“Good to know you have horrible taste in movies, Wifies.” Wemmbu snarked sarcastically. “And, I use headphones in public spaces, do you take me for a hooligan, bro?”
“He’s enabling his shockingly complex vocabulary on you Parrot…run.” Egg murmured, his eyes wide with feign fear.
“‘Shockingly?!’” Wemmbu gawked at him.
Theo smirked. “Very shocking.”
“You cannot speak on this matter bro.” Wemmbu pointed at Theo.
Wifies smiled lightly. “I might inquire that I, indeed, am completely surrounded by buffoons at all points.”
“Harvard students don’t get to speak either.” Wemmbu said pointedly. “I’ll let you know that I have excellent vocab—“ someone knocking continuously on the door cut him off.
“So that's definitely Spoke, no?” Parrot muttered, walking over to the door, he could swear it was about to fall off its hinges the moment he opened it.
“Heyyy!” Spoke said, hiding a terribly concealed grin. Mapicc was cackling behind him.
Before Parrot could interrogate them about whatever the hell they were planning to pull off, Spoke launched at him. “Ugh—bro!” he spluttered, falling backwards to the ground.
Spoke cackled, now holding a plastic diamond sword from who knows where. “Parrotx2 had fallen right into my trap,“ he cut himself off, staring down at Parrot with a wide smirk. “And now—“
“Free heart!!” Wemmbu cried joyfully, dropping the remote(that whacked Wifies in the face on its way down)and snatching Spoke’s sword.
“If I wanted this to happen I would’ve gone to the lifesteal party.” Parrot groaned, kneeing Spoke away from him.
“You should’ve known this would happen,” Mapicc shrugged, closing the door and patting Parrot on the head as he walked past.
Parrot spluttered. “I can deal with plenty of the things I have to put up with being around you guys, but don’t pet me.”
Wemmbu patted Parrot’s head with the sword as he was getting up just to spite him, and when Parrot glared, he spoke. “Hey, I’m pretty sure whacking and petting are two entirely different concepts.”
Parrot grabbed the 8-bit sword by the blade, snatching it from Wemmbu’s loose grasp. “I’m going to ‘pet’ you in the face with this.”
“Let’s not get hasty guuys…!” Spoke said, somehow behind Parrot without him noticing. “I’m the one who brought it, so I think it’s only fair I’m the only one who gets to whack people. Plus it was 20 bucks, please gimmie-gimmie.” Spoke reached out his hands, trying and failing to grab it back from Parrot.
“Giving Spoke the sole permission to do anything chaotic-related is almost as bad an idea as giving Flame a chainsaw and a target.” Wifies shook his head.
“That was a great idea, mind you. And I’m a responsible person! Mapicc can vouch.”
“He really isn’t.” Mapicc said bluntly, met by the betrayed look on Spoke’s face. “I won’t say I don’t encourage you, but you’re the one who comes up with the bad ideas…half the time.” He placed their own bags on the counter.
“You can’t vouch for responsibility from an irresponsible person.” Egg informed, his deadpan voice mocking a wise tone.
“Are we the only reasonable ones here?” Wifies glanced at Egg with a pitying half-hearted smile.
“I’m responsible!” Wemmbu argued.
“I just want my 20 dollar sword back.” Spoke wallowed sadly, wiping away a nonexistent tear.
“Theres a long list of ways to get 20 bucks, and I’m pretty sure half of them are gay.” Theo noted, met by a strangled sound from Spoke as he tried to compose himself.
“Twenty bucks is twenty bucks.” Wemmbu shrugged casually. “…but if you gave me a choice I’d probably pick the yard work option.”
Parrot stared at the gathering in his home and slowly inched towards Wifies and Egg near the couch. “Please don’t leave me alone with these guys.” He shook his head.
“Now you know the guy I have to deal with every day.” Egg deadpanned with a feign sigh. Wemmbu frowned heavily at Egg, who held up both hands like he just got convicted of murder. “Nothing against you man.”
“But?”
“There aren't any redeeming factors I can think of at the moment.” Egg rubbed his chin, and Wemmbu’s eye twitched like he was about to murder him. “Yo, it’s simply an analysis of your character.”
Wemmbu shook his head, but his attention was immediately grabbed by something else. He paused, then walked over to the counter, snatching a bag of apples out of Spoke’s stuff. “…Mapicc,”
“Hm?”
“Does this say birch apples?” He gained a wide grin.
“Yeah, why?”
“I finally have my proof…” He fabricated his phone, rapidly typing.
Egg walked over, peaking at his screen. “Is that Sword?”
Wemmbu nodded, smirking.
“Bro. The last time you went to one of his gatherings you came back with a black eye, wasted, sleep deprived, and wearing a burger king crown.”
“And this makes it all worth it.” Wemmbu’s smile widened even more, gesturing at the apples.
Parrot and Wifies exchanged a glance, Spoke was still glaring at him for the diamond sword back. “So much for ‘I’m responsible.’” Wifies clucked, crossing his arms.
“I only took one celebratory shot, and you couldn’t pay me 100 dollars to drink again.” Wemmbu shook his head. “I threw up twice.” He looked at the ceiling.
“Thrice.” Egg corrected.
Wemmbu shrugged. “I still killed like twenty people.”
“…what.” Parrot looked like he was debating to call the police.
Wemmbu stared at him unblinking. “In laser tag; and If anyone here ends up being a serial killer, on Egg it’s Spoke.”
“What did I do to you?” Spoke frowned innocently.
“You pulled up to my house with a sword and lunged at me.” Parrot glared.
“You’re the one holding the murder weapon; if this was actually a case I could easily frame you or Wemmbu cause both of your fingerprints are on it.” Spoke reasoned.
“You’re digging your own grave here.” Mapicc shook his head.
“If I asked you’d be my accomplice in three seconds, Mapicc.”
“Don’t hate the messager.” Mapicc shrugged, but he didn’t deny anything.
Parrot sighed. “Don’t we have better things to do?”
But the gears in Spoke’s head had already started turning. “I’d obviously have to get rid of the direct witnesses, including but not limited to: Egg, Wifies, Theo, and Wemmbu.” he started, pausing to think; everyone else was just listening to what he had to say with minor concern.
“Egg is already an easy hostage,” he snickered a little, “but Wemmbu’s always gonna save him and Egg’s too cunning to not leave a bread crumb trail.”
“I actually didn’t think of that.” Egg coughed.
“I’d have to get rid of you two first.” Spoke pointed at Wemmbu and Theo, his expression changing to a small smirk. “I’ll get Mapicc to place Egg somewhere near Wemmbu, so there’s more at stake, to distract his focus. Then it’s just a waiting game until he’s weak enough to get rid of; and I’ll get Egg after that.”
“…have you been thinking about this?” Wifies blinked slowly at Spoke, seemingly both intrigued and concerned.
“All I have to do is threaten Parrot with a split second danger and both of you are gone in one blow.” Spoke paused, staring intently at Wifies, his blue irises making it freakier. “Once or twice. Anyway: Theo’s instincts are gonna kick in and he’ll probably stay back to protect Parrot from whatever’s happening cause he’s a more capable fighter, and if I have Parrot, I can do anything to Wifies, really.
“Now all that's left is to cover my tracks and frame Parrot, who happened to host the gathering where four people died. ‘Me and Mapicc only got out because we were together, he almost killed me.’” he mimicked the alibi. “I can use any injuries I got along the way as proof to whatever Parrot did, and lo-and-behold, Parrot seems to be fully un-injured, holding the weapon.” He clasped his hands together, leaning back as the ending of the plan could be easily filled in.
“Dear god.” Wemmbu blinked, slightly wide eyed.
“You came up with all of that on the spot??” Theo gawked.
Spoke laughed a little. “That one's simple, and I had pretty easy material to work off of.”
“He really isn’t wrong with most of the plan.” Egg stared, rubbing his chin. “And if he calls the police himself, he’s like, the least suspected person; you’re a shockingly good actor, too.”
Wifies was still staring at Spoke. “You used friends as weaknesses and control factors.” His brows furrowed slightly. “Thats pretty clever, if not extremely concerning on your part.”
Spoke frowned. “I could easily come up with a better one.”
Parrot, who’d been watching with his mouth hanging slightly open the entire time, finally managed a single syllable. “Bro…”
Spoke blinked innocently at him.
“Why don’t we just make food and hope Spoke doesn’t stab one of us while our backs are turned.” He swiftly changed the topic, placing the diamond sword on the couch arm before walking towards the kitchen.
“At least you know that you’re the only safe one.” Wemmbu laughed, pulling up a recipe on his phone and rummaging through him and Egg’s bags.
“I’ll stay out of this.” Egg held up both of his hands. “If you let me anywhere near that kitchen everything will be more burnt than a cheeto.”
“But cheetos aren’t burnt?” Wemmbu blinked quizzically at him.
“Exactly.” Egg shook his head, leaning into the back of the couch to watch them cook.
Spoke joyously decided to join cooking even though he probably had a much higher chance to burn the house into smithereens than Egg ever had.
“Do you have like, general cooking ingredients?” Wemmbu asked, “I was hoping I wouldn’t need to buy an entire new bag of flour.”
“Yeah, it should be in the cupboard right there, on the right.” Parrot opened the oven, taking out miscellaneous metal tupperware in order to preheat it.
He turned around, almost tripping into Spoke who was standing directly behind him for who knows why. Spoke inched in a semi circle around Parrot, who stared directly at him.
Spoke smiled, blinking rapidly in confusion at him.
“What are you planning on doing now…” Parrot huffed, crossing his arms and standing unmoving.
“Oh, I was just gonna preheat the oven for—“
Theo turned. “No, no you’re not. You, sir, are going to use the microwave.” He pointed from Spoke to the microwave, then back again.
“It’s much easier to burn and explode stuff in a microwave than it is in an oven.” Spoke argued. “Why don’t you trust me for a second?”
“Reasonable argument, unfortunately, nah. Go cook, microwave boy.” Wemmbu smiled, pouring flour into a mixing bowl.
Egg snorted, Wifies attempted to hide a low chuckle.
Spoke sighed. “I guess none of you will get my delicious cooking.” He crossed his arms, trapezing towards the couch and sitting on the back of it, in order to watch them all.
Mapicc frowned sadly. “He is a surprisingly good cook.”
“Yeah, take that, flour boy.” Spoke stuck his tongue out at Wemmbu.
Wemmbu rolled his eyes, shaping what looked like cookie dough on one of the trays that Parrot had removed.
- - -
Parrot placed some food on the coffee table, Wifies leaned forwards to grab a rice ball from the platter. Spoke has decided to join cooking again, and Parrot was still weary of him; though he trusted Mapicc’s vouching, even if it wasn’t the most reliable.
Wemmbu was still working on the cookies, with Theo helping him mix frosting colors. He pulled the tray out of the oven, frowning at the cookies before placing it on a wool pad.
Egg blinked, he’d pulled up a chair to help Theo and Wemmbu with decorating the biscuits. “What's wrong?” He stood a-little in his seat, attempting to look at it.
“They changed shape, like a lot.” He sighed, but sat down to continue with the frosting.
“I’ll eat them if you want!” Spoke joyously volunteered, grabbing the(still steaming)tray with his bare hands for counter space. Wemmbu stared at him. “…what?” He looked around, still holding the dish.
“So like third degree burns just don’t exist anymore I guess.” Egg said incredulously.
Wifies blinked. “I learn something new about you everyday, Spoke.”
Spoke placed it back down, snatching the flour from Wemmbu and dusting half a handful on the cutting board. “You act like that isn’t…normal.” He began to flatten a ball of dough on the cutting board with his hands. Mapicc didn’t even look up from his phone, so this was probably normal to him
“Yeah cause it isn’t.” Wemmbu gestured at Spoke, accidentally flinging some frosting directly at Theo’s face from the whisk he was holding. Theo grumbled, wiping it off with a napkin.
Parrot smirked a little. “I’m pretty sure that real big birds are fast enough to dodge frosting.”
“Okay bro. Whatever makes you sleep at night.” Theo frowned at him with a roll of his eyes, muttering a response to Wemmbu, who had awkwardly apologized.
Spoke shrugged and dropped the, now flat, sheet of dough into a pie tin, molding it to the walls. He poured the “birch” apples, now sliced and dusted with cinnamon, into it; cutting a lattice with the excess dough and laying it on top.
He leaned down and placed the pie into the oven, not bothering to preheat it seeing that Wemmbu’s cookies had just finished baking. He walked over, peering over Egg’s shoulder to look at what they were making.
“Wait…is that me?” He gained a wide grin, pointing at one of the cookies, that was now iced and sitting on a plate to dry.
Wemmbu nodded. “I forgot to ask what you guys wanted, so you’re getting cookies.” He slightly smiled, icing one that looked like Egg’s minecraft skin.
Theo blinked. “I didn’t even realize that and I’m helping you.” he paused. “But now that I know; I’m making the yellow more accurate.”
Wemmbu rolled his eyes, handing Theo the bowl of leftover yellow icing. Spoke leaned back and forth on the ball of his foot, seemingly incredibly bored now that he has nothing to occupy himself with anymore.
Parrot stretched out on the couch, slumping back. Everything up to this point was narrated by Azali blasting on the tv speakers, Wifies had graciously been ticking the volume down every few minutes, so it wasn’t all that noticeable when he lowered it.
“I wonder what Flame and Mane are doing right now.” Parrot noted to Wifies, who looked up from his phone.
Wifies placed his pen down on his notepad; it had been vigorously written on, Parrot squinted at it, but whatever the hell he was trying to cipher was beyond him. “Probably doing something worrying.”
He looked at Parrot, his eyes wider for some odd reason. “This ARG is insane. I don’t know why I’m trying to solve a cipher stack with pen and paper, though; ‘guess it’s more of a challenge.” He stretched his arms and cracked his knuckles, grabbing his notepad again and flipping to a fresh page.
Parrot shrugged, blinking with somewhat confusion. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Spoke started talking from directly behind him. “Can I try?”
Spoke’s voice was above him, and seeing as Parrot was slumped over and Spoke was much too tall for someone imbued with so much chaos: he leaned directly over Parrot to peek at the notepad.
“Give it your best shot.” Wifies shrugged, tearing a blank piece of paper and scribbling the original cipher at a top corner of the page.
Spoke grabbed it, squinting before snagging a pen from his pocket and beginning to write on the sheet. “What have you tried so far?” Spoke was kneeling, his paper against the back of the couch to stabilize his writing.
Wifies showed him his paper, Spoke nodded, opening a website on his phone. “Who in the world cipher stacks anymore?” he muttered. After a while, he seemed to be at a loss, and handed Wifies whatever attempt he’d gotten to. “Did you see if it was a Caesar?”
“First thing I tried.”
“Shame.”
Wemmbu stood up from his seat, most of the cookies were finished, Theo was poorly icing his own likeness. “I’m calling Flame.” he announced with a loud yawn, whipping out his phone and pulling up FaceTime.
“Yo.” Flame answered after three or four rings. “Why’d you call, aren’t you guys, like, doing a hangout?”
“Yeah. I got bored and I wanted to do something before Spoke pulled out Monopoly-UNO and forced us to listen to the rules he made up.” Wemmbu shook his head.
Spoke looked up. “Hey!” he argued, “It’s actually really fun when you get the hang of it.”
“Last time we played we went to the store after and you tried paying for your food with 100 Monopoly-bucks and a Draw Two.” Parrot deadpanned.
“That's an honest mistake.”
Mapicc laughed, placing his phone down to watch the conversation.
“Whose that?” Parrot heard the muffled question from Wemmbu’s speaker.
“All of the Unstable crew. They’re doing like a uh, Christmas party thing.”
“Ohh.”
Wemmbu moved over to the couch so everyone could see them. Mane shuffled into frame, offering a wave but soon turning his head to a light in front of them. Parrot assumed it was a tv, considering the color of the light changed but the size of the rectangle never did.
Flame turned to look at it when the screen went red. Someone was screaming bloody murder.
“I KNEW IT.” Mane almost screeched, he was pretty close to it though, considering his voice had raised a considerable number of octaves. “Bro. I knew she was the killer the moment I saw her. She had murder in her eyes…” he ended ominously.
Flame flinched, from Mane’s yell or the jumpscare—Parrot wasn’t sure; he laughed, pausing the movie. “Sure you did bro.”
“Why are you guys watching a horror movie for Christmas??” Spoke stared.
“Which one is it? I wanna watch.” Mapicc added, smirking.
Spoke left, notably holding the diamond sword, as Flame began to explain the movie(and all its gruesome details)to Mapicc upon his request; with Mane butting in to correct stuff, as well as adding the occasional:
“This person did that-“
“And I clocked them the moment they stepped on screen, bro”.
“Anyway,” Flame began as Spoke walked back in, holding a tote bag that rattled ominously. “Thats about it. It’s a pretty good movie so far, I’d recommend you don't watch it with Mane tho.” he added with a snicker.
“I’d recommend you don’t watch it with Flame.” Mane shot back, “I had to bring all the snacks.” He crossed his arms.
“I literally told you not to bring any bro.”
“Do you want me to read your texts out loud right now?”
“Bro—like. Oh my.” he glared, frowning heavily.
“I’ll do it. Try me.” Mane wagged his phone in front of Flame’s face, gaining a smug grin.
Flame stood up, placing his phone on the coffee table so they got a lovely view of his ceiling fan, “graciously” accompanied by grunts and Mane’s cacophony of shrieks as Flame wrestled him to snatch the phone(with the occasional “Bro!”).
Wifies, who had been engrossed in the cipher, looked up and stared confusedly at the people gathered around him; Parrot let out a perplexed laugh.
“Bro I’m gonna need hearing aids after this.” Wemmbu shook his head.
Flame was barely in frame, pulling Mane’s phone out of reach each time he grabbed for it. “My neighbors are going to kill me.”
“Not if I get you first.” Mane launched himself at Flame, snatching the phone and causing them both to tumble into the floor with a thud.
“Bro,—“ was the only thing Flame managed to articulate before all his breath left him as he hit the floor. He laughed with confusion, shoving Mane off of him.
The last thing on the screen was Mane’s palm as he lifted himself to a stand before it hung up.
Spoke clapped slowly, nodding a little with his eyebrows raised. “Mmhm! So now that the movie has come to an end, I made up a new boardgame.” he remarked cheerfully.
“If it’s anything like Monopoly-UNO, I’m going home.” Wemmbu pocketed his phone, grabbing a blanket to sit on the floor next to the coffee table as Spoke set up the game.
Parrot should’ve been worried the moment he pulled out SORRY, the boardgame; alongside two decks of UNO cards.
Spoke cracked his knuckles, setting up the game was accompanied by his ominous giggles.
“Alright.” He replaced where the SORRY card deck was normally placed with the behemoth stack of cards. He half-slammed both palms on the table in both a joking manner and to grab everyone’s attention; smiling like a kid after downing three caffeinated energy drinks because he thought it was Gatorade.
“The rules: you start with a deck of 7 cards,” He divided up and handed out a deck for each person in the room.
“Are you playing Theo?” Parrot looked over to the kitchen where he was still making his earnest attempt at icing the leftover cookies.
“I’ll see how this plays out and decide.” Seemingly relieved from being unspokenly released from his task, he walked over and stood behind Parrot and Wifies to watch.
Spoke nodded acknowledgment to Theo. “Reverses make every existing pawn on the board move backwards instead of forwards. Taking a pawn out of Start makes it move forwards normally. You cannot move backwards into Home, only go past it. If another reverse is played, all pawns remain moving clockwise.
“Draw twos work normally. If you finish your pawns first, you play UNO normally. If you run out of cards while you still have pawns, you draw 7.
“Wild plus fours work as the 12 card, but you can also swap someone out of Home with the downside of returning to the Start. If your pawn is swapped out of Home, you must return your pawn back to Home before you can win. Normal plus fours do the same as 12’s with no changes.
“If you have four skips you can make a SORRY card.
“And that's about all.” He clapped once. “Anything unspecified is normal to its use in the original game. Pick a team of two, cause there's not enough slots for everyone individually: once you get Home you can be on your own for UNO.”
“Sounds interesting.” Egg nodded.
There were three teams, with everyone buddied up with their respective duo.
Parrot and Wifies had yellow, Egg and Wemmbu had blue, Spoke and Mapicc had red.
Ten minutes in: the board was nearly flipped twice, Wifies kept letting Parrot do his turn in favor of the cipher, and every time someone got into home Spoke immediately slammed down a Wild +4.
“HOW DO YOU HAVE SO MANY.” Wemmbu demanded, angrily drawing his destined four cards.
Parrot frowned, all of his pawns were on the board, one of them in the walkway to Home, but he knew that was going to change soon. Spoke was letting them go up the walkway every time only to immediately snipe the false hope the moment their pawn hit Home.
Parrot placed a plus two, Spoke immediately stacked, Wemmbu slammed down a reverse before Mapicc could breath, let alone pick a card to play.
“You can’t reverse plus twos.” Spoke stated.
Wemmbu stared at him with the revenge of a man who just came home to cat throw-up on his carpet and tax receipts in his mailbox. “You can now.”
Mapicc stacked. So did Spoke.
Parrot stared desolately at the pile. Why did he even try? “How many cards is that…?”
“Eight.”
Parrot sunk into his seat, letting out a low defeated groan. Wifies kindly handed him the eight cards.
“Did I mention once we hit twenty minutes I’m shuffling a UNO: NO MERCY deck into the cards?” Spoke said casually, his smile widening to the look of horror on everyone's faces.
Egg played a reverse. Wifies played a 6, moving the pawn farthest from home, Parrot continued moving it with his own card. Mapicc moved the pawn closest to Home, Spoke continued it, one move away from victory.
Wemmbu let out a battle cry, slamming down four skips and swapping Spoke’s pawn with one of his: two moves from the red start.
“Oh, this is war.” Spoke announced, placing his phone on the coffee table, a clock ticking down to inevitable doom. 1 minute left.
Spoke went quiet, leaned over and staring at the board, firing card after card every time it was his turn, it was starting to worry Parrot how locked in he was. And then…the timer went off.
Spoke grinned. “Altered Obsidian,” at volume 6, in the background added to the foreboding. Spoke stacked the draw and discard pile, shuffling it and then splitting it in half. He placed the excess cards back in their box, and ominously pulled out the NO MERCY deck.
After he placed it down along with the original cards, all hell broke loose.
At one point, Parrot was simply staring in horror as Wemmbu, Spoke, and Mapicc pingponged between each other with draw 2’s, 6’s, and reverses. Until the faithful moment when Spoke, instead of a reverse, placed a Wild +8. It was now Parrots turn to play and he…didn’t have anything to stack. He looked at Wifies’ deck(who was now fully paying attention), but…nothing.
“Oh, oh my god.” He sunk his head into his hands, Wifies patted him lightly on the back, shaking his head with pity. “…how many cards is that…?”
“I’ll count.” Spoke shook his head with a mixture of pity and giggles. “Two, eight, sixteen…”
Parrot stopped listening, letting out a strangled noise every time the number got higher. “Just give me the entire deck at this point.”
“It must be precisely accurate.” Spoke smiled, now holding an actual calculator. Parrot nearly choked: Spoke had come prepared for this exact moment. “The grand total, ladies and gentlemen, is 63.” He mimicked Sb’s accent, clasping his hands and sitting crisscross like a monk, allowing Parrot to register exactly how many cards he was about to pick up.
“Bro.”
“You better start counting man!”
“Shut up.” He sighed heavily, and began slowly and meekly drawing cards.
“On the plus side you'll never not be able to stack.” Mapicc smiled half heartedly.
“Just…don’t.” Parrot stared infinity forward, counting underneath his breath. And to think he thought he was competitive.
It was around this point where winning was rendered impossible, it was also around this point where the smoke alarm went off and Parrot realized he forgot a crucial moment in time before Wemmbu called Flame: Spoke put his pie in the oven.
And…never took it out.
Parrot bolted up in his seat, placing his cards on the table(albeit regretfully, he was never going to remember what number he was on), and quite literally jumped over the couch, lightly shoving Theo out of the way.
“SPOKE.”
“Oh shoot…!” He blinked, scrambling after Parrot. He used his socks to slide across the hardwood floor and reach the oven in seconds. He turned it off, leaning over to squint at whatever remained of his poor apple pie.
Everyone else was blinking and looking at each other in confusion.
Parrot waved the thin veil of smoke that had accumulated away from his face, coughing as he opened a window. He slowly turned to stare at Spoke.
“At least it’s not on fire…?” he coughed half heartedly, rubbing the back of his neck from nerves when Parrot remained silent and staring. “Look man, I normally don’t play board games that intense while waiting for my food to finish cooking.” It was a valid excuse.
“Bro.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “You-I,-“ he sighed, “I should’ve made you use the microwave.” His voice was low, dangerous.
The violin of “Chaos Construct” playing solemnly in the background, accompanied by the obnoxious beeping of the smoke alarm was…uhm…lovely!; to say the most and lie while doing it.
Hurt developed in Spoke’s eyes and Parrot immediately wished he could take it back, but even tho wasn’t even wrong, Parrot too had forgotten about the pie until now.
“Sorry,” Parrot started, intending to say more but he didn’t want to apologize with excuses. Spoke might’ve taken what he said in any sort of way but he’d still blurted the words with the intent of a scathing remark.
“No, no. It’s fine. You didn’t do anything.” He turned stiffly, grabbing a rag and pulling the pie out of the oven.
It wasn’t even that burnt, either.
Parrot bit his lip. “I can help you make another one if you want?”
“Really? I mean, I don’t think anyone's really that hungry for desert, I personally am not.” he laughed a little, lightening the tone. “I don’t think any of us actually brought genuine food, huh.”
“Well I’m ordering sushi.” Wemmbu announced loudly, already pulling up the doordash app. Then quieter, “Do you want anything, Egg?”
“Uh, sure. Just get me something you think I’d like.”
“Bet.”
“Can I get something?” Spoke asked, moving the tray of cookies off the mat and putting the pie on top of it to cool. It was certainly cooling fast, though; because the smoke was practically cleared by now(plus the alarm thankfully turned off), the cool air from the window rushed in.
Wemmbu stared him dead in the eyes. “You gonna pay for your order?” he deadpanned, arching a brow. “Sushi is not cheap, my wallet knows that.”
“Aw.”
“I’m joking,” he smiled, “just pick something off the menu.” He handed his phone to a now overjoyed Spoke.
“I’m guessing the game has been cut short?” Wifies asked, grabbing the draw and discard pile and beginning to sort out the No Mercy cards.
Spoke nodded, “I don’t think it would’ve finished if we played all night.” He handed Wemmbu his phone back and stretched. “Count your cards, whoever has the least wins.” He clasped his hands together with a smile, sitting back next to Mapicc.
Parrot didn’t even bother counting, and since he also lacked the amount of cards he was supposed to have, he just handed Wifies his deck and accepted last place.
In the end, Spoke, unsurprisingly, won with 8 cards, closely followed by Wemmbu with 10, Mapicc at 14, and the most shocking: Wifies at 16. Parrot would’ve had somewhere near 80 if he had the chance to finish drawing.
“I will admit, that one was much more enjoyable than Monopoly UNO.” Wemmbu noted. Spoke beamed.
He walked back to the kitchen and checked the fridge for anything to make. Parrot grabbed the rice from what he’d made earlier, some leftover steak, green onions, and two eggs; grabbing enough to make stir fry for him, and whoever else wanted it.
He lit the stovetop and placed a wok on top, spraying avocado oil and waiting for it to heat up.
The next thirty minutes consisted of chatting and waiting for the food to cook or arrive. The stir fry was done relatively fast, with most of the wait being for it to heat up, and the sushi arrived shortly after. Wemmbu had tried to call Flame a few times, but to no avail.
“They’re probably doing something reasonable and productive.” Wemmbu said positively.
“Maybe they’re at an archery range and they couldn’t have phones on them?” Spoke suggested.
“Spoke. It’s 9pm.” Wifies stared.
“What? He said something reasonable and productive.”
“I kinda agree with Spoke. Sounds like something they’d do.”
“Or they’re just sleeping? Did we figure that out?” Parrot suggested, tone laced with sarcasm. Handing Wifies, Theo, and Mapicc a bowl of food; the others now eating the newly arrived sushi.
- - -
Parrot blinked groggily awake, he was in a cocoon of blankets on the couch. He looked around, Wifies was sipping a mug of tea next to him, typing what looked like a script on his laptop.
Wemmbu woke up after Parrot, nudging Egg, who was asleep and leaning on his arm, away from him. He got up and stretched, offering a quiet wave and stepping over Spoke and Mapicc, both with their respective spots on the floor, headed towards the door.
“It’s probably cold.” Parrot whispered as to not wake up the others.
Wemmbu paused, nodding. “I didn’t think about that.” He frowned in thought, “I’ll just wait until everyone wakes up.” He walked back over to the couch, lightly shoving Egg out of the way, who happened to slouch into his spot.
Parrot nodded, muttering something unintelligible before falling back asleep.