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Jonathan was not supposed to see Annie kissing her favorite person, but there he is.
“I’m ready to rehearse!” Jonathan said, in the same cheery voice that his character in the last Christmas special has, until his mouth is drawn wide open, gaping at the sight in front of him. Not that Annie could blame him. As far as he’s aware, there is a complete stranger in the Cornley studios the Eve before the cast was about to perform their newest Christmas special. If Chris knew about this, he would kill her. Frankly, Annie is lucky that it was only Jonathan and not anyone who has the power to fire her.
Silence stretches out the studio where the desert background that is only half painted is lousily draped upon the book set that Cornley has spent a fortune on.
“Annie, I thought you said that no one would be here.” She says, in that gorgeous London accent of hers.
“No one 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 be here.” Annie said, glaring at the very early Jonathan. Jonathan changes facial expressions from surprise and confusion to an awkward smile.
“I’m going to go.” Penelope eyes both Annie and Jonathan. Annie certainly couldn’t blame her, because introducing her coworker/maybe-friend/person-she-once-made-out-with-before-she-came-to-terms-with-her-sexuality to her current girlfriend is not ideal. However, she does need Penelope’s van for the ride back home, so she futilely attempts to stop Penelope from leaving. She was already out before Annie can even say “Lancashire”.
“At least the fire alarm didn’t interrupt you!” Jonathan says, with his dorky smile.
Now that Annie is left alone with Jonathan, the 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 thing she wants to do is have this conversation with Jonathan. She opts instead for “What are you doing here, mate?”
“I’m early!” Jonathan pumps his fist. “It’s like Nostle always says, “Early is on time! On time is late! Late is cleaning up the dressing rooms after the show!”
“Okay, first of all, Nostle does 𝘯𝘰𝘵 say that. Chris does. Second, he meant, like, ten minutes, not six 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴.”
“Better safe than sorry.” Jonathan shrugged.
Annie facepalmed at Jonathan’s typical annoying stubbornness. “Mate, you can’t tell anyone about this.”
“Oh, no I won’t tell Chris. My lips are sealed!” Jonathan perks up, a little too loudly. Annie immediately shushes him before she continues.
“ 𝘕𝘰, Jonathan. Not just Chris.”
“Oh, yeah. Robert.” Jonathan says, considering. ”I won’t tell Robert either. Imagine if 𝘩𝘦 found out. I’m sure he’d 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭 you for snogging that girl on ‘his’ stage.”
Annie guffaws at that word. “Shut it, Jonathan. You can’t tell 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦. Not just about the kiss but about…Penelope…the girl…”
***
Annie really hoped that her coming out to a member of Cornley wouldn’t have to go this way. Jonathan was only the second person that she ever had to come out to, after Penelope herself.
When Annie was a little girl, she always knew that she was different. She is the oldest of four sisters, and she was certainly the one who fit in the least. Her dad always wanted a son to inherit the oil company, and Annie has spent the first ten years of her life trying to prove that, even though she was a girl, she had the verve needed to take over the business and make him proud. Her disappointment when Annie’s dad instead chose his younger brother’s son was immeasurable, but carefully hidden. Annie was never male enough for the Twilloil family. Annie was never feminine enough for the Twilloil family either. Annie’s isolation from her sisters and classmates wasn’t always about her attractions, which she didn’t begin to notice until she was twelve, but she understood how she was grossed out by makeup and nail polish, unlike her three younger sisters. She always cut her hair short and was just called “tomboyish”. While her classmates at Primary School would wear Disney Princess dresses for Halloween, Annie would prefer to go as Superman and would fight the dumb kids at school that would call her Super Girl (Super Girl had long blonde hair and Annie was 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺 wearing a short black wig). When she wasn’t getting into tassels with other kids who decided that she wasn’t girly enough, she was playing in the mud with her cats, or getting far too competitive over football matches with her dad.
Annie was about to finish her studies in Year Seven when she realized that, while she hated dresses on 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, she loved pretty girls in pretty dresses. She wished to braid long hair or tie it into a big red bow, so long as it wasn’t her hair that was being tied. She was okay with red, black, or baby pink lips, as long as they were the lips of the girl in her maths class that helps her find the value of x. She liked nails of all colors and varieties, as long as the nails belonged to the hand that she was holding and not her own hand.
She didn’t understand what that meant, just that it was weird and different.
Annie would usually try to be okay with being herself. If the boys and girls in her small town at the heart of Lancashire didn’t like her, she will become an artist and meet her people, and she’ll find somebody who will cherish her and make her happy, who just might be as weird as she was. She wasn’t quite as fond of being 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 othered by society. She imagines being rejected by everyone she knows and loves: Her parents, sisters, relatives, and the few friends that she has managed to make throughout her years in school at Lancashire.
When Annie recognized those feelings, she tried to imagine boys in the way that she imagined girls. Maybe she just hasn’t found the right boy yet, one that will sweep her off of her feet the way that they were supposed to.
That’s where Julian came in. Annie figured that he might as well give the boy a try when he first came to her begging for a date when they were sixteen. He was not suave, charming, or even all that handsome, but he was sweet and nerdy and liked hearing about Annie’s interests. They were able to go on double dates with Annie’s oldest sister and her boyfriend, which is what normal girls do. For a while, Annie began to convince herself that this relationship could work. He was clearly a kind guy who cared about her, and she even liked hanging out with him and talking to him! Even then, Annie felt nothing when she kissed Julian. She figured that she would have to grow into the relationship, that it would become more natural with time.
She also found passion for theater. In her town, the theater that they put together was often crummy. The director and actors may have been more competent than Cornley’s rag-tag bunch, but that wasn’t saying much. They had no set, their costumes were cheap, and the actors were either large hams or completely bored with the material. People in this town, people like Annie, never belonged onstage, so she resorted to the position of stage manager while in college. Cornley, of course, was the only group that would take her. She was originally intimidated by the lights and sounds operator who listens to Duran Duran all day, but became more at ease when the boy started including her in their conversations, and even started having their own. Only when she had the chance to understudy a part in 𝘔𝘶𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘵 𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘮 𝘔𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘳 did she consider that maybe acting could be for her (And she didn’t even like the play’s material very much!).
All the while Jonathan was always…somewhere in the background. Annie’s first memory of Jonathan was during the first rehearsals of 𝘔𝘶𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘵 𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘮 𝘔𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘳, where he was really excited to finally play a character with speaking lines, even if it was only a character who was supposed to be dead until the very end of the show. What Annie knew about him, he knew from Sandra’s lipstick on his collared shirt, and knew that it was best to stay away from a boy like that, no matter how showboating or charismatic he may be. Besides, Annie had a boyfriend at home (that she was prone to forgetting about whenever she saw a cute girl on campus). If she just pushed her feelings down and tried to be 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘭, trying to be the girl that her parents want her to be, things might turn out alright.
None of her friends, Jonathan included, had any idea that Annie had a boyfriend until their wedding invitations came in the mail.
Julian was a nice guy. He was friendly and conversational, and loved cats (almost) as much as Annie did. His appearance has certainly improved since they were in Secondary School. Annie thought that she could live with that for the rest of her life.
The marriage began and ended in the same month, which went by in a blur that Annie couldn’t remember for the life of her. If Julian didn’t know that she was gay, he was definitely starting to catch whim of the fact that she would try desperately to avoid making any physical contact with him, vastly preferring late night 𝘗𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘗𝘢𝘯 rehearsals. When she wasn’t onstage juggling four roles, she was laughing hysterically at whatever advice Robert just gave to Sandra, trying to stifle a giggle after Chris calls it a “traditional Christmas vignette”, hanging out with Trevor and Vanessa backstage, and making fun of Max’s crush on Sandra and Trevor’s weirdly flirty relationship with the BBC guy that was working backstage with him.
When Julian said that she wanted a divorce, Annie didn’t even try to argue. The woman couldn’t even get herself to really care. She was honestly more upset to leave her cats./p>
Then, the performance of 𝘗𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘗𝘢𝘯 happened, and Annie didn’t know 𝘸𝘩𝘺 she kissed Sandra’s boyfriend, and Jonathan later admitted that he didn’t know why he kissed back. Sandra broke up with Jonathan and got with Max and, immediately during the cast party hosted by Dennis, Annie and Jonathan chose to forget about the kiss. According to Jonathan, he decided that he was better off without a relationship anyways and he needs to man up and take care of his daughter. It was never to be mentioned again.
As for Annie, she knew at this point that pretending to be into men was unfeasible. She has tried twice already, and it has done horrendous damage to her life and her acting career. However, her world back in Lancashire still wasn’t ready for the true Annie, and maybe it never will be. After all, Annie herself wasn’t ready for the true Annie.
Annie bumped into Penelope after Penelope caught one of the plays of the week. That particular performance was 𝘈 𝘛𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘛𝘰 𝘞𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩, where Annie played the wife of the murder victim that was having an affair with the killer. For all of Penelope’s city girl sophistication, she was not typically a theater person, and she only originally had interest in Cornley’s current 𝘗𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘞𝘦𝘦𝘬 was because one of her cousins was playing a non-speaking member of the jury. Penelope dreaded going to the show after hearing of Cornley’s poor reputation, but she decided to tell herself that the production would be just like 𝘓𝘢𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘖𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳.
In that particular performance, Annie managed to fall off of the autopsy table that wasn’t supposed to be onstage at the moment, trip on the treadmill that she landed on, and falls through the painted wall. It really wasn’t the best first impression or meet cute, but Penelope didn’t seem to care. When Annie met Penelope, the journalist was waiting for her cousin forty five minutes after the show, and took her chance on wooing Annie.
“Do you have a name?” Penelope asked, “Or can I just call you mine?”
Annie was never the kind of girl who received romantic attention like this. Usually, it would be Sandra or Jonathan, sometimes Max, and sometimes even Chris, that would get the flirty fans. Annie’s fans were typically little girls who must have been just like she was as a kid, with a fascination for theater and a desire to be normal. Annie, therefore, was caught off guard when the woman approached, but not exactly upset. Annie was much more interested in Penelope’s eyes than she ever was in Julian. Surprising herself, Annie took the chance on Penelope’s lame pickup line and said yes.
The afterwards included a bunch of dates that were far away from anything Cornley or Lancashire related. Penelope learned things about Annie that she never even told her family or Julian. Penelope learned about Annie’s odd obsession with bogus conspiracy theories and her secret interest in cheesy romance novels. She learned about all of the Cornley drama (Besides the kiss with Jonathan), and she learned about Julian, and she learned about Annie’s favorite musicals. It was just easier to talk to her than it was to Julian.
Although Penelope has been out of the closet for as long as she’s been in college, both women agreed that no one else had to know. It was rather simple to hide. They go on dates every week, and then text and call each other while living in their own separate worlds. They weren’t even supposed to be at the BBC studios together, but Annie had to make sure that the audience seats were clean and Penelope insisted that she come with her. Annie truly hoped that she can keep up the masquerade, wishing to keep this relationship a secret from everyone she knows for as long as possible.
Clearly, that wish was not granted, and Annie stands face to face with Jonathan Harris.
***
“Oh, you mean 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 girl?” Jonathan asked, finally seeming to get it.
“No, Vanessa.” Annie said sarcastically. “No shit, you idiot! Her! The girl you just saw me make out with!”
“Relax, Annie. Your secret’s safe with me.” Jonathan says.
Annie couldn’t even look at Jonathan. She wouldn’t be able to get back home without Penelope, and she cannot imagine the awkward ride home with Jonathan, so she was stuck at the studio until the rest of the group came back. She certainly wasn’t going to say anything to Jonathan, or try to start small talk after 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, and she assumed that Jonathan wouldn’t want to either. She expected Jonathan to drive away and then come back at 5 A.M, which would be a mere hour early and Chris might already be there. To Annie’s frustration, Jonathan stayed and didn’t even fumble with his car keys.
“Annie.” Jonathan inhaled. Annie braced herself for whatever the Hell was about to come out of his mouth.
“I know we’re not that close but, you know, if you were into that stuff, you could have just told me.”
Annie scoffed. “I didn’t mean to tell anyone.” Seeing Jonathan’s sincere eyes, she adds “But, thanks.”
“I mean, it’s not like there’s anything wrong with you.” Jonathan says, and he bites his lip, seemingly trying to stop himself from adding anything else.
Of course Jonathan would think that! Why was Annie surprised? Jonathan has dated Sandra for years and never seemed to have an issue with her being bisexual. Similarly, his issues with Max had absolutely nothing to do with his sexuality, only the fact that he had the hots for his aforementioned girlfriend. And Trevor has been out for as long as both Annie and Jonathan knew him. He even helped set Trevor up with Francis! Why would any of that be different with Annie? It isn’t like Cornley is known for having normal actors and technicians. Still, Annie hears “𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴?”, on the back of her mind, and she really isn’t used to Jonathan’s nonchalance, although she thoroughly appreciates it.
“Thanks, Jonathan.” Annie says, patting Jonathan on the back, who seems to be in his own world now. Annie always does her best to help Dennis with his lines and help Vanessa with opening up. Jonathan was no different, but she never had to think much about his life outside of Cornley, besides his daughter.
“Jonathan? You okay?” She asked, trying to investigate. It wasn’t that Jonathan looked 𝘴𝘢𝘥, like the day Sandra broke up with him, but he looked really conflicted about something.
“I mean, I think I get it.”
Annie rolls her eyes. How could Jonathan possibly 𝘨𝘦𝘵 it? Whereas Annie has lived her entire life trying to please her family and be like her younger sisters, Jonathan had his modeling gigs. When Annie was too busy proving herself as a competent actor, Jonathan was playing Peter Pan. While Annie desperately tried to find a hint of attraction towards the opposite gender, Jonathan dated women as often as he changed shirts. How could Jonathan understand what she is going through? How could he get it?
“No, I mean, seriously. I think I get it.” Jonathan said after seeing Annie’s sarcastic reaction.
Annie is about to just leave the studio on the spot, van be damned, until she looked deeper into Jonathan’s desperate eyes, and Annie finds herself tense. She felt her feet frozen in her spot. She briefly steps into Jonathan’s shoes. He just saw his friend kissing some random girl after he went to her wedding, and didn’t even ask for Annie to explain further. Jonathan is self obsessed, but he’s not stupid. Annie might as well give Jonathan a 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦.
“You know…” He clears his throat, and this is clearly hard for him to say. “Stephanie, Sandra, you…”
Annie glares at him.
“You guys were all great.” He said, and Annie still couldn’t tell where this was going. “But, um, I’ve done some thinking…when I was in the chimney…” both of them smiled at the thought of Jonathan as one of Santa’s elves, being stuck in the chimney and forcing Sandra to perform an entire duet by herself.
“I was like ‘Oh God, what if I’m gonna die in here?’”
“You were 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦, Jonathan.”
“I know that 𝘯𝘰𝘸. Anyways, you know, I thought about how much I loved my daughter. And how much I love Cornley.” Annie was beginning to see where Jonathan might be going with this. “And I think I prefer blokes.”
Annie tried to stifle her laughter at the thought of Jonathan having this life changing realization while Robert was drunk out of his mind and Chris was losing his snowman costume to a toy machine that was far too complicated for Cornley’s skill level, but she did let out a chuckle. Luckily, Jonathan seemed to have a sense of humor about it and chuckled back.
“I know. It’s absurd.” He laughed. “But, you know, I think I get it. No, I 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 I get it.” He corrected himself. “You’re the first person I’ve ever told.”
Annie thought about times where she was hanging out with Jonathan that feels a little bit different now. She thought about when Jonathan was a little too into that stupid Tom Cruise movie that Max forced them to watch one day. She thought about how Jonathan refused to talk about his crushes after 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴, while every other Cornley member was debriefing about their types. She thought about how Jonathan seemed to get over her and Stephanie and Sandra ridiculously quickly.
He really does get it.
Then, she thought about how Jonathan loves his daughter more than anything. She thought about how Jonathan has told the group that he has no regrets about Stephanie, because it brought him the most beautiful girl that he has ever seen. She thought about how, in spite of the messy breakup between him and Sandra, they still managed to team up for 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴. She thought about how, after a few months of bitterness, Jonathan was one of the people who helped Max find the perfect tuxedo to impress her.
Jonathan Harris was about as self obsessed as anyone else in Cornley. He had the tendency to be a smug asshole. His bravado was annoying and crummy. But he really did care about the group, and he constantly remained loyal and forgiving. In no world would Jonathan be weird or abnormal or 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 over his sexuality.
Why should Annie feel that way about herself?
“So…” Annie said awkwardly. “You’re…”
“I won’t say it if you won’t say it.” Jonathan says, looking sideways.
“Deal.” Annie says. The two friends shake hands.
“I love my daughter.” Jonathan says, smiling. “She’s my entire world. I have no regrets. And, I won’t tell anyone about the woman. Just…please don’t tell anyone about…me.”
Annie wasn’t even considering telling anyone. Their secrets will be their own. “I won’t.” She says. “But, you don’t tell either.”
“I won’t.”
The actors stood in awkward yet comfortable silence for a few minutes, smiling at each other in solidarity that they never would have guessed that they have.
“I would leave, but Penny’s my ride.” Annie said.
“Penny…” Jonathan said, and that was the moment where Annie realized that Jonathan didn’t know her name until now.
“No, only 𝘐 can call her Penny.” She clarifies. “Her name is Penelope.”
“Ooh fancy.” Jonathan says. “How’s this: I give you a ride home, you tell me about Penelope, and I’ll come back to the studios.”
“Deal.”