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Yusuke always thought that expressing feelings through spoken words was a strange, unnatural thing.
He had seen many examples of it in books and movies of all kinds, and it worked well in pieces of fiction, where such things must be made clear to transmit a message.
When it came to real life, however, he couldn’t see the appeal of it. Anyone could say the word love, and direct it at any other person, even someone they despised. It carried much more meaning to do something for your beloved one’s sake than simply saying you would love them eternally without any actions to support that claim.
That belief became stronger when he finally found people he deeply trusted and cared about. The Phantom Thieves had accepted him as he was, without the judgment that usually accompanied his interactions with other people. For the first time, Yusuke understood what true friendship meant, and that he had never known such a thing before he met them.
As they fought together in Mementos that afternoon, Yusuke noticed a trio of shadows surrounding Ryuji. Without wasting a moment, he rushed to his friend’s side, cutting a shadow with his katana while Ryuji bashed the second one with his pipe; then, together, they hit the third from opposite sides, finishing it.
“Nice one, Fox!” said Ryuji. “That’s why I love you.”
The words caught him by surprise, but still got a smile from him.
“I much appreciate the feeling,” he said.
Ryuji grinned in response. Morgana looked from one of them to the other, shaking his head.
“What a duo of idiots…”
“Just leave them be, Mona,” said Ann. “What matters is that they’re getting along.”
And she was right: in the month that passed since Yusuke joined their group, he felt closer to Ryuji than he ever had to anyone else. From the beginning, that boy had done everything he could to comfort Yusuke after his situation with Madarame, and make him feel included in a group already formed by close friends. They had gone out together to different places, and Ryuji offered to buy him food when he noticed Yusuke hadn’t been eating well due to his financial situation.
That, more than any words, let him know how much Ryuji cared about him. And, for that same reason, Yusuke came to care about him as well. He would protect his friend in battle without a single thought, and once he was able to, would repay him in every way he could for that bond that came to mean so much to him.
But he never voiced those feelings, since he knew that, even in his silence, Ryuji understood how he felt.
Yusuke thought he understood what Ryuji’s friendship meant to him, and yet, that day, he was proven wrong.
Thanks to an unexpected fever, he was unable to join the Phantom Thieves in Mementos that afternoon—or even leave his bed for more than a few minutes at a time. He had no money for medicine, so all he could do was lie in his bed, and hope to get better soon.
A few minutes after sending that message to the others, however, Ryuji appeared at his door with a plastic bag in hand, carrying a worried expression.
“Yusu, how are you feeling?”
Yusuke was so surprised to see him that he couldn’t find a response, simply staring at Ryuji for a moment.
“I brought some food and medicine.” Ryuji raised that bag. “Did you eat, already?”
“No,” said Yusuke. “I couldn’t leave my bed.”
“You should go back to it, then.”
Saying that, Ryuji carefully guided him back to bed, then brought him some medicine and a glass of water.
“You should eat while the food’s warm.” Ryuji placed a pillow on Yusuke’s lap, and the food plate over it. “It’s from a convenience store, but better than nothing.”
Yusuke looked at the food, then raised his eyes to Ryuji. “Why are you here?”
“’Cause you said you’re sick.”
“What about Mementos?”
“We can go there another day.”
Yusuke’s chest tightened with guilt. “Are you fine with this situation?”
“Wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.” Ryuji gestured toward the plate. “Just try to eat a little, for now.”
Despite his sickness, as soon as Yusuke started to eat, he couldn’t stop until all the food was gone. Ryuji smiled, seeming pleased.
“Lemme know if you need anything else, okay?”
Yusuke thought he would leave after that. Instead, Ryuji pulled a chair close to his bed, sitting there.
“Are you staying?” he asked.
“You want me to go?”
Yusuke shook his head. “Is this not a dull way to spend your afternoon, though?”
“Nope.”
“There is no need for lies.” Yusuke averted his gaze. “I am quite aware that my company is far from pleasant at the moment.”
“Stop it, Yusu. I wanna be here, okay?”
“Is it out of a sense of obligation? If that is the case, I can care for myself. I always did.”
“The hell you’re talking about?” Ryuji leaned in his direction, lightly tapping his forehead. “I told you, right? I wanna be here, with you. Even if I went home, I wouldn’t be able to do anything ’cause I’d be too worried.”
Yusuke lowered his eyes. “I apologize.”
“Stop it. It’s all fine.”
Still, it was hard not to worry. Since he was a child, Madarame always became impatient when he got sick, implying that he was exaggerating his symptoms and looking for attention. With time, he learned to endure it all in silence, and try not to bother anyone with his pain.
Ryuji, however, was quite perceptive, and refused to leave him alone even when Yusuke told him to.
“You always do these things for my sake, and never ask for anything in return.” Yusuke sighed. “I hope, one day, I can repay you for all you have done for me.”
“Nah, don’t worry about it. I just do it ’cause I love you, not ’cause I want something back.”
Those words, again… They didn’t sound hollow, though—they never did when Ryuji was the one saying them. Because they were never just words, and were always accompanied by something that made Yusuke believe them without a doubt.
“I still wish I could do something for you,” he said.
“Then, keep spending time with me. That’s more than enough.”
Yusuke simply nodded in response. With his belly full, he felt a little better than before. He lay on his bed, and Ryuji adjusted the pillow under his head, pulling the covers over him.
“Comfortable?” he asked.
“Yes.”
With a smile, Ryuji brought a hand to his forehead. The touch felt pleasantly cold, and made Yusuke sigh.
“This feels nice.”
“Does it?”
Ryuji caressed his hair, and the gesture made his body relax, overcome by a strong sleepiness. Before surrendering to sleep, however, he glanced at Ryuji.
“I am glad you are here.”
He wasn’t used to voicing his feelings, but he felt that Ryuji should know at least that much.
When Yusuke came back to consciousness, Ryuji was close to him, holding him in his arms. The others were there as well, but Yusuke’s mind focused only on Ryuji’s words.
“Fox… You okay?”
Yusuke blinked, the memories of what happened soon returning to him. A shadow had tried to attack Ryuji from behind… Yusuke moved without thinking, but had no time to stop that attack, so he simply shielded Ryuji with his body.
“I am,” he said. “Did you get hurt?”
“No, I… You…”
Ryuji’s voice cracked. He leaned down, pulling Yusuke close into a tight hug.
“I’m so glad you’re safe…” he murmured.
The relief was evident in his voice. Yusuke lifted his arms, placing them around Ryuji. He raised his eyes, finally looking at his other friends.
“What happened?” he asked.
“That shadow hit you,” said Akira. “Hard. You were passed out for a few minutes.”
“We healed your wounds as soon as possible,” added Makoto, “but we couldn’t relax until you woke up.”
“Especially Skull,” Morgana grinned. “He didn’t let go of you for a single second… It would be funny if I weren’t so worried.”
“I see…”
Yusuke’s attention returned to Ryuji as soon as he noticed his shoulders shaking. Yusuke moved him slightly away, his heart dropping when he looked at Ryuji’s face.
“Why are you crying?”
“You really need to ask?” Ryuji brought a hand to his eyes, trying to dry his tears. “I was so fucking scared when you—“ A sob cut his words. “Damn it…!”
Yusuke didn’t know what to say. Ryuji always did things like that for the others, including Yusuke.
“I wanted to stop that shadow from hurting you,” he finally responded.
“But what’s the point if you get hurt in my place?”
Yusuke lowered his head. “My apologies.”
“Just let it go, Skull,” said Morgana. “It’s not like you didn’t do the same thing before.”
“I know!” Noticing his loud voice, Ryuji continued in a lower tone. “I know, but… I didn’t think…”
He stopped, taking a deep breath, then looked at Yusuke.
“Don’t do this again,” he said. “Even if it means I’m the one getting hurt, never do this again.”
Yusuke averted his gaze, a mix of guilt and irritation in his chest. “Will you stop protecting me as well, then?”
Ryuji didn’t answer.
“You know I cannot promise it,” Yusuke added.
Neither of them spoke for a long while, and the group watched them, silently as well.
“Yusu,” said Ryuji, finally, “if I ever lose you…”
“You won’t. I will be careful.”
“That’s not—” Ryuji stopped talking, gritting his teeth. “You don’t get it, do you? I really…”
He didn’t say those words, and yet, Yusuke could feel them inside his chest, warm and true like nothing else, leaving no room for doubt.
Ryuji did love him… Perhaps just as much as he loved Ryuji.
Since that day, Yusuke’s mind had been filled with nothing but Ryuji.
Their friendship had never been a shallow one, and from the beginning, they were ready to put themselves in harm’s way for each other’s sake. He already knew Ryuji was more important to him than anyone else, and yet, it took Yusuke seeing his tearful face for him to realize how much Ryuji loved him as well.
Love… For a long while, that emotion felt distant, like something purely fictional. Then, he met Ryuji, who so easily shared his love with others, including Yusuke. Little by little, the abstract emotion took a clearer shape inside him, until he felt it as well.
However, the love he felt for Akira and the others wasn’t quite like the one he felt for Ryuji: similar in some ways, but completely different in others. Love of a romantic nature, an endless longing that never silenced itself, not even when they were together. A need for more of him—his attention, his touch, his love. All Yusuke could hope for was that Ryuji’s love for him was of a similar nature.
They met early at the train station that day. Only he and Ryuji, as they so often did. Even as they visited those places Yusuke wanted to see, part of his mind stayed too conscious of their closeness and every light touch they shared—what once had been as natural as breathing, now was enough to make his heart pound.
But Yusuke didn’t say anything—part of him still found it difficult to express himself through words. If only he could translate all those feelings into something Ryuji could understand… Something that went beyond the usual gestures.
Those thoughts stayed in his mind as they walked through that park, stopping close to the lake. Yusuke watched Ryuji through the corner of his eye, noticing when he took a deep breath before speaking.
“I brought you all the way here, but now… I dunno what to say.” He smiled nervously. “Aki and Ann told me to follow my heart, but… I’m kinda scared of doing something stupid and making you hate me.”
Those words were quite unexpected. “That is not possible, I assure you.”
Ryuji looked at him, hesitating for a second before continuing. “I thought a lot about this, okay? So, whatever I say… Even if it sounds weird, it’s all true.”
“I understand. And I’m all ears.”
To his surprise, Ryuji let out a small, relieved laugh. “You’ve got a way of making me less nervous about stuff. Guess that’s one of the reasons why…”
He paused, once again hesitant. Ryuji met Yusuke’s gaze, taking a moment before finally speaking.
“You’re so damn important to me, Yusu. I thought I just really liked you as a friend, but… Truth is, it ain’t like that. When I’m with you, it’s like… Something lights up inside me. And it’s nice… Really nice, but… I dunno what to do about it.”
Ryuji brought his hand to Yusuke’s, gently holding it.
“I love you, Yusu. And I mean… I’m in love with you.” He averted his gaze. “It’s fine if you don’t like me back, I ain’t really expecting anything. But… I wanted to tell you, anyway.”
Yusuke observed him, his chest filled with a mixture of emotions—above all others, a sweet euphoria he couldn’t control. Ryuji’s words seemed to unlock something inside him, and suddenly those feelings that refused to take form finally escaped from his lips.
“I feel the same way.”
Ryuji looked at him, wide-eyed. Yusuke squeezed his hand as he continued.
“I have been in love with you for a long time, but never truly understood my own feelings. So, I never found the right words to express how much you mean to me until recently.”
He paused, then brought a hand to Ryuji’s cheek, looking into his eyes.
“I love you, Ryuji. I truly, deeply, and completely love you.”
Ryuji blinked, speechless for a moment. “I… I expected a rejection. I didn’t prepare myself for this…”
His reaction brought a smile to Yusuke’s lips. “If it is of any comfort, this is new for me as well.”
A small, pleased laugh. “Then, guess we’ll learn about it together.”
“Sounds delightful.”
Yusuke raised their joined hands, kissing Ryuji’s knuckles. Ryuji responded by pulling him close into an embrace. That kind of proximity wasn’t new between them, and yet, in that new context, it made Yusuke’s heart race.
“I love you,” Yusuke repeated in a low voice.
Once he let those words out, they felt quite sweet on his tongue. Perhaps, a sign that he should say them more often.