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It felt a bit weird to be indebted to a faceless group, but Kanami was. She wished she could at least shake the hand of the People's Court or something. Whoever they were, be it one person or a group. Her time working with Minoru Inoue was miserable. She wished she could give them some sort of reward for saving her and her coworkers.
Since they had been freed from his piercing claws, her senpai seemed a lot happier too. Of course, they were all happy, but Senpai in particular was free not just from Inoue's chains, but society's. They were going by a new name, Katsuo, and Kanami couldn't be happier for them. She was elated that their transition would have nothing but happy memories.
Kanami wasn't so lucky. Of course she was elated to be the girl she knew she was. She just wished that it was under better circumstances. The thought made her skin crawl. She decided not to dwell on it for now. She was a girl, her senpai was non binary, and none of them would ever have to worry about Inoue again.
Granted, he was one of many people in the world who would commit such an atrocity, but she had to look on the bright side. Just as there were a lot of people who'd commit crimes, there would always be people who'd fight against it, like the People's Court. If there was one thing she refused to have stolen from her, it was her faith.
For the time being, she was going to do whatever she could. While she couldn't change the world like them, she could at least change her own life. She could buy her own foods for example. She wasn't so constrained by needing to be as thin as possible. She could afford to eat something a bit tastier. She didn't want to gain weight, but she didn't want to be stuck eating too little either.
There were foods she hadn't had in years, and some she never tried. She was honestly pretty excited to give them a shot. She grabbed her purse and made sure everything she needed was in it. Her eyes drifted towards her phone. She almost wanted to leave it, but she'd hate to not be accessible if she was needed.
While it wasn't true anymore, it just reminded her of darker days. Where she couldn't do anything without that man knowing. She blinked a few times and hit her cheeks. She couldn't dwell on this. All she needed to do was her best with what she was given. Even if she never asked for it.
She took a deep breath in an attempt to pull herself together. It was over. He confessed, he was in jail. If she kept that in mind, she'd be okay. She was safe, and so were her coworkers. She pushed the door open, inviting daylight into her home. Her first stop wasn't too far, so she began her trek there, ignoring the pounding in her chest, and the ache in her stomach.
"I just have to do this!"
Kanami never liked her appearance. She always thought she looked bland and boring. As a result, she kinda loved getting to dress up as Kanamin. Today was different though. For once, she was happy that she looked the way she did. She wasn't particularly interested in being pointed out. She just wanted to fly under the radar, get what she needed, and get out.
She grabbed some fruit and put it in her basket. While she did have an intention of splurging a bit, she still needed some healthier alternatives. She was nearly done, all that was left was to focus on said splurging.
She walked to another isle, one she dared not enter before. It felt like some sort of forbidden realm. One she'd stare at longingly before, but now she was going to experience herself. A world that existed only in her fantasy once upon a time. An isle of Japanese sweets. She felt like a kid in a candy store, which in some ways she was.
She felt like a normal girl for once. One who was out to satisfy her sweet tooth, instead of one who could only dream of something like this. One who'd dutifully ask "how high" when told to jump.
She walked deeper into the magical wonderland. If it weren't for the repercussions, she'd grab one of everything. She scanned the foods on display, tapping her finger on her cart as she continued to think. Cake, mochi, swiss rolls… The world was her oyster, and she was about to find her pearls.
"Oh! When was the last time I had this?" She asked as she grabbed a doroyaki.
A pancake filled with red beans, she figured her last time eating it predated her becoming an idol. She put it in her basket, before looking at a few more. With a shrug, she took a few more and put those in as well. It wasn't going to kill her idol image to have just a few more.
At this point though, she wasn't sure if it was Kanamin's time to sleep. There were so many bad memories associated with what should be something she loved. Kanamin made her feel like, she wasn't weird. Like she was a charming person with so many beloved fans, all of whom loved her.
Without Kanamin, she'd go back to being a boring girl who's only real friends were her plants. She had the other girls and her senpai, but were they weren't really her friends. She wasn't sure if she felt comfortable calling them that.
On the other hand would someone else throw her back in chains should she stay in the idol world? Even aside from him, it was a very toxic environment. There was no guarantee that her next manager would be better. She supposed it was something she'd need to really and truly think about, before she came to a consensus.
She just hoped either way, her fans would understand. It's not like what Inoue did to her, her senpai, and the girls was a secret. Surely they'd get why she'd want to step away indefinitely. Surely they wouldn't begin to hate her, and question why they were ever fans of hers.
"Miss?"
Surely they wouldn't tell her she was overreacting.
"Excuse me, miss?"
Surely they wouldn't hold it over her head, or hold her down, or-
"Miss!"
Kanami jerked her head up, her wide eyes staring at the boy in front of her. "Y-yes?"
"Are you okay? You've been staring into space for a few minutes…"
Kanami blinked. She hadn't realized she'd been doing that. For a bit, the world didn't even seem to exist. All she could remember was the sensation of hands where they should have never been. Heavy breathing. A genuinely warm smile, concealing it's owners true intentions.
"Ma'am?"
She did it again. As if taking cues from that man, a plastic smile came onto her face.
"Shorry!" She lisped. "I'm just so tired! Long night and all. Let me get out of your way! Sorry again!"
Before she could run off, the boy spoke again. "Um, you're not in my way or anything. You just seemed like you were going through something. It may not be my place but… I hope you can make it through whatever is bothering you."
Kanami's smile fell. She wasn't sure how to respond. She could thank him, but she could also reassure him that nothing was wrong. It wasn't like she could burden some random boy with her trauma. It was a load she felt she needed to carry on her own. It was her problem after all.
"Oh, uh. Sorry, I didn't mean to overstep. Sorry." The boy bowed apologetically.
"No, you're fine." Kanami replied. "It's… I just… It's a lot. I really do appreciate you worrying."
The boy's head came back up with a soft smile. One unlike hers, and one unlike his. "I get it. Some people just need a bit of help. Even if it's in a small way. That's what my sensei taught me anyway."
Kanami looked away. "I… I can't place this on anyone else. Everyone has their own struggles and burdens to deal with."
The boy frowned. "Well, I'm not telling you to talk about it. Just that, leaning on each others is how we get through life."
Kanami looked at her feet. "…What if I have no one I can rely on…?" Her eyes widened before she started waving her hands frantically. "Sorry! That's not your problem!"
"No one…?" The boy repeated sadly. "Is that really true? If it is… you can rely on me." He walked over to her and put his hand out. "I'm Shu Nakajima."
"…" Kanami looked at his hand. He seemed so earnest, it was hard to say no. He was earnest too though, and she was betrayed. She wasn't sure if she could trust someone else. She didn't want to be taken advantage of again. She just couldn't. She didn't need another man staring at her as she practiced, taking her to somewhere "private" after they were done when he couldn't contain himself anymore, holding her transition hostage at the same time.
She wanted to believe though. That not everyone in the world was out to get her. That someone, even a stranger could have her best interests at heart. She still didn't want to lose her faith, but that was in people as a whole. Individuals were another story. At the same time, maybe a stranger would be better than anyone else.
She hesitated before taking his hand. She didn't have the energy to deal with a huge fan if she gave her name. So she used the name she always used in public when she had to give some sort of identification. Not to mention this way she could keep him at arms length for now. As mean as it was… she just couldn't open her heart fully just yet.
"Minako Kotobuki."
Shu let go and nodded his head. "Nice to meet you Kotobuki-san! Oh, but I'm not sure how to stay in touch…"
Kanami tilted her head. "Do you not have a phone?"
Shu blushed. "No I do, it's just… I don't wanna be weird and ask for your number or anything. I'd hate for you to think I'm flirting, I do want to help. Not to say you're not pretty, because you are but, ugh…"
Kanami stared at him for a few seconds before she started giggling. She supposed that could've been a trick, but it just seemed so adorably awkward that she couldn't help but laugh.
"Here, why don't I give you my chat ID. That seems like a fair compromise." She suggested.
"Oh, yes that'll be perfect!" Shu responded. He pulled out his phone, and the two exchanged contact information.
"Please, let me know if you need anything. I'd love to be your friend Kotobuki-san. I could always use new friends. That was something else my sensei taught me."
Kanami smiled, more genuinely this time. "They sound smart and mature."
"Oh he is. He really helped me pull myself together. Oh, but I don't wanna bore you with all of that."
Kanami shook her head. "If you're willing to hear me out, I can do the same for you. You're very kind Nakajima-kun."
He rubbed the back of his head as he grinned. "Oh no, I'm just… passing along what he taught me is all. Thank you though. I'll see you around."
He walked away waving as Kanami waved back. She hated to admit it, but she could always block him if he turned out to be a creep. Yet something inside of her felt that wouldn't be necessary. Maybe it'd be okay to lower her guard a bit.
It got her thinking, she never really tried to talk to her senpai or the others. They were all going through that hell, but they never really tried to bond. In some ways it was everyone for themselves. With that monster gone… maybe they could be friends. The kind of friends who stuck together through thick and thin.
She looked at where Shu was standing. She did hope she could make a good friend in him if nothing else. As kind as he was, it left her a bit emotionally exhausted. She supposed a few more treats wouldn't hurt anyone.
With her pounding chest and cramping stomach mostly subsided, she started walking to check out her things and probably head home. She had plenty of time to do the other things she wanted to do. She'd need to take baby steps.
She had a feeling she'd be learning more and more from Nakajima. She was glad she came out today, if only for him.