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ReGect hates the rain. A lot. And he hates it even more when he has to be alone in this big house.
It looks exactly the same as that day, not so long ago, when Z and Moe went to the city for that concert and he stayed here alone...the first time he saw them again after so long, a ghost from the past that made itself present in his new world. They shouldn't be here, they can't be here...so why...
From that day on, ReGect genuinely couldn't stop seeing them, feeling them, knowing they were here somewhere. Whether it was when he saw a white spot disappear from his sight out of the corner of his eye, or when Z was offline and Moe was asleep, a message would appear—messages they had told him in the past, etched into his mind and heart like a dagger.
God. He really just wants to lie to himself that they simply logged off, left, or got bored of the game, but reality haunts him. The reality of knowing they're no longer in this game but neither in real life constantly torments him. So why are they appearing here? It shouldn't even be possible. And it doesn't seem like a bad joke, after all, neither Z nor Moe know about them.
It's stupid, genuinely stupid and incomprehensible. He's a damn entity; supposedly he shouldn't feel these kinds of emotions, supposedly he shouldn't be able to connect with those he torments, incapable of...growing fond of them. He should never have grown fond of them, never have let them near him or interact with him. Look at him now. Missing a ghost that left this world many years ago.
Sometimes he feels selfish. He feels like he doesn't have the right to feel this way. Micha had a real life; they had friends, family, acquaintances, Real people who surely loved them very much and must be grieving their death like no one else. So what right does he have to feel bad? He only exists in the game, he's not "real", he didn't get to know Micha the same way the others did.
He was only there to annoy them, scare them, interrupt their game. Nothing more, nothing less.
But he was stupid enough to abandon his job and lower his guard, and that's how it ended.
He doesn't understand, he genuinely doesn't understand why they're still here. Is it even real? Or has he simply gone mad completely?
He has no right to feel this way, but he does anyway, and it hurts more than anything he could have imagined. There isn't a single day that goes by when his mind doesn't think of them, even if it's just for a moment . They're always there.
In moments when he feels like this, he would really love for Z and Moe to be here, even if he's fighting with Z like he always does, or even if Moe is doing nonsensical things. They are...his friends, his company, his reason for staying here. What other reason could there be? Its purpose as an entity is basically lost; it doesn't work for that, it's already realized that. So all it has left are them. If I had never met Z that day, if I had never find Monella, it really doesn't know what would have become of him...well, that's a lie; he does know, but he doesn't like to think about it.
His mind feels like hell right now. As if it were about to burst into flames at any moment.
The world hates him or something, because it seems to have summoned them. From his seat at the table, he sees them, behind the front door, there it is, he can see them through the openings in the door, their white figure making its presence known. And as always, as soon as he sees them, ReGect jumps up hurriedly, running towards the door, but also as always too, as soon as the whitish figure detects his presence, it seems to vanish into thin air.
"WAIT. PLEASE JUST WAIT"
But his pleas and screams were useless. He flung the door open and took a few steps outside, but it was no use. There was no one here. Only the darkness of night enveloping him, the landscape, and now the rain that covered it.
ReGect simply falls to his knees, hands resting on the damp grass.
He can't help but sob. How can it be? How can it always slip through his fingers? It's just playing with his mind.
Of course, the tears don't take long to fall either, golden tears that spread against the grass; surely if someone else saw it, it would look strange. I mean, his head is smoke, smoke that releases colored tears. Weird as hell.
He hates to cry, but he lets himself do it anyway; there's no one there to see him after all, no one to comfort him.
He stays there for what seems like hours, until he decides it alredy looks way too pathetic and he alredy let it all out, so it's time to go back inside home. He's locks himself in his room, throwing himself onto his bed.
In the deathly silence, something comes to mind. This is what his life would be like without Z and Moe.
Losing Micha already felt like losing a little sibbling, a very loved little sibbling. Losing Moe would be like losing a daughter...in a strange way.
And losing Z...honestly, he has no idea. It has a very strange relationship with that guy; they fight constantly for what seems like hours, but he can't deny that he's grown fond of him too, perhaps very fond.
Losing them would be the equivalent of the end of the world for him.
At the same time, he knows he can't live in his little fantasy of the three of them being together forever. Well, maybe he can always stay with Monella; after all, she's a kind of entity too. But Z...Z is a human, a player; one day he'll simply stop logging on and leave too. And that's fine, he has a life too, just like Micha did. And he really hopes, and prays, that if Z ever leaves it's only because he got bored of the game and not because something worse happened to him. He doesn't think he can bear to know that someone else around him died.
He simply sighs. The next few hours pass very slowly; he just lies there staring at the ceiling and listening to the patter of the rain. But sometimes he can't stop the tears from flowing, falling directly onto his pillow. He's pathetic, so fucking pathetic. He never moves his head; he's afraid that if he does, he'll see the pale figure again and he won't be able to stop them to talk... He wishes he had spent more time with Micha. They were so young and full of life, they went on so many adventures together, a whole life ahead of them to end like this.
He simply doesn't know how much longer he can endure it.
.
.
.
The front door opens, and Moe and Z walk in as they return home under a comically big colorful umbrella that Moe carried. It's very late at night, everything is silent at home, perhaps too silent. Z sets the umbrella aside while Moe honks several times to let him know she's going to stay in the room a little longer, perhaps refilling her water potion bottles, or perhaps practicing a new makeup look to use more often. Z is surprised by the amount of energy she has; they spent many hours touring the city, and here she is still completely full of life.
He, on the other hand, feels tired, so he tells her he's going to his room. As he goes upstairs, he thinks about ReGect; it's strange that they didn't see him or that he didn't do something stupid while they were out, That's why, when he passes by his dorm door he stops there, staring at it, not quite knowing why he decides to knock. Once, twice, three times. Until ReGect finally answers.
"What you want?!"
Oh. Oh jeez. He sounds...stressed and sad at the same time? It's weird that he answers like that, I mean, no, it's not weird that he answers Z that way, but he doesn't know that Z is the one who knocked on the door, it could very well have been Moe.
"Oh hey I didn't see you in the living room, so I thought..." He pauses. "Are you okay?"
"I'm totally fine! Go away!"
"Dude is so obvious that something's wrong"
"I already told you it's nothing! I'm fine!"
The way his voice sounds broken sets off alarm. Z doesn't think he's ever heard him like that before, so he decides to go inside to find out what's wrong. He carefully opens the latch, and to his surprise, the door is not locked, opening it slowly.
"ReGect?"
"I never gave you permission to enter! Don't you know what personal space is?!"
"..."
"What?! Say something!"
"You're crying"
"So what if I am?!"
Z closed the door behind him, approaching the entity. He never thought he'd see him crying. Nor did he think he was capable of crying. The gold that dripped from where his eyes should been stained the pillow. Z couldn't see his expression, obviously; he had no face. But he could sense the despair in the air. Without much thought, he sat beside him. ReGect simply stayed where he was, keeping its distance.
Honestly, Z doesn't know what to say to him, it seems like anything he says will trigger an immediate outburst. He's never seen ReGect like this before. Sure, there are times when it complains and cries pathetically, but never this way. He also doesn't want to make him feel worse. So, instead of saying something, he decides to show it with actions. He carefully approaches it; the entity makes a move as if to back away, but doesn't. It simply stays put. When Z is close enough, he puts an arm around its shoulders, pulling him closer.
"What...what are you doing?"
"I have no idea, but it seems like you need it"
"I don't! I don't....need this...I". But it seems like a break, suddenly falling silent to simply rest his "head" on Z's shoulder. It feels strange but comforting at the same time. After a few long minutes, ReGect's hand clings to Z's shirt, and he can only look at it, confused, until his voice came out in a thin line. "Please...please promise me you won't just leave out of nowhere"
"Uh- what?"
"Please! I don't want you to leave! I-I mean If you're going to leave, at least let me know why and-and..."
"Wow dude calm down"
Z's hand grasped his, hesitating for a few moments before intertwining their fingers, his arm from ReGect's shoulders slid down to his waist to keep him closer.
"I just don't want you to leave out of nowhere, I don't want something bad to happen to you, I don't know...that you can't come back anymore"
"I...why are you telling me this so suddenly?"
"What?"
"I think I'm just surprised to see you like this, or rather, to hear you talking to me like this. I can expecte you to tell that to Moe, but—"
"Do you think I don't care about you idiot?!"
"Well I mean-"
"Of course I care about you! I care about you just as much as I care about Moe!"
Z remained silent. He hadn't expected that sudden confession. It wasn't that he thought ReGect didn't care about him, but he hadn't expected him to be so important either. The way ReGect clung to him and begged him not to leave only made him more worried. This wasn't typical behavior for the entity, not at all.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound insensitive"
ReGect sighs. Curling up closer to him.
"You're not sounding insensitive... I'm sorry, I know my reactions also seem out of nowhere but... I-I don't want to be alone again, I don't want anything to happen to you or Moe, well I highly doubt anything will happen to her but you..." ReGect stares at him for a few seconds "You're human, both in this game and...in your real life, and...I don't want anything to happen to you"
Z's eyes open. It's one of the few times they touch on the fact that he isn't a "real" person in the game. Compared to ReGect and Moe, he's just a player. No one more, no one less. He can't see things the way they do. He doesn't know what they do when he's offline, or even what happens when he logs off. Does his avatar simply disappear, or does it just stand there doing nothing? Perhaps it's best to leave those questions for another day.
"Hey, listen to me" ReGect turned to look at him; even though he has no eyes, his gaze is present. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm not planning on leaving either, not for now at least, and if I ever decide to leave... I'll let you know, of course I'll let you know, and I'll try to log on from time to time to let you both know I'm fine, okay?"
"...and what if one day you simply never connect again? How will I know if you're okay? H-How am I supposed to know that nothing bad happened to you?"
"If anything bad happens to me...well, I'd like you to remember me, you and Moe. Keep all the memories we had together safe, okay? And if you ever miss me, you can always think about the good times. Besides, you won't be alone, dude! You've got Moe! I highly doubt she'll leave your side"
"Even if Moe is here... I don't think I can handle it, I-I can't go through that again"
Again? Again.
So it's as Z suspected, ReGect has already lost someone, probably another player, which explains his fear that he'll leave permanently. Was it because of that player that he got his name? Was it because of them that he got that strange sensor device on his leg? Maybe he was never good at scaring people and ended up getting along with whoever came before him.
Honestly, Z would hate to leave them too; he loves Moe, and...he loves ReGect, damn if he loves that silly entity. He would like to stay with them as long as possible... but he also knows that at some point he will have to leave; he can't be here forever, and life will present him with things he has to do. As much as he loves them, and as much as he knows they have feelings he can't ignore the fact that, sadly, they don't exist in real life
That was one of Z's fears, honestly, becoming so attached to them that leaving them would leave a mark on his heart. Moe is like the daughter he never had, in a peculiar way, and ReGect...Z simply can't tell it how he feels about it. It would simply make everything more complicated, so he prefers to swallow his feelings and keep them locked away under key.
"You're going to be okay and-"
"I'm not going to be okay, Z!"
"...why are we thinking so much about the future? I understand your fears, but I'm still here, wouldn't it be better if we took advantage of that?"
"You...yes you are right. Sorry, I probably ended up stressing you out"
"You didn't do it, don't worry"
After an awkward silence, ReGect hugged Z, practically tackling him onto the bed, with it resting on top of him. On another occasion, Z would have teased him endlessly about this, but now he couldn't do that. So instead, he hugged him back, his hand slowly caressing it back.
And they simply stayed like that, from time to time Z could feel the smoke from ReGect's head drifting across his cheeks or neck; they seemed like completely controlled movements, as if he wanted to wrap himself in him and not let him go. It's a strange feeling, but oddly warm.
Unexpectedly, Moe peeked out of the door, and Z's eyes locked onto hers. Moe didn't honk or anything; she just stared. Z stretched out his arm toward her, gesturing for her to come in, and the clown obviously did, this time letting out a cheerful honk. That's when ReGect noticed her presence, but said nothing.
Moe carefully lay down beside them on the bed, her head resting on Z's shoulder while her arm wrapped around ReGect as well. She didn't ask what was wrong, nor did she make any other noise; she simply made sure to stay as close to them as possible.
Z knows she noticed something was wrong, anyone would, that's why she tries to give ReGect all the comfort she has. And speaking of ReGect, his arm moved from Z's waist to hug Moe too, trying to hold them both as close as possible.
"...I love you guys"
"We love you too"
Moe honked happily, squeezing them both closer.
They stayed like that until the rain stopped.