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"Where the hell were you?"
That is the first thing that greets Minho when he finally stumbles into the practice room, his fingers clutching an ice-cold americano that has already begun to soak through the flimsy to-go cup. Phone still in hand, he uses his wrist to brush blonde strands of hair from his forehead before blinking down at Yoonsung, who is sitting cross-legged on the floor and letting out an exasperated sigh.
"What do you mean?" Minho then retorts, while struggling to free himself from a tangle of bag, jacket and headphone cables and shoots a brief glance at his wristwatch.
"Practice starts in five minutes."
With that he places his coat on top of the other jackets already piled up on the floor.
"No." Seungheon protests from the other side of the room, where he is leaning against the tall mirror on the wall and leaving sweaty handprints behind.
"Practice started an hour ago!"
"That’s not what it says in the group chat."
"I texted you that we were starting early." Jaeyun now chimes in. "The call didn’t go through, so I was hoping you’d read it in time."
"The call didn’t go through?" Yungyu now joins in as he wipes the sweat from his face.
"That’s weird."
"Well, I didn’t get a message either." Minho defensively crosses his arms in front of his chest.
Confused, Jaeyun scrunches his eyebrows.
"Maybe something is wrong with KakaoTalk?"
Oh.
Right.
The realisation hits Minho harder than the fact that his coffee cup is actively dematerializing in his hand, and when it does, he hopes that the others don't notice the blush rising on his face.
Now, it all started as a joke, more or less. A little pinnacle of frustration that ultimately led Minho to do what had to be done. An open cupboard left by Kyungmin. An empty box of cereal shoved back into the cabinet by Yungyu. The sound of Jaeyun's ear piercing alarm ringing through the room because he had forgotten to turn it down on their day off.
Minho was never someone who actively sought out confrontation. More even, he‘d describe himself as actively avoidant of it. And so, he settled for the easy option.
Instead of communicating his irritation like a normal adult, Minho seeked out the instant relief of the simple press of a button. And that’s how he ended up blocking most of the group on KakaoTalk. And Instagram. And Twitter. Only for a few seconds at a time, barely long enough for anyone to notice. But the tiny spark of comfort he felt was more than enough to blow off some steam in a way that wouldn’t lead to an awkward conversation.
And so this became a common occurrence, his secret habit turned guilty pleasure, one that the other guys would never find out about. Except now that seven curious pairs of eyes meet his own and all that Minho can say is "I blocked you."
"Blo-" Jaeyun blinks slowly. "Did you just say you blocked me?"
"Yes."
The other does not respond, merely staring in utter disbelief until Minho begins to explain.
"Every time you guys piss me off I just… block you for a little bit. I must have forgotten to unblock you again."
The room goes quiet almost instantly.
"What." Says Haemin flatly and Minho shrugs.
"It's non-confrontational. And also kind of therapeutic."
When nobody reacts, Minho uncomfortably shifts from one leg to the other.
"It's just like putting a dog into air jail." He now frantically tries to justify himself. "Except you're not a dog and I'm blocking you."
Seungheon carefully nods along like a disapproving parent.
"So… it's not like that at all."
Once again, uncomfortable silence stretches.
"What?" Minho glances around the room. "It’s not a big deal."
"It is, if it's making you miss practice." Yoonsung huffs in reply.
"I'm not missing practice. I'm here now."
"And you would have been on time, if you were receiving messages like a normal person."
"Better be careful, or he’ll block you too." Yungyu can’t hide the mischievous grin growing on his face, but his smile immediately falters when Minho locks eyes with him.
"You out of all people should not be laughing."
"Me?" Yungyu clutches at his chest. "What did I do?"
"You took the last pudding from the fridge, which basically accounts for a war crime."
"Okay." Jaeyun steps in "I feel like you are overreacting."
"I‘m overreacting?" Yungyu narrows his eyes in disbelief.
"He is blocking me on Twitter as we speak, but I am the one overreacting?"
Indeed, Minho has already whipped out his phone again and is merrily scrolling through it.
"You are actually still blocked on Pinterest for-" Minho squints at his screen. "-approximately 93 hours."
"You're keeping track of that?" Curiosity peaked, Kyungmin peeks over Minho’s shoulder.
"Of course." The other smirks. "I keep track of all my digital restraining orders."
"You have a name for it." Seungheun points at him accusingly. "He has a name for when he blocks us."
"I actually don’t care if you block me." Kyungmin announces during dinner and the typical clattering of dishes and cutlery comes to a half for a moment.
"You’re actually still thinking about that?" Minho, undeterred by this and continuing to stuff food into his mouth, mumbles between two large bites.
But the other decides to ignore this remark and instead focuses on the rest of his audience, all looking at him in various stages of interest.
"Because-" A dramatic pause. "-I have decided to not use a phone at all anymore."
"Not because I care, but just so we don’t have to talk about Minho again-" The person in question shoots him a glare "- I will go along with wherever this is going."
Haemin sets his chopsticks down onto the table with deliberate care and leans forward.
"Please enlighten us, Kyungmin. Why are you no longer using a phone?"
"I’m glad you asked!" The other beams. "It’s because recent studies have found that the signals produced by electromagnetic fields are actually actively fostering the growth of a foreign life form inside your frontal cortex that absorbs your cerebral matter."
Across the table Myungho violently chokes on a piece of grilled meat.
"I- WHAT?" Yungyu, who until now has been secretly scrolling on his phone underneath the table, looks up in genuine shock.
"You think phone waves are giving you …brain worms?"
"Well, not just me." Kyungmin immediately jumps to correct him. "All of us."
"Can we go a single day without at least one person going fully insane?" Seungheon attempts weakly. "Please."
"It’s true, I saw it on www.truth-about-phones.com." Kyungmin insists.
This causes Jaeyun, who had buried his face in his hands, to raise his head.
"Do NOT open that website on the company wifi."
"Do not open that at all actually." Myungho chimes in with a crash course on internet safety. "That's how you get a virus."
"I'm not getting a virus, because I'm not using a phone." Kyungmin immediately dismantles his argument.
Myungho gives up reasoning with that logic.
"How do you know the worms are hostile?" Haemin now wants to know, tilting his head in genuine interest.
Across the table, Yoonsung lets out a deep sigh.
"Why on earth are you entertaining this?"
"Come on, aren't you at least a little bit interested?"
But Yoonsung just rolls his eyes and prefers to devote his attention to the steak on his plate.
"They also damage your optic nerves." Kyungmin explains dryly, as if it were obvious.
"So just that I’m getting this right." Yungyu interjects again. "The brain worms from the phone waves are eating your eyes?"
"The recently discovered microorganisms cultivated by screen radiation are causing significant nerve damage." The other clarifies.
"...so that’s a yes."
"It's also all over TikTok." Kyungmin stabs a particularly crunchy salad leaf.
"Of course it is." Haemin groans in legitimate pain.
"Really?" Minho doesn’t even look up. "I didn't see that."
"See?" Kyungmin directs at Yungyu. "That’s because he is going blind."
"Well." Says Yoonsung as he begins to stack the plates. "Kyungmin can do what he wants. It’s not like we were all reachable by phone in the first place."
Minho only sticks his tongue out at him.
The next morning goes about as well as expected.
It is around 8 am when Yungyu stops in the doorway and sees Haemin draped over the kitchen table, one leg hanging over the side, his face squashed against the plain wood.
Myungho sits at the head of the table, blissfully ignoring his presence and using his back as an armrest while he happily munches on his sandwich.
When he notices Yungyu, he swallows slowly.
"Don't worry, he's not dead."
"He somehow disabled my phone." Haemin sniffs into the tablecloth before Yungyu can ask.
"My alarm did not go off. I missed my appointment."
"And that's why you’re sleeping on the kitchen table?"
"You don't get it." In one swift motion, Haemin suddenly sits up and grabs Yungyu by the shoulders. "He didn't even let me turn the air conditioner on! Said something about the white noise being harmful to the colour receptors."
His eyes dart manically across Yungyu's face, who begins to squirm a little in his grasp.
But Haemin’s grip is made of steel and he doesn't budge.
"Do you know how it feels to wake up in a literal pool of sweat?" His voice is filled with genuine despair, and he is actually trembling a little. "My entire bedsheets were soggy."
"I actually did not need to know that." Yungyu retorts just before he can finally free himself.
"This is why Minho keeps blocking you." Myungho's flat voice rings out from the other end of the room.
Minho is not aware of how much the situation has escalated, until he tries to send Yoonsung a funny tiktok but the message instantly bounces back.
[Unfortunately you are not able to send messages to this user at this time.]
The text on his screen innocently blinks back at him.
[Retry?]
When he presses down, it doesn’t even take a single millisecond before the same text reappears, as if it was taunting him.
Minho scrunches his eyebrows and for the lack of better options, he decides to waddle over to Yoonsung's room, still in his pajamas. The other doesn't even react as he gently pushes open the door and slips inside.
Yoonsung is perched up on his bed, a book balanced on his knees and his eyes don’t part with the pages when he finally speaks up.
"You know what you did."
"You blocked me?" Minho huffs, gesticulating at his phone. "Really?"
At this, Yoonsung finally clasps the book shut with feigned indifference.
"You blocked me on Spotify!"
"Your crimes do make you unworthy of receiving good music suggestions." Minho retorts.
"Well, it’s time you learn that two can play this game."
"Both of you are suffering from a collective mental breakdown." Says Myungho, peeking over at them from the safety of his own bed. The conversation stills and the two of them turn to look over at him. Under the combined weight of their stares Myungho falters.
"Sorry, continue." He slides off his blanket and swiftly makes it across the room. "I was never here."
Then the door closes.
"Fine." Minho scoffs, seamlessly picking up where the previous conversation left off.
"Fine!"
"Can we start a petition to declare sleeping on the kitchen table illegal?"
Myungho asks with a side glance at Haemin, who had seemingly claimed the object in question as his new empire.
"Wow." Haemin deadpans from where he sits cross-legged on the folded tablecloth with countless empty cups surrounding him. "I really wouldn't have thought you were this hateful towards the homeless."
"You are not homeless."
"I have been exiled."
"You’re welcome to stay in our room again." Kyungmin offers. "It’s not like I'm making you leave."
Haemin immediately shakes his head.
"I am not staying in the torture chamber."
"Guys, can we please circle back to the actual issue?" Seungheon is on the verge of begging.
"Which is?"
In response to Jaeyun's question, Seungheon points at Minho, who immediately jumps to protest.
"Excuse you? I'm not a problem." He quips back, crossing his arms. "I’m a blessing."
"And right now, you're getting on my last nerve."
"You know what else is on your nerves?" Yungyu can barely hold back a giggle. "The brain worms."
Before Seungheon can open his mouth, Jaeyun shoots him a stern glare.
"If anyone says brain worms one more time I'm leaving."
Kyungmin sighs and his eyes glisten in disappointment.
"I was worried you guys wouldn't take this well."
"Oh I'm taking this very well." Haemin responds with an eagerness that gives cause for concern. "I had about two hours of sleep last night."
"How many coffees have you had?" Yoonsung carefully probes and it’s clear he is dreading the answer.
"I stopped counting after five." Haemin shrugs, before turning to face Kyungmin.
"I don't even need eyes at this point. I'm tasting colours."
"Maybe it's good for you to stay off your phone for a bit. Reconnect with nature and stuff." Myungho cautiously suggests as he confiscates the other’s latest cup of coffee.
Haemin doesn’t even notice and instead only blinks in confusion.
"Did you just tell me to go touch grass?"
"I have actually sent you all a message about this." Kyungmin jumps in.
"It is a comprehensive guide to living without electronic devices."
Yungyu cocks his head.
"I thought you weren’t using a phone anymore?"
"I’m not." Kyungmin blinks. "I sent you a letter. Expect it to arrive in about three business days."
Following that day, the entire dorm is tipped into chaos.
After spending about 10.000 won on stamps, Kyunmin finally opted for the more cost-effective option and converted his letters into colourful post-it notes, which after some time are scattered all over the house.
Once they had blocked each other on all other available platforms, Minho and Yoonsung agreed to use the Pinterest comment function to send each other messages.
Haemin exclusively communicates by indistinctly humming into the tablecloth as he lies atop the dining table and the two youngest make use of the letter shaped magnets on the refrigerator to form little messages. However, since most of the letters were lost after a while, most of their scrambles are illegible.
That night Jaeyun finally has enough.
"This is getting ridiculous." He announces, once again over dinner. "And since none of you have volunteered for the non-violent option, I feel compelled to resort to extreme measures."
Jaeyun pauses to take a shaky breath.
"No phones for a week. Everyone communicates in an acceptable human language."
Immediately, Yungyu gasps.
"You can't do this."
"I can and I will."
"Finally." Says Kyungmin. "That means I can introduce you to the art of mail pigeons."
"No." Minho cuts him off, just as Yoonsung groans:
"Absolutely not."