Chapter Text
(Roughly) 14 Days of Winter Vacation
Day 1
Christmas is Starting Now
One afternoon at John P. Trystate Elementary, Phineas and Ferb were presenting a slideshow to their homeroom class. Among the students in the audience were Isabella, Django, and Buford.
"And through the power of believing in ourselves, we were able to launch our bikes over the canyon and land in our backyard right before the sun set," Phineas finished. "And that is only half of what we did this past summer."
The kids applauded.
"Wonderful, boys," the teacher, Miss Murawski, complimented. "We appreciate you breaking it all down for us."
"Well, we wanted to be thorough," Phineas said as he and Ferb returned to their seats.
"And you got to the half-point just in time for Christmas break," Django remarked.
"Oh, I can't wait!" Isabella beamed.
"Only five seconds left on the clock," said Buford.
"Four, three, two, ONE!" the kids cheered.
The bell rang. The kids excitedly ran out the door.
Play "Christmas is Starting Now"
The kids burst out of the school.
Phineas:
Grab some holly and mistletoe
'Cause we're gonna go out tonight
We're gonna bask in the electric glow
Of a million little colored lights
Phineas showed the kids a set of blueprints.
Got a lot to do before the dawn
So with a minimum of introspection
They all put on mittens and applied strings of jingle bells to the school walls.
I think you've better put your mittens on
Shake your jingle bell in my direction
Sometimes I feel like a big snowman
That's fallen under a plow
They then went around the streets of Danville, applying strings of lights around the lampposts.
But tonight I'm on top of the world
We're gonna bring it around somehow
Christmas is starting now
Oh yeah, Christmas is starting now
That's right, Christmas is starting now
Oh yeah
The group headed to the Flynn-Fletcher house and helped Linda and Lawrence put up the Christmas tree.
You better hang those stockings on the wall
This is no time for procrastination
We gotta trim the tree and deck the hall
That's gonna be a celebration
Just a matter of time till Santa comes
So get ready for the big finale
We're going use night visions of sugar plums
And shake it like a bowl full of jelly
Sometimes I feel like a big snowman
That's fallen under a plow
But tonight I'm on top of the world
We're gonna bring it around somehow
Christmas is starting now
Oh yeah, Christmas is starting now
That's right, Christmas is starting now
Oh yeah, Christmas is starting now
That's right
After a while, they took a dance break. Once the break was over, they got back to decorating.
Sometimes I feel like a big snowman
That's fallen under a plow
But tonight I'm on top of the world
We're gonna bring it around somehow
Christmas is starting now
Oh yeah, Christmas is starting now
That's right, Christmas is starting now
Oh yeah, Christmas is starting now
That's right, Christmas is starting now
Oh yeah, Christmas is starting now
Right now, yeah
End "Christmas is Starting Now"
Baljeet walked out of Danville Middle School.
"Baljeet!" he heard a familiar voice call.
He looked in front of him and saw none other than Buford waving at him with a bright smile on his face.
"I'm over here!" Buford shouted.
"I see you," Baljeet assured.
The two approached and hugged each other tightly.
"I missed you so much," Buford cried.
"Buford, we see each other every day after school," Baljeet reminded.
"Yeah, but I still miss you when we are at school."
Baljeet rolled his eyes. "Yeah, me too."
They shared a sweet, tender kiss.
"Come on," Buford said once they pulled away. "Phineas and Ferb have an announcement to make."
The final bell rang at Danville High School. Candace, Stacy, Jenny, and the other kids left their English classroom and headed for their lockers. There, they met up with Vanessa.
"So glad school's finally out," she remarked.
"Agreed," Candace said as she grabbed her bag from her locker. "So, what are your plans for the holidays?"
"Django and I are gonna write letters to Santa," Jenny replied.
Candace looked at her, dropped her bag, then started laughing. "You still write letters to SANTA?!"
She laughed so hard that a single tear fell out of her eye.
Jenny clutched her heart, Stacy narrowed her eyes, and Vanessa shook her head at Candace.
Candace stopped laughing and wiped off the tear. "Sorry, sorry."
Stacy held Jenny's shoulder. "It's okay, Jenny. Believe what you wanna believe."
Jenny smiled.
That's when Jeremy approached them. "Hey girls, whatcha doin'?"
He gave Candace a peck on the cheek.
"Nothing much," Candace replied. "Just talking about our plans for break."
"I see," said Jeremy. "You do remember we have rehearsal at the community theatre, right?"
Candace's eyes widened. "Oh, we're still doing that."
"Come on," said Vanessa. "My boyfriend's gonna drive us there."
"You mean Monty, right?"
"Well, duh."
Phineas, Ferb, and co. sat in a circle under the tree in the backyard.
"Gang, we still have seven days before Christmas," Phineas explained. "Ferb and I discussed it amongst ourselves, and we decided to do a Secret Santa this year."
Ferb pulled a hat out of nowhere and set it in the middle of the circle.
"Now, write your name on one of these, and put it back in the hat," Phineas ordered as he handed them each a flashcard.
Each kid wrote their name on the flashcard, then put it in Ferb's hat. Ferb took the hat and shook it up, shuffling the cards.
Once he was done, he took a card out of the hat. He then passed it to Phineas, who did the same. They went counter-clockwise until they all had a card.
They looked back and forth between each other, then looked at their cards.
Phineas got Django.
Ferb got Isabella.
Isabella got Buford.
Django got Baljeet.
Buford got Phineas.
Baljeet got Ferb.
Once they all got their stuff from the lockers, Candace and her friends headed for the exit.
"Vanessa, how are things going with your dad?" she asked.
"Uh… they're going, alright," Vanessa replied. "You know that his building was destroyed after that whole Pistachion thing, right?"
Candace winced. "Oh, forgot about that. Do you know why he chose to live with those Murphys of all people?"
"Hell if I know. Every time I visit him, I never get to ask him that. It's not like I visit him that much anyway, given how much I have to work."
"Where did you say you work again?" asked Jeremy.
"It's an animal shelter owned by my boyfriend's dad," Vanessa explained. "I'm working an unpaid internship, but hey, at least I get early college credit."
"In what field, though?"
"Guys, how about we stop asking her personal questions?" Stacy suggested.
The teens walked through the front doors. There, they saw Monty, wearing a set of shades despite the cloudy weather, standing in front of a fancy new van.
"Hello, ladies… and gentleman," he greeted, lowering his sunglasses to make his eyes visible. "How's it hangin'?"
"Can you not with the theatrics, Monty?" asked Vanessa. "We gotta go."
"Alright, alright."
Monty got in the driver's seat. Vanessa sat in the front passenger seat. Candace and Jeremy sat in the middle, leaving Stacy and Jenny to sit in the very back.
"Smells nice in here," Candace remarked.
"Yeah, my dad just bought this," Monty explained. "Early Christmas present."
"You think you can get us to the community theatre in under ten minutes?" asked Vanessa.
"I can try." Monty typed in the coordinates to the GPS. "Hold on to something. This is gonna get bumpy."
He set the car to drive and slammed on the gas pedal. Everyone grabbed onto the handles as they sped away.
Monty swerved down the streets of Danville until he reached the theatre. He then turned the car sideways, slammed the breaks, and landed perfectly in a parking spot.
"Whoo!" he cheered. "That was awesome, and we made it in under five minutes. I call that a win. What do you think?"
He turned to everyone else to see they were all taking panted breaths, all with horrified looks on their faces.
"Monty, do us all a favor and never do that AGAIN!" Vanessa yelled with fire in her eyes.
Monty raised his hands up. "Alright, alright, I'll be safer next time."
They all climbed out of the van, and Monty locked it. They then went inside the theatre.
Inside the auditorium, the entire cast and crew of the play sat in a circle with scripts in hand.
Sitting in the director's chair was none other than Phineas.
"Perfect," he said. "You guys arrived just in time. We were just about to go over some revisions to the script."
"Hold on, a kid is directing this?" asked Monty.
"Don't underestimate Phineas," Candace warned.
She, Jeremy, Vanessa, Stacy, and Jenny got in their seats and were handed copies of the script. Monty turned to the exit.
"Hey, where are you going?" asked Phineas.
"I just came to drop off my girlfriend and her friends," Monty explained. "I'll be back to pick them up."
"No, no, please stay and join us. We'd love to have you."
Monty looked around the room. Everyone gave him encouraging smiles.
"Okay," he relented. "Where can I sit?"
"You can sit right there with the technicians," Phineas said. "We can always use an extra set of hands backstage."
Monty saw the guys, gals, and non-binary pals in their designated section pulling up a chair for him. Monty sat in the chair and took the script offered to him by one of the technicians.
"Thanks, uh…" he tried to say.
"Gretchen," the girl introduced, offering her hand.
Monty shook her hand. "Nice to meet you, Gretchen."
"Since we're making introductions," said Phineas. "I'm Phineas Flynn, the director of our production of 'White Christmas'. Next to me is my brother, Ferb, who's our choreographer. On my other side is Isabella, the stage manager. Next to her is Django, head of scenic painting. Up in the booth, Baljeet and Buford, who control lighting and sound respectively…"
Monty looked up at the booth. Buford and Baljeet smiled and waved at him.
From there, Phineas went counter-clockwise listing each name and their role. The ones he truly noted were James Henderson as General Waverly, Presley Leonard as Martha Watson, Finley Dickens as Susan Waverly, Stacy and Jenny as Rita and Rhota respectively, Candace and Vanessa as the Haynes sisters, Jeremy as Phil Davis, and Johnny as Bob Wallace.
Johnny skimmed through his copy of the script and slammed it shut. "What is this woke garbage?!"
"It's not 'woke garbage'," Phineas argued. "It's meant to allow certain… repressed groups, to feel welcome."
"This isn't what I signed up for. You're forcing your agenda onto us."
Phineas groaned. "I don't have time for us. If you don't like what we're doing, the door's right there. Be sure to leave the suit."
Johnny got up, threw off his Santa hat, and started taking off his costume.
"NO, KEEP THE SUIT!" Phineas yelled.
Johnny stopped taking off his costume, but he didn't bother to put it all the way back on when he left.
Phineas turned to the rest. "Anyone else?"
Everyone stayed seated and looked back and forth between each other.
"Good," said Phineas. "Now, we need to find a new Bob Wallace as quickly as possible."
"Hey, Monty should give it a try," Vanessa suggested.
Monty smiled and sweated nervously. "Vanessa, I appreciate the offer, but I don't sing."
But the technicians forced him off his seat and carried him onto the stage. Gretchen set up a microphone, then gave Buford and Baljeet a thumbs-up.
Play "White Christmas"
A familiar music box melody played on the speakers.
"Whenever you're ready," said Phineas.
Monty took a deep breath, and started to sing.
Monty:
I'm dreaming of a White Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Everyone's jaws dropped hearing Monty's soft, soothing voice. Vanessa had to cover her mouth to hide her wide smile. Jeremy even blushed a tiny bit.
Where the tree tops glisten
And children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow
I'm dreaming of a White Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white
End "White Christmas"
The moment the song concluded, everyone gave a standing ovation.
Monty bowed and got off stage.
"And you said you can't sing," Vanessa remarked.
"I said I don't sing," Monty corrected.
"Well, you do now," Phineas said, giving Monty the Santa hat Johnny left behind. "Because you got the part."
"Oh. Yay."
"Now, to get you up to speed."
Monty sat in the Bob Wallace seat, and everyone opened their scripts to the first page.
"'Lights up on a small, skinny Christmas tree decorated in K-ration cans and military paraphernalia, sitting on top of what is clearly an army truck…'" Phineas read.
Meanwhile, Perry watched as an ICE truck pulled up to a small house. Three agents climbed out, walked to the front door, and knocked.
A middle-aged, dark-skinned man answered. "Uh, hello officers. How may I help you?"
The ICE agents both pointed their guns at the man's head. He put his hands up.
"Antonio Rodrigo, come with us, quietly," one agent ordered sternly.
Antonio just stood there, frozen in fear.
"You heard him!" the second agent yelled. "Come with us!"
Antonio took one step out the door, and the agents grabbed him by the arms, shoved him to the wall, and cuffed him.
"You can't do this to me," Antonio begged. "I have a family."
"Well, we'll send them a card," said the third agent. "Now go!"
Two of the agents grabbed Antonio by the arms again and forced him to walk to the car. The third agent, though, put his hand in front of them, making them stop.
"Someone's here," he said. "I just know it."
He looked up to the rooftop and saw Perry. He screamed and fired his gun. Perry jumped out of the way.
Once he knew he was hidden, he launched a net at the agent who tried to shoot him, pinning the agent to the wall. The other two shoved Antonio aside and fired their guns in random directions. Perry snuck up on the second agent, fired his grappling gun, and tied him up.
He then leaped towards the final agent, but he grabbed him by the tail.
"What are you?" the agent wondered. "Some platypus in a fedora with martial arts skills? Cute."
He threw Perry to the side, but he landed on his feet.
"What the…?" the agent asked.
Then Perry kicked him in the face, knocking him down.
He took a breath and turned to Antonio. Antonio just looked at him, terrified.
Perry gave him a reassuring smile as he took a small pin out of his hat and used it to unlock the cuffs.
"Oh, thank you, thank you," Antonio cried as he stood up and ran back inside the house.
His wife and kids had just come out. They all hugged him, crying.
"Thank you, kind sir," the wife said to Perry. "How will we ever repay you?"
Perry held his hand up and shook his head. He then saluted, put on his jetpack, and flew off.
Agent P
"And may all your Christmases be white," everyone sang together.
"And scene," said Phineas. "Great job, everyone. Remember, we'll be back tomorrow at four in the afternoon, so be ready."
Everyone grabbed their stuff and headed for the exit.
"Hold on, Monty," Phineas called. "You mind staying a moment longer?"
"Uh, not at all," Monty assured. "What's up?"
"Ferb's gonna send you some dance tutorial videos so you can practice the choreography at home."
"Alright."
Monty and Ferb traded phones, added their numbers to each other's contact list, and then gave their phones back.
"Enjoy your evening, Monty," said Ferb.
"Thanks, you too," Monty replied.
Then he left the theatre with everyone else.
Candace, Jeremy, Vanessa, and Monty went to the local diner.
"You did an amazing job, Monty," Vanessa complimented.
"Yeah," Jeremy agreed. "You're literally perfect for Bob Wallace."
"Guys, stop," said Monty. "You're making me blush."
To be fair, he wasn't lying.
The four sat down at a booth and were approached by a waitress.
"Welcome," she greeted. "My name is Katrina, and I'll be your server today. What would you like?"
"I'd like a vanilla milkshake, please," said Candace.
"I'll have a chocolate milkshake," said Jeremy.
"Mint chocolate chip for me," said Vanessa.
"Do you have anything dairy-free?" asked Monty.
"We sure do," Katrina confirmed. "They come in vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry flavors."
"Then I'd like the strawberry one."
"Alright," Katrina said as she wrote the orders down on a notepad. "Coming right up."
And so she left and almost immediately came back with the milkshakes.
"Wow, she wasn't kidding," Jeremy remarked.
The four took their cups and sipped out of them.
"Look out, Danville," came Dink Wickerson's voice on the diner speakers. "Tomorrow, we're expecting two feet of snow, so be sure to grab your coats and get ready to have some fun."
The teens gasped in excitement.
Play "Snow"
Monty:
Snow…
Jeremy:
Snow…
Candace:
Snow…
Vanessa:
Snow…
All:
Snow…
Monty:
It won't be long before we'll all be there with snow
Vanessa:
Snow, oh
I long to wash my hands, my face, my hair with snow
Jeremy:
Snow
I long to clear a path and lift a spade of snow
Candace:
Snow, oh
To see a great big man entirely made of snow
All:
Snow
Where it's snowing all winter through
That's where I wanna be
Vanessa:
Snowball throwing, that's what I'll do
Monty:
How I'm longing to ski
All:
Through the snow
Those glistening houses that seem to be built of snow
Jeremy:
Snow, oh
To see a mountain covered with a quilt of snow
Candace and Vanessa:
What is Christmas with no snow?
Monty and Jeremy:
No White Christmas with no snow
All:
Snow
They, as well as all the other patrons and staff in the diner, dropped what they were doing, got up, ran to the center, and started to dance.
Snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow
It won't be long before we'll all be there with snow
Snow, oh
I long to wash my hands, my face, my hair with snow
Snow, snow, snow, snow, snow, snow
I long to clear a path and lift a spade of snow
Snow, snow
Girls:
To see a great big man entirely made of snow
Boys:
Jing-jing-jing-jing-jing-jing-jing
Jing-jing-jing-jing-jing-jing
Where it's snowing all winter through
Girls:
That's where I long to be
All:
Snowball throwing, that's what I'll do
How I'm longing to ski
Through the snow
Those glistening houses that seem to be built of snow
Snow, oh
Jeremy:
To see a mountain covered with a quilt of snow
All:
Jing-jing-jing-jing-jing-jing-jing
Jing-jing-jing-jing-jing-jing
Candace and Vanessa:
What is Christmas with no snow?
All:
Jing-jing-jing-jing-jing-jing-jing
Jing-jing-jing-jing-jing-jing
Jeremy and Monty:
No White Christmas with no snow
Candace:
We'll soon be there with snow
All:
It's gonna snow
Jeremy:
I'll wash my hair with snow
All:
It's gonna snow
Vanessa:
And with a spade of snow
All:
It's gonna snow
Monty:
I'll build a man with snow
All:
It's gonna snow
Baljeet sat alone at one table reading a book. He then checked his watch, got up, and headed for the exit.
Baljeet:
I'd like to stay up with you
But I'd recommend a little shut-eye
Go to sleep
All:
Go to sleep and dream
Candace, Jeremy, Vanessa, and Monty:
Of snow
Ensemble:
Jing-jing-jing
Jing-jing-jing
Jing-jing-jing-jing-jing-jing-jing
Jing-jing-jing-jing-jing-jing
All:
SNOW
End "Snow"
"This just in," came Dink Wickerson. "There has been a sudden change in the forecast. Tomorrow, it'll be seventy-nine degrees farenheit."
"WHAT?!" everyone shouted.