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Chapter 5: The Next Day Ever
14-year-old Riley Slithers started their day unlike any other day they ever had.
The minute they opened their eyes under their silver sleeping mask they knew something was off. It was quiet. Really quiet. It was so quiet that it made its own sound, like an empty vacuum, echoing in every breath.
No snores. No shouts. No mumbling.
And why’d it smell like pineapple so much?
Against their better judgement they slowly reached up to take their sleeping mask off but the first attempt ended up with their hand flopped across their chest, Dorrie the dragon’s stitched snout poking their neck.
They felt almost dead, with their brain more foggy and sluggish than an afternoon in Drab Valley. Why was the room so quiet? Had they slept through breakfast again?
Hopefully Ruth hadn’t eaten all the cereal they liked…again. Or if Dad had ordered the cook to make pancakes there were still chocolate chip ones for them…
They peeled off the mask and sat up.
Where—…???
This wasn’t their house. Where were they? Who’s house was this? They looked around, pulling their blanket close. “Mom?” They squeaked. “Dad? James? Abel? Ruth? Anyone?”
Wait. The vacation trip. That’s why they weren’t home, but this wasn’t the lake hou——
………
Wait.
This was…
…oh.
Riley sat there and let the waves of shock and hurt roll over them.
That hadn’t been a dream.
Mom and Dad had really forgotten about them…
They were really alone…or were they?
There was someone else now, they remembered. He made them feel better and let them stay at his house. He even complimented their art and didn’t think they were strange where others regularly turned away and muttered about them behind their back. Or so it seemed like it.
SpongeBob. Yeah, that’s right. He called himself SpongeBob.
They could even hear him upstairs, shuffling around, his high, excited voice muffled through the floor.
How was he already awake and yapping away? Riley couldn’t even get theirself up off the couch, and they suspected they probably were awake longer than he had been.
Riley yawned and laid down again, putting their mask back on and holding Dorrie close, absorbing their raspberry scent from the scented yarn they used for the stitches. 7 years and it still smelled as strong as the day it was used.
They leaned more heavily into their pillow, wishing they could still get 10 or…Yawn…20 more minutes of deep, blissful sleep. That’d be so nice…SpongeBob seemed nice, maybe he wouldn’t mind…
“ELLIE, NO!!! GET BACK HERE!!! ELIANA VALENTINA SQUAREPANTS, YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY!!”
Riley’s heart leaped out of their chest and they reared into a sitting position. They definitely felt like taking off their mask now but before their fingers met the fabric on their eyes, something tiny smacked into their midsection going the speed of a race boat.
They were flung back and hit their head on the end of the couch, whatever the cause of the impact now writhing around, both of them tangled up in their blanket.
“ACK!!!” Riley flopped around, dignity askew and blanket wrapped around their body like a cloth vise. The other, smaller body twisted around and leaped out, squealing angrily.
That was one baby Lionfish with anger issues.
“ELIANA!! I MEAN IT!!” SpongeBob shouted, racing downstairs from the sound of his footsteps.
Riley fell off the couch and pulled a section of blanket off their head, the wind knocked clean out of them. “Oof…what the actual-??”
Gary the sea snail was at their tail tip, meowing away and nuzzling them, but then he saw something headed towards him and ducked into his shell.
Ellie swam by in a orange-red-white blur, babbling like the world’s most indignant meteor, tipping over the small coffee tables nearby. Hot on her trail, with his bathrobe untied and one sandal missing, was her equally-as-mad father.
“ELLIE!!! You are going to COME back here RIGHT NOW and GET your DIAPER changed!!!” SpongeBob hollered, running full speed after her, jumping over the now battered coffee table and broken pot like a pro athlete.
He saw Riley was awake and froze, his voice returning to the joyful, friendly one from their memories. “Goood morning, Riley!” Then Ellie flew by and his eyes squinted, getting back into the chase. “ELLIE!!!”
James and Ruth would be green with envy if they saw him. For a fast-food worker, he jumped and slid everywhere, literally bouncing off the walls with crazy energy and agility in an attempt to grab his daughter.
Finally he cornered Ellie near the kitchen but she ran in between his legs and scaled the wall, getting on top of the fish hook wall displays.
“ELLIE, you come down here right NOW!” He stomped over, his face more angry than Riley had thought possible for a guy like him. He pointed to the ground fiercely and Ellie stuck out her tongue.
“You are in so much TROUBLE, little missy!!” He yelled.
Ellie babbled something indistinguishable.
“…Yeah, you won’t actually be, you’re probably right.” He slumped for a minute then straightened back up. “But you are STILL going to get your diaper changed, whether you like it or not!!!” He said, tapping his sandaled foot impatiently.
Ellie made her “RWWAAH!” noise again, scowling.
SpongeBob saw Gary by his side and immediately signaled something. “Go around the other side, Gare. I’ll climb up and when she jumps down you grab her!!” He whispered.
Gary meowed.
“I know it probably won’t work, but we still have to try, ok?!” He whispered heatedly.
Gary meowed again and wriggled over to the opposite side of the fish hook, as per his owner’s instructions.
SpongeBob slowly grabbed onto the hook and started climbing up, even though he slid a little.
Ellie growled at him and as soon as he reached the top in slow motion, she jumped down near Gary and started to swim at top speed again.
“GARY GRAB HER!!” He signaled, but all Gary could do was go behind her. At his top speed there’s no way he’d catch up.
Riley got an idea and waited until she dashed by them, then struck her with their tail and wrapped it around her, sticking the little troublemaker in air jail.
Ellie baby-squealed in rage and struggled, her spines poking Riley’s tail a bit more than they’d like, but it was just tight enough so she couldn’t move and it wasn’t hurting her.
“Brilliant!!” SpongeBob said and jumped down. “Nice move, Riley! Sorry if she woke you up.”
Riley handed the now pouting baby back to him.
“It’s no big deal, I was already awake…and what can I say, I know my way around living with babies and little kids.” They said, blushing a little.
SpongeBob nodded, impressed, holding onto Ellie as he went into the kitchen. “Maybe I should get a device that looks like your tail so diaper-changing will be a lot easier.” He laughed.
“Heh…” They chuckled and worked on stuffing their pillow and blanket into their backpack. They heard something break and prayed to Neptune it wasn’t a pen or marker.
“If you don’t like it so much-OW! Then you should just-GAH! Hold still!! It’d go a lot -AGH! Faster if you did!!” SpongeBob sounded.
There were various angry baby whines and an exasperated sigh.
Riley had a small memory of one time they helped Maureen change Amelia’s diaper and got another idea.
They picked up Dorrie and peeked into the kitchen.
On the counter (luckily a different one than the one used for food.) was a white blanket laid out and a diaper-less Ellie laid on it, busily working on gnawing SpongeBob’s hands while he gave her a slightly annoyed look. Wipes and other baby supplies were scattered around on the pale yellow floor.
Riley snuck up next to them and held Dorrie above their head, crouching down.
“Psst! Ellie!”
The violet eyes turned and she stopped biting, captivated by the stuffed dragon.
“Heya there, Jelly Bean!” Riley said in a goofy voice. “My name’s Dorrie! Dorrie the Dragon!”
It worked. It also worked a little too well. Not only was Ellie distracted, but…SpongeBob was too.
“Ooh, hi there, Dorrie!” He said, waving to the plush.
Riley blinked rapidly, confused.
“What’s yourrrrr name?” They continued in the goofy voice.
Ellie gurgled and reached, a tiny smile emerging for a change.
“My name’s SpongeBob!” Said sponge chirped.
Now Riley was really questioning whether he was kidding or not.
“Um..” they cleared their throat and nodded towards the baby.
SpongeBob caught their eye and looked befuddled for a minute, then his blue eyes widened.
“Oh, right, sorry! Hehe!”
Riley sighed through their nose and proceeded to use Dorrie as a distraction. In 3 minutes, the ordeal was over.
“There you go, Ellie Bellie!” SpongeBob tickled her feet then washed his hands.
Ellie didn’t answer. Her eyes were still locked onto Dorrie, desperately reaching out for them, giggling. Two pearly white fangs jutted from her pink tiny gums, but other than that, she had absolutely no teeth. Riley smiled at how funny it looked. Here this tiny little girl thought she commanded every wave of the ocean, yet she was so small she was nearly the same size as Dorrie theirself.
“Thanks for that, Ri! Alright, once Dina gets here, we’ll head down to the Krusty Krab and reunite with your parents! Just lemme get dressed and make some breakfast!” SpongeBob said, patting their back. This time, Riley didn’t flinch from the sudden touch. They even liked that nickname…”Ri.”
Turns out they got there early.
While SpongeBob was making breakfast and Riley was using the bathroom to change clothes, Dina called on the shell phone and informed that she couldn’t make it.
“One of my friends here needs help with something- she’s redesigning her whole room and it might take a while.” She explained on speaker.
To Riley’s surprise as they came down the stairs, SpongeBob wasn’t fazed at all.
“That’s no problem, Squidina! You go along and help out your friend, kiddo! I’ll just take Ellie into work today!” He said happily, reaching out and stretching his hand, grabbing a purple baby carrier to match her onesie and hair clip.
“Thanks!” Dina said. Riley could practically see her beam through the phone.
“No problem, Dina, just promise me one thing.”
“Oh…yeah? What’s that?”
“Come over for dinner tonight or some time! I really wouldn’t mind making you some REAL food for once, ya know!”
Dina laughed. “You’re one stubborn sponge! Alright, I’ll come. I just ran outta ramen at home anyway.”
Later as they went down the road to the Krusty Krab, Riley looked down at Ellie bobbing around in the baby carrier on SpongeBob’s chest, then up at SpongeBob.
“Will Mr. Krabs be okay with Ellie coming over to the restaurant?” They asked.
“Oh, sure!” Was the answer. “He always lets me take her in! He’s got a big soft spot for this little rascal.” He tickled Ellie’s hands and she squealed, trying to give a few nibbles in return.
“Plus according to him, it brings in more customers because they love babies.”
Soon they were in the parking lot, which was now flooded with boats and walking customers.
Riley scanned the boats for any familiar signs and snakes, but they didn’t see anything.
Their heart sank.
“Any sign of them?” SpongeBob asked.
Riley shook their head and deflated a little.
“Ok…maybe they’re on their way but got caught in another boat jam. Let’s go inside, and you can sit down and wait.”
Riley sadly followed them into the eatery, a heavy thought weighing on their nonexistent shoulders:
What if Mom and Dad never came back…?
“Good Morning, Mr. Krabs!! Good Morning, Squidward!!” SpongeBob called out excitedly.
Squidward barely looked alive. Or that he just woke up. Riley could relate to that, they guess. He was slumped up against the register at the counter, his arms drooped over the boat-shaped structure. Even his eye bags had bags.
“Is it, I can’t tell.” He complained in the most exhausted and grumbling voice ever heard.
SpongeBob laughed his energy-infused laugh again and patted Squidward’s head…or at least he would have, if he hadn’t smacked away his hand.
Mr. Krabs walked through the door to his office, making that funny skittering sound again.
“Mornin’ lad!” He waved to SpongeBob, then saw Ellie and walked up, grinning.
“I see we got a lil’ special guest here! Heya, Sea Squirt!” He reached out a claw and Ellie gibbered excitedly, grabbing it.
Now it was Mr. Krabs’ turn to laugh; a grizzled, ragged noise that fit him well.
“Good to always have ya here, ya feisty lil ocean goblin!”
Squidward groaned something unintelligible. Obviously he thought different.
Riley watched in astonishment. This intimidating, growling old man was playing with Ellie like an affectionate uncle…or a grandfather, almost.
Almost like how their grandparents used to hold them and their siblings when they were young…ooh. Ouch. That hurt remembering more than they thought.
SpongeBob picked Ellie out of the carrier and Mr. Krabs took her, cradling her perfectly in his claws and tickling her more. He certainly had held a baby before. Possibly for a while.
Ellie burst into full-on laughter and bit his claws, smiling and babbling.
“Ooh, I think ya got some more teeth growin’, lil lass, yes you do!” Mr. Krabs cooed. Riley giggled. It was just so funny, seeing a rugged old guy being so sweet with a ferocious little baby, and vice versa.
The green eye stalks shifted onto them and soon Mr. Krabs froze, staring at them with an unreadable expression.
“Yer still here?! Yer parents still haven’t shown their faces?!?” He demanded.
Riley shrank. He was loud. “Uh…no, Old Man- I mean, sir.” They said meekly.
He growl-sighed. “Aye… tha’s it. SpongeBob, boy, I’m goin’ down to th’ police station. If those bilge rats ain’t gonna come back on their own to get their kid, then I’ll make ‘em!”
He handed Ellie back and headed for the door, muttering under his breath grumpily.
This guy sure could change moods whenever he wanted. Riley shuddered a little, thinking about how angry he got and how big and sharp his claws were…
They remembered how small and scared Reagan was yesterday compared to how his claw was around her shoulders and they were sure glad that they weren’t going to experience that anytime soon.
Wait, he was coming back, waiting at the center of the area. Uh oh…
“Snake kid, front and center!” He called out, looking at Riley. Uh oh. What did that mean?? Riley blanched, unsure what to do.
“Psst! He means go up to him, Ri.” SpongeBob whispered.
Riley gulped and reluctantly slithered up to Mr. Krabs.
He reached out fast and Riley recoiled, expecting a blow, or a rough pinch,
but instead he simply grabbed their hand and pulled it down.
“Yer coming with me to the cops to tell ‘em what’s happen’in. Bett’r they hear the tale from you than me.” He growled.
“What—But-“ Riley stuttered and looked to SpongeBob nervously. They wanted to go with him, not Mr. Krabs! Krabs was kinda intimidating, and Riley doubted very much he’d be as kind to them as he was with Ellie. They didn’t trust him…they only trusted SpongeBob!
However, SpongeBob didn’t pick up on their anxiety. “Sounds good, sir! See you two in a bit!” He waved and strolled into the kitchen, Ellie on his shoulder, fussing as she reached in Mr. Krabs’ direction.
Riley groaned, their stomach churning with cold.
“Hurry up, kid, the sooner we call yer folks, th’ sooner I can get back ta makin’ money.”
Mr. Krabs barked.