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Suho sleeps quietly.
Sieun finds both comfort and disturbance in watching his chest rise slowly, his eyes twitching in the middle of the night. He lost so much sleep watching Suho take all of it, but watching over him was more important than getting a good night’s rest for himself.
After he woke from his coma, Sieun stayed stoic on the outside, but Suho noticed the turmoil going on in his head. The physical therapy was almost more painful for Sieun to watch than for Suho to work through. With every wince of pain and step he took, tears would well up in Sieun’s eyes. He wanted to be strong, to show Suho that he could be his backbone, but coming back was more difficult than when he left. It felt like his pain was happening because he didn’t do more when he could.
When both Suho and his doctors felt like he was well enough to get out of the hospital, he proposed living with Sieun. That soon led to him fully living in Sieun’s apartment. His parents were never home anymore, so it was nice to finally have someone to wake up with every day.
Suho had trouble for a few months after living with Sieun. His physical therapy was helping, but he wasn’t in the shape he was in two years ago. He couldn’t walk around without holding onto the wall, and didn’t get a cane until Sieun begged him because he thought it would make him look old and “undesirable”. As if anything could turn Sieun away from him.
Sieun helps him get dressed every day and night, and he sloppily installed bars on the wall by the toilet and in the shower so Suho could feel a little more independent. He never said if he was struggling, because he didn’t want to feel like a burden after causing so much pain already, but Sieun always noticed and helped if he was really struggling.
When it came to sleeping, Suho insisted that sleeping on the floor was comfortable for his back. “It’s easier to fall on the floor than to crawl on the bed,” he told Sieun. He mostly wanted Sieun to have his bed so he wouldn’t have any more trouble sleeping than he already has. Though they are separated, neither of them fight about their sleeping arrangement. Sieun spends most nights laying on his stomach at the edge of the bed, with an arm reaching down to touch any part of Suho that’s closest to him. Being able to feel his warmth lulls him to sleep.
Something that Sieun doesn’t notice about Suho’s recovery is the extent of his difficulty sleeping. Some nights he lays there, staring at the ceiling, waiting for the sun to rise. He holds Sieun’s hand and plays with his fingers, sometimes gathering the strength to reach up and clear his bangs out of his face. He stares, wishing he had the ability to just sit up a little and leave a soft kiss between his eyes.
Other nights, he’s frozen in place. Paralyzed even more than he already feels, he wants nothing more than Sieun’s cold hands on his skin.
The only thing that can snap him out of that frozen state is Sieun’s weight on his arm. He stares at him from up on the bed, his cheek squished on the mattress while he watches Suho’s nostrils flare with every breath he takes in. Watching him lay there so still brings him peace but also hurts his heart each night. He already suffered for so long in silence, why must it continue?
While Sieun watches him from a distance. His body tingles, his chest tightens, it becomes harder to breathe, but he can’t move. To Sieun, he looks completely peaceful, laying on his back, hands together on his belly. In moments like these, Suho hopes Sieun would be a little selfish and come down to him.
It’s a good thing Sieun is feeling a little greedy tonight.
He’s not the only one wanting to be held right now. After spending so much time observing him from afar, he gets the urge to crawl on the hard floor with him.
He throws the covers off of his legs and crouches to the ground slowly. He lays beside Suho, his arm holding him up from the ground, his other hand softly cupping his cheek. When his cold palm touches his face, his eyebrows scrunch up a little, and a small whimper escapes his dry lips. Sieun leans in and leaves a small kiss on the tip of Suho’s nose. He notices that his body is significantly feverish, the kind of heat that radiates after waking up from a midday nap. He pushes the blanket down to cover just his legs, and rolls the sleeves of his t-shirt up into his armpits, stroking his forearm with his thumb.
He pulls away from Suho, and moves his arm out to the side so he has somewhere to lay his head. Getting comfortable with an arm and a leg thrown over his torso, Suho starts to come back to his senses. Sieun’s cold body cools his sweat down. The breath from his nose pressed into the crook of his neck gives him goosebumps. His heavy eyes finally open, and he slowly drags an arm up to hold Sieun’s hand. When he touches his skin, Sieun’s head lifts up like a napping cat that’s been disturbed. He can see in the low light that Suho is turned toward him, eyes squinted.
“Come here,” Suho whispers with a rasp in his voice.
Sieun moves toward his face, and Suho leans his lips to Sieun’s cheek. That one kiss was enough to flush his entire face until Suho could feel he was no longer cold.
“What-”
“Shh…” Suho cuts him off
He leans into Sieun again, this time kissing his lips. Sieun whines at first, but softens up after a few seconds of feeling Suho on him. He had gotten into the habit of giving Suho a soft kiss after checking on him periodically throughout the night, but never expected the gesture to be reciprocated. The feeling of their lips locked together almost feels wrong, but it’s easy for Sieun to lose himself in it.
Suho shifted, trying to lift his arms up to hold Sieun at the ear, but Sieun countered by pushing his shoulders back down to the ground. He slowly moved to be on top of Suho, without setting his whole weight on him. He straddled one of Suho’s thighs and held himself up with his hands planted on the ground by his head. They’re still connected at the lips, and finally release to take a breath after what seems like an hour.
Sieun is panting, eyes shut closed.
“Hey, open your eyes,” Suho says through a laugh. He tilts his head to the side, and kisses Sieun’s wrist.
He opens his eyes after that. There’s something in his face that Suho had never seen before. There were many things he’d never seen. Who knows what he would’ve looked like when he was asleep, and who was there to see him like that. There’s a shine of happiness in his glassy eyes, but his mouth hung slightly open, without a smile. He smiles with his eyes, and that’s something Suho has seen time and time again.
He reaches up and brings Sieun’s neck down gently, pulling him in for another kiss. Sieun leans into it harder this time, moving his lips and running his fingers through Suho’s hair. Before he can get the urge to push his tongue into Suho’s mouth, he pulls away, out of breath.
“This is too much,” He tells Suho, running out of breath between words.
“It’s okay, I’m sorry,”
“No, don’t apologize. I… I don’t know how to control myself.” he reluctantly admits.
Their noses are still touching, their breath exchanging between each other’s mouths. Suho tilts his head up to kiss Sieun’s forehead, wiping the sweat off his brow and pushing his hair out of his face. He can’t see what he looks like in the dark with his face tilted into the shadows, but he knows he looks the same as he did before he stopped.
Sieun moves off of Suho, back to the floor beside him. His hand stays on the crown of his head, as if he were any help guiding him. Sieun cuddles up to him, pulling a blanket over his shoulder and moving his feet closer.
“I’m cold.” Suho says.
“No you’re not.”
The birds chirped outside and the sun shone through Sieun’s translucent curtains, landing in Sieun’s eyes. It was a morning that felt like him studying early, and Suho sleeping on the desks.
It was a morning that was calling for Sieun to stay at home. He’d never skipped classes until Suho needed his care. It was tiresome and difficult to adjust to, but when Sieun realized he was truly relied on by someone, it was easier to rationalize missing out on his precious education, because now, Suho was the thing that was really precious to him. He convinced him to take care of himself, because “look at what happens when you neglect your body,” he proclaims.
His arm is still thrown over Suho’s chest. He squeezes a little tighter, then moves his hand up to swipe a thumb over his cheek. His back hurt from sleeping on the floor, but seeing Suho resting soundly was enough to comfort that pain.
He must’ve been squeezing too hard, because Suho woke up a few moments after Sieun closed his eyes again. He stretched his free arm, and the hand holding Sieun’s back tensed up and squeezed his skin. He wasn’t cold anymore.
“Good morning.” Suho smiled at Sieun while he opened his sleep-filled eyes. It wasn’t the first time they’d ended up on the floor together, but it somehow always felt like it.
Sieun buried his face into Suho’s chest, whimpering a little as his mouth began to run wet again. Suho turned into him the best he could to hug him back. They laid there together, hugging for a few minutes.
“You smell bad.” Sieun mumbled into Suho.
“Wanna shower with me?”
“Fuck you.”
Suho pretends to be offended, and laughs a little. Sieun pulls himself out of his grasp, and gives a slight smile.
“I’ll make you breakfast.”
He starts to stand up from the ground, and Suho dramatically goes limp on the floor, his limbs spread out.
“Help me uppppppppp”