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when the world nears it's end, the meaning of everything changes. winter becomes more of a nuisance than a joy, and instead of waiting excitedly for the first snow, people start to fear it.
though still pretty to look at, snow only serves as a problem nowadays, piles onto those already existing in such a world. reliable water sources freeze over, roads disappear and become impossible to safely drive along. living itself becomes more of a chore than it was before.
nothing pleasant comes from winter anymore.
but even then, seungmin remains hopeful. he's probably the last person on earth that still wishes for snow, if there's anybody at all. that's just how he is, and how he always has been. minho knows him all too well.
fate was kind enough to let their paths cross long before things started to crumble, when humanity still functioned without a single fear.
seungmin, young and able to see the world through pretty eyes, had introduced minho to the beauty of december. what once was just a cold, sluggish month, morphed into one minho looked forward to.
because it meant that seungmin would smile just that bit wider than usual, thanks to the first snow of every year.
having always been fond of it, it clearly means a lot to him. so, ever since the weather has gotten colder, it's no surprise that he starts each morning by the window recently.
minho stirs awake to find him standing there, instead of beside him in bed, gazing out with wide eyes. there's innocence in his hope, still so pure like it was during childhood.
but unlike then, there's one thing different now. whether it'll snow or not each year, only time can tell.
shoulders visibly slump when the grass is still green. day after day, full of disappointment.
he'll turn around with the same expression, trudging back to minho's side in defeat. a soft pout tugs at pink lips, the sparkle in his eyes fades, and he'll whisper "hyung, when will the snow come?" in the same saddened tone every time.
sometimes, minho wants to strangle him. not only because he asks a question impossible to answer, but because he makes him want to wish for snow too.
though he definitely dreads it more than most, fears it'll be the thing to finish them off once and for all, seungmin's happiness is the one thing minho will favour over common sense.
he too holds those precious memories of old times. being dragged under cold snowflakes against his own will, with seungmin's hand tightly in his. it could never leave his mind even if he wanted it to.
with the state of the world, it's best if it doesn't snow at all. but for seungmin's sake, he can't let go of his own hope either.
not when seungmin stares with a look that makes his stomach swirl with guilt. as if his hyung can change the weather himself, he stares deep into minho's eyes while he waits for a response.
minho would really do anything for seungmin, though he'll never admit it out loud. if only he could make this happen for him, too.
then maybe, he’d smile again.
˙⋆✮
today brings a chill significantly colder than yesterdays. so strong that not even their thick blankets attempt to fight back in the evening.
cold seeps through it's material, through their clothes and wraps around bare skin instead, coating the two of them in goosebumps uncomfortable enough to chase sleep away.
legs tangle out of desperation, in hopes to steal body heat from each other, only to be met with equally as icy skin. they're both mumbling curses under their breaths until eventually they give up altogether.
with extra hours, seungmin takes to writing lyrics, unlike the other who curls in on himself and complains. he's smart like that, knows when to take opportunities.
even when minho begs him to stop moving around, he leans over to grab a stray piece of paper from the foot of their bed, then settles back against the wall and gets to work.
the scratching of his pen, followed by the softest of hums, nearly succeed in lulling minho into slumber. haze clouds his mind and his limbs grow fuzzy, but whether he actually drifts off is a mystery.
all he knows is that the next time his eyes open, seungmin is lying down again. this time on his back, with a frown etched deep onto his face.
he stares blankly, up at one hand now holding his paper above, where weak moonlight catches it and makes scribbled out words glow.
brows knitted, he seems to be lost in thought, and when his hand slumps heavily to his stomach, it's obvious he's unsatisfied with what he's written.
"seungmin-ah." minho calls out sleepily, testing.
nothing comes in response, of course. seungmin doesn't speak much when he's like this.
as silence stretches out, his other hand weaves through minho's hair, absentmindedly twirling strands between his fingers. every few seconds, it pauses, then restlessly starts again. and does the same over and over and over.
it never manages to stay in the same place. from twirling around the ends, to dipping out completely and instead brushing the curve of minho's ear, he fiddles with whatever he can gets his hands on.
by the look on his face, he doesn't know he's doing it, either.
if minho wasn't so concerned, he'd sink into drowsiness yet again. but he's strong enough to fight against it. especially since seungmin's well-being is at stake.
times come when seungmin gets burnt out, as does any musician. though he's so effortlessly talented when it comes to writing beautiful lyrics, even he faces a blank mind sometimes.
minho constantly tells him it's natural, and that he just needs to slow down sometimes. but he's too stubborn to accept anything. just assumes his dream has lost it's spark.
back in university, he'd sulk until finally it breezed over. minho would have him stuck to his side, having to hear him whine about it for days on end. then suddenly, he'd burst through the door of his apartment and say he's cured, ask for his opinion on something new.
now, however, there's some sort of stigma around confiding in minho. seungmin, for whatever reason, would rather suffer alone.
luckily, minho has witnessed this one too many times since they've started to spend every second of their days together, and has mastered the intricate ways of kim seungmin's mind.
through trial and error, he learnt exactly how to wriggle through whatever barrier the younger puts up.
and it's much simpler than he originally thought it to be.
"yah," he says. pokes between ribs so there's no choice but to react this time. "let's go on a drive."
brown eyes flicker aside. "now?"
"why? don't you want to?"
seungmin exhales sharply through his nose, half a laugh and half a sigh. even though he mutters "it's cold, though…" all indifferently, the shift in his shoulders doesn't go unnoticed.
minho watches him fold the paper into a careful square, before slipping it into the pocket of his hoodie.
then, finally, he nods.
˙⋆✮
while minho digs around the place for something warm to cover his arms, seungmin routinely crosses the room and settles in front of the window again.
though it's night time, he still leans against the wood, wiping a clear spot in the condensation on the glass, eyes fluttering in the same pure hope.
dead grass, black skies. the usual greet him. still no snow to put a smile on his face, nor minho's.
judging by the temperature, it would make sense to see it now out of all times. but nature continues to taunt them, giving them terrible weather, even on nights they could use the extra dopamine.
cruel as ever, like it always is.
to make matters worse, a thick sheet of ice waits for them when they step outside. clings tightly to the windshield of their car, hangs from the side mirrors in twirled icicles too pretty to be as evil as they are.
to drive with the car in a state like this would be dangerous, but minho is determined to make it work.
so, with a scrap shard of wood that so happens to lay near the tire, he makes seungmin hold a flashlight and starts to chip away at it bit by bit.
though his fingers ache and his muscles are oh so exhausted, he puts all his energy into destroying it so seungmin can clear his mind.
seungmin settles on the pavement, barely watching where he shines the light. staring up at the sky as if he's asking it as well, he asks "hyung, what if it can't snow anymore? maybe the clouds dried up or something."
"we'd have bigger problems if that happened." minho grunts between each hit. he's weary of where exactly the ice is flying. "can you move?"
no response, just a sigh.
before he can yell, a chunk finally cracks free under the next sharp strike, leaving a jagged circle just wide enough to peer through from the driver's seat. though it's not big, minho figures it'll do, as there's not much left in the world to crash into anyway.
he tosses the wood aside, then offers a hand to help seungmin up himself. when ignored, there's no choice but to grab his sleeve, yank him to his feet. ignore all whines and forcefully turn him around.
with rough pats, he dusts the dirt off his ass, purposefully jolting the younger around until, finally, a laugh bubbles through.
"i can do that myself." seungmin protests, but there's a pleased look tugging slightly at his mouth, before he suppresses it.
minho hates him. so much that he tugs off the scarf around his own neck and loops it around seungmin's instead. so much that he makes sure it isn't too tight and sits comfortably under his chin.
"let's focus on staying healthy, so we can still be alive when the first snow comes, seungmin-ssi." he flicks his forehead for good measure. "stop sitting on the cold ground, for starters."
from behind the scarf, a muffled "yes, hyung" falls out in reply, and eventually, they climb into the car.
they're ready to go, but more of a delay pushes between their plans as the engine struggles in the cold. three attempts are needed for it to fully sputter to life.
intense weather has never done it any good, it's only a matter of time before it dies completely.
but before it has the chance to tonight, they set off, heading nowhere in particular.
aimless driving is another tradition of theirs that they're yet to let go off. no destination, no directions, simply driving wherever their rusty car leads them.
depending on both of their moods, these journeys are filled with one of two things.
deep conversations that are freakishly serious, or the polar opposite. absolutely nothing.
whatever it may be, it's comfortable regardless. things always are between them.
today, seungmin doesn't talk, as expected. only the rough hum of the car sounds, wind occasionally joining in.
though he desperately wants to ask, minho knows better than to pry. that it'll all spill out when seungmin is ready to let it.
for now, it's a matter of waiting for that moment, and keeping him company until then. even if that means sitting in complete silence.
fifteen minutes in, the younger shuffles. knocks his knee against the dashboard and grumbles incoherently under his breath. when minho asks what's wrong, it's met with a complaint about how cold he is, so the heater is turned up another notch.
another ten pass, and seungmin sighs. this time it's less frustrated, more content. with a quick glance aside, minho catches him staring, soft eyes already looking in his direction.
"what?" he asks.
seungmin just shakes his head.
then, after forty minutes of driving, the quietest of yawns leaves seungmin's lips, and he reaches across the console. fingers curl carefully around minho's knee. "you must be tired. i'm sorry."
minho raises an eyebrow. "all of a sudden?" he flexes his fingers against the steering wheel, huffing out a soft chuckle. "i suggested the drive, didn't i?"
"still…" a faint smile settles, "hyung is tired. i can tell."
instead of agreeing or disagreeing, minho just slips his hand from the wheel and holds it palm-up between them, an invitation seungmin hesitates on for only half a second before accepting.
similar to earlier, there's not much heat when both their skin freezes with the weather. but this time, small but enough, a flicker of warmth manages to bloom where their hands meet.
like this, cold doesn't stand a chance.
"it's fine." minho says, failing at holding back his smile, "hyung's okay."
he gets a hum, and though it sounds unconvinced, seungmin doesn't argue.
instead, he uses his free hand to rub at their conjoined ones. tries to generate something with friction. minho lets him until it starts to sting, then jolts his hand back with a playful hiss.
for the first time in a while, seungmin actually smiles.
cheeks flushed pink and eyes sparkly, minho wishes he could have him like this forever.
˙⋆✮
they drive around for another hour, the car crawling along much slower now.
partly because it grows weaker with each second. and partly because minho controls their pace to comfortably steer with one hand.
beside him, seungmin floats in a state somewhere between sleep and being awake, head tipped back against the seat. eyelids flutter, heavy as he tries to stay part of the conversation. though, his words slur into each other and don't make much sense.
there's no way to tell exactly, but if the sky is anything to go by, midnight can't be far. the moon hangs brightly, a few rare stars scattered around it.
that alone tells minho they're quite far out, as stars are never visible from where they stay.
it's too dark to decipher any clues, though nothing looks familiar anyway. it's safe to say they're lost.
alongside the gradual weakening of the engine, the heater had also gone out twenty minutes ago. the sleep they were deprived of earlier seems to catch up too, minho fighting his own drooping eyes with every blink.
soon enough, the comfort of their drive fizzles out. now, they're stranded in some place they don't know, with barely any energy to get back.
accepting defeat, minho pulls over with a tired sigh, letting the car heave to a stop on the shoulder of a random road.
seungmin unbuckles his seatbelt and slips out with a word, breath instantly puffing into a cloud before him as he trudges to the front of the car.
minho stays put, watches through the window, head lolling to the side. his vision blurs, eyes automatically slipping shut when the other disappears behind the open hood.
even when the clank of metal comes from outside, his consciousness just continues to melt away with the seconds and sinks his body further into the seat.
maybe he does fall asleep there, but he's quickly awake again when the car shakes. seungmin is back in the passenger seat, trying to shut the door as quietly as possible, only to deflate when their eyes meet.
"what?" minho asks, voice groggy, "what's wrong with it?"
"nothing, it's the same as always. but i think we should let it rest. lets just stay here tonight."
"why?" leather creaks as minho shifts, "what? let me see—"
seungmin shakes his head, hands coming out to hold him in place. "really, hyung, it's still fine. it'll get us home tomorrow." he insists, lips curling into a sheepish smile. "just sleep. you're tired. let's go when the sun is up."
"kim seungmin, you—"
without hearing him out, seungmin reaches across again, this time to find the lever beneath minho and pull it. the seat lunges backwards abruptly, disappearing from behind minho's back.
then, he does the same to his own, until both front seats lay on top of the back ones.
though minho desperately wants to argue, swears he can get them back home if he tried, there's not a chance to. the younger is already scrambling out of the car again, to the trunk, digging out emergency blankets that have never came in handy until now.
"it's cold." minho manages to get in, taking a blanket for himself, "it's so cold, seungmin-ah. we're going to freeze out here."
closing the door for the final time, seungmin scoffs. "yeah, probably."
before they found a sufficient building to call home, sleeping in the car was the normal. back then it wasn't a choice, the only sturdy roof they could get their hands on and help guarantee them making it through the night.
while it was uncomfortable and had them aching more than necessary, it became something they were grateful for, especially as more and more left. it was weirdly difficult to transfer back to a mattress.
these seats hold memories minho forgot for a while, body used to the comfort of an actual bed again. lying here under the night's sky reminds him of the early days of the end, when they were too scared to sleep and instead searched for constellations.
seungmin had always been interested in stars, even before. it's yet another thing he's made minho grow to like, too.
now, he still does the same, blinking up through the sunroof, eyes scanning left and right.
minho pokes his shoulder. "see anything?"
"no." of course. there's never enough stars to map anything anymore.
with that, blankets are pulled up to their chins, seungmin turning onto his side. it's much colder here than it was in their bedroom earlier, but neither complain now, too tired to say another word.
minho waits until seungmin closes his eyes to do the same, and their night finally reaches the end they've been chasing all this time.
except, minho happens to open his eyes again, wanting to move without kicking anything, and by chance something begins in the exact same moment.
at first, it looks like more stars have flickered to life, white shimmers multiplying in the sky. but instead of remaining still and small like those from earlier, these grow bigger, drifting downward in spirals before landing against the glass.
once they melt into water droplets, only then does it click in his tired mind. he sits up so fast his vision darkens at the edges, but that doesn't stop him from finding seungmin next to him.
"seungminnie!" he swats a hand at the sleeping figure, "yah, quickly! look!"
disoriented, seungmin tries to hit him back. whines all puppy-like in a way that would instantly melt minho in any other situation.
it takes physically pulling him upright to get him to wake up. lips part, probably carrying the worst of his vocabulary to cuss minho out.
but, all dies on the tip of his tongue when he eventually sees it for himself.
the first snow has finally come.
seungmin's breath audibly hitches, hands curling into the blanket so much his knuckles lose their colour. for a moment, minho wonders if cold had gotten to him and froze him, until he starts trembling with almost frantic giggles.
eyes blown wide, glittery and bright, he scrambles past minho to the window, pressing up against it.
"hyung!" he shouts, sounding identical to his younger self, "it's snowing!"
minho smiles with him, though he's not so focused on the snow anymore.
no more time is wasted getting outside, seungmin fumbling with the door handle with clumsy fingers. he's already breathless before he even starts running.
minho fishes their flashlight from the glove compartment and follows, the beam creating barely enough light to illuminate whatever path seungmin decides to take.
enough snow has fallen to coat the ground already, crunching beneath their feet and leaving footprints. so, it isn't hard to find the other who sprints off ahead so eagerly, following his trail until he's found standing in the middle of the road.
there, seungmin is perfectly still. arms limp at his sides, head tilted back. snowflakes catch in his eyelashes and stick to his cheeks like freckles, melting against the flushed skin.
he's not doing much, just standing under it, but it's so obvious that he's happy. on a level hard to come by these days.
minho has missed the way it looks on him.
taking time to appreciate the snow himself, he sets the flashlight down on the floor for seungmin and ventures out into the darkness alone. having his own light isn't necessary since he ends up closing his eyes anyway.
still sleepy, it takes him a second too long to register the footsteps getting louder behind him. he fails to dodge arms that suddenly wrap around his shoulders, stuck with a chest pressing flush against his back.
it should alarm him, but harmless laughter comes with it. tells him he has nothing to worry about. that it's just his seungmin.
seungmin hugs so gently, forehead dropping between his shoulder blades. "if we stayed at home, we probably would've missed it."
minho pats his hands that cross near his chest. "but we didn't. hyung's the best, right?"
obviously, his question falls flat.
in hopes of revenge, he spins on his heel, twisting in the grip around him until they're face to face. completely underestimates the proximity and lands closer than expected. so much that even seungmin jolts back, eyes widening before he laughs.
somehow, minho can feel his ears burning even in such weather. why he's still so shy though they've been dating for years will forever be beyond him.
how kim seungmin can lean forward and ask for a kiss so easily will also remain a mystery.
but there's no time to panic when his jacket is being tugged at, when sparkling eyes are begging him to come closer.
one day, he'll learn how to resist those puppy eyes. but in another life, because in this one, it's completely impossible.
he likes seungmin way too much for his own good. too much to ever turn down anything. so, he leans forward, lets their lips meet halfway.
and when he pulls back, seungmin somehow looks impossibly happier.
˙⋆✮
mornings start different after the first snow has fallen.
rather than gazing out at plain grass, seungmin sleeps in, content with a promise of snow already waiting for him when he wakes up.
minho stirs to soft snores fanning out against his collar bone, no longer having to deal with an empty spot beside him. this way, days start off warmer, even when it gets physically colder.
the floor lacks balled up pages recently, clear enough to walk along without tripping. all paper they own is flat on their desk, with ink smeared all over them in pretty words.
lyrics overflow from seungmin's mind once again, written neatly with hardly any scribbles anymore. as he goes about his day, minho often hears new melodies flow from their bedroom, the strum of a guitar always following close behind.
though inevitably, snow brings other problems that minho wishes he doesn't have to deal with, he too is lighter these days. joy is infectious when it comes from a certain person.
so, even though they might be the only people on earth that still wish for snow. tradition is something they'll hold onto forever. no matter what kind of place the world is becomes, it'll stay strong between the two of them.
minho sincerely hopes to spend each first snow with seungmin by his side.
and if there ever comes a time when snow doesn't fall, he'd like to seungmin to be with him then, too.