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Their escape from Shido’s palace had been an intense one, only made worse by those few minutes in which Ryuji disappeared.
Yusuke had been so in shock by the idea of losing his friend that, when Ryuji came back to them, he couldn’t even properly feel relief, as if his mind couldn’t process everything that had happened that evening—which didn’t mean he wasn’t relieved, of course.
The Phantom Thieves kept walking toward the station, but Yusuke didn’t accompany them. Instead, he chose to stay behind, waiting until Ryuji reached him. It took him some time, though, and his slow steps made Yusuke notice his limping. Concerned, he moved toward Ryuji, who raised his head, looking at him.
There was something strange in his expression, which distracted Yusuke from the question he was about to ask. Ryuji didn’t say anything for a moment, then lowered his gaze to the ground.
“Why are you still here?” he asked.
“I was waiting for you.”
Ryuji didn’t respond. The silence helped Yusuke remember what he was concerned about.
“Did you hurt your leg?”
“I’m fine.”
That was certainly not true, but also not the first time Ryuji played down an injury.
“May I accompany you to your house?” he asked.
For some strange reason, his question made Ryuji tense up. He looked at Yusuke, his brow slightly creased.
“Why?” he asked.
“I want to make sure you arrive safely.”
Another moment of silence, followed by low words. “You don’t have to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Pretend that you care.” Ryuji inhaled sharply, looking away from him. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”
His words were so unexpected that, for a moment, Yusuke could do nothing but stare at him.
“What makes you think I am—”
“You were relieved, weren’t you?” Ryuji interrupted him.
“To see you safe?”
“When you thought I died.”
Yusuke couldn’t answer. The suggestion was absurd, but there was no humor in Ryuji’s words.
“Why would I be?” Yusuke asked.
Ryuji observed him for a while longer, and his expression seemed to lose some of its stiffness.
“You really…”
He stopped talking, and Yusuke noticed his lips trembling before Ryuji turned his back on him.
“Ryuji?” Yusuke called him.
“Say…” Ryuji spoke while facing away. “If you were happy to see someone alive, then why would you…”
His words trailed off. A few seconds of silence, followed by a low, forced chuckle.
“Never mind it.” Ryuji waved his hand to dismiss the subject. “Thanks, Yusu. But I’m really fine.”
That nickname, when spoken in that tone, made his heart ache. Yusuke opened his mouth, but stopped himself before saying a word. Instead, he briefly closed his eyes, taking a moment to clear his mind of the numbness that enveloped it. He slowly recalled those events: the moment the palace started to collapse… When Ryuji saved their lives… The explosion… Their arrival at the real world without him… His sudden return… And then…
Yusuke creased his brow, the images and yells that followed Ryuji’s return becoming clearer. They felt unreal, as if he was looking at a distant dream, and yet…
He opened his eyes, looking at Ryuji’s back.
“Is this about how we reacted after seeing you?”
Ryuji didn’t answer immediately. When he finally spoke, his voice was so low Yusuke could barely hear it.
“Am I that wrong to be…” He clicked his tongue. “Damn, I don’t even know if I’m mad or not. I… What the hell should I be feeling after that?”
Yusuke took a step in his direction. He raised his hand, almost placing it on Ryuji’s back, only for hesitation to make him lower it again.
“We were all in shock,” he tried to explain. “I know they didn’t mean to hurt you. It didn’t even cross my mind to stop them at the time.”
“Well, it’s fine, right?” Ryuji scoffed. “It’s just Ryuji… He’s used to it.”
“What are you saying?”
He let out a bitter laugh that sounded nothing like him. “Why did I think things would be different this time? It always ends like this… No matter how much I wish things will be different, or how much I trust people not to hurt me, they always—”
A sob cut off his words. Ryuji clenched his fists, his shoulders shaking as he shouted.
“It’s always the same shit, over and over again! I think they care about me, but… Turns out they all hated me from the beginning, and I was just too dumb to see it!”
He went silent, his words giving place to loud sobs. Ryuji brought a hand to his face, crying into it in a way Yusuke had never seen.
“I’m so fucking tired of this…” he added in a mutter.
This time, Yusuke fought his hesitation and gently touched his back. “None of us hates you.”
“Stop it!” Ryuji yelled. “Stop it, I… Just stop.”
But Yusuke couldn’t do as he said, not while that misunderstanding persisted.
“I apologize for how I reacted,” he said. “I know I should have done something, or at least checked on you properly.” He paused, struggling to find the words. “I had no ill intentions, but I was shocked to see you alive after that explosion and could not think clearly. I suppose it is the same for the others.”
Ryuji shook his head. “It’s fine.”
“You don’t believe me, do you?”
Once again, there was no response, and Yusuke didn’t try to force one out of him.
“May I still accompany you home?” he asked, instead.
Ryuji shrugged. “If that’s really what you want.”
“It is.”
They walked silently, Ryuji one step ahead of Yusuke, who watched his back, wondering what he should have said instead. If it were Akira in his place, he would certainly know what to do—he always did. But Yusuke couldn’t even find the words to comfort his closest friend as he cried.
They were almost reaching the station when Ryuji suddenly stopped walking.
“What’s the matter?” asked Yusuke.
“Do you think they’re still there?”
Yusuke considered it briefly. “Perhaps, if they waited for us.”
Ryuji stood in place, seeming conflicted by something. Before Yusuke could question him, however, he took a deep breath and continued to walk. As they entered the station and approached their platform, however, it became clear no one was there but the two of them.
“Looks like they already left,” said Yusuke.
“Yeah.”
Yusuke couldn’t tell if he looked relieved or not. Ryuji sat on the bench, and Yusuke did the same by his side. They waited quietly for a moment, until Ryuji finally broke the silence.
“Hey… I’m asking you ’cause I’m really bad at this… reading the room, and stuff. But…” He risked a glance at Yusuke. “Do you think the others want me gone?” He paused, then quickly added. “I don’t mean dead… I mean, gone from the group.”
The answer felt obvious to him. “No.”
“Are you saying this to make me feel better?”
“I’m not.”
“What should I do, then?” Ryuji lowered his gaze. “What do I need to change so they won’t hate me?”
“There is no need for you to change.”
Ryuji sighed. “Do you really believe that?”
“Yes.” Yusuke thought briefly before adding. “And also, I would be saddened if you changed who you are.”
Ryuji didn’t answer, and once again, Yusuke wondered if he had chosen the wrong words. The train arrived a minute later, and the ride was spent in a similar way: silently, an unusual barrier seeming to grow between them with each passing minute. Normally, Yusuke didn’t mind the silence, but in that moment, it made him nothing but anxious.
The ride seemed to last a long while, but they finally arrived at the station near Ryuji’s home. Once again, Yusuke followed him one step behind, watching Ryuji’s back until he staggered, then rushed to his side, holding him by the arm to help him regain his balance.
“How is your leg?” he asked.
“It’s fine.”
“That doesn’t seem to be the case,” Yusuke insisted. “You can lean on me, if you need to.”
Instead, Ryuji stared at him with a strange expression. He then lowered his eyes, seeming hesitant once again.
“Hey…” he said. “Are you following me ’cause you’re worried?”
“Of course. You were too close to that explosion… It is a miracle in itself that you escaped with your life and no serious injuries. If anything were to happen to you on your way back, at the very least, I want to be by your side to offer my aid.”
Yusuke realized he had tightened his grip on Ryuji’s arm as he spoke, and quickly let go. But Ryuji didn’t mention it, staying silent for a while longer. Then, he raised his eyes, looking at Yusuke.
“You really care about me, don’t you?” he asked.
“Is that not a normal thing between friends?”
A faint, slightly sad smile took his lips. “Then, you might be my only friend.”
Yusuke almost refuted, but the words stayed trapped in his throat. Only then did he finally realize that he was the only one there, by Ryuji’s side. The others had left without a word, before even checking if Yusuke would be with him.
The more he thought about it, the worse it all became. He knew he wasn’t the only one who was worried, and he had seen for himself how hurt his companions were at the thought of losing Ryuji. Yet, he could understand why Ryuji had interpreted everything in such a terrible manner: in his place, Yusuke wouldn’t have come to a different conclusion.
The realization stung his chest, as well as the guilt for having done nothing when he had the chance, and passively allowing the situation to reach that point. He wished he could fix things, but had no idea how.
Yusuke moved closer and did what he believed Ryuji would have done in his place: closed his arms around his friend, pulling him into a careful hug.
“I cannot speak for anyone else,” he said. “But I am your friend. And I will be with you whenever you need me.”
Ryuji stiffened for just a moment in his arms, but then relaxed, leaning closer to him.
“You really ain’t tired of me?” he asked.
“No. I was terrified of losing you.”
“Really?”
“I cannot even tell you how much.”
“Then…” A small, hesitant pause. “Is it fine for me to be here?”
“It is.” Yusuke couldn’t help but tighten his embrace as he spoke. “I am glad you are.”
“You’ve got no idea how much I needed to hear this right now…”
Ryuji closed his arms tightly around Yusuke’s waist, burying his face in his chest, sobbing loudly. Yusuke brought a hand to his head, holding him close while saying nothing, just waiting for him to calm down.
He was sure the others cared about Ryuji as well, and would probably apologize once the shock of Ryuji’s near-death passed. Until then, he would be the one staying by Ryuji’s side, helping him through that terrible night.