Chapter Text
Henry was disturbed from his book by the sound of the telephone ringing. He wasn't Francis; he usually ignored the sound of the phone, or just picked it up and put it down to stop the ringing. However, he padded off to the receiver; maybe it was something important, travel plans...
"Henry, I need your advice."
Picking the phone up was a mistake.
"What could it possibly be this time?" Henry groaned. "Bun, you need to make decisions yourself. I'm practically living your life for you at this rate."
Bunny huffed. "Well, you're not doing a very good job, then. Marion is dragging me to another date. The shopping mall, Henry! We're supposed to go shopping. I need money, stat. And I need you to give me an outfit. Do you still have that, oh, that beautiful jacket? Didn't Julian gift it to you? That real dapper one, was it gray? I'm going to have to borrow it."
Henry scoffed at Bunny's requests. "You're being ridiculous. You know, I spend enough money on you alone. I am not going to be buying presents for your, that," godforsaken bitch who he wanted to replace, "Marion. I'm not buying your girlfriend presents or clothing or anything at all."
"I'll be honest with you, Henry. You're carrying our relationship here," Bunny told him. "You always know what to say when we're fighting. Henry, the love doctor, Winter!" Bunny exclaimed.
Henry reminisced on the times he had told Bunny what to say to Marion to make her fall head over heels once more for the pathetic excuse of boyfriend Bunny. Sure, they always worked, but that was because they were from the heart: Henry's heart. He told Bunny his feelings through the quarrels with Marion.
"And, if I'm speaking the truth, we're fighting again," Bunny went on. "I made a big mistake! I don't know what I did; women, aren't they dramatic? God, she must be living in Hell. Anyway, enough. This daye, it's gonna make or break us! I need, what, two hundred? And that wonderful jacket, if you would."
"I am not spending two hundred dollars on your girlfriend," Henry denied flatly.
"And how about that jacket?"
"Absolutely not."
"What if I pay you back?"
"With what money? This is a circumstance that will never happen."
"Hey, that's not very kind. Have some faith, will ya?" Bunny said. "Come on! I'll do your homework. That essay we got this Thursday? It's done! I'm already writing it in my head right now!"
"I would pay you to not do my homework."
"Then it's done! Train of thought has been shut down, send it back to the station!" Bunny told him excitedly. "You'll give me the money?"
Henry sighed. "No, Bun. That wasn't a real offer. I'm not giving you any money."
"Well, why the hell not?" Bunny asked, as if Henry were a malfunctioning ATM. "You have to!"
"I don't have to do anything," Henry answered simply. Though, now that Bunny was whining, he did want to just give him the money... "You have to get a job. I won't be here forever."
"Sure ya will!" Bunny answered. "Where would you go? Travel the world? Are you going to marry Julian and become a globetrotter?"
Henry scowled. "If it means I am in the farthest corner of Earth away from you, I might consider it."
"What is in your head today? Migraine bug? You're really spewing such rude words. I want you to lighten up!"
"Well, since hearing your voice, I do believe I have a migraine coming on. I think I'll hang up the phone now. It wasn't nice talking with you. I will see you—" Henry tried to say.
Bunny interrupted; at least there was one thing he was good at. "Henry! Really, I'll do anything for this, please. You have to help me. My future wife is on the line!"
"I don't really have a care in the world for this future wife of yours. I barely know her."
But Henry did care. He had a hateful vengeance for that woman. It wasn't like Bunny's hatred for her. It wasn't misogyny; it was pure jealousy.
"I won't be spendin' it all on her! I'll get myself something nice, too. Don't you want me to have nice things? Don't you want your friend to be oh so happy? Maybe I'll just spend it all on myself! Throw off the date, who cares? That woman drags me everywhere these days. It would just make me so happy, Henry, that money. It would make me fly over the moon."
"That's not possible," Henry answered, barely listening anymore. Why didn't he just put the phone down now? Because it was Bunny he was talking to, that's why.
"Well, whatever you say. I just need the money. I'll do anything for it."
An idea popped into Henry's mind. "Anything?" Henry questioned.
"Anything," Bunny confirmed. "Anything in the whole wide world. You name it, it's done."
It didn't mean a whole lot when Bunny said that. He wasn't good at physical labor. He couldn't give you answers to a difficult homework question. He would never pay you back, never. If you asked him for a favor, you would probably have better luck asking him to move to a different country, far away from your issue at hand. However, none of that was what Henry wanted...
Henry hesitated, the previous idea he had stuck on the tip of his tongue. Should he? No, he shouldn't. It's ridiculous. Bunny wouldn't agree. Bunny, he would probably shun him and never speak to him again. He would probably tell everyone in the class and— Whatever. He had more than two hundred dollars. Bunny loved a good bribe, didn't he?
"Fine. Yes, I'll give you two hundred dollars, but you can't spend it on your date with Marion," Henry finally agreed, rubbing his temples, preparing himself for the next sentence he was about to say.
"Ah, my God. Thank you so much, Henry. You're really just a life saver. You know—"
"You have to spend it, or, at least a little of it, on your date with me."