Chapter Text
If someone were to ask what it felt like to fall in love, there would be as many answers as there are people.
It could be a rush of wind, blind-siding and exhilarating before settling into a gentle breeze of a perfect early summer day.
It could also be an explosion of passion and insatiability, ravenous and consuming like a wildfire not caring of the damage left in its wake until only barely flickering cinders remained.
Some could say falling in love was steady and built on solid foundations, carefully tended as a gardener would diligently and lovingly raise up bountiful blooms.
And others still could argue that falling in love was like walking down a flight of stairs and nearly missing a step- sudden, surprising and maybe even worth panicking about.
If someone was to ask Togame Jo what it was like to fall in love, he would have agreed more with those who panicked missing a step. It was unexpected, unbidden, and scary.
At the time, back in the spring when cherry blossoms dusted the streets near the park by the home he shared with his grandfather, Togame was in no place to open his heart to anything. Looking back, he knew it was fear and uncertainty that allowed him to placate the madness of his best friend’s mind. And as such, he forced himself to kill his emotions, lock them away and bury them so deep within the darkest confines of his soul in order to protect the smile of his only friend.
It was that fateful day in March when Togame had followed a trio of Shishitoren’s members to the tunnel that served as the border between Shishitoren and Bofurin territories. Call it morbid curiosity or doing something that resembled leading as the vice commander of Shishitoren, but he followed the trio and came across a hostile confrontation between the two enemy teams. A younger kid was being protected by two Bofurin members, the familiar face of Hiragi briefly passed his recognition, and a pair of Bofurin members were standing directly in front of an unconscious (forgettable) person, with Kanuma and Arima yelling that Bofurin broke the rules.
And it was the words of the boy he later learned was named Sakura that cracked the thick mire of darkness where Togame kept his heart shackled.
He was beautiful- that was the simplest way to describe the teen. The kind of beauty and ferocity that would have poets and artists driven mad unable to replicate his image, the aura of a finely honed blade of battle in each subtle movement. A threat of the physical and emotional sort all in one boy.
The light that managed to trickle down to Togame’s heart wasn’t noticeable right away. No, it was the duel Togame and Sakura shared. For a boy with such a beautiful and evocative name, he ruthlessly tore savage claws into Togame’s soul, forcing all he had suppressed and stuffed down into the light.
And yet, there was no cruelty, no ridicule or mockery from Sakura. On the stage of the Ori with all the lights and eyes on the two of them, Sakura simply said he wanted to know. Togame was an equal to him, not a lesser man, an enemy or an object of disdain. No, Sakura saw him as a worthy opponent and someone worth knowing.
The feeling it stirred from deep within was a tempest unlike anything Togame had felt in his seventeen years of life. It terrified him, but Sakura made their duel incredibly fun, like feeling the warmth of home after walking home in the harsh cold of winter.
Months had passed since that first meeting and their first exchange of blows. Sakura had wrenched open Togame’s heart during their duel, so when the realization hit Togame that he had fallen in love, he didn’t know what to think. It hit him like accidentally walking off the edge of a pool deck and dropping into the icy cold deep end. To put it simply, he was afraid. Even months after Sakura came to ask for help, Togame inviting Sakura to the summer festival, and all the team get-togethers, he was still afraid of these feelings.
Sakura was precious like a rare flower that bloomed slowly and resiliently fought against its harsh environments. His cat-like expressions and genuine reactions to the simplest of joys and experiences stoked the steady flames of Togame’s desires. He wanted to give Sakura everything, to fill his life with joys and fun, to tend to his physical and emotional wounds, to treasure him with every breath because Sakura was worth it all and more.
But when his desires shifted, Togame realized his unbidden longing could ruin everything. His pure desires to shower Sakura in happiness suddenly weren’t enough. He wanted more. He wanted to be with him, to hold Sakura, to kiss him, to make him blush harder than ever before. The realization that his affections couldn’t be sated with merely being friends was terrifying. There were far too many variables and questions- if Sakura was attracted to men, if he was open to dating-, but the cruelest of all was a single question: would they still be friends.
That fear made itself at home in Togame’s delicate heart on the day of the summer festival. He had planned to confess, but that question dumped icy waters on the steady kindling of his love. Of course he would be happy to simply be friends with Sakura, someone he could trust and want to be with, but that greedy longing for more would be there until his heart hardened to stone or he found love elsewhere.
It hurt, but what he had was enough.
The months ticked by and soon it was late December- the day before New Year’s Eve.
Togame was working his newly official part time job helping set up festival booths at the local shrine. The familiar work and friendly conversations with the stall owners helped the time pass quickly, so much that he almost missed his phone ringing.
To his surprise, it was Sakura calling (the younger teen not usually being the type to call without texting if it was okay to talk first). Togame quickly became excused himself to take the call, his grandfather waving him off from the neighboring booth, and Togame found a quieter place to answer the call.
“Sakura~ Hello,” Togame couldn’t hold back the smile that always seemed to appear on his lips with Sakura.
”H-Hey Togame. You’re not busy, right?” The younger teen sounded flustered on the end of the call. It wasn’t hard to imagine the slight pout and blush Sakura was definitely sporting.
“I was due for a break. Something on your mind? It’s rare for you to call without checking in first.”
There was a slightly muffled groan on the other end of the line, the kind expected when a little kid got caught taking extra candy from the snack bowl. It would have been cute if Togame wasn’t quietly worrying what the call could possibly be about.
“The…. I mean, it’s New Years Eve tomorrow… The festival… do you want to go? With me?”
Togame was more than just a little surprised now. He never expected Sakura to ask him to the festival and more so with his question framing it as if it would just be the two of them. No Shishitoren and no Bofurin. Just Sakura and Togame. It sounded like something from a dream Tofame would pocket away in his mind to fantasize about later.
And it was stupidly easy to agree. The greedy part of Togame’s love for Sakura had been stirred and now Togame could only think about spending the New Year with the other boy. His mind eagerly supplied imaginings of spending the festival with Sakura, complete teasing glances and lingering touches. Even in his fantasies couldn’t conjure declarations of love, no matter how much he indulged his inclinations towards romance, as if he had put Sakura on a pedestal he couldn’t defy.
Still, the next evening he dressed with his favorite soft and extra warm sweater, a pair of fitted jeans Arima boldly declared would bring out the toned shape of his legs, and a heavy coat to keep the cold at bay before heading out. He had made sure that this time he wouldn’t be put to work so he could spend the evening with Sakura. It may not be a proper date, but indulging a little like it was one and dressing up wouldn’t hurt.
It had snowed throughout the day and the forecast called for more, so after securing a heavy warm scarf around his neck, Togame headed out. They had agreed to meet outside of the shrine’s entrance and even in all of his excitement to see the object of his affections, Sakura was already there waiting for him.
Togame nearly forgot to breathe for a moment. The younger looked bewitching under the streetlight, a few drifted snowflakes caught in his bangs and the cold had colored his cheeks. He looked excited and relieved and a little flustered all in quick succession as Togame joined him.
“We’re both a little early,” he teased. He brushed a little of the snow out of Sakura’s bangs with as much perceived nonchalance as he could muster in spite of his heart aching to do more. It would be so easy to just let his hand drift and hold Sakura’s cheek, letting his thumb warm the younger’s chilled skin or even to lean down and steal a tender kiss from soft pink lips.
Sakura blushed a little, his eyes wide from the touch before glancing away nervously. “I’ve never… done this before, so…”
Togame chuckled, taking a small step back. “Shall we?”
Although familiar faces from Bofurin, Shishitoren and even Roppo Ichiza and Gravel occasionally dotted the crowds of the festival, other than a greeting wave the pair were left alone. Togame was reminded how much Sakura was passed around and kept busy exploring while Togame had an excited Choji and helping out at one of the stands to compete with back in August. It wasn’t that Togame had been hung up on not spending that much time with Sakura that day. In truth, he wanted Sakura to have as much fun and positive experiences as possible. And a day with friends and activity was perfect. He couldn’t even consider disliking what had happened. Not when Sakura sparkled when he smiled without reservation.
They quietly chatted as they explored. Sakura even went out of his way to get them a pair of cups with hot amazake. It almost felt like - dare he think it - a New Years shrine date. Togame’s heart was full, each moment carved into his memory like a precious gemstone honed to glittering perfection.
He was so distracted with his brief thought that he didn’t realize he had followed Sakura away from the main part of the festival grounds. They were in a small clearing with a snow-free bench and the sounds of activity a murmur in the background. He didn’t even notice the familiar figures of Sakura’s friends scurrying away through the snowy walking paths with the even more familiar mop of blond hair that belonged to Choji being carted away.
It was only when he found himself in light once more that he realized Sakura had planned this.
The small clearing had been carefully decorated with simple white string lights (the switch to turn them on likely in the hands of one of Sakura’s friends). It was simple and earnest, but enough to make Togame’s heart slam against his chest. This was something special, important and Sakura had prepared it with help from his friends to surprise him.
“Sakura…?” Togame breathed, watching the younger teen turn around to face him. His face was far more red than the cold would cause, his hands fidgeting in front of him with anxiety. Under the lights that were just for them, Sakura was the most beautiful thing in the world.
Sakura opened his mouth and closed it, then fidgeted a little before trying again. “I’m not… the best with words. Especially when I want to open up. But I’m trying. It’s hard, but I’m trying… I want to express myself and my feelings to everyone who’s become important to me since I came to this town. And… I want to… tell you everything.”
Togame felt like he couldn’t breathe. It had been obvious Sakura had been working on being open with those he trusted, even Togame himself had been a part of his journey. But this was different. This was a gesture with weight and intention and Togame wanted it to be what he secretly wished for, what he wanted since the day Sakura had given him the fight of his life.
“There’s a lot of… baggage and pain I’m working through. But part of why I’m able to face those things is because of you…” He paused for a moment. “I told you to be a cool guy and I ended up trying to be a cool guy for you. And that meant putting my feelings and baggage out there for you and my friends.”
”Sakura…” He had been trying to be a cool guy? For him? Togame’s throat tightened. There were a million things he wanted to do or say and he nearly gave into his impulses to embrace Sakura and confess everything he adored about the younger man. But he held back. This was Sakura’s time and stage to speak. He had planned everything for this conversation, so Togame would listen until everything Sakura wanted to say was embraced in the cold December air.
“Togame… I uh…” another pause and Sakura briefly bit his lip like he was refocusing his efforts. “I’m… scared. I just like you so much. You’re always in my head and I miss you when I don’t see you and I couldn’t figure out why I was sad back in August and I realized it was because I wanted you to kiss me-“
Togame didn’t let him finish, pulling Sakura into his arms and kissing those lips that he had dreamed of kissing so many times. The sounds of the New Year arriving drifted through the snow to them as they kissed, beneath the glow of the lights.
Breathless and heads dizzy with delight, their lips parted. Togame watched as Sakura opened his eyes with a slightly dazed look on his face under the bright red blush. He really was too beautiful, more so with the knowledge Togame’s kiss had dyed him such a lovely color.
“Sorry. I’ve been wanting to do that for months,” Togame apologized, his hand naturally having found Sakura’s chilled cheek, cupping it and stroking with his thumb to warm the younger man.
“Pfft,” Sakura broke into a fit of giggles. “I was gonna do it if you didn’t make a move first. You look at me like I’m the only thing in the world. You have no idea how insanely hot you are.”
It was Togame’s turn to laugh, throwing his head back and taking a deep breath. “Then I should endeavor to never make my boyfriend feel like he isn’t being kissed enough.”
Sakura spluttered, blushing deep scarlet. “B-Boyfriend?!”
“Yup. No takebackies now. I’m all yours,” Togame leaned down, his eyes carefully studying every facet of Sakura’s face, down to the way the string lights cast a soft glow on his fair skin.
Without hesitation, Sakura yanked Togame down into a deep and messy with inexperience kiss. The taste of amazake strong between them as their lips met over and over, their breaths mingling in the cold between them. Sakura’s arms wound their way around Togame’s shoulders. Togame’s secured themselves to Sakura’s lower back, giving him ample hold to pick Sakura up and spin around under the lights.
“I love you, Haruka,” Togame murmured before kissing Sakura once more.
“I love you too, Jo.”