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“No. You’re not a piece of shit. You’re a human being. Flesh and blood.”
The trip back to Germany was pure hell. One layover, almost the whole day in the air. Bored out of his goddamn mind. And it’s way too easy to numb your ass in those seats.
Maybe that was why Michael chose to sit locked in the bathroom instead of next to Ness—for about ten minutes straight by now. People had knocked: flight attendants, irritated passengers who actually needed to piss for obvious reasons and not because they wanted some alone time, Ness.
Speaking of Ness—he was fucking exhausting.
With a heavy breath, Kaiser slid his hands up to his neck in a familiar, calming motion, tugging down the collar of his tight turtleneck. Even without squeezing, he could feel himself loosen up; when he did clasp his hands, he let his hatred run free.
Wearing the turtleneck was the right call, anyway. Bruises wouldn’t show.
When someone knocked hard, borderline aggressive, Kaiser pulled his hands away, flushed the toilet for show, washed his palms at the sink, and stepped out—earning a string of pissed-off swearing from some old guy who immediately darted into the now-empty stall, and a wary look from a flight attendant.
“Are you okay, sir? Do you need any assistance?” she asked—polite, a little stiff, and interestingly enough, in English.
“No, thank you.” Michael smiled. She raised an eyebrow, clearly waiting for a real answer to the first question.
“Sorry I took so long. Must’ve eaten something expired.”
“Do you need medical attention?” she asked.
“No, I’m fine.”
“All right. Please let us know if you start feeling worse.”
Michael nodded with fake gratitude, and the second he turned away from her, the smile slid right off his face. A little farther down the cabin sat Alexis, staring at him with that impossibly worried look that made Kaiser genuinely feel like he was about to puke. Maybe he actually would need medical attention after all.
Kaiser forced himself to look away and headed back to Ness like he was walking up to a stranger. Which, honestly, wasn’t entirely untrue. He had no idea who the guy he sat down next to even was anymore.
“Kaiser? Are you okay?” Alexis asked.
“Oh sure, why don’t you also ask me what the fuck I was doing sitting on the toilet for ten minutes.”
“Kaiser.” Alexis lowered his voice, more serious now, shifting closer until their shoulders touched.
“What do you want.”
“You haven’t eaten anything for two days. Nothing at all. I’m not buying the expired food bullshit.”
Well, from one angle, it was Kaiser’s own fault for choosing Ness as his test subject. Kaiser was at fault for pretty much everything in general. And Alexis was way too perceptive for his own good when it came to Michael.
“Shut the fuck up, Ness. It’s none of your business.”
“At least fix your collar. I can see new bruises.”
Michael visibly flinched, scowling as he tucked his neck deeper into the turtleneck and turned his gaze away from his… companion.
Either Kaiser had let himself go so badly over the past few days that he couldn’t even keep track of shit like this—and even Ness could crack him open like a nut—or Ness understood a hell of a lot more than he let on, and in the end, Kaiser was the one being fooled. He was almost impressed.
He really wanted to throw Alexis out of the fucking plane.
“Kaiser.”
“What now,” he snapped.
“Do I need to walk you around like a child, holding your hand everywhere? I can’t even let you go to the bathroom alone?”
“The fuck?!—” Kaiser raised his voice, then forced himself to stop when some woman in the seat ahead shushed them. Way too confident for someone with a throat that could be cut.
“Jesus Christ, fuck off. I didn’t ask you to trail after me everywhere.”
“That’s my personal choice. You don’t get to tell me what to do anymore.” Ness shrugged, unimpressed.
“And if you’re really that incapable of controlling yourself, then yeah—I don’t have much of a choice.”
“Whatever I do is none of your damn business.”
“Oh, what, you embarrassed to take a shit in the same stall with me?”
“Ness!”
“Will you shut up already? A child is sleeping!” the same woman snapped—and immediately after that, the kid started crying. Perfect. Just what everyone needed.
“We’re sorry,” Alexis said quickly, apologizing for both of them. Then, almost in a whisper, to Kaiser:
“We’ll talk about this after we land, if you want. Though I’ve already decided everything. For you, too. Sorry.”
That was it. Kaiser finally snapped and slammed his fist into Ness’s knee. Ness winced in pain but didn’t say a word, and Michael had no choice but to shut up for the rest of the flight.
***
Berlin was chilly; he actually had to dig a jacket out of his suitcase. Bastard Munchen were bunched up at the airport exit, talking over one another, loud as hell. The only ones not saying a word were Ness and Kaiser, standing a little off to the side.
“The bus will be here in about three minutes. Driver says he got stuck in traffic,” Noa said flatly.
Getting to Munich meant at least six hours of hauling ass by bus, on a good day. On the upside, it was a private, comfortable one. Kaiser chose not to mention that his ass was already going numb from all the sitting. He didn’t feel like talking at all.
“We’ll make a stop in Leipzig,” Noel went on. “After a trip that long, you need to eat.”
Fantastic. Too bad his appetite was completely dead.
“You’ll eat at least one leaf of lettuce,” Alexis suddenly whispered in his ear. “I’ll make sure of it.”
“What, you gonna wipe my ass too?” Kaiser rolled his eyes.
“With pleasure.”
“Fuck off.”
“You haven’t eaten in two days. You want starvation hallucinations?” Ness continued calmly.
“Not the firs—” Michael tripped over the word.
“Fuck it, drop it already.”
Surprisingly, Ness didn’t comment on that slip. He went quiet altogether, and a moment later the bus pulled around the corner. The whole team started loading their bags.
Inside the bus, Kaiser nearly took poor Grim out at the knees as he headed straight for the very back. He dropped into a window seat, shoved his backpack at his feet—and immediately found himself trapped: Ness sat down right next to him. Close.
At the same time, Michael couldn’t help noticing how the guy beside him tensed up. Not completely off the leash yet. Still scared of his owner.
Idiot.
“We’ll be in Leipzig in about two and a half hours, Kaiser,” Alexis said, checking the navigation.
“Awesome.” Kaiser stared out the window. The bus pulled away, swaying pleasantly, especially back here in the rear seats. Still, the fact that Ness was so close and yet not touching him was irritating. Irritating because right now Alexis felt way too warm, too inviting.
Michael wanted that warmth.
He shifted closer and rested his head on Ness’s shoulder, eyes closing. The guy beside him clearly stiffened at first, caught off guard—but then relaxed. And fuck, Michael would bet his entire yearly salary that the mutt was smiling right now. Disgusting.
And yet, he doesn’t pull away.
Ness really is warm. And the steady rocking of the bus made Michael drowsy. The lack of food in his system caught up with him, too, and little by little, Kaiser drifted off to sleep.
***
When he woke up, the boy carefully scanned his surroundings first thing.
No danger.
He’s not here.
He got up and quietly made his way toward the other rooms.
Not in the living room. Not in the bathroom either.
In the kitchen.
A massive body lay sprawled across the floor, soaked in its own vomit and reeking of cheap alcohol. The boy barely managed to keep from gagging. He covered his nose with his hand and, moving slowly on tiptoe, approached the body.
Out cold.
Knowing that if this thing woke up covered in those disgusting fluids, it would start screaming and beating him, the boy decided to clean up whatever he could. He opened a window so the stench wouldn’t be so unbearable, filled a bucket with water, and started scrubbing, his face twisting with disgust.
In his sleep, the body let out a filthy snore, loud enough to make the boy flinch, his face going pale. But it showed no other signs of waking and kept breathing heavily. After calming his pounding heart and steadying his shaking hands, the boy finished cleaning.
If this piece of shit died right now… would it make things better?
His gaze fell on a knife lying on the countertop. Dirty and dull, the handle slick, like it was coated in grease. Then he looked back at his father. Asleep. The boy even dared to slap his cheek once.
Still asleep. Deeply. Probably.
With trembling knees, he shuffled to the counter and picked up the knife.
What are you supposed to cut?
The neck.
He approached the body and knelt beside it. He wasn’t sure he could cut through a layer of fat that thick. He was scared.
But he was twice as scared of the thought that this thing might survive.
Panic surged fast, his blood feeling like it was boiling in his veins.
He didn’t notice the pair of enraged eyes opening and locking onto him.
“What the fuck are you doing here, you little bastard— a knife?!”
Despite his massive weight, the body lurched up and towered over the boy, ripping the knife from his hand. The boy screamed.
“You trying to kill me, huh?! I’ll fucking bury you first! Get ready, you little shit!”
Fingers crushing the boy’s throat, the man raised the knife, aiming for his stomach. Fueled by adrenaline, the boy kicked him between the ribs, buying himself a couple of seconds, and bolted for the bathroom. The man charged after him.
“Holy shit, you’re dead for sure now!”
Run run run run
The boy’s body moved faster than his mind. He managed to slam the door shut and, with effort, shove the washing machine against it. His father pounded on the door, screaming curses.
The boy collapsed onto the floor and, shaking with terror, burst into tears.
***
Kaiser jolted awake, the nightmare throwing him into a cold sweat. He opened his eyes and looked around in panic. Only then did he realize Ness was shaking him by the shoulder.
“Oh. You’re awake. We’re in Leipzig, Kaiser. Come on—everyone’s waiting on you.”
Alexis’s gentle voice was grounding. Kaiser was glad that in the dim light of the bus, his terrified expression probably wasn’t visible—and neither were his hands, still trembling slightly. Breathing in someone else’s scent, Michael couldn’t help but notice how quickly his heart calmed down.
Ness made him feel safe.
That disgusted Kaiser.
Michael stood up and swayed, suddenly aware of how weak his body felt. Two hours of sleep and zero food really weren’t doing him any favors. Mentally, either. Weird.
They stepped off the bus, and Kaiser took a deep breath of fresh air, feeling some relief. His thoughts settled.
Fucking nightmare.
And fucking Yoichi, for digging those memories back up. Hope he gets hit by a train.
After four years of working on those memories—trying to bury them, forget them, smother them with fame and money—Kaiser lost all that control in a split second. He hadn’t seen his father in his dreams in a long time. A long time. Honestly, he hadn’t missed him.
“So, sleep well?” Ness asked, just to be annoying, as they entered the restaurant with the rest of the group.
“Fine,” Michael shrugged.
“You’re lying.”
“I am.”
And that was the end of the conversation. Noa checked in at the counter, and a waiter led them to their two reserved tables.
Kaiser, unsurprisingly, sat a little off to the side. Ness sat down next to him. Michael flipped through the menu without much interest—mostly for show. He’d have to order and eat something anyway; his teammates had a habit of sticking their noses where they didn’t belong.
After two days without food, heavy stuff was definitely a bad idea. So he ordered a vegetable salad, claiming he’d eaten on the plane. Everyone passed on alcohol too, to Michael’s quiet relief.
To kill time while waiting, Kaiser stared at his phone, playing a dumb match-three game, doing his best not to think about the nightmare.
It wasn’t working.
Images kept surfacing, over and over, and a raw, animal fear crawled up under his collar, making his limbs shake.
So that’s how it was. No matter how hard he lied to himself, he hadn’t let go of his father after all. He hadn’t handled it.
And showing fear was even worse. Digging up all four years of practiced pretending, Michael tried to sit there looking unfazed—but honestly, in his own opinion, he was failing miserably. Ness seemed to notice.
“You cold?” he asked stupidly.
Yeah, fuck yeah I’m cold—in a turtleneck and a light jacket.
“I’m fine, Ness. Shut the fuck up and mind your own business.”
Luckily, Alexis listened. Soon the appetizers arrived, including the salad Kaiser had ordered. Nausea hit him immediately, but he forced himself to pick up his fork and eat.
Three small bites in, and he felt like he was going to throw up.
He shot up from his seat, clapping a hand over his mouth, and followed the signs toward the restroom. He didn’t notice Ness rushing after him.
He noticed only when he was already diving into a stall—and without time to kick him the fuck out, he bent over the toilet and let himself puke. His hair was carefully pulled away from his face, and through the spasms, Kaiser realized Alexis was gently holding his head.
Involuntarily, Michael was genuinely grateful in that moment. He really didn’t want to ruin his hair.
When the spasms finally stopped, he straightened up and flushed, swallowing down the bitter taste in his mouth. Disgusting.
He stepped out of the stall and turned on the faucet. Leaning over the sink, he splashed his face and rinsed his mouth. Thankfully, the restroom was empty—just him and Ness.
“Maybe just get a smoothie,” Alexis said at last. “You’ve got to get something down.”
“Let’s get out of here,” Kaiser cut him off sharply. “Leave my card with Noa. He can pay with it.”
Michael left the restroom at a brisk pace and headed straight outside. Once on the street, he took another deep breath of fresh air. Cool. Nice.
Ness came out a couple minutes later, stopping beside him.
“Hey… there’s a department store across the street,” he said carefully. “Maybe… we could at least get you some juice or something?”
“Fuck off—” Kaiser stumbled over the words, realizing that for once, he didn’t actually hate Alexis for being pushy.
“…Fine. Let’s go.”
Ness lit up instantly. Kaiser looked away.
Whatever. Let him enjoy it while he can.
At least his company didn’t feel quite as unbearable.