Chapter Text
Willow woke up, she was laying on the rigid mattress on the Wheeler’s basement.
She had tried to make it more comfortable, adding layers of blankets over the supposed bed to soften it. This worked for a short period of time, but in not more than three days the rough would come back. It never worked in the long run.
She opened her eyes, still half asleep. She felt something humid.
Shit.
She quickly got up from the uncomfortable mattress, sprinted up the basement stairs and went to the bathroom, as silently as possible. If she hated something it was calling people's attention. She entered the bathroom and locked the door, there was almost no chance of someone entering, but she still locked it. Just in case.
She slipped her pajama pants down to her knees and looked down. There it was, just what she thought. A stain of blood. A very ugly stain of blood.
“Shit. Shit shit shit” She muttered.
This was embarrassing. She had been living with the Wheeler's for less than a month by now, it all felt new, she still wasn't used to living with Michelle. Seeing her everyday just made her feelings stronger and she hated it. What a good time for her period to come.
After a few seconds of cursing herself and holding her tears back, she decided to just go down to the basement, get clean clothes, go up again, change, and try to clean the blood off the clothes by herself.
And then
Knock Knock
Someone was at the door. This was such a nightmare.
Another knock
“Hello?”
Willow relaxed, it was Michelle. I mean, she didn't want anyone to be there, but out of all of the people Michelle was the safest. At least it wasn't Mr. Wheeler.
“Uh- one second please” Willow was nervous. Was the blood stain too visible? Would Michelle notice? Maybe if she ran fast enough she wouldn't notice.
“Willow? Are you okay?"
“Uhm- Yes i- Yes I’m okay”
“You don't sound okay”
Willow hated how well Michelle knew her. She took a deep breath and sighed, putted her clothes back up and opened the door
“It’s- uhm” This was humiliating, and awkward, but at least it was Michelle.
“It's my period. I didn't expect it and- well you know” She said. Eyes on the ground, her head peeking out from the door, that wasn't entirely open yet.
Michelle stayed silent for a second, looking at Willow's red cheeks, until they locked eyes, breaking the silence.
“Oh- don't worry, it's okay, do you want me to bring you clean clothes?”
Willow nodded and Michelle went back to her room. She came back with new pants and underwear.
“Here” Michelle stretched her arm. Willow grabbed the clothes and turned her back, not closing the door completely. “The pads are in the third drawer, grab anything you need.”
Michelle waited behind the door, fidgeting with her sweater. Only silence came out of the bathroom.
Willow changed her clothes as fast as she could. She wanted this to be over.
“Can i enter?”
“Yeah” There was a hint of irritation in her voice.
Michelle closed the door behind her. “Don’t worry Willow, we can clean the clothes”
“I know” Willow grabbed the pants and underwear from the ground and put them on the sink. She turned on the tap and stayed there watching the water turn reddish. Michelle moved, stretching her arm to reach something from a shelve on top of the toilet.
“Here, my mom uses this to clean blood”. She handed her a bottle of some kind of chemical cleaning product, their fingers brushing in the process.
In another moment Willow would’ve answered saying that it was okay, that she could handle this on her own, but tonight she was too tired to argue.
“Thanks. Sorry for annoying you at this time of the night”
Michelle was leaning her back against the door, her arms crossed.
“it's okay”
“I just- with all of this, with the goddamn apocalypse I didn't think about my period. It was the last thing on my mind” Michelle chuckled. Her laugh was all it took to make willow form a grin on her face. She quickly erased it, not letting herself show too much.
“Yeah, I get it. Everything is just kinda crazy”
“It's not as if I want to have kids,” said Willow.
“As if i could” She whispered to herself.
The thought of having a family always felt weird to her. having a husband. marrying a man. it all seemed so natural with other people but when she tried to imagine herself in that situation she just couldn't. She just didn't belong there.
The closest thing she had were these fantasies where her and Michelle ran away from Hawkins together and went somewhere else. a big city maybe. There they got a cat as much, but never a real kid. A couple of lesbians raising a child didn't even seem like a possibility at the time.
Willow got lost in her thoughts while she tried to rub off the blood, Michelle silently watching her.
“Do you need help?”- Michelle said trying to break the awkward silence
“It's fine”
Of course she wanted help, but this past weeks she had been trying to get over her stupid feelings. Even the slightest touch or word from Michelle seemed risky.
“You know, I uhm- im happy you’re staying here. Back when you were in California- I missed you. We all did.”
Willow turned to look at Michelle for a second, searching for a glimpse of something. Something more than friendship, but after a few seconds she gave up and focused on removing the blood stain again. Of course, how could there be something more. How could she expect something more. This was so stupid.
“Yeah, I missed you guys too.”
Sure, he missed her friends, but what she missed the most were those dark eyes, those freckles, and those curls. She missed them so much that when she thought of them it hurt. But now she had Michelle in front of her, everyday, and it just felt worse. It hurted so much to have this thing you want deeply just by your side but knowing that you'll never be able to have it.
She had to pretend, to pretend that what she felt for Michelle was just friendship, to pretend that she didn't want to hold her and never let her go again. Loving her was a whim that she couldn’t afford, yet she couldn't help what she felt for her.
“I should go back to the basement. I'll put the clothes next to the heating so they dry”
“Oh, yeah” Michelle opened the door behind her to let Willow pass.
“Good night”
“Night”
Michelle turned her back, but she felt weird. She wanted to say something, she wanted to let Willow know how much she cared about her but for some reason she just couldn't. She never understood why. There was no trouble with saying that stuff to Lucia or Dustie, but with Willow it felt different, like if she was letting out something that wasn't allowed.
Willow stepped down the basement stairs, putted the wet clothes next to the heating, tucked herself in bed and tried to sleep.