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After Caine had disappeared from the console, it had been a blur. No one had bothered to nab the lotion; it's not like they had any use for it anyway... just more salt in the wound.
Ragatha's plush feet padded against the digital floor. Behind her, were the rest of the humans, their footsteps helping to fill the ever-so-tense silence. No doubt, they were all playing the recent events over and over in their heads, trying to make sense of it all.
Why did Jax do that?
Why did Caine do that?
It was, by far, the worst adventure Ragatha had ever been on. It felt more than malicious, at this point, whether Caine enjoyed intentionally hurting them or not. For the first time in years, she had hope that she could breathe fresh air again. She missed nature. She missed real animals, ones that could at least live whole lives, instead of being deleted at the end of the day. Ones that were alive. Ragatha longed to feel alive again; to be too cold, to be hungry, or hung over. To be a human again, and to feel human again. But of course, it only made sense for the rug to be ripped out from underneath her. Underneath all of them. The harsh reminder of their eternal, digital damnation made her feel hollow inside.
And Jax. If it were real... She tried to imagine why he would smash that red button. He would have doomed everyone, if it were real. Well, they'd been doomed from the start, regardless. But the action itself still stung. She knew he had his troubles, she didn't know what they were, but she knew they were there. Come to think of it, he was much less of an a#$%&@e today... casting a dull glance behind her shoulder, she spotted him far behind the group.
He didn't look so good. She frowned, more than she already was. But this time, it wasn't going to be up to her to deal with him, at least not tonight. With a twinge of bitterness, she huffed and turned her head around. She knew there was always more to it, but all she saw him as right now, was one word.
Selfish.
Wordlessly, the group had split off to their rooms, Kinger taking up his pillow palace instead, looking deep in thought, which was strange for him. Not wanting to bother him, she didn't follow. She couldn't help but notice Gangle following Zooble into their room. Oh, she thought they were adorable. Seeing them together, at least, was something pleasant, if not a tiny bit envy-inducing. She'd always longed for something like that. Especially now, with...
Ragatha herself hadn't even realized where she was going, running completely on autopilot until her own face, painted on her door, triggered her pattern recognition. It had always reminded her of having a mugshot of sorts. Great. Another reminder that they were all nothing but eternal prisoners. She was going to cry herself to sleep tonight, much harder than she usually did. Numb, she felt her hand grab the doorknob, and begin to twist.
"...Ragatha?"
She jumped, whirling towards the direction of that small voice. It was Pomni, looking just the same as she felt.
"...yeah?" Was all she could muster up in response. The optimism was ripped out of her, leaving nothing but a fabric shell of a woman.
"Do you want to... join me for now? In my room?" As shy as her voice was, the jester radiated exhaustion.
Letting go of the handle, Ragatha had made her mind up very quickly. She nodded, not trusting her voice, lest she begin crying. With wide eyes, the jester gazed up at her for a second, her expression unreadable. To her shock, Pomni took her hand, softly squeezing in reassurance, and leading her away from her door portrait.
Gently latching the door closed behind them, Pomni still held her hand. She ran a thumb along the seams of her fingers as she turned the dim chandelier on, bathing the red and blue room in warmth, and her heart skipped a beat despite herself. Ragatha found herself led to the bed, and being sat down, as the jester girl went to scavenge for more blankets. She stared at her as she worked through her drawers, neither saying a word.
They had a lot to talk about. To just process, even. But above all else, Ragatha was thankful that she wasn't alone, especially tonight. Well, actually, it just meant she had to not break down for a little while longer. But on the other hand, Pomni did express her want for the ragdoll to be more genuine with her.
'Positives and negatives, I s'pose.'
...by the looks of it, the jester herself was going to crack at any moment. She wanted to be strong for her, but she felt hopeless. For the first time since what felt like forever, she had nothing encouraging to say, and that scared her. Her gaze sunk down, voluntarily, to her dress. Nothing mattered. Before she could stop it, her vision began to blur with unshed tears. She felt that regular lump form in her throat, and her breathing came out a bit shaky. It was all really hitting her.
She didn't notice Pomni coming back to the bed with a fluffy dark purple blanket, but she did notice the sensation of the mattress sinking down to her right. Her lip quivered, unable to meet her tired eyes. Ragatha shrunk in on herself.
Pomni opened her mouth to speak, and decided against it, not a single word feeling right to say. Judging by the expression of the ragdoll in front of her, she didn't either. So, she did the next best thing. Unwrapping the blanket, she stood up on the bed, and slowly draped the blanket over the shoulders of the older circus member.
Ragatha did not look up at her as she did so. She couldn't even bring herself to whisper a quiet thanks, seemingly hyperfocused on a particularly interesting patch on her dress, but Pomni took her spot beside her again. Wrapping her as tight as she could in the blanket, Pomni sighed. For a few awkward, silent beats, they simply twiddled their thumbs, not knowing what to do. Until, Ragatha hesitantly opened her arm towards the jester, in silent invitation. She knew the younger woman was touch averse, but it never hurt to check. Pomni looked from her open arm, to her face, and back again. Her eyes began to reflect the light a little more intensely, shining with fresh tears.
Surprisingly, Ragatha was taken up on her offer. Not only did the jester lean against her, she wrapped her arms around the doll, as tightly as she could. If that didn't make the dam break, they didn't know what would. Just as tightly, she hugged her underneath the blanket. Oh, she needed this. She had no idea that she needed it this badly, but she did. Ragatha could feel herself sob, and Pomni began to shake, clutching her tighter.
Ragatha was sure she was making Pomni's hat uncomfortably moist, but she was doing the same to her chest, and at the moment, she didn't think it mattered at all. She hugged the smaller girl tighter, her hand massaging her upper back and shoulders, and she began to hear the cries of the girl.
"...I'm...*sniff*... I-I'm here.. Po-*hic*.. Pomni..." She choked out.
Pomni's hands trembled as she sobbed harder into Ragatha's chest. "R-Ragatha...! I-I can't be-*hic*-lieve h-he did that!"
Whether he was referring to Jax or Caine, or both, was up to interpretation. It wasn't the time to ask any questions, however, because Ragatha lost her ability to speak again. She whined, and cried into her hat instead. Her hands stopped massaging, and her arms wrapped fully around Pomni.
They weren't sure how long they had sat there, sobbing their eyes off, but they began to rock back and forth ever so slightly. The pair felt their minds ease into a less distressed mush. As the rocking continued, their cries turned into occasional sniffling. Ragatha loosened her death grip on her after a while, opting to massage and soothe once again. Her hands rubbed up to her head, almost sneaking underneath her hat. She felt Pomni begin to sag completely against her at this, her arms no longer redistributing her stuffing, but still clasped around her. Comfortingly, more relaxed, but the awful reality of the situation still hung about them. Pomni sniffed.
Tilting her head down to try to meet her gaze, Ragatha yielded no success. Her face was still entirely sunk into her chest. Of course, she'd think about it later and blush, but she acted on autopilot instead. Both of her mitts finally moved up to go under her hat, gently massaging her head. Unexpectedly, a low groan of satisfaction sounded from Pomni; that was a good thing. Despite herself, Ragatha giggled.
At that, the jester finally removed herself from where she was tucked into, looking disgruntled, and a lot like a hamster woken up from her daytime sleep. Too tired to put much thought into her actions, Ragatha's hands trailed down from her scalp to her cheeks, softly wiping the excess tears away. Pomni's eyelids drooped again, and she pressed into the kind hands of her... friend.
With a shaky sigh and a snuffle, Ragatha mustered up the ghost of a grin at her, and decided to try and use her voice. "...hey." It came out as a hoarse whisper, but it was better than nothing.
Pomni's calmer expression slowly scrunched up into something somber. She didn't pull away from Ragatha's healing hands, however. "Hey..."
"...do you feel a little better, Pom..?" Ragatha knew that keeping her voice low and quiet was her only option.
After a pause, the woman in her hands nodded. She felt one of her arms retract from holding her, and trail up to cup the hand against her face. Her pinwheel gaze finally met her own. "...yeah. Do you?" The cadence of her voice was just as soft.
Ragatha opened her mouth to speak, but paused. The stench of the awful experience still polluted her mind. And, she knew Pomni would easily catch on if she tried to hide it again. Closing her mouth, she just shrugged, defeated, and averted her gaze.
Pomni tilted her head at this, bringing a hand to her plush, tear stained cheek. "Stay in here with me, tonight."
Ragatha flushed, and she knew Pomni could feel the heat from her face. Wide-eyed, her gaze snapped to Pomni, who wore (what she hoped was) a comforting expression, oblivious to Ragatha's plight. Ragatha knew that she wasn't implying anything that they couldn't even do here, but it flustered her all the same. But, not to the point of trying to leave. She simply nodded, and whispered, "Okay."
Pomni flashed her a tiny smile, and slowly moved herself away to turn off the chandelier light. Ragatha felt cold and alone again, and she almost chased after her touch. As the darkness blanketed the room, she could only see her faint silhouette as she navigated through, back to the bed.
"Scootch up," she was told by a whisper of the jester. She obliged, laying flat with her head on the pillow, and she saw Pomni's silhouette nab the blanket, and drape it over herself. The mattress dipped again, on each side of her hips, this time implying that the jester was straddling her. Ragatha's face exploded into a bright crimson, and she was suddenly very gratuitous towards the dark, although she was much more awake now. She felt two more dips above her shoulders, and finally felt the comforting, flustering pressure of her companion. Pomni tucked herself into the crook of her neck, as Ragatha snaked her arms around her once more. Fully settled in, the two said nothing for a moment.
"Talk tomorrow... 'bout it?" Was mumbled into her neck.
Ragatha didn't trust her voice for different reasons, now. But, she had no choice but to talk, in the darkness. "Yeah. Tomorrow." Oh thank god, it sounded normal. Well, as good as it could get. Her voice was still heavy with the grief of something they never actually had in the first place. Her fluster was replaced with that horrible feeling again.
"Mmmm..." Pomni hummed into her pulse point. After a moment of silence, she spoke again. "Thanks for stayin', Raggy... g'night..."
Clearly, Pomni wasn't thinking straight either, because she pressed the tiniest of kisses into her neck, before one last sigh made her sail away to sleep. Ragatha squeaked, but she was lucky it came out as nothing but silent, due to her sore vocal cords. Pomni really was doing a good job with keeping her distracted. Where did that come from? Was it just something she did without thinking about it? Ragatha was all red again, feeling the small puffs of air against the fabric of her neck.
After a moment of recollecting herself, the exhaustion returned to her being. Of course, she was foolish to think it would stay away for long. Her eyelid drooped, and she tilted her head up to... she didn't really know. She wasn't kissing her head, but her mouth was pressed against it, but she wasn't smelling her, that'd be creepy... whatever. Giving up with whatever that was, her head crashed to the pillow, too tired to replay the day's events over and over in her head until she abstracted, thankfully.
"Good night, Pom..." She whispered into the quiet air of her room. "Thank you."
With the feeling of a small jester on top of her, Ragatha finally joined her state of mind. Tomorrow, they'd feel the inevitable dread again, but for now, they had eachother.