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"Officer if you uncuff me I'll make it worth your while~ Ow! Watch it!" Remus hissed as the officer made the handcuffs tighter. "Yeah yeah heard that one before now get in!" The officer shoved Remus in the back of the car which made the mustached man grumble. What do the Pigs know anyways, another Shapeshifter who also happens to have fire powers who just committed arson to one of his rival's businesses with said powers and immediately saying "Arrest me Daddy" when getting caught to get out of it could've been anyone! But none of that mattered right now he already went through his shitty trial with a lawyer that put Phoenix Wright himself to shame and he was behind bars before he knew it.
These sons of bitches think they could hold the self proclaimed Duke of Chaos captive!? Well they had another thing coming cause Remus had a plan and when Remus has a plan he has a plan. What may that plan be you might ask? Well it's the best damn plan to ever plan! He just needs a phone call. "Guard Daddy! Guard Daddy!" Remus called out as the guard approached him. "Don't call me that what the hell do you want?" "May I pretty please have a phone call?" He asked innocently batting his lashes. "No."
Oh this guard just fucked up and Remus has had enough of this fake seducing act he was full ACAB anyways. "Listen here you son of a bitch you're gonna give me my phone call or I can and will annoy the shit out of you and shove that baton so far up your ass you can hit the high note to 'I Will Always Love You' by Whitney Houston got it." The mustached man threatened. "If I give you this phone call will you actually shut the hell up for the rest of the day?" The guard sighed.
"Yes."
"Alright you only get one make it count." The guard reluctantly opened up Remus' cell and led him to the phone call area. Oh this was perfect for the chaotic man the plan was already coming together! Remus deviously snickered and dialed up the number he needed to call and waited and was relieved when he heard an answer.
"This is Freddy Fazbear's Pizza what can I get you?"
"Hi I would like 30 Meat Lovers with no cheese or sauce just the dough and can you make that a delivery?"
-
"Checkmate! I win!"
"Roman this is not how Chess works you literally just stole my pieces everytime I wasn't looking." Logan pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh how rich that the Mind Reader is accusing me of cheating." Roman crossed his arms in offense. "I literally saw you do it I didn't even need to use my powers to know that!" "Ooh! Chess just got a lot more fun! If we're rage baiting Logan I want next." Janus eagerly moved his chair closer to the two. "What the hell are those 3 doing?" Virgil asked as he walked in the room from hearing the commotion. "Roman bet Logan if he can beat him at a game of Chess he gets to have his last jar of Crofter's and now Jan wants to join!" Patton happily informed not looking away from them.
"I see... Should we intervene or-"
"I swear to all things Newton I will throw this table at the both of you!"
"Nevermind they're perfectly fine..." Virgil sat down on the couch next to Patton and started fidgeting with his jacket sleeve. "God what is taking Remus so long he barely goes on long walks like at all let alone ever." "He'll be back Virge maybe he just took a quick stop to the store to get more snacks? You know how he's always serious when it comes to his 'Ratmus Hours'." Patton comforted. "Yeah you're right it's probably just me worrying-"
"Breaking news!"
The TV suddenly turned on showing a news reporter. "A Florida man- or mutant for that matter is behind bars for committing arson to one of his alleged rival's businesses... It's not clear what the motive was but it's speculated that it was likely due to some sort of revenge plot... We're live here with the footage of what happened earlier at the scene but we must warn that the video may be disturbing for some viewers." The TV screen instantly changed to footage of Remus cackling like a maniac standing behind the Green flames he caused. "You thought you can out best me you son of a bitch! I have you know I have the higher ground now and there's nothing that's going to stop- Ah shit." As if on cue TV!Remus was immediately interrupted by the sound of sirens signaling the arrival of the police in the background and the screen then cut to the weather report.
"What."
"The fuck."
"Did."
"He."
"Just do?"
The five each said as they stared at the TV appalled at witnessing Remus' very sane and not at all stupid impulsive decision. "What are we gonna do?" Patton asked worried. "We're gonna have to break him out." Virgil sighed. "Oh no no no no you guys can break him out I'm not getting arrested because our parents decided that we should share the same face!" Roman dramatically declared. "Your Highness nobody gonna's think he's escaped and randomly shaved just to assume he's you plus he's a shapeshifter so him realistically doing any of that even if you both weren't twins would be far dumber than him committing arson in broad daylight." Janus rolled his eyes like the sassy poison and venom powered bitch he is. "You know how many criminals with facial hair shaved and changed their outfits once they've escaped-"
"Both of you enough! Virgil is right and despite Remus' chaotic tendencies he's our best friend and the more we bicker about this nonsense it's only causing us to waste more time so the only logical thing to do is to just listen... So Virge we assume you have a plan?" Logan and the others turned to Virgil to which the Emo nodded. "First we need to get in the van, I'll explain the rest there." The group quickly ran to the van and drove their way to the prison. They were gonna save their ball of chaos even if it was the last thing they did.
-
Once the five reached the prison building they carefully stepped inside and they couldn't believe what they saw. There was a bunch of Pizza boxes everywhere, A Freddy Fazbear employee, Lin Manuel Miranda mopping the floor in a Janitor outfit for some reason, a bunch of shouting coming from the door leading to the holding cells implying that there's escaped inmates, and a few Rats running around.
"Sir for the last time nobody ordered this here!"
"Lady I got places to be so somebody better take these damn 30 pizzas or I'm gonna pull the same shit that guy did on TV! No man behind the slaughter!"
"Virgil mind getting this plan started before this place becomes an ablazed heat sauna!" "On it." Virgil quickly used his shadow manipulation powers and quickly ran hidden with the group until they reached Remus' holding cell where he was sat Crisscross Applesauce and smiling innocently. "Hi~" "What the hell did you do here!? You could've gotten yourself killed!" Virgil scolded his best friend as the Dukexiety shipping author typed this entire interaction out and is trying everything in his power to restrain himself from typing the word 'boyfriend' with these two.
"Relax everything is going according to plan!"
"How!?"
"Well you guys are here aren't you?"
Damn he got them there. The mustached man may be chaotic but smart is definitely one thing he also is. "I guess that's true but still I was worried as shit about you and what were you even thinking!? You know that guy wasn't worth it!"
"In my defense I accidentally got caught."
"How do you accidentally get caught???"
"Simple I forgot to shapeshift in time."
Oh Virgil and the others just lost about a handful of Braincells after hearing that. "...I'm keeping you in this cell." "No! You gotta get me out of here Vee Vee! They didn't even give me my pizza!" Remus pouted as he gripped Virgil's jacket through the bars to stop him from leaving which made the Emo sigh. "Alright fine. Patt? Ro?" "On it!" They both said in unison as Patton used his ice powers to freeze the lock followed with Roman breaking it with his super strength which successfully caused the cell to open. "Yes! So long fuckers!" Remus cackled.
"Don't you mean suckers?"
"Absolutely not Patty. Now let's get out of here before my distraction wears off." "The smartest idea you've had all day." Virgil replied as he used his shadow manipulation powers again and quickly got the group out of there along with Remus' pizzas.
From now on and forever it's safe to say Remus' best friends are not leaving him unsupervised let alone trust him when he says he's 'taking a walk'.