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The air was bristling with static and humidity. The clouds were rolling in and blotting out the hot july sun. It was a slow summer day, one where it felt time was crawling along in the hot air as opposed to flowing naturally.
“I’m going out to visit a friend if you do not mind,” Kiyotaka said passing by his mother in the main room of their small apartment. He had a heavy bag of books on his back, that he carried a bit like a turtle. She frowned at him slightly as she was scrubbing the dining table. He looked towards her for approval.
Even though he was 17 and nearing 18, went to school away from home, and had the freedom to wander on his own, he still felt that whenever he was staying back at his house that he should act like he did in middle school. He had changed too much in the time spent at Hope’s Peak. Going back home was a shock of nostalgia and dissonance.
“Your father is worried about you sometimes,” she said her voice keeping an even stoic tone, then she hesitated “You’ve just been out a lot more.”
Kiyotaka stopped for a moment, “I’m sorry,” he apologized, slight guilt in his tone.
“It's fine,” she sighed, “I think he doesn’t understand that you are just becoming more social. It's normal for your age. Get back in time for the evening. Are you taking care of food?”
“Yes, you don’t have to make any for me.”
“Good to know,” and she dismissed him. He was glad he didn’t have to encounter his father who was on the job. He was far less lenient letting Kiyotaka off the hook.
“Who are you seeing? What are you doing?” Were questions that Kiyotaka found himself deeply reluctant to answer. Of course it was all because of Mondo Oowada. He had meant to tell his parents about the extent of their relationship, he really had. That hope had shriveled up when Takaaki had examined one of their official class photos in which he was standing very close to the delinquent (thankfully they had not managed to see the ones on his new phone- a gift from Maizono). He was planning to explain everything - how Mondo was a good person and how they had grown close and almost inseparable at times.
“I hope the Hope’s Peak admissions committee knows what they are doing with that one. Tell me at least you don’t associate with him.”
Kiyotaka froze at the moment, “I-” he paused awkwardly his voice caught in his throat and sweat breaking out on his forehead, “I have prevented him several times from destroying school property-” thinking about that time Mondo had very nearly broke the desk from kicking it when he was nervous about an exam, “and I have helped him study. He is my classmate and I respect him as such.”
Takaaki had looked at him with some skepticism and seemed to drop the matter. He even found it weird and disturbing that Kiyotaka was friends with an Idol. He called Maizono superficial and even questioned if she was Kiyotaka’s girlfriend which just made him shuffle his feet awkwardly and deny it. He reassured him that it was all okay, that she was actually intelligent and helping him with his studies. He just would not understand. He would especially not understand the extent of Kiyotaka’s feelings towards Mondo. It scared him himself to be completely honest. A few years ago he would never be sneaking behind his parents back to spend time with a delinquent but something about Mondo made him shift to accommodate this new addition to his life. He made Kiyotaka happy in a way he could not describe and he never wanted to be rid of the feeling he got just seeing him in class and eating with him and touching him. It was becoming almost overwhelming but he did not know how to stop it or if he ever wanted it to stop.
Kiyotaka left the apartment closing the creaky door behind him after saying goodbye to his hardworking mother. She had a distant look in her eyes. Like him, she seemed lonely at times.
He hopped on his bicycle and pedalled through the city, enjoying the exertion and the wind on his face on the sticky day. He pulled over about fifteen minutes later at another apartment complex in the neighborhood. How close Mondo actually lived to him was surprising. Perhaps the two had crossed paths before without even realizing it. Sometimes in the night he’d hear the roar of a motorcycle engine from his room and feel a slight fluttering hope in his chest that he could not quite explain.
Well, if he were to be totally and completely honest he knew deep down what was going on. Saying the sentence even in full in his head was a little too much. He knew he’d have to face it eventually but. If he were to bother Mondo with this bizarre perverse infatuation he had developed he didn’t know if he could stand it if the boy reacted badly. He could see it in his head playing out. He would tell Mondo and Mondo would panic and yell at him or call him a freak or a pervert and they would never be friends ever again. In spite of all this, if it didn’t go away he would tell him he swore to himself. It was unfair to be friends with him and secretly harbor this strange attraction while pretending it was not the case.
Honestly he hoped this was all some sort of huge mistake. That it was because he had never been so close to anyone before so his hormones decided to latch themselves onto the closest target. He was a teenager. It was probably normal. He had even tried to re-direct his feelings to someone else. He briefly pondered if he could like Maizono, looking at her in the classroom with her bright smile and her enthusiasm. Why couldn’t he like her? Something fell flat. When he was with her he felt absolutely no desire to turn towards her or hold her or anything like that. He simply could not look at her that way and felt uncomfortable that the thought even crossed his mind. Then he wondered if he should look for at least a girl with a similar build -perhaps he just liked the muscular types. But he could not bring himself to have any reaction to Oogami either. He found her aesthetically pleasing to some degree but there was nothing romantic about his admiration for her. There was nothing visceral about it. But with Mondo it was different.
He’d be sitting near him and suddenly feel overcome with this desire to wrap his arms around him and be as close as possible. It was worrying, as if he felt like he’d lose control or composure. He began to feel like his body would act on his own and that something inside him would pull the strings and he’d lean in towards Mondo without meaning it and kiss him or something else equally incriminating. He managed to suppress it, but he sometimes had to excuse himself in order to figure out what in the world was going on.
Oh what would his parents think.
Swallowing his doubt and shame, Kiyotaka climbed the stairs of the apartment complex. A few delinquent types lived in the various apartments as well as lone orphan teens and those down upon their luck. Mondo knew some of the residences and they seemed to look out for each other. The Crazy Diamonds from a distance appeared to be a rowdy gang of delinquents up to no good, and they were, but they also had this community that Kiyotaka found himself in deep admiration of. After meeting a few members one on one he began to feel his worldview shift beneath his boots slightly but jarringly. He knocked on the door of the apartment. He hoped Mondo was awake and was pleasantly surprised when the door swung open. He didn’t care enough to put on a coat but otherwise appeared presentable as he smiled and greeted his friend with enthusiasm
“Yo! Kyoudai!” He grinned clapping the shorter boy on the shoulder. Kiyotaka felt his heart quicken just slightly.
“Hello!”
“Place is all yours,” he said gesturing to the small dingy apartment with paper thin walls and minimal lighting. In spite of its shortcomings there was something comforting about the place. It was worn thin with use just like Kiyotaka’s home but it didn’t pretend to be anything it wasn’t.
“Did you get what I asked,” Kiyotaka questioned.
“Of course d’ya think I want to go hungry?”
“I’m proud of you!” Kiyotaka said clapping.
“Shit I forgot ONE time! You gotta put more trust into me.”
Mondo gestured to the bag of groceries.
“Uh by the way, do you know how to chop vegetables without... destroying them?” Mondo asked sheepishly.
“I will do my best. You shouldn’t do too much heavy work I don’t want you to strain yourself.”
“Hey I can handle it. I’m getting stronger everyday,” he laughed. Mondo had taken up a job carrying heavy things up stairs which was how he described it. It suited him and it made him money and Kiyotaka was supportive of it and happy that he was spending his summer productively. It almost embarrassed Mondo how enthusiastically Kiyotaka reacted to him getting employed .
One thing he guessed he didn’t realize about Mondo at first glance was the amount of work the boy actually did. He didn’t spend much time on schoolwork but he and Daiya had to obtain some amount of money by themselves because their parents did not have the means to devote themselves to their children. Kiyotaka found himself in deep admiration.
“Aren’t you sore?”
“It's not a big deal.”
Kiyotaka had an idea that died on his tongue as he was about to voice it -can I massage you? Stop thinking like that, he cursed himself. There was a time that thought could be completely innocent but ever since he had become aware of this he had become more conservative in showing his affection for Mondo. He wondered if his friend had noticed at all how he now tensed at the touch he used to reciprocate enthusiastically.
“Oy are you out of it or something?” Kiyotaka shook his head, pulled out of his train of thought.
“Sorry. Let’s begin!”
Kiyotaka began unpacking the groceries and ordering Mondo around. Mondo needed to learn to take care of himself better and Kiyotaka found cooking to be very enjoyable (though his expertise still consisted largely of rice balls and steamed veggies) so it was a win-win situation for the both of them. They worked well together. Neither of them were particularly good at it and figuring it out together lead to some common ground.
They started the old, overused rice-cooker and poured a liberal amount of rice into it along with a few cups of water before flicking it on. Both of them swore by rice as a major food group. Kiyotaka held out the onion and examined it seriously.
“I can try and cut it if you like,” Mondo offered, grimacing, “I can’t promise it’ll be neat though.”
“It’s okay. You can watch me, my mother showed me the proper onion cutting technique.”
“You sure you’re good with this? I mean last time we tried with the onions... ” he trailed off.
“I will not give up on onion cutting because of a few mishaps!”
“Of course not. I’ll be here for your backup though.”
Kiyotaka cut his first slice through the vegetable with precision. This was already an improvement from their first try back in the Hope’s Peak kitchen a few months ago in which Kiyotaka ended up flinging the onion with the knife and Mondo ended up scarring the weak cutting board by chopping down too hard. Kiyotaka proceeded onward, brows furrowed to remarkable levels and Mondo peered over him supportively. Kiyotaka inhaled the onion air. It wasn’t too long before the gases began to affect Kiyotaka’s sensitive eyes and tears began to dribble down his face. It felt as if his nose and eyes were burning white hot and his easily triggered tear ducts were happy to flush out his eyes in the most reliable way possible. He resisted wiping his eyes and intensifying the pain as teardrops began to fall onto his shirt and onto the floor making small plops.
Mondo was affected too, but not quite so acutely. He winced and covered his eyes for a moment while lingering nearby.
“Let me do it,” Mondo hissed.
“Do you doubt my strength?”
“At least let me cut the second one.”
“Fine then let’s cut them together!”
“What if you need moral support.”
Kiyotaka shot Mondo a challenging look through his red teary eyes. Mondo got out the second onion and readied another knife. He sliced through it easily but lost his grip on his knife and muttered “fuck” underneath his breath.
“Hey, Kiyotaka what do I do next?”
“Remove the peel first, then chop vertically,” he hissed then stepped back to the sink to wash out his burning eyes.
“Aw I thought we were gonna compete,” Mondo said while placing a second cut into the vegetable slamming the knife far too hard against the counter. Kiyotaka winced at the sound. “Shit.”
“Kyoudai it’s an onion not a rock!”
“I know hold on I got this.”
Mondo made the next slice far more carefully holding the knife in his rough hands with a delicate precision Kiyotaka hadn’t witnessed before. Then he sliced the onion into smaller fine pieces somewhat shakily but showing distinct improvement from before.
He clapped his hands together, “Good job!” He said beaming radiantly, “You are really improving!”
“Y-You think so,” Mondo asked. Kiyotaka noticed his cheeks growing slightly redder which made his heart jump for a split second before he took a breath in and tried to ignore that.
“Of course I think so. We will be decent cooks in no time.”
-
-
The clouds were moving in quickly and there was a notable shift in the air pressure across Kiyotaka’s skin. It was getting cooler.
“Shit,” Mondo said peering out the window, “Uh you might have to go now if you want to beat the storm.”
“But the food is still cooking!” he said rather too quickly before logic set in. He was right, but he didn’t want him to be right.
Mondo grinned running his hand across his pompadour nervously, “You can stay over if ya want. I mean I don’t know what your folks would say about that maybe it’s a stupid idea but.”
A roll of thunder sounded in the distance and both boys looked at the window.
“I’ve got. Sheets and pillows and shit for you.”
“Let me call my parents,” Kiyotaka said briskly. On one hand staying here was incredibly tempting. Also he hadn’t eaten yet. On the other, he was worried he would be imposing and plus his parents would really question him staying overnight. Though the storm was a good excuse and not even that. He did not want to have to bicycle through a potential thunderstorm and come home soaking and have his father demanding to know where he was and why he had braved the storm.
Kiyotaka went over to the couch and dialed his home phone praying slightly he would get his mother instead of his father who he loved dearly but was much shorter with him.
“Hello,” his mother’s voice answered smoothly and quickly. Her voice was sharp sounding but not intrusively so.
“Hello,” Kiyotaka replied, “I’m sorry but do you think it's reasonable for me to stay over here? I don’t know how soon the storm will start.”
There was a short pause and a sigh, “Alright. I don’t know how your father will react. He is still at work. But if it is for your own safety it is acceptable. Just try to be more cautious next time.”
“I will. I’m sorry for my negligence.”
“It’s fine. Is your friend okay with it.”
“He’s happy to have me over!”
“Good. Come back tomorrow morning.”
“I will.”
He hung up and saw Mondo waiting expectantly -a bit like a puppy, he noted- a few yards away.
“So...you can?”
Kiyotaka nodded furiously.
Mondo tried to hold back his obvious excitement and just said a strained, “Cool” while smiling dumbly, “I can’t believe you agreed.”
“I can’t leave you with all this curry by yourself!”
“I guess I thought you didn’t like this much. It's not particularly neat or clean or whatever.”
“It's absolutely fine,” Kiyotaka nearly shouted before adjusting the tone of his voice, “If you don’t mind I would like to do some sweeping”, he said looking down at the wood floor which had accumulated a fair amount of dust.
“You don’t have to but I ain’t gonna stop you.”
-
-
The time began to slip away naturally although slowly. The thunder rolled in ominously and streaks of lightning cut dangerously through the sky. They sat down and ate their dinner making small conversation.
“This is surprisingly decent,” Kiyotaka said tasting the curry.
“Did you doubt us?”
“I am just suggesting that it is better than our previous attempts.”
Hope’s Peak had a cafeteria but it was pretty common for people to get fed up with the food and cook their own meals. The first time the both of them tried Sayaka came in eyes wide with terror at the amount of smoke escaping from the small kitchen. She had to rescue them both and then later invited Naegi over and the four of them managed to make a decent rice bowl.
It felt oddly domestic, the two of them just sitting there eating as the rain began to pitter-patter off the roof and windows.
“So you can sleep on the extra mattress. Its not perfect its pretty damn stiff - but hey- you probably are used to that I don’t understand how your spine can be so straight otherwise-”
Kiyotaka shot him a look.
“UH anyway, I got lots of blankets and pillows and shit.”
“It’s perfect!” Kiyotaka said beaming.
-
-
“Fuck!” an exclamation came out of the other room and the sound of something slamming. Kiyotaka’s head lifted up sharply.
“What?”
Mondo came into the room looking very defeated, “Uh. I left the window open.”
Kiyotaka’s eyebrows raised, “is your stuff okay?”
“Some of the textbooks got kinda soaked...and the bed...and the clothes on top of my bed.”
Kiyotaka pulled himself upright immediately, “I will help you clean up.”
“Nah its my mistake you don’t gotta take care of me like that.”
“I insist.”
Mondo looked at Kiyotaka stubbornly as he began to walk over to his room before saying,
“Shit, uh, where should I sleep?”
-
-
Kiyotaka shifted uncomfortably under the thin sheets, hot and hyper aware of the man sleeping directly next to him. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t fallen asleep next to each other before, because they had. One time in the Hope’s Peak garden where Kiyotaka was studying Mondo fell asleep resting his head on Kiyotaka’s shoulder. At the time he was unaware of his more ...unsavory... feelings and felt it was pleasant and relaxed into the sensation of having someone this close to him. He remembered drinking it in and how easily he caved into it. In retrospect it was plainly embarrassing.
At the present moment he was completely unable to relax. Mondo’s arm extended across brushing too close to his shoulder. Kiyotaka was stiff with fear because all he wanted to do was roll closer together. To wrap his arms around the sleeping man beside him and feel the other breathing and to bury his head into his chest or shoulders. It made his chest feel light and heavy all at once and he noticed his throat tighten and his eyes begin to water because this should NOT be happening but it was. He liked Mondo. It was the only conclusion that he kept on coming to.
He’d have to tell him nearly immediately. It wasn’t fair to hide it like this.
What would his parents think?
Mondo sighed and shifted in his sleep, rolling over onto his side. He was too close. Ok, Kiyotaka rationalized, if you moved towards him maybe it would help clear things up. Touching him could not be that exciting. They touched all the time damn it. Maybe if he just tried it he would see it wasn’t that big of a deal and his bizarre crush would fizzle out before it got worse. Carefully, without shifting any of the sheets and pillows, he shifted his body towards the other boy his heart beating hard enough he nearly felt it in his throat. His stomach twisted a little as he inched closer and closer, jaw clenching to the point of it feeling sore. Finally, after what felt like a long time his skin made contact with skin and it sent a small shiver down his spine. He froze and closed his eyes, praying that Mondo would not notice anything. Fortunately Mondo was most certainly the heaviest sleeper in the class as Kiyotaka would know from being a living alarm clock. It was really annoying most of the time but right now he was incredibly grateful. He took a moment to determine how to position himself, before twisting around and placing himself in between Mondo’s arms which remained limp but firm, their chests touching, only Kiyotaka’s thin shirt keeping it from being entirely … intimate.
Then Mondo shifted again and Kiyotaka’s eyes widened and he felt a sudden moment of deep terror of shame and was hyperaware of how HOT it was in the surrounding air. Mondo, however, simply appeared to move in order accommodate the new presence and his arm came around adjusting itself around Kiyotaka whose eyes widened to an abnormal width. This was bad.
The worst part was what he thought after a few short moments. He realized that he didn’t really want more than this. If in ten years he was in this exact same place he would feel incredibly elated and light. It just made sense - having Mondo here close to him with his large arms around him feeling him breathe and just being with him. It was absolutely terrifying. Kiyotaka fought the urge to run or at least roll over several feet away, off the blanket and onto the wood floor and try and ignore what he had discovered. But he was frozen in place, feeling entirely rigid beside Mondo’s relaxed body.
It all made sense in a terrible way. He had gone forward with all of this despite knowing that he had fallen in too deep. He could have backed out when he had the time. Shrunk back and repressed it. But that wouldn’t have been honest right? He was all about honesty. So then ? A voice inside him asked, why haven't you told him yet? Because it was too much. He hadn’t managed to work up the courage to talk to his father about being friends with Mondo. If he suddenly came out and said that it had flooded over to a romantic level he was pretty sure he might give his well-meaning father a stroke. Also there was the obvious fact that Mondo was a man. Within the past month Kiyotaka had pretty much lost hope in his potential heterosexuality. Once he became aware of his thoughts (a process that took admittedly quite a while) it had pretty easily clicked that he was probably definitely not straight. Up until then he had just assumed that maybe one day he’d feel the way his other male classmates did about girls. He recalled Leon once trying to chat about which girls he was interested in.
“How about Asahina? She’s disciplined.”
Kiyotaka had just shrugged his shoulders and quickly and sharply retorted that he was busy with other things.
Sitting here with Mondo like this was like the nail in the coffin. Because instead of extinguishing whatever it was it just made it so much worse. This was not something he could just ignore anymore or plow through like an assignment. Many of his important relationships in his life were at stake and it was all his damn fault. He was actually crying now, completely silently but tears were rolling fat and heavy down his cheeks.
At the point he could not bare it anymore. The heat and sensation became overwhelming and he quickly freed himself from Mondo’s grip with less ease than he anticipated. The other’s arm was heavy around him and he had to move it a bit like moving a log. He managed to dislodge himself and slowly rolled across the floor as far as he could to the other side of the sheets and bedding. Honestly he should just have rolled straight upon the wood floor and fallen asleep there with no pillows or anything- he deserved it.
He would have to tell Mondo and get it out and over with as soon as possible. There was no way around that. His family...well that could wait. He doubted that they would throw him out or cut him off financially but he did not want to take risks in that department until he had more money of his own.
He spent the next hour tossing and turning pitifully trying to stop thinking and get some sleep. Eventually he must’ve managed it (with some difficulty) because within some time he awoke to still-gray skies and to Mondo laying a less-safe distance than he had put himself at before.
Kiyotaka woke up blearily at around 7 am to bright sunlight filtering in the room. The first thing he noticed was that his stomach didn’t feel good. At first he wondered if it was what he ate but then he remembered his inappropriate thoughts and actions from the night prior and wanted to yell into his pillow. Anxiety shot through his body and he wanted to jolt up but resisted the impulse.
Mondo was still very asleep a reasonable distance away thankfully. He was turned around the other way with his face buried into a pillow. Kiyotaka’s face softened examining his friend before the guilt once again smacked him over the head. He got himself up carefully even though he knew Mondo wouldn’t wake up. He made himself tea on the kettle and watched as the white steam rose and dissolved into the air. He decided to break out a book to distract himself. He heavily considered heading back home. He doubted that Mondo would be too surprised at him leaving. But he couldn’t. He needed to talk to Mondo.
-
-
“I like you”
Mondo paused, his face growing slightly more red, “W-what do you mean by that !!”
“I guess I underemphasized it,” Kiyotaka said slowly. He took a deep breath, “I value our friendship and our..brotherhood, but I cannot deny the truth is that I love you and I apologize. I do not expect you to reciprocate my feelings. I can leave now.”
Mondo made a face like Kiyotaka had pulled the floor out beneath his feet, and understandably so. He looked like he was struggling to put together a response and after that Kiyotaka was quite lost as well. He noticed, numbly, that he was crying a little bit.
“Shit! Sorry,” Mondo choked out, “I’m just trying to not panic right now.”
“I understand. Should I leave?”
“Better not.”
Mondo took a few deep breaths. Kiyotaka found himself feeling a little proud. He remembered how Mondo had asked him for help with his anxious reactions and Kiyotaka himself being of the nervous disposition had gladly done some research and implemented lessons for keeping calm under tense situations. A few months ago he could imagine Mondo might have just gone straight into fight or flight while currently he appeared to have some grasp. Kiyotaka avoided looking at him, opting to examine the couch rather carefully instead.
“I mean,” Mondo blurted out before taking a second to lower his voice a bit, “I don’t know!”
Kiyotaka looked at him in confusion.
“It...Its not like I haven’t --- I mean it doesn’t feel bad.”
This was not what he was expecting. “I was worried you’d be disgusted with me.”
“NO!” Mondo blurted out far more loudly than he expected. Kiyotaka didn’t even flinch at Mondo’s volume change.
Mondo missed the earlier days of their friendship sometimes. When they were more awkward, more loud and less worried about the complications that came with being so close to someone for a while. He remembered how easily and freely affectionate Kiyotaka used to be with him. Somewhere down the line it felt like he froze up. They still touched, sure, but Kiyotaka wouldn’t casually lean into him as much or feel his muscles in a friendly manner. It was like something had shifted for Kiyotaka and he had gotten more uptight on the subject. Oh well. Mondo didn’t ruminate as much as notice it. Until now when things began to make sense.
Mondo couldn’t say that he hadn’t thought that there might be something else going on in their relationship. Ok, that was a lie, he had thought about it quite actively when he allowed himself to. He tried not to dwell on it because, damn, the whole thing just upset his stomach and made his palms sweat. He had never fully resolved these thoughts. Being forced to confront it now was a lot.
Kiyotaka stood disturbingly still while staring at Mondo who appeared to be having difficulty gathering his thoughts. Mondo’s hand was gripped tight against the countertop and he was running his other through his undone hair. There was a wider distance between them than usual, Kiyotaka noticed. It felt lukewarm like a cup of tea that had gone too cold.
“I can give you some time,” Kiyotaka reassured him, “as much as you need in fact.”
Mondo nodded but his brow furrowed in frustration, “I’m impatient” he grumbled, “with myself - not with you.”
“I understand,” Kiyotaka shifted his feet as his circulation had begun to feel stagnant just sitting rigid in one place. He was aching to step closer to Mondo, to get into his head and his heart and understand what was going on between them. The logical side of him never let himself think that his feelings could be mutual. For the first time a flicker of hope emerged in him and it was dangerous. If Mondo somehow ended up reciprocating then it was all over. No matter what his family or the public thought he would still stand beside Mondo. Kiyotaka noticed that he was tearing up with slight annoyance. Irritability he wiped his reddening face which only served to irritate it more and draw attention to it.
“I guess!” Mondo interjected, his voice cracking slightly as he raised his pitch in anxiety, “I guess I’m just a coward. I didn’t want to think about how I felt. I’m scared. I’m scared of fucking things up.” He took a small step forward for emphasis and tried to the best of his ability to look at Kiyotaka directly.
Kiyotaka took a second to process Mondo’s words before asking softly, “what are you afraid of ...messing up? Specifically.”
“Our friendship I guess. You.” Mondo gestured towards Kiyotaka for emphasis, “What does someone like me have to offer you!? I’m not even a good person And what about you. I don’t want to ruin your goddamn reputation by getting you tangled up in my bullshit. It’s not fair to you.”
Kiyotaka stepped forward. He was not thinking, but he moved to he was standing right in front of Mondo. So he could almost feel the other man’s body heat against him. It felt right this way. It felt better when they were close. Mondo stiffened and exhaled hard but did not move or discourage Kiyotaka. Kiyotaka turned his teary eyes upward and looked Mondo directly in the eyes.
“I don’t compromise. I won’t give up on my dream and I can’t give up on my feelings for you just because others might see it as wrong. If you don’t reciprocate I will do my absolute best to move on and forget about it.” His throat felt heavy from being choked up, but Kiyotaka’s chest and stomach felt lighter after getting the words out.
Mondo’s face turned an even darker shade of red and his mouth opened reflexively before shutting it again. Finally he stuttered out, “IF you can be this brave then...then what the fuck am I doing!” Mondo nearly spat on Kiyotaka.
Kiyotaka barely had time to register Mondo’s words before the other man shifted closer them and grabbed both of Kiyotaka’s hands. Mondo’s hands were notably larger than his, and they were slightly damp from sweat but Kiyotaka could not judge him in the slightest for that.
“K-Kiyotaka!” Mondo shouted, “Please go out with me!”
Kiyotaka couldn’t react at first beyond just crying. It felt as if the emotions that had been stuck inside of him for so long clogging up his throat and lungs came pouring out. Mondo was frozen with shock and seemed to be trembling a little. Kiyotaka didn’t think. He moved forward, separating their hands, to embrace Mondo fully. Kiyotaka rested his wet face against Mondo’s shoulder appreciating the firm surface to cry onto. It took Mondo a second to reciprocate partially out of shock and nervousness before gently resting a large shaky hand on Kiyotaka’s back. Kiyotaka felt painfully bright, like staring too long at the sun. It was at the same time warm and beaming and overwhelming.
“Of course,” Kiyotaka finally managed to sob out, “Of course I will.” He took a moment to calm himself and steady his breathing. Mondo seemed to be at a loss for words, but he managed to hold Kiyotaka against him tighter. His other hand came up to run his hands through Kiyotaka’s hair. Mondo had touched Kiyotaka like this often before. Kiyotaka was fussy at first at how Mondo would rub his head and muss up his well-maintained and cut hair, but quickly he found himself adjusting and longing for it.
“Is this okay,” Mondo asked quietly.
Kiyotaka removed his face from Mondo’s shoulder to look at him again properly. He noticed Mondo was tearing up as well, which both touched and surprised him. He’d only seen Mondo cry a few times excluding tears caused by onions.
“I like you,” Kiyotaka repeated. It was all there was to say. Looking into Mondo’s eyes like this was addicting. He wanted to kiss him. Was this the time? Kiyotaka had generally avoided romance novels and the like before because he found it made him feel weirdly uncomfortable and hollow, probably in retrospect because it reinforced the concept that he was supposed to fall in love with a woman. He did not know romantic conventions and rules. Generally in romance it seemed as if the characters would know what to do. Kiyotaka found himself wishing he’d read a guidebook or advice on this instead of having to rely on pure feeling and intuition. Instead he just decided to go ahead and ask flat out, “S-should we kiss?”
Mondo’s body jolted slightly against him, “W-well! I mean! We don’t have to!? Only if that's what you really want.” He stuttered out.
“I want to,” he admitted.
“Oh?”
Kiyotaka moved his hands upward to lace his fingers in the back of Mondo’s surprisingly soft hair, tilting himself upwards to try and accommodate their height difference. Mondo was warm and the air was sticky and all of it felt vivid and good.
Mondo’s eyes were wide and he glanced down not-so-subtly at Kiyotaka’s lips, “Ok.”
At first their noses bumped together so Mondo took the initiative to cup Kiyotaka’s cheek and try and get a better angle. Their lips pressed together cautiously. Kiyotaka was surprised by how soft it felt. Their faces were both wet from tears but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was Mondo and his rough hands and lips. It only lasted a few seconds before Mondo drew back to check in on Kiyotaka.
“Again” Kiyotaka whispered and Mondo complied. They were new to this and the inexperience was obvious but Kiyotaka could not bring himself to care at all even if it was a little sloppy. Kiyotaka pulled back and said, “thank you” with a bright smile that made Mondo want to blush into his hands.
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After an amount of time to soak in the events that just occurred Kiyotaka eventually had to return home. He left apologetically and reluctantly. Mondo said it was fine, after all school was going to be starting up soon and they’d be able to see each other every day and that they could perhaps go on a real proper date. He rode the way back on his bike. The world felt different. Maybe it was the fact that the air was lighter after storming and that the earth smelled fresh and rejuvenated. He felt different. He numbly knew that he would have to explain himself to his father upon returning home but he did not feel guilty about ...not lying, but obfuscating the truth for a little while. He would have to confront his parents eventually but not right away. He wanted to savor this moment for now. Because for once he could find happiness on his own terms. He just wanted that for himself. That did not make him selfish right? Naegi would probably scold him for thinking so. His heart felt full, in a good way, like the feeling after eating a fully satisfying and healthy meal. He felt light and warm and comfortable.
Kiyotaka really did like summer. As a child he’d proclaimed it as his favorite season because it was part of his name, but he had grown to truly enjoy the season especially. Things really did feel more hopeful in the summer.