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“The only thing I see coming from me wearing that is a lack of sanitation.”
Logan stared at an apron that Roman was holding out to him, judging the ‘kiss the cook’ that was printed along the chest.
Logan didn’t typically cook– the sides are not living beings, so they don’t have bodily needs to be attended to. Whenever he put something into his body, such as tea while he was reading a good book or jam when he was particularly down, it had always been for some ulterior purpose; he did it to maintain his mental state rather than his physical one.
The other sides had cooked before, though he had never sought out participating in it and just kept his head down and continued reading until he had whatever they’d called produce shoved in his face. Though the most common thing they ended up making was a mess of themselves and Thomas’s kitchen, and Roman would try to implore him to lie to Thomas to keep him away from the kitchen until it was cleaned up again.
Logan didn’t understand the concept of lying, but he hadn’t had to think about it so much when they had at least got more proficient at cooking. Though he still didn’t understand why they would be so insistent on destressing themselves from work by just giving themselves more work to do.
This was the first time that he had thrown his metaphorical hat into the ring. He and Roman were attempting to make some jam together, though he might have been a little more confident in how this would go should it have been Patton instead of his inattentive boyfriend. They hadn’t even started yet and Logan was questioning why he had agreed to this- but the prospect of not having to deal with expensive, much too sugary store-bought jam gave him the answer. And maybe, spending some time with Roman, who looked at him with pleading eyes.
“Shouldn’t you be keeping your bodily fluids to yourself while you’re cooking?” Logan followed up. “And besides, kissing someone while they’re cooking seems highly distracting, not to mention bearing a few hazards.”
“You’re taking this too literally, Mr. Jam Jarvis.” Roman groaned, his outstretched arms going slack and lowering the apron.
“Is that meant to be an Iron Man reference? Because J.A.R.V.I.S is an artificial intelligence system, so one would not typically associate him with an honorific that we use, even though he is referred to in the masculine. Also, ‘Jam Jarvis’ would just frankly be inaccurate; unless we are to say that there is another version of J.A.R.V.I.S created exclusively for the function of cooking for Tony Stark, that’s in his knowledge capacity and– oh. I see.” Logan closed his mouth and furrowed his eyebrows with a very deadpan expression; Roman had tossed the apron over his neck while he was rambling, and soon moved to tie a knot around the back. “It seems I’ve fallen for one of your traps… again.”
“Yep!” Roman chirped, “My lack of attention span for anything that does not have bright colours comes in handy for when I need to catch myself a Logan.”
“Though, I do appreciate that you’re engaging with my interests, for whoever’s benefit they may be for.” Logan answered, turning his head to watch Roman over his shoulder. “But I won’t keep letting you have that satisfaction.”
“Are you sure? Cause I’m pretty satisfied, for it has given me an opening that I simply must take advantage of.” Logan never understood the dramatics of Roman’s speech sometimes but knew that it came through whenever he was trying to build up his own confidence; as per the words on his apron, Roman pressed a kiss against Logan’s lips, sliding his hands just above his hips. When he pulled back, mere inches from Logan’s face, he gazed at him with an obscene amount of love in his eyes. “Oh, my dear Logan, you have the defences of a guard asleep at his post. I don’t think that’s going to be happening any time soon.”
“Just because you have more experience in the love department than I do doesn’t mean that I won’t be able to reach your same level within time.” He pushed Roman’s chest away with a cautious forefinger, “Shouldn’t you be precautioning yourself, too? Or was this only a means of you trying to get a kiss?”
Logan gestured to his apron.
“Can it not be both?” Roman let Logan go then walked across the kitchen, taking out a red apron that Logan could only imagine was his personal one. He watched him tie his knot before turning to the cabinets.
“I simply can’t believe that you are the most confident of everyone in the mind space and yet you are finding more subtle ways of getting affection than simply asking for it.” Logan mentioned, pulling the water canner to the edge of the cabinet and heaving it up with his scrawny arms.
It soon became lighter as he lifted it up to the counter, and Roman had been at his side, holding up the bottom of it. “So, if I were to ask you for a kiss right now?” He’d asked, his voice deep and slow, like time was almost stopping between them.
…almost.
Logan blinked. “...Do I need to go back over hygiene practices with you? You aren’t seeming like you understood them.”
Roman released the canner, holding his hands up in a mock surrender and turning on his heels. “That’s why.”
“What’s why?” He called out, but he was given no reply except for a few items pressing down onto the counter in short succession. “Do we have everything?”
“I would never forget a thing for something so important. All of the ingredients are over here… and the rest of the utensils can go over there!” He cheered, waving his hands around two small piles. “This is the first time I’ve gotten to make something with you… I won’t let it be the last!”
“I’d be more concerned about your actual performance than your preparation skills if you want that to be the case.” Logan moved the canner along the counter until it was underneath the sink. “Can I trust you to handle mixing the ingredients while I prepare the jars?”
“But of course! Who do you take me for?” Roman gasped.
A fool. Which was what he was.
Logan filled up the canner and placed it onto the stove, allowing it to boil before moving the jars one by one into it. Roman was working beside him on the other stove, stirring around smashed up blackberries with pomegranate juice and powdered pectin, then later the sugar at a precise point that had Logan a little impressed. He had a look of intense concentration on his face as the mixture boiled turbulently, his eyes squinted and his face scrunched in its habitual manner.
Logan decided to leave him to his own devices, which was probably a stupid idea, when he was the only side with logic actually going for them. Naturally. He turned away from the stove, intending to deal with the lids of their jars, and that was when he heard it, almost piercing into his ears:
“Aish!” Roman shrieked, the sound shrill and pitchy. He ducked from the saucepan he had been working over with a hand on his face, his other swatting at the thing. “For the– love of all things Disney!”
“What?” Logan asked, his eyes following Roman as he backed away. He didn’t respond immediately in place of making a few pained noises, and Logan stepped forward to the saucepan to glance over it before glancing at Roman. “Did you get burnt?”
Roman nodded his head, retreating back to Logan. Logan raised his hand and tried to pull Roman’s hand away, to no avail for a few stubborn moments before Roman let him move it down and see the redness that was quickly forming on the bridge of his nose. It didn’t look like the worst thing in the world, but for someone as dramatic as Roman, it probably was.
“It looks like a mild scald–”
“--it got my face! My beautiful, dashing face!” Logan had gone to say, but he had been interrupted by Roman’s horrified crying. “I’m hideous!”
“You’re not hideous.” Logan tried, his voice still monotone.
“I am hideous!” Roman insisted, shaking his head as if displacing any rational thought in there. “Tell me I’m hideous! Tell me I look like a frog now!”
Logan found that sometimes Roman asked him to do things that he didn’t actually want him to do, and quickly figured that this was another one of those times. If he didn’t want to never see Roman again, he would just have to pretend like he didn’t see anything.
“You look fine. And besides, a frog isn’t a good metaphor for someone being unattractive, because I am sure that one frog from that Disney movie became a… ‘dashing’ prince once he received a kiss.” Absolutely down on himself for what else to do, Logan disobeyed cleanliness to give Roman a kiss. Roman’s eyes sparkled enchantedly, and Logan took that as better than glistening tearfully. “You’ll need to cool the site down. Then put a bandage on it, just in case there’s any risk of infection.”
“You made a Disney reference…” Roman marvelled.
“I did. And just as bad as you when you try to partake in any of my interests. Now go- I’ll take over your stirring.”
They parted from each other, Logan going in the direction of the stove and Roman going in the direction of the sink. Logan could hear the tap running, then the sound of Roman whimpering like a pitiful animal, as if that whole ‘kiss transformation’ thing hadn’t worked. Not like he ever expected it to- he always found the sort of tropes that Roman subjected himself to unrealistic and frankly absurd. He continued stirring the mixture until it became time to take the ladle and spoon it out into the jars.
Roman came back when he was almost done with that process, wrapping his arms around Logan’s stomach and resting his head on his shoulder. He could see a bandage had been placed over his nose from the corner of his eyes, but such a non-committal glance hadn’t been enough for Roman, who had started whinging again.
“Yes?” Logan asked, actually turning his head this time.
“My face hurts.” Roman grumbled.
“It will. I imagine you’ve only sustained a burn to the surface of your skin, however it may still take a few hours for the pain to dissipate.” Roman sighed in response, and Logan already knew what he was going to say. “You’re still beautiful, darling, and I still love you.”
“How can I be sure of that?” He protested.
“I disregarded sanitation rules for you. I don’t know what else you could expect me to do?” Logan said, placing the last jar in.
“I guesssssss….” Roman drew on, rubbing his cheek on Logan’s shoulder as he’d looked away.
“You are the neediest man I have ever met.” Logan stated, stepping back and bringing his partner along with him.
“I prefer to say that I am a man with a lot of needs to be fulfilled.” Roman countered. Logan twisted his body to see him better.
“Is that not the same thing?” Logan asked, looking baffled.
“They’re entirely different things!” Roman had started, and then proceeded to go on a tangent about the difference, one which Logan did not understand for as much as he cared about the miniscule details. To him, it just sounded like Roman didn’t want to look fragile for being emotional, even though Roman’s disposition had always given Logan the impression that emotions were things that made someone strong and free-spirited.
Eh. There are things that he may never understand, no matter how many books he reads about them in his free time. At least he got to listen to Roman talk for the time being, though he was sure that he was meant to be being chided here, and the way that he wasn’t responding to him only made Roman more fired up and passionate. Again, this would probably have gone better if Patton were here. He’s the one more equipped to deal with Roman’s antics.
Which… surprises him why Patton would endorse him. Sometimes, when certain things went wrong with Roman, Patton would look to him to make them right again. There are times where Logan had thought that he was essentially Roman’s foil, and thought that most of his ways of trying to solve Roman’s issues would have the opposite effect. But for some reason, he had started being there for Roman more often than not, and Roman had been the same way, though in much more of a subtle and private manner. He would assure him after some of his…episodes, having had similar experiences when he was fused with Remus that he’d share with him for his ‘data collection’, and Logan got him out of his head when he was spiralling with honest answers.
He surmised that it was that point where he started feeling something more romantic towards Roman, but he doesn’t actually know when he did. He was just going off of when there started being a positive correlation between variables related to Roman and how content Logan was around him, but that did not necessarily mean that this was caused by his feelings for him. He had come to accept that even though they are so different from each other, it didn’t mean that they could come together, and he at least tried to indulge Roman in his ranting.
After the jams had finished processing, and they left the jars out to cool, Logan had taken a spoon and, somehow, offered the first bite of it to Roman. Roman gasped like Logan had just proposed to him, and his excitement didn’t waver when he said it was only because of his injury, slipping off the spoonful from the spoon and into his mouth.
He looked really pleased, putting one of his hands to his mouth and making a happy noise before nodding in approval. He swallowed and waved at Logan to try some of it himself, who had a similar, almost exact, reaction.
They did surprisingly well, for their first time and having one of their chefs downed by boiled, spitting water.
Logan had a feeling he might be doing this again with Roman soon. Maybe with other flavours, too…
…now he understood why the rest of the sides liked cooking so much. Oh, he hated being proved wrong.