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After school let out for the day, Kris checked their locker. What they expected to find was their seldom used textbooks, and probably something growing in it.
What they didn’t expect was for a letter to fall out.
It was white and clean, with nothing on it to identify who wrote it.
Absently, Kris checked the date on their phone. It was not, in fact, Valentine's Day. It’s not like that would have made this make any sense, but it could have been a justification. Even if there isn’t a single person alive that would give them a letter for Valentine's Day.
Susie might. As a joke. Ralsei might, as a friend thing. If he could be in the Light World, that is. Berdly… may.
They didn’t really like thinking about that last one.
However, the date was not, in fact, February fourteenth. It was the middle of fall, even, so they aren’t even sure why they checked.
All they were left with was a random mystery letter.
Alright.
Cool, even.
Perhaps they should actually open the mystery letter instead of staring at it. Maybe that would give them answers.
They attempted to gently rip the envelope open. Attempted to, because it tore a bunch and the paper inside had a slight tear now. It was still intact, just a bit beaten up now.
They read the letter.
There’s something I've been meaning to tell you. Meet me at the lake after school.
Signed,
Your Best Friend.
It was short and sweet. Well, sweet was debatable, being told by a mysterious stranger that they had something to tell them was… concerning. But it was signed off by saying ‘your best friend’ so… They felt positive about it.
There were two crucial pieces of evidence they gained from that. The writing style and the sign off.
While they couldn’t tell whose handwriting it was, they could tell whose it wasn’t. It couldn’t have been Susie, both because letters weren’t her style, and also because it was legible. It couldn't be Berdly either, because he had a very particular writing style, (a consequence of writing with feathered fingers,) and while he was many things, concise certainly wasn’t one of them.
It could have been Catti, but they weren’t particularly close. Not close enough to call each other best friends. Temmie was in the same boat.
Monster Kid, Snowy, and Jockington all weren’t Kris’s friends, nor did any of them have hands to write with.
So, unless a random kindergartener from their mom’s class stuck this in their locker (which, Kris would laugh their ass off if that was the case), there was only one person left who it could have come from.
Besides, other than Susie– who they have already ruled out– there was only one person that could call themself Kris’s best friend.
Interesting. Very, very interesting.
Well.
They might as well go see who was at the lake, even if they were nigh certain they knew who it was. They shouldn't keep their ‘best friend’ waiting.
~ ~ ~
When they arrived at the lake, Noelle was already there, looking at the sunset.
They had seen this coming. Because truly, who else could call themself their best friend?
She turned around when Kris got close enough. “Hey, Kris.” She said warmly.
They half heartedly waved. Truth be told, they were on guard. This was… kinda weird. Even for Noelle, who was the weirdest person they knew.
Outside of themself, of course.
As Kris walked over to stand by her side, a somewhat comfortable silence washed over them. It wasn’t entirely comfortable, the implications of Noelle having something to say hung over them, threatening to break the silence at any moment, but for now? They just watched the sunset.
It was nice, the way the orange gave way to pink, which gave way to the dark.
They liked hanging out with Noelle like this. She was someone that didn’t mind the way they just didn’t talk sometimes. Ironically, this makes her one of the few people they genuinely put in effort to talk to.
Most other people got nods, gestures, and the occasional non committal grunt. It was mainly her, Asriel, Susie and Ralsei, and every once in a while Berdly they actually talked to.
(Though when it came to Berdly, that was mostly just to aggravate him. It was easier to get on his nerves with words.)
The lake's water rippled gently, making every problem seem so small in comparison. Leaves floated by, gliding across the water. Wind blew across the lake, sending a chill down their back.
This tentative peace couldn’t last forever, even if Kris wished that this moment could.
“I got your letter.” They said neutrally.
“A letter?” She said, tilting her head. Kris knew for sure she sent it, because if she didn’t, she would look significantly more confused. She also had a sly smile. “Are you sure it was from me?”
“It said to meet someone at the lake. You are the only person here. And it was signed, ‘Your Best Friend’. I only have two best friends,” their mind stalled. Was Ralsei a best friend? They weren’t sure. Either way, he couldn’t have written a letter in the Light World, and he certainly couldn’t have met them at the lake, so the technicality wasn’t important. “And if Susie wrote that, I don’t think the letter would be legible.”
“Caught me red handed then.” She smiled nervously. She took a deep breath. “I guess, I just wanted to call you out here to thank you.”
“...For?” They tried thinking if they’ve done anything nice recently, but came up blank. Literally what was she talking about?
“I’m glad we’re friends again.” Noelle said. “It’s been nice, hasn't it?”
Oh. That made sense.
They nodded. “Yeah. It has.” They never thought they could just… exist by Noelle. They thought they would just be a bad memory. Memories of a brighter past, reminders of a dim present. Nothing more. It would be better to keep their distance, they had thought. They were a bit of an idiot for doing that for so long. “I’m… sorry about that.”
“It’s alright. I don’t think either of us tried hard enough.” It was neither of their faults. It was both of their faults. It was something in between. Black and white clashing to form a murky grey.
(To Kris, it was still mostly their fault. But, Noelle didn’t really like whenever they said that, so they didn’t.)
Noelle continued. “It feels like every day things just keep changing. Good memories getting further and further away… like I don’t have a grip on anything…” Noelle said wistfully. “But, with you by my side… it isn’t so bad.”
Kris was speechless. They would have never thought that they had such an impact on Noelle. They had to say something, but what could compare to what Noelle said? “Cool…?” Nope, not that. “I mean, thank you. I’m glad.” They really did feel glad. But honestly, they felt kinda concerned. This is coming out of nowhere. “Is there a… reason you’re telling me this?”
She blushed. “I just realized something the other day. That I don’t think I’ve ever told you how much you mean to me. And… Gosh this is so embarrassing.” She mumbled, bringing an arm to her neck. ”I missed you, but I never realized just how much until we started talking again and um. And I think I realized that I kinda sorta maybe… like you.”
“I like you too Noelle.” They said densely.
She laughed nervously. “...Kris. I mean I like you, like you. Y’know?”
Kris must have been dreaming. Like, really. A romantic lakeside sunset, with their longheld crush confessing to them?
Right. And Dess was gonna walk out of the bushes and say wow I’ve been found thanks Kris and Rudy wouldn’t be sick and Kris’s parents wouldn’t hate each other and the Holidays and the Dreemurrs would be close again and Asriel would be home and Ralsei could be in the Light World and that convenience store janitor guy would move away.
If only any of that were true.
Well, credit where credit was due, this sure was pretty elaborate. That was a pretty long speech for something like this, and bringing them all the way to the lake for it? That’s pretty high effort.
They laughed softly. They forced a smile to prevent anything else from bleeding through. “Ouch,” was all they could say.
Noelle’s expression cracked. “Huh?”
“I mean, I guess I deserve it.” They brought their hand behind their neck. “I've been messing with you for as long as I can remember. Gotta say though, this is pretty mean for a prank.”
“What? Prank? Wait, Kris-”
“Like, I've gotten this literally beaten into me, I still get headaches from looking at wiffle bats, but there’s just stuff you shouldn’t joke about. Love is definitely one of them.”
“Kris.”
They turned to her, raising four fingers. “Four out of ten. The letter was a pretty good set up, the lake’s a good location, and you get points for the absurdity, but this is pretty mean.”
“Kris!”
“Hm?”
“I’m? Not joking???” She said with a baffled expression. “I’m being serious here?”
She… wasn’t joking…? She was being for real…?
What?
What?
“You are.” They stammered. When the hell did they stammer? “That’s… That’s…”
They felt like a computer that just opened a zip bomb. Their brain struggled to process this, and nothing about this made sense. They couldn’t even begin to make sense of this. They’re pretty sure Noelle’s waiting on a response, but with their heartbeat thundering in their chest, all they could really do is smile awkwardly. Their arm was still outstretched awkwardly. Would it be more awkward to move it now or to keep it as is?
She liked them?
What were they supposed to do? That wasn’t supposed to happen! They were… they were… Kris! They’re… weird! They thought they were kinda fundamentally unlikeable?
The world was shaking, their legs felt like jelly.
They should… they should…
What even were their options in this situation?
Beyond any better reason, Kris decided on something. They needed to go away. Fast.
This was the only logical course of action.
They took a deep breath, then pointed to the side and said with a loud voice, “hey what’s Berdly doing with that egg?”
With a confused expression, she turned. An opening.
There was only one thing they could do in this situation.
They couldn’t run towards the town. Noelle is faster than them. And stronger than them. Those qualities that they normally considered rather attractive were detrimental. She would catch up with ease. And probably tackle them to the ground because she knew how genuinely agonizing it was to get Kris to say something straight.
The woods were out for the same reason.
They would need a better strategy.
Well.
There was only one direction left.
If they couldn’t go towards town, and they couldn’t go towards the woods, then all that was left was the lake.
The mix of adrenaline and fear gave Kris enough courage to do something really stupid.
While Noelle was still looking away, they brought their arms up and took off their sweater, freeing their dark undershirt. Then, they forcefully put their hand in their pocket and grabbed their phone. They took their phone, wrapped it up with their sweater, then tossed it aside. They would have to retrieve it later.
Then they jumped into the lake.
“Wha– Kris!?”
The beginning parts were shallow, so they stomped their way through the water.
Immediately, they realized that this was not a great idea. The lake was cold. The sheer amount of adrenaline coursing through their veins gave them the will to keep going.
The water got up to their waist, and this was the point where they could break away. As they paddled away, they heard Noelle call out for them. “Kris? What the heck are you doing!?”
They think it’s extremely obvious what they’re doing. But, since they were rigorously swimming, they didn’t have it in them to respond. Not if they didn’t want a mouth full of water.
The lake was not particularly deep. There was a section that got really deep, but for the most it didn’t go above their waist. Which was still enough space for them to swim.
Zero concern about drowning. Infinite concern about everything else.
Everything else was static, they just needed to leave.
Noelle did not give pursuit. Eventually they got away.
Eventually, the cloud in their mind cleared the fog lifted. Eventually, the ringing in their ears stopped. Eventually their heart stopped pounding. Eventually they returned to themself.
They waded to a bank. Their legs hit dry land, and they flopped onto the ground pathetically.
Why… Why did they do that?
They just couldn’t let themself have something nice, could they?
Angel, they were pathetic. The girl of their dreams confesses and they run away.
They laughed. They laughed and laughed. It was just so funny how much of an idiot they were. Their laughter died down, replaced by quiet sobs. And then they cried, and cried and cried.
~ ~ ~
Eventually there was nothing left to cry, and that just left them on a bank in the woods. Wet, tired, pathetic, stupid, and alone.
They couldn’t sit on the bank and lick their wounds forever. Even if they wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow them up and return them to the earth from which they came, their mom would get worried if they were out for too long.
Following the lake so as to not get horribly lost, they got up and started making their way home.
When they got to the lakefront again, they carefully checked to see if Noelle was still around. Once they deemed the coast clear, they checked the area where they tossed their sweater.
There was nothing. No green and yellow anywhere near here. They checked the water to see if they just missed the patch of grass they were aiming at when they tossed their sweater, but they saw nothing.
They weren't sure if they were relieved or not at the fact that their phone wasn’t in the drink.
Great. That was their phone, just gone. They didn’t have it in them to care, though. Just another mistake to add to the pile.
The walk back home was unremarkable, other than the way they dripped water everywhere. It was closer to a trudge, than a walk, truth be told. They were just glad none of their neighbors were really out, because they really did look stupid like this. Thankfully, they got home without issue.
Reaching home had an issue, though. Kris had hoped they could sneak into the house unnoticed, but that went out the window when their mom opened the door before they could even get their keys out. “Kris, how was your…”
Toriel cut herself off when she noticed their very soggy appearance. Kris withered under her gaze. “My child, why are you soaking wet? And where is your sweater?”
They had not prepared an excuse. They were hoping they could get to the bathroom undetected. With that plan out the window, they came up with a lie that was from the heart.
“Susie threw me into the lake to see how far I could go.”
“I did not!” Susie replied, which was odd because they weren’t aware that she was here. Why was she here?
Kris glanced to the side of Toriel, looking deeper into the house. Susie was just in the kitchen. It appeared she and Toriel were making… something. Kris couldn’t actually tell what. They could smell something but it was hard to tell what with all the lake water that went up their nose.
Well. There goes their one excuse.
Toriel pinched her nose. “We are going to talk about this later. For now, you are going to take a shower before you catch a cold.”
“Yes ma’am.”
They followed her instructions. Getting a cold sounded pretty bad right about now.
One slightly too hot shower later, they were in fresh clothes, and it felt like their humanity returned to them somewhat. Only somewhat. The weight of their actions was more bearable, but it still weighed on their neck.
They still didn’t have an answer of why they just did that.
It didn’t matter. It mattered a lot, actually, but it’s not like they could do anything even if they magically figured out why flight was their reaction of choice.
Their choices were already made.
When they exited the bathroom, Susie and Toriel were still in the kitchen. They were looking at them somewhat expectantly. Maybe they were hoping for some explanation of why Kris came home soaking wet, and missing their sweater, or something.
…
They really didn’t want to deal with this right now. Or ever, for that matter.
So they didn’t.
“I’m going to bed.”
They turned and walked up the stairs without waiting for a response, and were half surprised that Toriel let them. Then again, with the sheer amount of misery on their face, she may have let them go out of concern.
They didn’t really care about the reason, they just wanted to reach their bed.
As they turned off the lights and clambered into bed, they just hoped that sleep would claim them soon.
But, as dusk changed to twilight and twilight changed to midnight, it became obvious that the sandman did not answer their call.
~ ~ ~
They slept poorly.
They were used to guilt keeping them up at night, but the shame was a new one. Just… Why did they do that?
Kris genuinely picked the worst possible option. If they had replied positively, then she would be their girlfriend. Literally everything they’ve ever wanted. If they said no, well. Neither of them would be happy, but at least there would be some closure. They could have moved past it.
Running away was ambiguous. Equivalent to a no, without giving the closure of one.
Things were undoubtedly going to be weird, and it was all their fault.
How were they even gonna apologize for something like this? ‘Oh jeez Noelle, sorry about the other day. I’m so horrifically afraid of commitment that jumping into a lake was more appealing than facing my feelings! Oopsie!’
That wouldn’t cut it.
What would?
Was their issue actually commitment? After sleeping on it, that’s the only idea they had that made sense. Commitment was change. They didn’t really like change.
But, maybe they were just stupid.
Completely possible. They weren’t sure.
They tried closing their eyes and going back to sleep, but they could tell it wouldn’t work.
They did not want to get out of bed. They felt like a half drowned raccoon. Unfortunately, despite jumping into a lake, they did not, in fact, catch a cold.
Their hand went to their phone, first going to their pocket and to then to flop against their nightstand once that failed, but it wasn’t there. Right.
Right.
Wonderful.
Have they said that they hated themself yet? They're pretty sure they did, but it was worth stating again.
Them and their stupid actions…
Without a phone to look at, they leaned over and tried to see the time on Asriel’s old alarm clock. It was early, but not early enough to make going back to sleep feasible. Even if they already tried that.
Okay. Fine.
They weren’t getting any more sleep anyways.
They decided that if they were already up, they were gonna walk to school early. This was not out of any desire to become a better student, of course, but only because they didn’t want to be in the car with their mother. If they were properly cornered, she would definitely ask about the ‘sopping wet’ and ‘missing sweater’ thing.
Not ideal.
But, if they walked to school, they could avoid that, for at least a little while.
They got ready for the day. Their mom was a weird combination of proud and concerned by seeing Kris up and ready for school. Any other circumstances they would have left when it was like five minutes until class starts, but… not today.
The front door shut with a click, and they were out the house.
They weren’t even past the driveway when they were met with a light drizzle. They raised their hand and felt rain droplets pelt it. Alongside the rest of them. They… probably should have checked the weather. But, they didn’t have their phone, so they couldn’t have actually done that.
They had half a mind to go back and grab an umbrella, but they didn’t. Whether it was some attempt at self suffering or if they genuinely couldn't be bothered to turn around, they didn’t know. All they knew was that they were gonna keep walking.
They approached the intersection where their driveway met the road, which met Noelle’s house. Normally they would have stared at the gate longingly, lost in a daydream of a brighter past.
Once upon a time they would walk with Asriel to this gate, where they would meet up with Dess and Noelle, and the four of them would walk to school. Dess would say something that made Asriel laugh, while Kris would grab a bug and show Noelle.
She didn’t really like bugs, but they weren’t actively throwing it at her, so she just kinda looked at it with this half concerned half scared face.
Dess would look over, and then smack the bug away to the grass below, ‘saving the day’ which really didn’t need to be saved, because it was a beetle and didn’t really do anything.
Then they would reach the school and go to their respective classes, splitting them up.
Everything was so much simpler when they were younger.
That memory was a somewhat unique experience compared to most. Most towns had separate schools for elementary, middle, and high school, but Hometown was small enough to where one building fit everyone.
They lived in a very small town.
They had a million more day dreams they could have thought about, to their active detriment, except for the tiny unfortunate little detail of the Holiday gate actively closing.
Kris’s eyes refocused to see Noelle fiddling with the lock, shutting it. She was balancing an umbrella, which made closing the gate marginally more difficult than usual.
Well. This was just their luck, wasn’t it?
Noelle was punctual to a fault. Of course she goes to school around this time. Of course.
The same part of them that told them to jump in the lake told them to run away. But, they were frozen in place. It seemed like their body decided on freeze, instead of flight. Wonderful.
Noelle succeeded in shutting the lock, turned around and locked eyes with Kris. She startled. She then regained composure immediately, looking slightly caught off guard. Ironically, Kris was the one who looked like a deer in headlights, giving Noelle a wide eyed stare.
They went through some mental checks to attempt to look like a human, and not like a hare who was being stared down by a hungry wolf.
They evened their breathing. Their expression melted from… whatever it was before into a stony neutral one. The tension in their shoulders lessened. They stood up slightly taller, straightening their posture from a weird tense hunch to a more acceptable one.
They didn’t really feel like a person right now, but they think they looked like one.
“So, Um.” Noelle attempted to break the silence.
“The weather.” They made a face as the words left their mouth and they attempted to look anywhere that wasn’t where Noelle was standing. What were they even doing anymore…?
Noelle’s expression was completely indescribable. Some flavor of confusion, among other things. They're pretty sure they didn’t see disgust, which was a positive…? It was pretty hard to see a silver lining in any of this.
They would like to be in any other situation. Since they’ve already failed this social interaction, they just turned and started walking.
They heard a quickening of footsteps, and then Noelle was right next to them. They kept walking, with her keeping pace, the two shoulder to shoulder.
Not saying anything was burning a hole in their stomach but they didn’t know what to say. And frankly, their mouth already wasn’t cooperating. It usually didn’t cooperate on a normal day. This was already very far from a normal day.
They tried not to stare, but they were stealing a glance every few seconds. They’re pretty sure Noelle was also stealing a glance every once in a while, but they couldn’t really tell. They never caught each other, Kris could only feel that feeling of being watched.
It took them a little longer than it really should have to notice, but they weren’t getting rained on anymore.
“Thanks.” They forced out. Noelle looked confused, so they added, “‘brella.”
“Oh. Um. Any time.”
Somehow, the days when they were painfully distant were more manageable than this. The distance felt like they were two ships at sea, going parallel but with an entire ocean between them.
Right now, the ships were close, but the weather was turbulent. If things didn’t let up, they were going to sink.
Kris did not know enough nautical terms to keep this metaphor afloat.
It was one thing for her to be out of reach, for that relationship to never be rekindled, but it was something else when they were close again. Except they weren’t sure if they were close again, because Kris ruined everything and now everything was nine layers of weird.
“You um. Left this.” Noelle said awkwardly. When you jumped into the lake went unsaid. She stuck her non-umbrella-holding hand towards Kris. In it held their phone.
They took it from her, and tried not to think about how their spine tingled when their fingers brushed. “Thanks.”
They haven’t spoken more than two words at a time today. They don’t think they could string up any more if they tried.
They reached the school soon enough, but the tension never left Kris.
Were they just… not gonna talk about it?
It was definitely easier to not talk about it, but the anticipation was shaving years off of their life.
The two reached the door. Kris wanted to say something, anything, but there wasn’t enough time before class to talk about this, and this would definitely be a long conversation.
While Noelle closed her umbrella, shaking the rain off, Kris continued walking. They went straight into the bathroom, where they hid until the first period started.
~ ~ ~
Again, Hometown was small. Very, very small. So small that pretty much every student in the town (a small number, all things considered) went to the same building.
But, despite that, the classes were usually kept together. Through a bunch of scheduling nonsense, students from different grades virtually never interacted. Someone would have to actively go out of their way for that to happen.
This, of course, meant that students in the same grade interacted a lot.
Noelle was in their grade. Same classes and everything.
While this was usually a good thing, that little fact made today difficult.
They’ve known for a very long time that it was effectively impossible to ignore someone at school. Even if both parties were trying really hard.
After the awkwardness of the morning, the classes went by as usual. Kris may or may not have spent more time than usual looking at the back of Noelle's head, but no one needed to know that.
Eventually, lunch rolled around.
Kris sat at one lunch table. Noelle sat at a different one, the opposite corner of the room.
Unfortunately, they were both where their backs were facing the wall, so they were both in each other’s peripheral vision.
Every time they stole a glance, she was almost-but-not-quite looking at them. It was like some weird game of chicken, or a reverse staring contest, to see who could look at each other without the other catching them. Except this wasn’t a game and this was just weird.
Their eyes met.
Kris tore their gaze away, instead looking at their lunch. It was pizza day! Everyone loved pizza day! But, even that couldn’t raise their mood. Their slice mocked them.
“You missed out on my banger cooking.” Susie said, joining their table. That’s usually how lunch worked. Kris and Susie at one table, Noelle and Berdly at another, Jockington and Catti at yet another, and the rest taking a seat wherever.
Recently Kris and Susie had been sitting with Noelle and Berdly.
They were not doing that today for obvious reasons.
“We made lasagna.” Susie said, continuing.
Damn, they really did miss out. Presumably there were leftovers, but it wasn’t the same.
“Okay, what’s with you and Noelle?” Susie said after they were a little too silent a little too long.
“Nothing.” Kris answered reflexively. They internally winced, dismissing it immediately was the same as acknowledging it. “What do you mean?”
“What I mean is that the two of you keep, like, glaring at each other? Except it isn’t really harsh like a glare but uh… it’s weird?” Susie said. “Also you came home sodding wet yesterday so like… I’m putting two and two together.”
They raised an eyebrow. “Who the hell says sodding?”
“Nice try, you aren’t turning this around. Spill. Or you’re gonna have to listen to my theories. Cause I have some ideas, and who knows how right they are.”
They didn’t want to talk about this. They wanted to hear Susie’s theories even less.
Their head met the table. The worst part was that a part of them did want to talk about it, because if they had to keep this colossal screw up to themself, they may explode. What they knew for sure was that they could not have this conversation with eye contact. “I messed up real bad.”
“How bad we talking?”
“I think I gotta run away and fake my death.” They mumbled into the table. “Maybe I could become a farmhand in Scotland or something. Do you think I’d make a good shepard?”
They could hear Susie wince, inhaling sharply. “That bad?”
“That bad.”
A beat.
“Walk me through it.”
They sighed. “Okay.” They explained how they found a letter in their locker, how and how they ended up at the lake with Noelle. How she confessed, and… how they reacted.
“My first mistake. I thought she was pranking me. I mean, me? She liked me? I thought it was a joke. It uh… wasn’t.”
“Why would you think something like that was a prank?” Susie asked, sounding genuinely confused.
They shrugged. They couldn’t put it into words but the ‘avoiding her like their life depended on it’ thing they did for a while spoke for itself.
Noelle was kind, caring, smart, pretty, endearing, and just an all around wonderful person.
Kris on the other hand, was… Kris. They were weird, and kinda offputting, and generally speaking not a very good person.
They couldn’t envision a single reason why Noelle would like them.
“I messed with her a lot when we were younger. She was going to return the favor eventually.” Was all Kris could say.
That was met with a near uncomfortable amount of silence. Susie was staring at them. After a few more moments, she just hummed, “mhm. Right.”
Kris continued. “My second mistake. When I realized it wasn’t a joke, I… panicked.”
“Panicked how?”
They pressed their face back into the table. “My fight or flight triggered and brother, my ass flew.”
“What, you ran away?” Her not connecting their prior water logged state and this new information was incredibly embarrassing for them. They really had to say it, huh?
Kris deflated further into the table. “...I swam away.”
“You swam…?” Susie echoed. “What do you mean you swam?”
“I jumped. Into the lake. To get away.”
This was like pulling teeth.
“You swam.” Susie put a hand over her mouth and shook violently. She was trying really, really hard not to laugh. It wasn’t really working. “So that’s why you were sopping wet.”
“Ding ding ding.” They said flatly. “Do you want a prize?”
“I think I do want a prize.”
Kris glared at her. While maintaining their spite filled eye contact, they slid their plate of lightly nibbled on pizza to her. She looked far too pleased at getting their piece of pizza.
They don’t think they had the stomach for food right now anyways.
Mid-slice, Susie asked, “so why did you literally run away?”
They shrugged unconsciously. “I panicked.”
“Okay. But why did you panic?”
“What are you, my therapist?”
“It’s starting to feel like it.” She grumbled.
After a few seconds, Kris cracked. “Okay, if a pretty girl confessed her feelings to you, that’d be pretty scary, right?”
Susie looked at Kris like they were insane. “No…? That would be pretty cool actually.”
Silence. Kris didn’t have another way to deflect or defend.
“It’s ‘cause it’s Noelle, ain't it?”
That was the truth of the matter. It’s because it was Noelle. They want her to be happy. Would being with them make her happy? Kris… didn’t think so.
“Obviously.” They looked away, their finger absently smoothing creases in a napkin on the table. “I just… didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want things to change. To get worse. So I ran.”
Susie had a deadpan expression. “Literally running away is the worst way to stop that ‘cause like. I think things are going to change and get worse.”
“I am… Aware of that.” They said through gritted teeth. Kris sighed loudly. “I ruined everything.”
“I mean, I kinda doubt that.”
Kris looked at her like she grew two heads.
“Like, she’s looking over right now. If she like, hated you for this I doubt she would be glancing here like a kicked puppy.”
Kris tried to look at Noelle but she turned away as their head moved.
Kris scratched their head. “It’s just, before all the adventure stuff, we went months without talking to each other. It was… bad. It’s already like we’re back to that.” Kris couldn’t keep the regret out of their voice.
“Okay well, if you keep doing this mopey avoid-y glooby stuff then yeah, you’re gonna go another year without talking to her, dumbass.”
Kris looked up like they had been struck. Glooby…?
“So here’s what you’re gonna do.” She put her hands on the table dramatically, before pointing at them. “You’re gonna get over yourself, you’re gonna apologize, and you’re gonna tell her how you feel. Snip it in the butt before it becomes a problem again.”
“That is not how you say that phrase.” Kris shook their head. Then they processed the rest of her words. “And what do you mean get over myself?”
“I can hear you think.” She brought a finger to her head, tapping her temple. “You're sitting here like,” her voice became monotone, and deep, “ohhh, Noelle would never actually like me. She’s awesome, and cool, and I’m all weird and off putting and…” She trailed off while trying to think of another word. “Glooby!”
“Take that back.” Kris gasped. “I’m not… I’m not glooby.”
“I mean it! You’re being glooby! Sitting here moping instead of trying to fix things… that’s pretty glooby of you!”
Kris recoiled. Maybe… maybe they were being glooby.
Her words were harsh, but oddly comforting.
“And like, you being weird couldn't've messed things up that bad because I’m pretty sure your insane amount of weirdness is why she likes you.” Susie said. “Every time we talk she mentions some insane thing you did with the most endearing tone of voice.”
This is the first time they’ve heard of that. “...Really?”
“Literally any time anything happens, she can trace it back to you.” She pointed at them. “Like the other day we were walking home from school, and a leaf fell in her hair. She like, giggled, giggled, and said that she remembers that you used to see how many leaves you could put in her hair without her noticing. She cannot go five seconds without bringing you up. She could probably look at the moon and find a way to connect it to you.”
“We did used to go star gazing when we were younger.” Kris said in deep thought.
This was apparently the wrong answer. “Was your entire childhood just doing romantic stuff with Noelle and hoping she didn’t notice!?”
“Star gazing is a completely platonic activity.”
This was apparently an even wronger answer.
She put her head on her hands dramatically. “I’m not qualified for this bro. I’m really not.” She ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath. “Do you even like, actually like her? Like you called her pretty like five minutes ago but like, I want to hear it from you.”
Kris blinked.
Did they?
Honestly, there was no reason to question it. The answer was yes. She was their first friend. They could spend hours listing every wonderful thing about Noelle and still wouldn’t have enough time.
Kris glanced around. Jockington and Monster Kid were in an animated, loud discussion. Noelle was looking at them. No she wasn't, she was looking away. The cafeteria was currently loud enough to where they could say this out loud.
“She’s kind, and caring. Even when things were weird she always had a pencil for me. She has the cutest reactions to stuff. She likes weird things, and she can spend hours talking about creepy glitches in a game. She’s pretty, and she’s always tried to include me in stuff. To everyone else, I was just the weird human Dreemurr kid. To her… I was just… Kris. So yeah. I guess I do.”
Susie was staring at them. She started clapping dramatically, and wiped a (genuine!?) tear from her eye. “Awesome.” Susie smiled. “You should tell her that and not me.”
“I can’t just do that.”
“You literally can. And probably should, actually.” Susie smiled. “Listen, if it works, then cool, you have a girlfriend. If it doesn’t, then I think it was just doomed from the start.”
Huh. That was… a refreshingly realistic way to look at this.
The lunch bell rang. They were out of time to talk about this, for the time being.
As they sat up, they made up their mind. “Alright. I’ll apologize.”
Susie clenched her fist. “For the love of god, if that’s all you got out of that–”
“And I’ll tell her how I feel.” Kris interrupted, raising their arms in surrender. They sighed. “Thanks bro. I needed to hear that.”
“Any time bro.”
~ ~ ~
They couldn’t apologize immediately. They needed to show that they were serious. If they apologized now, they could probably repair things back to how they were, back to being friends.
Probably.
And yet, going back to how things were didn’t seem very appealing. This incident would leave a gap, which would inevitably widen, all because of one terrible choice.
No. They couldn’t just say they were sorry. They had to show it.
The first step of their plan was to convey that they weren’t deathly afraid of Noelle. Considering how they acted yesterday and earlier… they would not be surprised if Noelle thought they were afraid of her.
Frankly, they kinda were, but it was more so a fear of messing up and not them actually being afraid of Noelle.
If things could go back to a mutual neutral, the next few steps would be easier. She was still in the hall when the school day ended, so all they did was approach from a somewhat far away distance.
Close enough for her to notice, but far enough away that they could not easily start a conversation
She did notice, turning to face them. Her expression shifted to surprise, to sadness, to a stony neutral. She wasn’t quite as good at hiding her emotions behind a stony expression as Kris was, but she was pretty decent. She learned from the best.
Kris could tell she was kinda upset. They were definitely a bad person for noticing this part, but she was very pretty when she was upset.
They nodded, smiled, and waved.
She blinked at them like they were an alien. They deserved that.
Noelle got closer. They should have expected that. While Noelle was someone who could ignore things for forever, she really hated when certain things simmered.
She spoke.
“I’m sorry.”
Kris was taken aback. Did they mishear, or was she apologizing? Why was she apologizing? She was the one who was ditched, not them. They raised their hand. “I should be the one apologizing. Sorry.”
Okay. Well. They were already diverging from how this was gonna go in their head. Was that really their apology out of the way?
No. A simple sorry… that wasn’t gonna cut it.
“Can you give me a day?”
She looked extremely confused. What they were asking was a little weird, they supposed. “Um… for?”
“To apologize.”
“I mean, sure? But, it's alright, I shouldn’t have–”
“No.” They interrupted. Noelle immediately stopped talking. They didn’t interrupt her much. At least, not with a serious tone of voice. “It really isn’t alright. I literally jumped into the lake. That was wrong of me.”
She winced at the reminder. They really hurt her, didn’t they?
Their resolve strengthened. They might actually be able to go through with this. No, they had to go through with this.
But right now wasn’t the time.
“If you’ll let me, I’ll apologize tomorrow. For realsies.”
She snorted. She looked almost relieved. Which was odd considering they hadn't actually apologized yet. “Um. Okay, sure. Tomorrow.”
She walked away soon after, and Kris wasn’t sure if they could breath or not. That weight they carried lightened, but it was still heavy.
Tomorrow, that weight will be gone. Whether they would be weightless, or the weight would be replaced by regret, they didn’t know.
All they knew is that there was no going back.
~ ~ ~
They returned home with a strengthened resolve.
Once they got home, their mom really looked like she wanted to question the whole ‘coming home wet thing’ but she must have noticed that Kris was in a visibly good mood (an incredibly rare sight, nowadays), because she didn’t. She instead asked how their day went.
They responded that it was good.
That was good enough for her, as she didn’t say anything else. Without a conversation they needed to go through, they went upstairs, deep in thought.
Kris needed a plan, they knew that for sure. They had a few vague streams of thought that could serve as the basis of a plan, but that wasn’t actually a plan, only concepts.
Flowers could work. They had easy access to flowers, their dad ran a flower shop, and flowers could say things easier than they could. So flowers could work. In theory.
In practice… involving their dad in anything even remotely similar to romance just felt like a bad omen. It felt very mean to think it, but since Kris specifically needed to apologize for something romance related… yeah. No.
Just. No.
So flowers were out.
That was okay. Flowers were kinda cliche, and they needed to be earnest and honest for this.
Two things they were really bad at being…
It was fine. It was alright. Even if they weren’t playing to their strengths, they could do this.
They knew one thing they needed to do. Noelle gave them a letter, so Kris needed to give her one, too.
A benefit of their mom being a teacher was the near endless amount of random office supplies she brought home.
Paper, envelopes, the works. They got some supplies and brought them to Asriel’s desk. They stretched, cracked their knuckles, and brought a pencil to a page.
Several minutes later, the page was still blank.
This was harder than they thought.
What were they even trying to write? They knew they needed to put a letter in her locker, to echo what she did for them, but what to put in it…?
Giving her an actual, physical, written apology would be insincere at best. They had to speak from the heart. They were really, really bad at doing that.
Though they would need to destroy it, they could write down what they should say.
They could put that they were sorry. Why they ran away. How they truly felt.
So, they put some of that on there. Seeing their feelings on a physical medium made them feel kinda sick, so they balled up the page and threw it away.
Maybe that helped. They didn’t know.
Instead their mind wandered.
They wondered what Noelle did when she got home that night. Did she cry? They did, and Noelle showed her emotions much easier than they did. But, their grief came out of guilt, which Noelle probably doesn’t have.
Then again she might have just been confused. She didn’t seem particularly heartbroken today, just vaguely upset and confused.
They can imagine her torturing her weird virtual cats to feel better.
They shook their head. This wasn’t productive. They needed to do this.
Taking a deep breath, they worked on the letter. They weren’t good with words. Not at all. But, with enough time, and enough desire to make things right, they slowly but surely came up with something.
It had to be short and sweet. They couldn’t let the letter take the brunt of apologizing, that was their job. But, they needed to tell her to go to the lake, and they needed to say something else.
Okay. They think they have something.
But… this didn’t feel like enough. A letter and an apology would seem like enough, but no, they needed something else to go with it. Like a gift or something. But what? What would work?
For some reason, their mind went to the idea of a ring. That was… both insincere (they couldn’t just throw things at her to make things better) and way out of their budget.
And yet there was something there. Something ring adjacent would be as ‘Kris’ as it gets.
They smiled. They figured it out.
It wasn’t perfect, but it’s not like they were perfect to begin with. If they were, they wouldn’t be in this mess.
They had their plan. They just needed to execute it.
~ ~ ~
The next day, after school, they slipped their letter into Noelle’s locker. Their heart was pounding, and frankly they’ve done much more intense things with less fear, but their insides felt like spaghetti anyway.
It was done.
They weren’t satisfied with it, but the words wouldn’t come to them.
It was fine. They were saving those for the lake, anyway.
They went to breathe a sigh of relief, but their breath hitched. Their eyes caught Noelle’s, who was coming down the hall.
That’s pretty bad, because they needed a little bit more time to finish their plan. So, they just kinda ran away. Not their best work, not at all, but she definitely saw them put the letter in her locker, so they weren’t worried about sending a bad message.
No, they were worried because they needed to do the next part of this very fast.
~ ~ ~
When I said I was gonna apologize, I meant it. If you’re still willing to hear me out, I’ll be at the lake.
Well Wishes,
Your Best Friend
~ ~ ~
Noelle didn’t immediately come after them, so they were able to do the last thing they needed to do.
With that out the way, Kris stood in front of the lake. It was peaceful.
Their peace offering crinkled in their pocket, courtesy of Sans’. They truly hated that guy’s guts (bones?) but a convenience store was a convenience store and it sure was convenient getting this item.
As far as a gift goes, this item was really, really silly. Any other situation, and it would be too unserious for an apology. But, it was exactly what they needed. They hoped.
Eventually, they heard footsteps. They took a deep breath. This was it.
They turned around to face Noelle.
Just like the day before yesterday. Just with the roles reversed. They treated this with the seriousness of a soldier going to war.
Behind their back, they opened the wrapper of the item. It was… incredibly difficult, if they were being honest. They felt the wrapper tear. They clasped their hands, enclosing the item, preventing it from falling to the floor.
They took a deep breath.
They got down on one knee, and presented their item. A singular candy ring.
Their eyes were fixed to the ground, they couldn’t look at her for this, but they heard her gasp.
They began to speak.
“I’m really sorry for running away. And I’m really sorry that I thought you were joking at first. You’re kind. You’re pretty. You’re wonderful. I couldn’t believe you were serious because I never would have thought that you felt that way.
“I thought I was dreaming, or I thought it was a prank, and when I realized it wasn’t… I got scared. I’m terrified of commitment, and I was afraid of things changing again. And well, commitment’s one hell of a change. It’s like you said, things just keep changing, and changing, and I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking, and I ran. Funny how that didn’t stop things from changing…
“I’m gonna be honest. I’ve had a crush on you since we were kids. You were the first person outside of my family that saw me as ‘Kris’, and not as the Dreemurr’s weird human child, and that kinda stuck with me.“
Haha, they said it. They finally said it. They’ve been holding onto that one for roughly a decade. Okay. There really was no going back.
“I never said anything, ‘cause I didn’t know how. I tried messing with you, to keep your attention on me, but it never worked. Then everything changed, and after that, I was convinced that you would be better off without me. “
Something occurred to them while they were apologizing. “I never really apologized for keeping my distance for all those years, did I? I’m already here apologizing, so I’m sorry for that, too. I shouldn’t have made that call, and I didn’t realize how wrong I was until it was almost too late.”
“I’ve thought about it. And, if things had to change, I’d rather be with you, than without. So, if you’ll still have me…”
They were running out of steam. Their unrestrained stream of consciousness didn’t have an ending, no concluding note.
They had to say something to wrap this up.
They said the first thing that came to mind.
“...Wanna go out some time?”
Kris was pretty sure they weren’t breathing. Their vision was swimming as they stared at the dirt below, as they couldn’t dare look up at Noelle.
They were also fairly sure that they did not, in fact, stick the landing.
Kris has spent a fairly large portion of their life apologizing to Noelle. Even still, that was probably the most they’ve ever talked at once. Sweat clung to their neck. The silence was deafening.
They prepared for the worst. In all things, they prepared for the worst.
The worst did not come.
Instead, they heard footsteps, and felt arms wrap around them.
They froze. Slowly, they turned their neck to look at Noelle. Her eyes were closed, but they could see tear stains on her face.
Oh no, they made her cry. They weren’t trying to do that!
They reciprocated the hug, being careful to not touch the candy ring to her sweater. That would be gross.
She cleared her throat. “I’d love to go out with you, and I’m not mad that you ran away, but Kris…” She grabbed them by the shoulders. She looked… genuinely upset. “Never think that I’d be better off without you ever again, okay?”
“I promise.” Kris said.
Her eyes were red, but her smile… her smile was so bright. “Then I forgive you.”
It felt as if the weight they were carrying for so long was suddenly discarded.
They exhaled, and they swayed. Noelle caught them. It felt like their eyes were burning, and they blinked rapidly to dispel any tears.
They stayed like that for… quite a while, actually. Kris doesn’t think they ever wanted to let go.
But, Noelle eventually broke the silence. “So, that’s why you pranked me so much? You liked me back then?”
Why was that the part she was focusing on???
“...Yep.”
“I… never realized. Sorry, I thought you were just being mean.”
Most people did. They were uh… really bad at showing that they cared. They couldn't say that it was an entirely deserved misunderstanding, though. Sometimes they really were just being mean.
“Throwing bugs at you probably wasn’t the best way to show love, huh?”
She laughed at that. “Yeah, I don’t think I was ever figuring that one out.”
The two of them got up, and Noelle offered her hand. Kris just kinda stared at it until they remembered the entire reason they were out here.
Right. The candy ring.
They grabbed her hand, and slid the ring onto her finger.
“I’m really, really, really glad you did, but you really didn’t have to do all of this…”
“I really did.” Kris countered. “Like I literally jumped into the lake. Had to do something on par with that to cancel it out. Like PEMDAS.”
Noelle stared at them blankly. She looked like she wanted to refute that, very, very badly, but didn’t. “Okay. Sure.”
She looked at her phone, and they looked back to them. “So, uh… Want to go to the diner? Or something…?”
Oh yeah. With a confession from both sides, this meant they were dating now, weren’t they? Well, it was time to start acting like it.
“Yeah. That sounds great.”
~ ~ ~
“Hey,” Kris said as they sat in a booth at QC’s. “So you gave me my phone back right?”
“Mhm.” Noelle hummed as she sipped their shared milkshake.
“What happened to my sweater?”
“Huh?” She froze. Very briefly, panic coated her eyes. “What sweater? You didn’t leave a sweater…”
They gave her a blank look. “The sweater. The sweater I was wearing, before I took it off so I wouldn't get lake water on it. The sweater that I wrapped around my phone so the ground wouldn’t hurt it. That sweater.”
“No idea what you’re talking about.” She lied.
“Okay, that doesn’t even work because I only have one outfit.” Kris said flatly. Maybe, maybe she could pull the wool over their eyes if they wore different clothes, but frankly, their closet contained about seven of the same sweater. They were effectively always wearing a sweater, so an outright rejection of the idea didn’t even make sense.
They closed their eyes and shook their head. In return, she was blushing rather furiously.
…Maybe they didn’t want to know, actually.
“Just… keep it.”