Chapter Text
Looking back on it now, Sebastian knew he should have seen this coming.
Endless hours on set with arduous physical work, skipped meals, and long nights with maybe a little too much vodka to help him sleep all pointed in the direction that his self-care had been slipping, and all together, it'd been a stressful few months. Unsurprisingly, stress and fatigue tended to be the worst of his triggers, and today specifically spared no regard to this; in fact, it’d been an unusually difficult and long-ass day, even by the standards for the Cap cast and crew.
It was nearing 9pm, and he’d just finished rehearsing part of the helicarrier fight scene for the Winter Soldier with Anthony. Despite his overwhelming exhaustion from 14 hours on set, Sebastian made his way through the remaining crew to say goodbye as he left the sound stage, and even then still managed to keep up a polite conversation with costuming as they stripped him of his prosthetic arm. The task didn't take longer than 10 minutes, but it still felt 10 minutes too long. This night in particular, his body was groaning for rest; his legs felt leaden and crampy as he dragged his feet over to the private dressing rooms.
“My man, my man. Just who I wanted to see,” Anthony grinned over to him as he finished slipping on his loafers. Sebastian nodded in his direction as he went to the corner where his clothes were neatly piled, and he began his routine of stripping off the Soldier’s uniform. “You coming out for dinner and drinks with us tonight?”
Sebastian winced through the effort to tug off his leather jacket and undershirt, but made as quick work as possible of his boots and cargo pants. Though he’d normally accept any offer to get out and socialize, he knew he’d be shitty company tonight. Just the mention of food had his stomach churning with nausea (and it might have had to do with the lunch he’d skipped today), or it may have been the migraine he’d been sporting since they’d wrapped their last take. Whatever it was, the only thing he wanted was to take some ibuprofen and have a hot shower. After all, he was expected back on set at 5am to start rehearsals once more.
“Refusing dinner with Black Widow? Damn, okay then, gramps,” and when Mackie came over to clap him goodbye on the shoulder, Sebastian actually stumbled, struck with vertigo. He frowned, unsure of where that had come from, and why he was suddenly feeling so dazed. His fingers shook on their own accord as they struggled to tug up his sweatpants.
Anthony grabbed his jacket off the coat rack and slung it on. “Call me if you change your mind, we’ll be at Novare Res. It’s that new pub on the corner of Broadway and Pine,” - and just as he spoke and began to leave the room, it hit Sebastian hard, and he was left with a sour panic that he hadn’t felt in months.
He could count on the fingers of both hands the number of times he’d had a seizure since he'd started filming Cap 2 (which was surprisingly a paltry amount compared to his childhood). And every single time this year with the exception of one, he’d found himself in the presence of Chris. It wasn't coincidental in any way though; he and Evans spent as much time rehearsing lines and choreography together, as they spent playing video games and shooting the shit. Besides the Russo brothers and the set medics, Chris was now the only other one to know if his condition, and thankfully, the guy had gotten better at handling each episode as it came (except Sebastian didn't think he'd ever forget the first time he seized in front of his co-star; after he regained some lucidity and talked down a grey-faced Chris from calling an ambulance, they had a nice long discussion about honesty and self-care).
His seizures hadn’t happened recently though, not since his doctor upped his meds, and he thought that maybe, just maybe, he had finally turned a corner.
Evidently, he was wrong.
Of all places, it had to be on set. Though he thought maybe he was lucky it didn’t happen during the actual set work, he didn’t want anyone to stumble in on him, alone in the dressing room, and cause a scene. The last thing he wanted was to wake up in the ER with the entire cast and crew thinking he’d croaked.
With the way his world was spinning and getting smaller, he thought he had maybe 3 minutes before shit got bad, and that wasn’t enough time to get to the safety of his trailer. He had no other choice than -
“Wait, uh.. Mackie?” the words sounded off even to his own ears because it was already getting hard to make his mouth work. Anthony was already halfway out the door, but he stopped and turned back.
When he didn’t respond, he prodded, “Yeah?”
But how was he supposed to tell his co-star he was about to have a goddamn seizure?
“I.. um, I gotta lie down.”
And damn, if that didn’t come out wrong, but it was getting hard to think and his body was becoming so heavy. He had to reach out and grab the nearest solid object - vanity chair - to keep from toppling over.
Mackie quirked an eyebrow. “Well, you do have a bed in that trailer of yours. If this is some sort of invitation, you know I don’t really swing that way -”
“No,” he took a shuddering breath, and it was loud enough to make Mackie take a step towards him. “No, need to.. Now.”
By the time Mackie made his way over, Sebastian could already begin to feel his knees tremble; they were doing a funny dance of locking and unlocking, and his body had turned against him, uncooperative. He knew he wouldn’t be able to stand much longer, and he still hadn’t even told Mackie what was about to happen.
“Whoa, big guy, what’s going on?” All humor had left Anthony’s voice, and a strong hand wrapped around his bicep.
His throat was dry and spasming, but he finally forced it out. “I.. gonna have a seizure.”
“What?”
It was too late.
Knees collapsing out from under him, Anthony had no choice but to grab him and fall with him. He ended up in a twisted pile of limbs right on Anthony’s lap, but Anthony didn’t take more than a second to haul him flat on his back.
“Dude - what? You’re gonna..? Shit, for real? Do I need to call an ambulance?”
Sebastian blinked up at him, heaving for breath. He shook his head. No ambulance, just… “Chris.”
Chris had been through this enough times before and he knew what to do. Sebastian had never wanted anything more in the world than Chris right in that moment.
“Mackie, you’re taking longer than I do to get dressed. You ready yet?” a woman’s voice - Scarlett, his brain told him - came from the doorway, but she stopped in the middle of her next sentence at the scene in front of her. “What -?”
“Scar, get in here!”
Scarlett rushed into the room and dropped to her knees across from Anthony, red hair spilling over her wide eyes. “What the hell happened?”
“Call Chris for me. He thinks he’s gonna have a seizure.”
“What? Jesus, should I call an ambulance?”
“No, just call Chris,” then Mackie was back to talking right in his face, and the man who was always smooth and smiling, was looking terrified. “What do we do, Sebastian?”
Time slowed like molasses. His brain felt like a record that kept skipping, and nothing seemed to make sense. “Um..” and suddenly he was so unsure as to how he’d come to lie on the floor with both Anthony and Scarlett above him. He knew he was flat on his back based on the uncomfortably cold floor beneath his bare shoulders and low back. But he couldn't find focus as his eyes flickered between the hazy overhead lights and his co-stars, who had made their way to just inches above his nose. Their faces were drained of color, their movements jerky, panicked, and they kept looking at each other. Scarlett shakily cupped her hand against his cheek and then down to his shoulder. Then back to his cheek and even further up to settle in his hair. He settled for just a second on her face. Green eyes were easily read like a book, pupils constricted, brows pinched -- scared. Scared for him.
Feeling wholly disembodied and distressed, his lips parted to release a breathy moan; he knew he was missing something important. His head throbbed, and his belly had an uncomfortable, gnawing curl, God it made no sense, but that tangy taste on his tongue.. that tangy taste on his tongue.. -- that tangy taste --
Shit, that could only mean one thing.
Seizure.
“Seizure,” he slurred, because he suddenly understood, it was really important that they knew he was only a minute or two away from falling under. Mackie pursed his lips, frowning - also scared - and he wished Chris was here, because Chris had been through this and knew what to do and knew how to make things better. “Please. Chris.”
“Hey, hey, Scarlett is calling him right now, buddy. But I need to know what to do. You gotta tell me. Do you have any meds you can take?”
His fists clenched and spasmed. Fingertips tingled. It was getting closer, and he didn’t want this.
“Sebastian, do you have any medications?”
He gave a small shake of his head. There was no way to prevent this; the only meds he had to stop his seizures were for emergencies, when they lasted over five minutes, and there was no way in hell he was going to tell Mackie how to administer his Diastat.
“Alright, that’s fine,” Anthony gripped his forearm hard. “I know you want Chris. We’ll get him over here.”
“Hey! Here he is,” Scarlett tore the phone from her ear and handed it to Mackie, who immediately thumbed it to speaker.
“ - Scar? God, are you with him? I - What’s going on? Let me talk to him.”
“You’re on speaker phone, Chris, he’s right here. A little spooked,” Mackie said.
Hearing the sound of Chris’ voice felt like someone had flicked a live switch in his chest. Owlish eyes searched the room; he could hear Chris’ voice, but he couldn’t find him. “Chris!”
“I’m right here, Seb. I’m on the way, God, I promise. I just left my trailer,” Chris was panting hard in between his words, “Shouldn’t be more than three minutes, okay?”
“Chris,” he mewled. Saliva was pooling in the back of his throat, and he swallowed over and over, trying to clear it. His world had whittled down to finding enough air and finding Chris, and he couldn’t seem to accomplish either.
“Easy, easy,” Scarlett was murmuring above him. Slender fingers brushed his hair back, the motion just as soothing as her words. “He’ll be here in a few minutes.”
“I know you’re scared, Seb, but I want you to just let go, okay?” Chris knew how hard he fought going under, and the panic he felt each time of not knowing if he’d wake up. “Mackie and Scarlett are with you and they’re not gonna leave. They’ll be with you until it’s over, and then I’ll be there. I’ll be there when you wake up. Don’t be scared.”
He heaved in a breath and finally pushed out, “I don’t want to.”
His world was greying around the edges and his entire body was beginning to tingle and spark, neurons misfiring, and he didn’t want this, God, he couldn’t do this again.
But his body had no reason. His world faded completely to the sounds of Chris’ frantic reassurances, and Scarlett’s trembling touch.