Chapter Text
teapot party 🫖
2:01 PM
childe: i’m jumping off a bridge i hate this class sm
lumine: i fear you signed up for it
kaeya: yeahhh unfortunately i think it’s a little late girl
venti: hey nooo i know how it is. ur fucked whenever u sign up for classes too late 😭😭😭
venti: got stuck with taphonomy for a whole semester. wanted to die no pun intended!
aether: crazy work
aether: i took that class for funsies 😋
venti: GROSS GROSS I HATE U
childe: NO GUYS PLS ITS SO BAD
childe: fking inazuman economics
childe: IM MAJORING IN ATHLETIC TRAINING I DONT NEED THIS SHIT 😭
beidou: still not totally sure that’s a real major icl…
childe: YES TF IT IS
childe: I LEARN ABOUT SPORTS AND HEALTH
lumine: me too and yet physical therapy sounds way realer
childe: ITS BASICALLY THE SAME THING
aether: i’ve already met so many new people this semester and not ONE ☝️person is majoring or planning to major in athletic training
aether: i did meet another woman majoring in physical therapy tho
beidou: YEAHHHH CREW 🔥🔥what’s her name and does it look like she can beat me up
lumine: ADD HER TO THE GC!!!!
aether: never got her number 😔names dehya tho
kaeya: fumbling like always 😒
aether: okay FIRST OF ALL im gay
aether: SECOND OF ALL shes defff a lesbian
aether: im learning of some kind of correlation between lesbians and physical therapy?
aether: hold on i see her ill get the number
childe: ok can i be in the physical therapy gc i dont have any friends in my classes except for professor capitano
venti: WHY IS YOUR ONLY FRIEND THE PROFESSOR??? 😭😭😭😭😭😭
lumine: bro don’t even he’s so tired of your ass ajax 😭😭😭
childe: NO WHAT WE’RE BESTIES
kaeya: that’s the most teachers pet shit i’ve ever seen and i’ve known jean and diluc for my whole life
diluc: What
kaeya: WHERE DID YOU COME FROM
childe: omg hey diluc u never talk in here
diluc: Don’t speak to me
lumine: LMFOA
venti: he said DONT CHAT TO ME!!!
jean: Teachers pet allegations???? In college?????????
kaeya: yes.
jean: Okay fair
aether: being a teachers pet isn’t always a bad thing
venti: i fear i can’t say shit or i’ll lose my job
childe: it’s okay i’ll say it
childe: aether you have a 4.0 gpa
aether: exactly… i go to office hours
aether: pull up your record king
childe: i’m actually okay lol!
lumine: venti i always forget you’re a TA because you’re just so
venti: fun and quirky and beautiful and amazing
diluc: ?
venti: HELLEO
beidou: i love when diluc comes in here and decimates people without even saying a word
lumine: i was gonna say something along the lines of lowkey stupid as hell but diluc kinda beat me to it
venti: I'M BEING BULLIED AND SHAMED???
venti: what happened to childe not being real or whatever
childe: i have no friends
aether: wait hold on i can remedy that
aether: i wasn’t lying when i said i met a lot of people recently
lumine: oh me too!! this chats been a little dry recently anyway
venti: oh no
venti: let’s prepare ourselves
diluc has left the chat.
rosaria has left the chat.
kaeya: HELLO SINCE WHEN HAS ROSARIA BEEN IN HERE??? WTF
kaeya has added diluc and rosaria to the chat.
mona: omfg what’s happening
mona: so loud and for what
albedo: ?
kaeya: ALBEDO OH MY GOD HEY???
albedo: Hello
kaeya: where’ve you beeennnnn
beidou: god help me
mona: oh hell no i’m going back to bed
venti: ITS 2PM??
mona: tried early classes this semester …. my own fault fr
albedo: I’ve been busy. Schedule’s full
kaeya: ughghh yeah i feel you
childe: like hell you do 😭full schedule for a THEATRE major????
kaeya: BITCH QUIET
amber: I agree!
kaeya: AMBER PLEALSLEEE
lisa: Don’t start with each other
beidou: omg hey mommy
lisa: Hi honey
jean: What??????????
venti: OH SHIT,,????
venti: PAIRING I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR???
beidou: oh no me and ning are in it for the long haul 🤞🤞i just think lisa’s hot
lisa: Likewise
jean: Oh wow
jean: Sorry I just thought
lisa: Jean no you don’t understand
lisa: Beidou send a picture of yourself
beidou: kind of forward but ok
beidou: gymselfie (104).png
jean: oh my god
kaeya: BEIDOU STOP MY MAN IS IN THIS CHAT
lumine: he’s not even ur man???? 😭😭😭
kaeya: HE WOULD BE IF BEIDOU WASNT THIRST TRAPPING RN 😭
diluc: I know that gym. Do you go there frequently?
amber: HOLY HELL
amber: @eula
beidou: yeah dude how else do i get these wack biceps
eula: What’s the matter? I have this chat muted for a reason
eula: Good god
venti: i’m actually in tears
venti: oh to be a lesbian faced with beidous biceps
diluc: I haven’t been on a schedule for a while. Would you be open to working out together?
childe: i’m not even a lesbian and i’m considering 😭😭😭
beidou: hell yeah!! we need to hang out more anyways. i’ll send u my schedule just come meet up whenever
aether: loving the lesbian breakdowns in this chat compared to diluc just trying to get a gym buddy
kaeya: yeah that’s how you know he’s not attracted to women
diluc: ?
kaeya: you heard me
beidou: yall r freaking OUTTT i had no idea id have this effect
beidou: wait ☝️
beidou: gymselfie (98).png
lumine: STOP IT STIP RIGHT NOW
jean: Lisa I understand
albedo: Impressive work
kaeya: FUCK NO BEIODU DELETE
beidou: IM CACKLINGG
amber: @mona @rosaria
mona: oh my god WHAT now.
mona: w
mona: stars above
venti: mona found dead on campus
rosaria: 👍
lumine: IM CRYIRINFFG WHY IS THAT THE FIRST MESSAGE YOUVE EVER SENT HERE
venti: ROSAAA HHAHAHAH
aether: i might as well just
aether has added dehya to the chat.
dehya: Oh hey??
aether: hi queen here’s all the lesbians
dehya: Lol cool what’s u
dehya: OH MY GOD
lumine: LMFAOOOOO
beidou: heyyy 🥰🥰🥰
dehya: Bruh what the hell
dehya: Hold on
dehya has added candace to the chat.
kaeya: WTF LMFAOO?????
candace: What is this
dehya: Scroll up babe
childe: SHE GOT HER GF INVOLVED 😭😭😭
beidou: i’ll send another one just for u guys
beidou: gymselfie (112).png
candace: Oh my
candace: Wow
candace: That’s
dehya: RIGHT?????
dehya: Beidou I have no idea who you are but you’re fine as hell
beidou: THAANKSSS i got a fiancée she’s gonna be my wifey. as i said we’re in it for the long haul
beidou: or the long uhaul amirite ladiessss
lumine: yesss
dehya: CHILL OUTTTT
mona: say it louder
amber: YEEAHHH 😝😝😝😝
lisa: Working on it
kaeya: LMFAOOOO
lumine: dehya ur in a few of my classes i think
lumine: im the short blonde one
dehya: Omg were you the one that offered to beat up that guy for hands-on educational material
lumine: yeah that was me
childe: FUCKING WHAT???
venti: IM CRYINGGGG WDYM WDYM
aether: you need help i think you’re insane
lumine: no i’m so chill what
lumine: anyway i have more people to add
dehya: Okay babe you can go if you want I just wanted to show you Beidou
candace: Thank you 🙏
candace has left the chat.
venti: SHE THANKED HERRRR IMMM
lumine has added multiple people to the chat.
lumine: welcome guys
lumine: you’re free to not talk here if u don’t want to but like. if u want more friends that r semi cool
lumine: we’re all queer and diverse idk
venti: AWFUL intro
hu tao: VENTI!!!! is that u king!!!!
venti: OMG HU TAO 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️ YES HELLO I MISSED UUUUU HOWVE U BEEN
lumine: ? what
ganyu: Hello 😊 I’m usually busy so I won’t talk here a lot, but it’s nice to have the option
childe: okay someone get this one out of here before we corrupt them
kaeya: stay safe ganyu 😭😭😭
ganyu: ?
hu tao: IVE BEEN GOOD!!! i graduated hs earlyyy bitch i’m living the dream 😝😝😝😝
lumine: wait stop how do u two know each other
venti: she works w zhongli!!!
beidou: dude he has a job too??? doesn’t he have like 3 degrees
aether: i think he’s just on his second rn right???
hu tao: yeppp!!!! so naturally i had to come bother him at the second-most place he frequents besides work... school. which is cringe and sad
hu tao: he should be at the club 😔😔😔
venti: UGH i know. we’ll get him there trust
lyney: heyyy ☺️☺️☺️ so nice to be here!!!
lyney: my twin lynette is here too but she probably won’t talk as much
lumine: true ur a chatterbox
lyney: HEY
lyney: BLASPHEMY
aether: hi lyney hi lynette!!!
lyney: AETHERR hellooo!!! 🎉
lynette: 👋
ayaka: Hello ☺️
kaeya: oh my god there’s two of them
ayaka: I’m not too worried about being corrupted. My brother is bothersome enough 🤭
kaeya: ugh real
diluc: ?
kaeya: you heard me
yoimiya: AYAKA HEYY!!! and hiii everybody else!!! 😋😋😋
ayaka: Hi Yoimiya!!!
yoimiya: u should add ayato and thoma!!!! i miss thoma he’s so fun
yoimiya: ur brother kinda scares me
kaeya: omg i knew a thoma in middle school
kaeya: @diluc @jean remember him
jean: Was he the one Diluc had a crush on?
diluc: What did you just say to me
kaeya: yes!
diluc: What????
venti: i actually can’t fathom diluc having a crush on anybody im baffled??
ayaka: thomaandme (81).png
ayaka: Is this him by any chance??
venti: nevermind i get it
childe: WOAH HELLO!!! 😍😍
lyney: CHILDE??
childe: omg hey kiddos what is up haha.
kaeya: HOLY SHIT THAT IS HIM
kaeya: is that a mesh shirt.
diluc: Oh my god
kaeya: DUDE HE MOVED AWAY AGES AGO
kaeya: THATS SO INSANE
jean: Wow!!! That’s totally him
jean: Where are you guys from??
ayaka: We’re from Inazuma!!! Thoma moved here around middle school, so I had to ask. That’s crazy though!!!
lumine: i’ve unintentionally brought like 3 friend groups together?
lumine: i’ve reunited long lost friendships?
aether: omg i know thoma too
aether: i met him the other day he’s super nice
lumine: aether’s the twin i was talking about
yoimiya: so cool to meet you ae!!!! 🫶🫶🫶
ayaka: Yes, so nice to meet you!!
aether: 🫶🥰
childe: i’m sorry can we go back to the long lost childhood friend thing
childe: i was eating popcorn and shit
diluc: No one cares. Shut up
childe: ??!!?!!!???????!!??!
kaeya: yeah no that’s crazy
kaeya: you think he even remembers us??
ayaka: I’ll ask!!! Hold on 💙
ayaka: Could you send a picture of you all?
kaeya: dude i don’t even know if i have a nice picture of all three of us that wasn’t taken 10 years ago
jean: What? Sure you do
jean: Hold on
jean: Hm
kaeya: see
jean: Surely there’s one…
beidou: diluc you had a crush on this guy right??? take a page from my book and send a gym selfie
childe: OH MY GOD PLEASEE 😭😭😭😭 PLEASE SEND A GYM SELFIE DILUC IM ACTUDINLOT ON KY FUCKING KNEESM
aether: HELLO,??
lumine: WHAT THE HELL 😭😭😭😭
kaeya: IM THROWING UP
venti: there’s actual tears coming out of my eyes shut up rn
lyney: EWWW 😭😭😭 childe please ur better than this
hu tao: bro is desperate 😭😭😭
diluc: Okay
diluc: First of all what the fuck
yoimiya: LMFOAAOAOAO
diluc: I never had a crush on this guy. Even if I did, I was in middle school why would I still have one now
diluc: Childe get a grip. Your universal crush on anyone that breathes is frankly unhinged and you need help
diluc: Beidou I don’t even have any gym selfies
beidou: okay we’re changing that immediately
kaeya: HOLY SHIT 😭😭😭 CHILDE GET UP
venti: IM ROLLIGNGGG
childe: .
childe: to be completely fair i don’t have an actual crush on you i just have eyes and a curious heart
lisa: That’s unbelievable
lyney: eyes and a curious heart 😭😭😭 i’m stealing that
hu tao: BRUH WAIT ARE U THE DUDE WHO TRIED ASKING OUT ZHONGLI AT WORK???
childe: am i what
venti: WHAT???????
aether: oh shit
hu tao: GINGER??? BRIGHTEST BLUE EYES THAT COULD LITERALLY LASER TATTOOS OFF???
lumine: yes that’s him!
kaeya: IM PISSING MYSELLFLFLFLF
childe: wait
childe: WAIT
venti: ajax count your days
childe: NO WAIT
childe: THAT WAS ZHONGLI????
childe: I DIDNT ASK HIS NAME I JUST THOUGHT HE WAS GORGEOUS SO I SHOT MY SHOT 😭😭😭
diluc: Case in point.
lumine: U DIDNT EVEN KNOW HIS NAME???
hu tao: no actually it was crazy
hu tao: me and zhongli were peacefully minding our own business in the dining hall and that ginger freak waltzes over and asks for his number
childe: VENTI DUDE IM SO SORRY
venti: this is actually insane
hu tao: wait omg r u two finally dating??? venti??
venti: oh
venti: um
venti: haha! well
kaeya: venti if you tell me you just threatened death upon childe bc of someone ur not even dating ill kms rn
venti: so like! haha um.
mona: this is sad
venti: MONA GO AWAY
venti: like
venti: okay so
diluc: I was under the impression you’ve been dating for years.
lumine: ugh don’t even test me
lumine: they make me angry
aether: they’re not official but they basically are
venti: UUUUGGGHHHH ITS SO COMPLICATED!!!!!!
aether: it’s really not
hu tao: no venti im so serious zhongli would literally marry you on the spot if you told him u wanted to it’s actually cringe
aether: no fr. i swear to god i’ve seen you two make out on multiple occasions you just won’t call him your boyfriend
venti: SHUT UP SHUT UP PLEASE????
jean: Oh Venti…
venti: NO JEAN PLEASE 😭😭😭😭
venti: IM SCARED OF COMMITMENT
kaeya: “i’m scared of commitment” meanwhile the only person you’ve been remotely romantic with for the past couple years is zhongli
lyney: oh no…
yoimiya: yikes!!!
venti: YOU TWO JUST GOT HERE PLS LEAVE ME ALONE 😭😭
jean: @kaeya is two years ago okay?
kaeya: ugh it’s good enough
jean: mediluckaeya (301).png
jean: @ayaka Sorry it took me so long
ayaka: No worries! We’ve got premium entertainment here 🫢
venti: GETTETT OUTTT 😭😭😭😭😭😭
venti: i’ll pay $20 to the next person who can give us a crazy subject change
aether has added multiple people to the chat.
baizhu: Hold on I’m feeding Changsheng
lumine: who.?
baizhu: My snake ☺️
venti: oh my god 😭😭😭
venti: baizhu do you take cashapp or venmo
baizhu: Venmo, usually. Although I did take cashapp in high school whenever people would pay me to pierce their noses in the bathroom
lumine: holy shit lol
kaeya: venti i think that means you have to pay him double
venti: i think so too 😭😭😭😭 kms
tighnari: What is happening
aether: you and baizhu would be great friends
aether: honestly i think that might be it out of everyone here
tighnari: We’ve already met. We’re both in pre-med
aether: i thought you were majoring in agriculture?
tighnari: Yeah, double major
mona: oh what the hell
beidou: bro is teyvat un’s strongest soldier 😭😭😭
dehya: NARI!!! What’s up man!!
tighnari: Hey Dehya
kaveh: dehya!!!! 😚😚😚
dehya: Kaveh too!!! Omg where’s the rest of the crew
cyno: Hey
alhaitham has left the chat.
aether: it was worth a shot
kaveh: i told you him and cyno couldn’t be trusted in one gc together 😭
tighnari: I’m not sure you two should be trusted in one either
kaveh: ok fair but also ouch
albedo: Hello Cyno, Tighnari
kaeya: um what
cyno: Albedo, good to see you
tighnari: Hey Albedo
kaeya: wait what’s happening
venti: oh no 😭😭
childe: BRACE YOURSELVES EVERYONE!!!!
beidou: should i send another gym selfie and hope that distracts everyone
dehya: YES GOD PLEASE
nilou: Hi everyone! ☺️
dehya: H
dehya: NILOU
dehya: Hi Nilou!
nilou: Dehya!! Hello ☺️☺️
yoimiya: 🏳️🌈❓🤨
ayaka: Okay I asked!!! @jean @kaeya @diluc Thoma told me he remembers you guys!!!!
kaeya: YEEAAHHH SCORE
kaeya: we missed him!!!
mona: this gc has doubled in size im getting scared
lumine: it’s okay it’ll die out a bit soon
lumine: ningguang has been in here for ages and i think the only message she sent was complimenting jean’s outfit
jean: Oh my god I forgot about that
ayaka: Would it be alright if I added Thoma then??
aether: thoma’s awesome go ahead
lumine: yeah u can add ur brother too
ayaka: Great! You’ll regret this
kaeya: LMFOAOO WHAT??
ayaka has added multiple people to the chat.
thoma: Hello!!!!
kaeya: THOMAAA
kaeya: WHAT IS UP DUDE
jean: Thoma! How are you?
thoma: Kaeya!!! Jean!!! I’ve been so well thank you :D I can’t believe you all go here too
kaeya: literal fate. but also i haven’t seen u since middle school so i have no idea what ur like now
kaeya: still into fnaf?
hu tao: i am 😔
venti: we could tell honey ❤️
hu tao: ILL SNITCH DONT TEST ME
thoma: LOL no not really… I’ll leave that in middle school thanks!
diluc: Hi Thoma
childe: bruh diluc just spent two whole minutes threatening me in dms
diluc: Bitch
kaeya: IMMMM ROLLING WTF DO YOU MEAN
venti: HEELLLOOO???
beidou: i fucking can’t
aether: childe what did u do 😭😭😭
childe: LITERALLY NOTHING???
thoma: Oh my god??? Hey Diluc 😭😭
childe: oh wait it might be because i commented those heart eye emojis under his insta post lol
lyney: CHILDE GET UP 😭😭😭
yoimiya: this guy is down HORRENDOUS and i lowkey don’t even know for who?
yoimiya: hi thoma 🥰 hi ayato!!
thoma: Hey queen!!!
ayato: Yoimiya don’t speak to me unless it’s about how you’re bringing my sister home by 9pm sharp tonight.
lumine: HELLO????
dehya: Wait I’m actually dead stop
ayaka: Brother please don’t 😭😭
yoimiya: IM SO SORRY SIR????
ayato: It’s fine I’m just messing with you
yoimiya: holy shit i think my life flashed before my eyes
kaeya: lowkey mine too and i don’t even know this guy 😭😭😭
thoma: Oh I probably should’ve mentioned!! Ayato’s my boyfriend that’s how me and Ayaka know each other :)
kaeya: middle school diluc rolling in his grave rn
diluc: Shut up? What?
childe: so what i’m hearing is diluc’s available
mona: collective yikes from the gc please
mona: actually wait no let’s not there’s too many of you
lynette: yikes
childe: LYNETTE???? WHAT THE FUCK???
lumine: okay no how do you know lyney and lynette 🙁they were supposed to be our twin besties
lyney: we are!!!!
childe: i babysat them in middle school
lyney: no we’re the same age 😭 our mom just thought you needed friends
childe: .
kaeya: LMFAOOAOAOA
cyno: I have to ask
cyno: Aether, is Childe the one that you were telling us your sister beats up on the regular?
childe: WOAH NO HOLD ON
aether: yeah!
childe: LUMINE DOESNT BEAT ME UP
childe: WE’RE VERY EVENLY MATCHED
beidou: lol tell that to this video i got of y’all fighting in the guili dorms parking lot last year
beidou: luminebeatsupchilde (21).mp4
childe: WHAT THE FUCK???
ayaka: Oh wow!
venti: IM CRYINGG STOP
ganyu: Ah, I remember this…
hu tao: THATS CRAZY
lumine: the way i don’t even remember what this was about
aether: im pretty sure it was something along the lines of him putting a snake in your room
lumine: omg yeah you’re right
thoma: Wait, so… if it was at your house, why were you two fighting at the Guili Dorms? Don’t mostly Liyue locals live there?
childe: oh i’ve been living there because the zapolyarny dorms had to be evacuated since some dude tried blowing it up at the end of the year
yoimiya: uhhh ‘tried’??? then why did you need to be evacuated?
childe: yeah he was mostly successful
venti: it’s true this girl named signora stayed at the favonius hall for a while but she had to get moved because she kept beating my ass
jean: Oh my god stop
kaeya: absolutely NO defense whatsoever
aether: no literally 😭😭😭
venti: i’ll own up to it idc. she kicked me in the stomach i was OUTTT 😭
childe: signora is my bestie u prob deserved it
venti: @lumine
lumine: childe im coming to your dorm be ready in 5
childe: WHAT?????
lumine: 4
dehya: OH MY GOD 😭😭😭
kaveh: this is amazing. aether thanks for inviting us
aether: yeah no problem <3
aether: i have another guy i wanted to invite but i think it should wait because he’s a little socially anxious and i don’t want his intro to be my sister beating up the resident sports nut
childe: IM BEINF ATTACKED FROM ALL ANGLES AETHER SHUT UP
lumine: 3
beidou: UGH WAIT I CANT RECORD YET IM ALL TJE WAY UPSTAIRS
hu tao: no worries girl ill handle it xoxo
hu tao: my family runs a funeral parlor if you want 20% off of your coffin childe!!!
childe: yeah atp why the fuck not