Archive of Our Own

May was fine. Ok, maybe not good, but she was fine. 

She was holding it together for the sake of two kids in front of her and a younger brother who needed reassurance that their mom was going to come home. 

Then, she wasn’t fine. 

There was a familiar sound coming towards her. 

It shouldn’t have been possible. 

May must have heard wrong. 

May shut her eyes and breathed out.

In. Out. In. Out. 

This was just grief making her paranoid. Google said it was possible, so it was probably just that. 

The person behind her didn’t stop talking. 

May risked a glance at Mara and Denny, they were wide-eyed and trembling. 

That caused alarm bells in May’s mind. This was officially cause for concern. 

She begrudgingly turned around and gasped. 

It wasn’t a dream. 

What the fuck? May thought, her mind spinning, trying to make sense of a sight in front of her. 

“Bobby?” May managed to say. 

She heard Mara and Denny say the same thing. 

It was really him. It’s Bobby. 

May moved faster than she thought she ever would. It was pure adrenaline, really. 

Bobby, she whispered in her mind. She tried to test it out to see how it felt to even consider the possibility. 

It felt like her heart was slowly realigning. That’s how it felt. 

All the broken pieces slowly coming together and mending back to their rightful place. 

“Is it really you?” May forced herself to ask. 

If it wasn’t, then she wasn't sure she could hold her composure. 

“Yes,” the man– Bobby said. 

He sounded like Bobby. 

He was Bobby.

She took notice of the wounds on his head. He was bleeding a lot. 

May rushed to his aid immediately. 

Bobby glanced at Mara and Denny standing behind them, they were star-struck and frozen. 

May turned to the kids. They were looking at her for answers she didn’t have yet. 

May mustered the courage to say the next words out of her mouth. “Can you guys please let me and this man talk? I know he looks familiar, but I need to make sure.” 

Mara and Denny nodded in unison. 

“We’ll be near the TV,” Denny mumbled, he glanced at the man, Denny looked afraid and hesitant. Like he’s afraid to hope, May desperately got it. 

Mara nodded in acknowledgment and took her brother’s shoulder to usher him away. May heard her say, just let May handle it, you know she’ll tell us.

May’s really honored that they trusted her so much. 

Karen and Hen were really good mothers, they were raising two incredible people. 

They got to do what Bobby couldn’t for these past six months. 

Where has he been all this time? 

“I know you’re scared,” Bobby said, his voice was so careful. 

She missed this, she missed the comfort he could provide. 

She would have a hard day at college and a call to Bobby could ease all her worries, a simple conversation was a medicine to May. 

She made sure Bobby’s phone still worked, she’d lay awake at night and listen to his voicemail, missing her second father and only having that damn voicemail to make it just slightly bearable. 

She never told her Mom, or Harry. She never told anyone. It was lonely. 

She knew she wasn't the only person calling the number. It wasn't her secret to tell though. 

They all missed Bobby. Who wouldn’t?

His absence could never be filled, it would remain an endless void they would someday learn to exist with.

May never made it to the moving forward stage in her journey of grief, she’s really glad she doesn’t have to. 

She nodded shakily. There were tears forming in her eyes. 

She choked. “Where were you?” 

Bobby’s posture dropped, his shoulders tensing. 

“It’s not a nice story, May,” Bobby’s voice wavered. He sounded like each word was causing him pain. 

May doesn’t want Bobby to be in pain, she doesn't think she can take it right now. 

“It’s okay. I-I-It’s okay. You’re back, that’s what matters.” 

“I missed you all so much,” Bobby responded. 

May really wanted to jump in happiness. It’s just that the blood on his face was getting worse. She really needed to take care of it. 

She pointed to his wound. “Let me have a go at it. The hospitals in the city are also swamped.” 

Bobby furrowed his brows in confusion. “Yeah, I noticed.” 

May lost all her self restraint and asked. “What happened to you, Bobby?

Bobby winced at the question, his face soured as he recalled the memory. “I was in this lab. I remember so many needles, I was so weak… I couldn’t leave, they kept me weak.” 

May flinched at that, her heart beating frantically in her chest.

Who could be capable of doing something like that?

May forced herself to respond. She needed to be strong, she needed to be able to shoulder it.

“Who did that to you?” May clenched her jaw, she doesn’t think she had felt this kind of boiling rage in a very long time. The last time was when Harry was kidnapped, if she recalled correctly. 

The feeling of protectiveness rose in her chest. 

There were two kids left in her care. If whoever had Bobby came looking for him, then she was ready to give it her all. Karen trusted her with Denny and Mara, May was going to do her damn best. 

She needed to call Karen and Maddie. 

She needed to call someone. 

She couldn’t call the guys,  they were on a call right now. 

Bobby rubbed his temple, then he sighed deeply. “It wasn’t just one person, May. There were a lot of people.” 

May felt a chill rushing through her entire body. “What do you want to do, Bobby?” she managed to say, she doesn’t know what else is there to say. There’s not exactly a manual on how to deal with your family member coming back to death after they’ve been held hostage. 

“All I want is to see everyone else, not that I’m not delighted to see you and the kids, but where is everyone?”

May summarized the train wreck today has been. "The team is on a call ‘cause of the flying meteors. The city’s in shambles. Buck took Harry with him, and Mom and Hen are in space. Karen’s trying to bring them back, Maddie is also helping.” 

Anyone else would’ve looked at her in disbelief, but Bobby simply hummed, he understood what living in California does to a person. Nothing fazed May anymore at this point in her life, her mom was going to space and she simply blinked at the news. Wilder things have happened, like Bobby being alive.

“You’re handling all of it remarkably well,” Bobby glanced at her. 

“Well, someone has to,” May mumbled noncommittally.

“What exactly happened while I was gone?” 

“A lot. Didn’t you notice the station is named after you?” May said with a fragile grin. 

Bobby made a face at that. Mom would tease him for it, but she can't because she's in space and May’s scared she’s not coming home. 

She just got her mom back, she can’t lose her. She can’t. Nope. She didn’t let herself consider the possibility. She told Harry to stay positive, so obviously she had to abide by the example. 

“No. I didn’t,” Bobby said, lifting his eyebrows. 

“You missed a lot. Everyone is going to have a blast catching you up,” May said, scratching the side of her neck. 

Bobby’s eyes softened. “I’d like that very much.” 

May struggled to swallow down a still-beating heart. Hot tears streamed down her face and May squeezed her eyelids shut in hopes to keep the tears at bay. 

“It’s okay, May. You can fall apart, I’ve got you,” Bobby approached May looking for permission in her gaze to hug her. 

May nodded shakily, unable to say anything. 

Bobby pulled her in a tight hug, she felt his heart beating, just another piece of evidence that he was really here.

Bobby was alive and May allowed herself to collapse herself in his arms. 

She hadn’t let the dam burst. Her mom was doing horribly these past few months and would she be able to take her daughter’s tears? 

May doesn’t think she would’ve been able to take it. Her mom would have fallen apart even more, drowned herself in more work, she’s been constantly tired and just not the same without Bobby. 

Bobby was Athena Grant’s lighthouse, and losing that kind of love shattered her in an irreparable way but now he was back. 

Bobby came back and maybe it meant that things would get better. She doesn’t think it’ll solve everything that went wrong but they’re going to get through it with Bobby this time around. 

“I… really missed you,” May whispered, her voice raspy. 

Bobby laughed. May missed the sound a lot. “Missed you too, kiddo.” 

“You’re the only person who still calls me that,” May mumbled, her eyes still glassy. 

“I’m proud of you, you know that right?” Bobby said, firm, but tender. 

“I know.”

Eventually, May pulled back from the hug, she took another glimpse at Bobby. She couldn't believe it, it was surreal. 

May’s smile was relaxed this time around. “Thank you for coming back.” 

“I will always try to,” Bobby replied. May believed him. He didn’t want to go. 

It wasn’t fucking fair, it’s just wasn’t. They took him away, they ripped Bobby away from them — from her. 

“I think… I need to call Karen, she’ll know how to deal with this,” May muttered, glancing at Bobby. 

“Your mom isn’t coming home any time soon, is she?” Bobby asked, looking extremely somber. It was agonizing to look at. 

May shook her head. “Karen’s trying to make contact but we don’t know anything yet.” 

Bobby perused his lips. “What can I do?” 

“Firstly, let me take care of your wound, you’re bleeding, like a lot.” 

Bobby looked at her flatly for changing the subject. “I mean about trying to help with the emergency.”

May voiced her displeasure. “No offense, Bobby but I just got you back. I think mom would kill me if I let you go out and you’re also bleeding. I know you want to help but Chim and the guys got it. Also he’s the Captain by the way.” 

Way to drop a bombshell on the guy, May.

Bobby took it all in good faith. “Okay, get the first aid kit, I can’t wait to see your progress.” 

After May finished patching up his wound, she sighed out of relief. Her chest felt looser, one less thing to worry about. 

Bobby glanced at her. “You’ve been practicing.” 

“Yup. Eddie’s been teaching me some stuff, sometimes Hen does while he’s busy.” 

“That’s more than just some stuff, May. That was really good,” Bobby hummed in approval. 

May leaned against the folding chair, her arms closed loosely. 

“I can’t wait till Harry comes,” May murmured to herself. She couldn’t wait to say her brother's face light up when he realized it was Bobby, just the way hers had. 

She missed seeing happiness reflected in her family’s faces. 

Bobby's face lit up, his eyes glassy. “I don’t think I could ever put into words how much I missed you all. I came as soon as I could, I held on, I needed to see my family one more time.” 

May’s chest ached. Her voice wavered as she responded. “It’s not just one more time, it’s forever okay? I’m gonna come over more and annoy you more than ever. You’re not going anywhere again, not until you’re 100.” 

Bobby let out a watery laugh. “I can’t wait to be annoyed.” 

“Good,” May muttered, her voice cracking at the word. 

“You should call Denny and Mara down,” Bobby said.

“Okay,” May nodded nervously, biting her lip anxiously. 

Mara and Denny appeared once they heard their names mentioned. 

“You called us, May?” Denny said, looking at May as if she held all the answers in the world. 

Mara fidgeted, looking at Bobby. Her brows furrowed in hesitation. 

“Yeah,” May confirmed. “You know how I told you guys I’d tell you once I was sure of stuff, right?” 

The kids nodded in unison. 

May moved slightly, gesturing to Bobby. “This is Bobby, I understand if you don’t believe me, but it is him.” 

“What’s my brother’s name?” Mara suddenly asked. 

“You have two brothers. You have your first brother Tyson. Your brother, Denny,” Bobby said, pointing at Denny. “You also consider Jee your sister.” 

“It’s Bobby,” Mara said, wide-eyed. A huge smile spread across her face. 

Denny’s eyes lit up, that similar wonder in his eyes appeared. May remembered it from the picture hung over the Wilson’s wall from Mara’s adoption agreement day. Denny looked so happy back then. 

Denny ran and crushed Bobby into an embrace. “We all missed you. Everyone’s going to be so happy you’re back.” 

Bobby blinked, surprised. He patted Denny gently and responded. “Thank you, Denny.” 

Mara looked at May. “Thanks for telling us the truth.” 

May hummed and her lips curved into a soft smile. “Of course, I promised. May always keeps her promises.” 

“Are you going to call, Mom?” Mara asked, her face laced in curiosity. 

“Yes,” May responded. “Is that okay with you, since she’s also bringing your Mama home?” 

“Joy has to be shared,” Denny mumbled, pulling back from the hug.

Bobby shook his head in amusement. “Yeah, it does, kid. Yes, it does.” 

May announced. “Okay, I’m gonna call Karen.” 

They all nodded in agreement. Mara and Denny looked excited and full of hope. Bobby looked more than thrilled of course, but she could see nerves were written all over his face. 

May shakily took out her phone and dialed Karen’s number, a much faster way to reach one of them. Maddie was busy doing her job, so Karen seemed the best choice. 

She rested the phone on her ear, exhaling as she waited for the call to go through. 

Her thoughts spun while she waited impatiently. I need this to go okay.

“May, what‘s wrong?” Karen asked, concern apparent in her tone. 

“Nothing– nothing’s wrong. Not with me, or the kids. We’re all okay,” May mumbled, her ribs tight in her chest. 

“But something is wrong?”

May heard muffling from the other line; it must have been Karen’s footsteps. 

“Yes. Not wrong but I’m not sure how to tell you exactly. Something happened,” May managed to say. 

“Can you tell me what?” Karen asked, waiting patiently for May to answer. 

There was no way to gently say it. May cut right to the chase. “Bobby… he’s at the station. He’s alive. I know it’s him, he knows things only Bobby would know. You have to believe me.” 

There was a long silence from the other line. May heard Karen’s frantic breathing, her saying something she couldn’t quite make out. 

“What?” Karen responded, May couldn’t decipher how she sounded.

May exhaled, breathed out and hoped that somehow Karen believed her. “He’s alive. I can put him on speaker, and you’ll see that it's Bobby. It’s not like what happened with Eddie. It’s really him.” 

Another moment of silence. May didn’t try to fill it, she just waited. 

“Put him on the speaker,” it was all Karen said. 

May rushed back to the place she just left from. May saw Bobby was talking to Mara and Denny, the kids were smiling and so was Bobby. 

She really missed Bobby. The joy that he managed to infect on everyone. 

Before May put the phone on the speaker, she asked Mara and Denny for some space. 

“I’m sorry, guys, are you okay with waiting again?” May checked, her brows laced in worry. 

“It’s okay,” Denny reassured her. 

When the kids were gone, May turned to Bobby silently asking the same thing. 

Bobby nodded in agreement, gesturing for her to put the phone on speaker. 

“Okay,” May replied. 

May rested the phone on her ear again. “He’s here and ready. Are you ready, Karen?” 

Nerves fluttered in her stomach, she gripped the phone tighter in anticipation. 

“Yes, go on, May,” Karen said, her voice was oddly calm now. 

May turned on the speaker. Her thoughts were a mess of tangled webs. 

“Hey, Karen,” Bobby said carefully. 

There was a sound of gasp from the other line. 

Then, silence. It stretched for a long time. 

May fiddled with her fingers, her throat felt tight. 

Bobby squeezed her shoulder, a gesture of comfort amidst the silence. 

Finally, Karen made a sound. It was a muffled breath, but May would take the win. 

“It can’t be,” Karen said. There was ragged breathing on her line, it probably belonged to her. 

“I know it’s hard to believe–“ May started. 

Karen cut in. “It just can’t be. There was a funeral. We buried you. I was there. I held my wife as she sobbed over you.”

Bobby’s throat made a strangled sound, he swallowed. “It’s me. That wasn’t me. I know it sounds hard to believe in, but unexplainable things happen, Karen. I was there at your vow renewal, when you made a promise to your wife all over again.” 

May’s heart ached while she listened to the exchange between them. It shouldn’t be done over the phone, but the world didn’t stop for them. It went on. May learned that lesson very well these past 6 months, their grief stayed while the others moved on. 

Karen choked back a strangled sound. “It’s you. It’s you, Bobby. I can’t believe it. How?”

“It’s a long story,” Bobby managed to say. 

May cut in. “Do you want some privacy?” 

“I’d like that,” Karen said. 

May glanced at Bobby, her brows lifting. 

Bobby nodded, humming. “Yes. Thanks, May.” 

May handed Bobby the phone and decided to check on Mara and Denny. 

She made her way up the stairs, she found Denny showing something to Mara on his phone. 

“Hey, guys,” May greeted, leaning back against the counter. 

“Did everything go okay?” Denny asked, pulling his phone away. 

“Yeah, your mom knows. She’s talking to Bobby right now.” 

“That’s good,” Mara said, her lips curling into a smile. 

“Yeah, it is,” May replied, “Hope you guys aren’t bored with all this adult stuff.” 

Denny waved her away. “Don’t worry, I was just texting Chris. I told him, and sent a picture of Bobby for proof. I mean– his dad isn’t getting home any time soon yet.” 

“Oh. Wow,” May murmured, “What… what did he say?” 

“He was really happy,” Mara added, humming. 

“But, it took some convincing,” Denny said. 

“That’s really great. I’m glad he knows,” May mumbled, the kid found out much later about Bobby. He deserved to find out as soon as he could this time around.

May’s gaze found its way back to Bobby. The phone rested on his ear, he was nodding every now and then, probably to Karen’s replies. 

He didn’t look so down anymore. He looked more like the person May remembered, always trying to believe in the positive outcome, a source of comfort, a beacon. Someone who landed a helping hand to everyone he came across. 

Buck knew hope. 

That tiny spark had yet to die out from his decrepit heart. Buck wished he could watch it wither away, because he couldn’t dare to hope. 

The man standing in front of him looked out of place in the station. 

Buck would’ve labeled it a fiction of his imagination, but he hesitated. 

The reason for the hesitation was the wide-eyed looks of his family. 

They saw him too, and that meant that this was a reality, but it was so fucking cruel. 

To have the exact replica of Bobby standing here, in front of his family who have been mourning him for the past 6 months was simply vicious. 

The flesh of his heart kept ripping apart more and more every other second that man stayed there, looking at him — looking at all of them. 

Bobby should‘ve been the one standing there. 

Not his imitation. 

His gaze burned, and Buck turned away. He couldn’t do it anymore. Everyone has their limits, and this was his. 

He couldn’t talk to this man, and that may have been unprofessional from a firefighter, but he couldn’t be a firefighter right now. 

He couldn’t be who they needed. 

They need you, a gentle tone whispered in the back of his mind. Buck locked it away in a tight box, and only he held the key. It sounded so much like Bobby. 

Harry dropped his fire helmet, it landed onto the ground with a thud. Buck winced, he didn’t even know why. 

This was just a lot. He was kind of freaking the fuck out, but he tried to focus on things he could see, feel and smell. 

Ravi was the one who broke the fragile silence. 

“What?” he managed to say. 

An only thing someone could say in this fucked up situation. 

It slapped Buck right into reality. 

Eddie.

Buck glanced at him. His breath seized, the heart in his chest ripping apart even further. Seeing Eddie suffer tugged Buck’s insides. 

His thoughts spun, there was instinct to run towards Eddie. To tell him, look at me, focus on me and let the rest of the world wash away, it’s just us.

He didn’t do it. Instead, he swallowed the impulse. He knew why he didn’t do it, but now wasn’t the time to be dwelling about that. 

Buck’s gaze turned towards Chim. He was frozen like a statue, he looked in agony. 

Buck was lost at what to do. The appropriate thing would‘ve been to ask questions, but he couldn’t get his tongue to move. 

May came rushing down the stairs, panting. 

“I can explain,” she exclaimed, breathless. 

Buck wished his lungs allowed the air an entry, because he needed to fucking breathe.

“May, what’s going on?” Ravi stammered, wide-eyed. 

“He’s Bobby, guys. It’s really him—“

“No,” Chim cut in. “No, it can't be.” 

“She’s telling the truth,” Harry managed to say. “Can you please say something, so they can see,” Harry stammered, risking a glance at the man. 

Buck risked a glance at Eddie, Eddie did the same. 

Buck watched in slow motion the way Eddie’s expressions changed. He could see the way confusion went from suspicion to disbelief all over his face, down to the crinkle of his eyes. It was written on his face perfectly, there wasn’t anything that didn’t look good on Eddie. 

Looking at him made breathing possible again. It was as if that without Eddie, he was missing his supply of oxygen. 

It made facing this easier, too. Not better, but bearable enough that his heart stopped ripping itself open. 

He wasn’t going to be Bobby. He was going to end up someone who simply looked like him, and that fickle of hope would crush Buck, but he did always bet on losing games. 

He thought his parents might give a shit about him, and then they didn’t. 

Now, he was about to lose again, but Eddie’s here and when he’s here, Buck will have the courage to try again, to stand up. 

But, he could be Bobby, haven’t you thought about that? The voice in his head whispered. 

Of course, I want it to be him, but I wouldn’t dare to hope. I don’t have it in me anymore.

That part of Buck died the moment Bobby said his goodbye. He remembered the sinking feeling in his chest clearly, he remembered being so desperate for him to live. 

Buck blinked. Fuck. His eyes stung, he forced himself to keep them at bay. 

Don’t cry, Buck. Don’t, only do that in your car when no one can see you, and worry.

He repeated the mantra in his head until it stuck. 

Buck knew suppression, he knew how to deny, how to stagnate. He concealed it, because he had to be solid ground right now. 

“It’s me,” and upon hearing his voice, Buck stiffened. Out of the corner of his eye, he felt everyone else do the same. Everyone, except May. She was simply holding her breath, anticipating something. Buck couldn’t decipher what. 

Ravi gasped, inhaling sharply. “But, you look so different—“

May cut in. “He’ll explain all of it later, just… believe it’s Bobby, please.”

“Okay, May,” Chim said, the adamant refusal on his face no longer visible, but he still stood there, frozen in shock. 

May looked at Chim in gratitude. 

Eddie exhaled. “Do I have siblings or am I an only child?” he asked, hesitant. 

Two. He had two sisters, Sophia and Adriana. 

An answer only few people knew, because Eddie kept his sisters very close to his heart, they were important to him and he only talked about them in detail to the people he trusted. 

“You have two sisters,” Bobby responded. 

Bobby knew that, and it couldn't just be a coincidence. What were the odds? 

It had to be Bobby. 

Eddie believed in facts, in proof, in evidence and Buck found that endearing, how he never wavered. 

Eddie’s breath seized. “Bobby?” he choked, only daring to whisper his name. 

Bobby nodded. “It’s really me. I promise.” 

“You were gone,” Harry said, blinking at the ceiling to keep the tears at bay.

“I know,” Bobby took a tentative step towards him. 

It was obvious Harry wanted to hug Bobby, but he was holding back, it was as if he was afraid that he was scared this was all just a dream. 

“I’m here, Harry. It’s okay if it takes you a while to believe it.”

A silent sob escaped Harry’s chest. Buck could see May’s eyes getting glassy at the sight. 

Buck’s heart tugged at the sight. The kid has been through so much. 

Bobby touched Harry’s shoulder and said, “I’m so sorry, Harry.” 

Harry shook his head. “What? It’s not your fault, Bobby!”

“Still, I’m sorry,” Bobby replied, adamant. 

“You’re so stubborn,” Harry shook his head, “I know you want to hug me, go ahead,” Harry muttered, wiping the tears on his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket. 

Bobby engulfed Harry into a quiet hug, Buck could see Bobby patting Harry’s back, the way a parent does when everything’s so wrong in the world, but them being there put a balm on the wound. 

The gesture felt unfamiliar to Buck, his parents have never done that, but his heart didn’t ache at the realization, it was just a fact, the same way the sky was blue. There were certain things he was never going to experience and that was just life, he supposed. 

Maddie tried her best, and that was more than enough for Buck. Bobby tried too, and they didn’t have to, that was the thing. They didn’t have to and yet, they still did. People who were supposed to, didn’t.

People who say family is just your flesh and blood are wrong, family can also come in the form of people you meet at 26, when you’re just fresh off the fire academy. Buck didn’t know back then he was going to meet his family in this place, that 118 wasn’t going to just be a number of the station he worked at. 

Eventually, Harry pulled back. His eyes were still red-rimmed, but his shoulders were more relaxed. 

They waited patiently while Harry and Bobby reunited. 

Eddie was the next one to hug Bobby. 

Eddie didn’t waste a second, he ran to tackle Bobby into a hug immediately. Embracing him with so much enthusiasm, so much happiness that it was infectious. 

Buck’s legs longed to move to do just the same, but he wanted to let Eddie savor the moment for as long as he wanted. He waited Bobby to greet Eddie back, he knew what it did to Eddie that he didn’t get to say goodbye. 

He remembered how red-rimmed Eddie was, how much Bobby’s death shattered him. 

So, he waited. Patiently, and just adored the sight. His family reunited at long last, he heard the tearful chuckles, the mumbled words into shoulders and he savored it. 

A remedy to his shattered heart, one that maybe could be realigned someday. 

Buck felt hopeful for the first time since Bobby’s death. 

Athena. Hen. The sight felt incomplete without them. 

He couldn’t wait for them to find out. 

Buck took tentative steps toward the figure, still in deep shock that it was Bobby. 

How? When? What even happened to him? He had a beard, his eyes looked worn-out. It was as if he got tired of holding on and he was using every remaining bit of his strength to push through. 

Buck’s chest ached, he hated seeing Bobby suffer and someone did this to him, it was written plainly on his face. Something happened to him when they thought he was dead. Buck was afraid to find out what. 

Buck eyed Ravi and it seemed Ravi was thinking the same thing. Buck had gotten better at reading what Ravi’s body language was telling him, due to them being partners in the field. They knew each other better, so Buck signaled to him that they’d figure it out, they always do. 

In the back of his mind, he kept a reminder to check on every member of his team later. 

“Hi,” Buck managed to say, barely being able to comprehend that he could speak to Bobby again. 

“Hey, kid,” Bobby pulled enough to get a closer look at Buck, his voice so effortlessly gentle. 

Eddie pulled away, sniffing quietly. He tilted his head at Buck, telling him to go ahead. 

Buck couldn’t hold it back anymore, he ran towards Bobby, intending to engulf him into a bone crushing hug. 

He collapsed into Bobby’s arms, the gesture felt similar. If he wasn’t convinced, then this downright confirmed it. 

“You’re here,” Buck muttered, looking at him up and down. 

“Yeah, believe it,” Bobby said, his lips spread into a grin. 

Buck’s eyes stung again, this time he let the tears fall. 

“You’re here,” he whispered. 

Buck couldn’t help it, he laughed, the kind that settles deep in your bones. Tears kept flowing, but this time out of happiness. 

He was happy. 

Sure, he’d smiled and laughed these past 6 months, but now the smile on his face felt weightless. 

The weight that was pressing him down wasn’t there anymore. 

The leftovers of grief still lingered, but not enough to ache. 

Bobby ran a hand through his curls, “Yours has gotten longer.” 

“And you have a beard,” Buck retorted, trying to savor the sight of him once again. 

“It suits you,” Chim chimed in, approaching them. 

He seemed to find his footing again, but Buck was still worried. Bobby dying hit Chim hard, Buck hoped he knew he was a great Captain, they didn’t want an unfamiliar face, they wanted Chim as their leader. 

“We all know Eddie’s the front runner in pulling off facial hair,” Bobby said, exasperated. 

Eddie cleared his throat. “Thank you, Cap,” he mumbled, trying to hide a chuckle. 

They all snorted at Eddie’s reaction.

Yeah, Buck was a little biased. He really did like Eddie’s mustache. Sad he never got to kiss it. 

Shit. No. Abort. No. 

Yeah, apparently his sister was right. He was in love with Eddie, but so, what? Eddie was Eddie, that was enough explanation.

Still, Buck didn’t give it deeper thought. He hadn’t behaved suspiciously. Eddie hadn’t noticed his feelings yet, and Buck preferred it that way, he didn’t want to put Eddie in an awkward position and have him let down Buck gently. Eddie was straight after all. 

He’d do just everything for Eddie, so if Eddie ever noticed him acting differently, then he’d spill the beans. Buck had already braced himself for rejection, he was prepared if it shall ever come to pass. 

Buck pulled away from a hug, patting Bobby on the back. “I’m really glad you’re back, I missed you. Thank you for holding on,” he said, intending every word. 

“Yeah, you made it, Bobby,” Chim added, sincerely. 

Chim was the next one to hug Bobby, he and Hen were there from the beginning, they’ve seen every stage of Bobby that existed in California. 

Chim basked in the warmth Bobby radiated.

Buck’s heart cracked at the thought of a past Bobby. How much he used to struggle, how much life kept throwing at him and it cracked even more with the reminder that Bobby went through something traumatic once again. 

He wasn’t fine, that much was obvious. Buck felt like Athena would know what to do, he wished she was here. Both her and Bobby needed the good news. 

Buck knew she was struggling, Harry and May had mentioned enough for him to get the picture. He did what he could do here and there, but he respected Athena’s space. 

He didn’t know what was happening out there in vast space, with so many stars around that you could get lost looking at them all. 

Buck heard Bobby insisting that Chim did an amazing job, after they got through the heartfelt reunions, and them all confessing how much Bobby’s absence was felt and that he better not go away again. 

“You flatter me too much, Cap,” Chim chuckled. 

“I only tell the truth,” Bobby replied, lightly rolling his eyes, he glanced at Ravi, “Tell me, Ravi, I’m not a liar, am I?” 

Chim looked at Ravi, waiting for his answer. 

“Nope, not on this,” Ravi cleared his throat. 

Bobby nodded triumphantly, then he blinked. “Wait, what do you mean, not on this?” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Ravi said.

Buck had no idea how he did that. It must be a superpower. 

Chim waved his hand, glancing at Bobby, “You’re awfully insistent on this," he frowned, “What happened, Bobby?”

There was no insistence in his tone, just curiosity. Buck patiently waited for Bobby’s answer. 

Bobby looked up at the ceiling, he said, “I’ll tell you guys one day,” he halted, “I’m just really glad to be back here with you guys,” he scratched his neck, “I’m just not up to talking about it.” 

Chim nodded. “That’s fine, Bobby. There’s no rush.” 

Bobby exhaled. “Yeah, I know,” he said with a strained chuckle, “I’m mostly worried out of my mind about Athena and Hen.” 

They all nodded in understanding, Buck hoped their luck hadn’t run out yet. He hoped it wouldn’t ever run out, because he needed his people alive.

Bobby called out to May and Harry and asked them to take a seat near him and Buck. 

He wanted all of his kids here, Brooke and Robert were here too. Bobby didn’t go a day when he didn’t think about them. 

Maybe, not physically, but they were here.

Bobby looked at all three of them and tried to memorize how much they changed from the last time he had seen them. 

Buck’s eyes looked more tired, more worn down. Harry was taller, his boy was growing up into a young man. Bobby was proud of the person he was growing into. He was proud of all of them. 

May looked like she had more weight on her shoulders than before, Bobby’s heart ached at that. She was still the same May he remembered, they all were, really but he could sense grief had changed them.

Bobby’s chest tightened, he always had solutions on the tip of his tongue, orders ready to go. It came as an instinct  he was captain, and he had to be good during emergencies, but he didn’t know how to make this better, he didn’t know how to soothe a wound his absence created. 

It was Harry who broke the silence. “Are you okay, Bobby?”

Bobby chuckled, but it came out strained. His eyes burned, he wasn’t going to be okay any time soon, but Harry didn’t need to hear that. He was the adult, it was his job to not put that responsibility on Harry’s shoulders. 

Bobby swallowed and nodded. “I’m okay, kid.” 

Buck kept staring, awfully quiet. It was unlike Buck. Bobby missed hearing his voice. 

May glanced between all of them, biting her tongue. “I wish mom was here,” she whispered. 

Bobby nodded at that, he wanted to collapse in Athena’s arms. He wanted to see her, trail his hands across her face, look at her face once again. His heart called out for her and no one answered. 

Buck blurted out. “Have you eaten?” 

They all looked at him, surprise evident in all their faces. No, Bobby hadn’t eaten. It was the last thing on his mind, the only thing on his mind was, get to the station, they’ll know what to do.

He’d been here and just going through the motions, tearful reunions, lots of emotional conversations. 

Bobby didn’t think he’d ever talked this much in these past 6 months. In the place where they kept him away from civilization, he’d shut down, refusing to answer any questions those bastards asked.

He felt a lot of fear these past months, not knowing if he was going to get out or not, being scared he was going to stay stuck in that place. 

When the meteor hit that place, Bobby was able to escape, he walked through the streets, all through the frantic screams of people. 

The meteor hitting California was terrifying, but to Bobby, that place was the most frightening thing he experienced. He wouldn’t stay there and he didn’t, he made it. He was here and he got to see his family once again. 

Bobby shook his head. “No, but it’s okay.”

Buck looked at him, baffled. ”No, I’m going to make you something, anything you want, just say the word.” 

The offer was so earnestly Buck. Bobby nodded, he thought of what he wanted to eat. “Pancakes,” he replied. 

Buck raised his voice to a higher pitch to call out. “I’m making pancakes for everyone.” 

Eddie looked at him first, Buck would call and Eddie would be the first one to look at him. It was sort of a superpower, it had to be, but then again, Bobby did the same thing for Athena. 

When you love someone, you always have their voice memorized down to every cord in the forefront of your mind, it’s music to your ears.

To be in love, Bobby thought fondly. 

Athena and Hen would come back, they would have to. He would see his friend and his wife and everything could go back the way it was supposed to be. He wouldn’t have to think about that place ever again. He wouldn’t let them take joy away from him. 

As Athena landed onto the ground, she thought, Bobby’s not here, I can’t tell him I love him in person.

Too bad, she’ll still say it anyway. 

“I love you, baby,” Athena murmured quietly, only meant for her own ears, and Bobby’s but he wasn’t here, not anymore. 

This would be the part where she would be embraced by him. 

She missed it. The feel of his hands on her, caressing her as if the world only contained the two of them, his steady grip, which served as an anchor.

She’s really glad Hen has someone to go home to. 

Her house doesn’t even feel like a home anymore. 

It was full of unpacked boxes, and a fridge that had yet to be stocked. Athena’s been eating take out, cooking was more of Bobby’s thing. Buying groceries was more of his thing too.

She can’t do such a simple thing, because it’s somehow connected to Bobby. 

She moved somewhere else, so she wouldn’t drown in her grief and yet she’s still underwater. 

Forgiveness brought complicated feelings within her. She had a line on what she wasn’t willing to budge on, and losing Bobby was that line. 

Yeah, she was still standing. Of course, she was. What else was she supposed to do? She couldn’t do that to her children, her family, her friends, but she’d be a liar if she said she was ever going to be the same again. 

Losing Bobby made the world bleak. It was as if she was moving through the world dully. There was a mantra in her mind to get up, go to work, talk to family, call May and Harry, come home, rinse and repeat. 

Every day she’d tell herself, do this Athena, Bobby would want you to–

Her chest tightened at the mention of his name, even if it was in her own mind. 

Bobby would want me to continue.

A thing that kept her going for a while. She came back for a reason, she was going to embrace May and Harry, catch up on everything else she missed out on. She would say yes again. 

Yes, to living, because there were moments, and that made life worth it. 

In between, that one second where you get lost in the sound of laughter and your heart forgets, because it’s too busy to ache. 

It wasn’t the way she forgot in the mornings, the ache slicing a knife in her chest when she unconsciously reached out for him. 

No. It was bearable, when she wasn’t alone.

When she was around her family, remembering him didn’t hurt so much. It was as if a rescue boat was coming for her, saying, we’re on the way, just hold on.

Athena held on, and now she was on solid ground. 

Athena thought with certainty, Bobby would be proud of me.

Hen’s voice snapped her out of her spinning thoughts. “Hey, you okay?” she asked, eyeing Athena in concern. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Athena said, it didn’t fully feel like a lie anymore. 

Hen’s shoulders relaxed, “Good, let’s go home,” she murmured, squeezing Athena’s shoulder. 

Athena offered her arm, maybe Hen wanted to interlock their arms. Athena didn’t know how else to convey her gratitude for Hen being such a good friend. 

Hen just chuckled, she took Athena’s arm and intertwined them together. 

“Thank you,” Athena murmured. 

Hen waved her away, it was so like Hen. Always showing up for them. “What’s there to thank? You’d do the same for me.”

“Just let me thank you, Hen,” Athena muttered, exasperated. 

Hen lightly rolled her eyes. “Fine, okay! You’re welcome!” 

Parker called out. “Hey, if any of you guys want to take a break, it’s fine!” 

They both shook their heads in unison. 

“I just want to get home,” Hen muttered. 

Everyone nodded in agreement, it seemed they weren’t going to be stopping for a break then. 

Good, they had people waiting for them. 

Things have been peaceful. Not the q word, well– Ravi just doesn’t like to test the universe, okay? 

Playing around with that word is something no one in this station ever dared to even try. 

It was for the best. Sometimes some things are better left untouched. 

Ravi was about to get a glass of water when Buck came rushing into the kitchen abruptly. 

It was always so abrupt with Buck, but Ravi can keep up with his pace, besides Buck was his friend, so it was no trouble. 

His eyes widened in surprise when he saw Ravi. Ravi lightly rolled his eyes. 

“Ravi,” Buck mumbled, his eyes darting around the kitchen, probably looking for supplies for those pancakes. 

“Should I move 'cause you’re about to get into Carmy mode and–“ Ravi started, failing to hide the teasing tone of his voice. 

“For the last time I’m not Carmy!” Buck yelped, “I’m not like that guy,” Buck shook his head in refusal. 

Ravi couldn’t help, but snort, ever since they watched the Bear together, it was his favorite thing to tease Buck with. Well, both Carmy and Buck were in love with their friend. 

“I didn’t say anything about that,” Ravi lied, it was through his teeth but none was the wiser. 

Buck simply groaned, and his shoulders slumped. 

Ravi’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Weren’t you about to make pancakes?” 

Buck scratched his neck. “Yeah, I’ll get to it. I just don’t know– why am I still on my toes?” 

Ravi’s lips perused thoughtfully. “Probably the shock hasn’t left your system, what are you scared of?” 

“That… it’s– I mean,” Buck halted, his gaze lingering towards the ceiling. “He’s back,” Buck whispered, almost to himself, “and I– I’m terrified… ‘cause what if I lose him again?” 

Ravi’s eyes widened at that. A terrifying prospect– getting someone close to you back, just to lose them again. 

It made sense why Buck thought that. They were firefighters, anything could happen on their line of work. Ravi always threaded a thin line between life and death, it’s something he had to consider even when he was just a child. He became a firefighter– and he had to be ready to give his life to save someone else’s. It was just a risk that came with a job, sometimes it wasn’t even a sacrifice, just accidents. Something could go wrong and any of them could die. 

He doesn’t know how his parents did it. Ravi was grateful that they just supported him in everything he did. It wasn’t something he took for granted, what it took for them to let their child be a firefighter. 

“I wish I could tell you it won’t happen again but I can’t,” Ravi’s voice wavered. “All I know is that you have him back right now and you can say anything you want to him, Buck. Just talk to him, tell him everything you wished you could tell him and more.” 

Buck nodded quietly, he seemed to gather the courage to speak again. “Did you get to tell them everything you wanted?” 

Ravi laughed, it was strained, “Yeah,” he swallowed, “I got to say everything.” 

Buck squeezed his shoulders and Ravi wouldn’t cry again. He wouldn’t– Bobby being back made him weep already, so he simply gave Buck the best smile he could muster. 

He told them he would try to smile, and make the best of every single day. It’s a promise he worked very hard to keep. He would do what they couldn’t. 

Maybe one day he can say their name again, it’s been so many years but he can't consider it right now. He wanted to keep the name safe in his heart, the world’s an ugly place. 

Ravi remembered being in remission and telling them. They never got to remission, and time continued to pass, but grief continued. 

He’s glad for Buck– dealing with this pain isn’t an easy thing. Buck was a strong person, and he’s survived through so much but he doesn’t deserve to miss Bobby for the rest of his life. 

Buck pulled away, he glanced at Ravi in concern. 

Ravi waved him away, he was going to be okay, eventually. 

Maybe, Bobby coming back just brought it to the surface again. It did reopen old wounds, but they would be stitched back up again. 

“Why is talking about things so terrifying sometimes?” Buck mused, almost to himself. 

Ravi scratched his cheek, he could feel his dry tears, “You’re afraid of making him more sad, aren’t you?” 

Buck nodded shakily, his gaze found its way back to Bobby. He was talking to May and Harry, Ravi didn’t know the topic of conversation but it seemed emotional, almost every single conversation today was. 

“I can’t fix this one, Ravi,” Buck admitted, his shoulders slumping. 

“That’s okay, it’s not your job,” Ravi said, offering a wobbly smile. 

Buck deflated at that, “Yeah, I guess,” he seemed to be pondering something, “Tell me about your day. We could use the mood change, what do you think?” 

“Ask me anything, I’m an open book,” Ravi offered, leaning against the counter. 

Buck’s eyes sparkled at that. It was as if a light bulb appeared over his head. 

Shit, Ravi was going to regret saying that, wasn’t he? 

“How did the date you were talking about go?” 

Ravi’s eyebrows shot up at that, heat rose to his cheeks. “Buck,” he muttered. 

Buck’s eyebrows perked up at that, he smirked gleefully. “It went well, I see.” 

Buck knew just how to bring the mood back up,  Ravi was a hopeless romantic through and through. He wouldn’t apologize for it. 

He swallowed, trying to hide the excitement in his tone. “Yes, I’m not telling you more. That’s all you get. I can’t jinx this. Nope.” 

“See I was right! Dating a doctor is a good idea, ‘cause they understand the life of a first responder.”

“Sucks we’re both so busy though,” Ravi groaned. 

Buck nodded at that. “Yup, but I love my job. So, I’m never complaining.” 

Yeah, Buck never complained. Ravi needed lots of coffee to just make it through the day. He wished he was a morning person. 

“Yeah, no. Just for that, you’re making me coffee.” 

Eddie missed Hen and Athena too, of course, but he was closer to Hen. Athena seemed unavailable recently, which was fine; Eddie understood.

Everyone understood her wanting her solitude.

Eddie and Shannon were complicated, and Eddie still to this day can’t begin to untangle the can of webs their relationship was. There was love there. Eddie doesn’t know if it was ever the kind of love his loved ones have with their spouses, but it didn’t make losing her any less painful. Shannon’s loss still hurt and his son lost his mother, so the details in their relationship didn’t linger on his mind too much. 

Even the smallest wave can cause great wounds, that’s what being human is. Grief isn’t small, it’s enormous. It leaves battle scars and you learn to live with it but it doesn’t ever go away, you learn to coexist with it. 

So, Eddie understood. The fluttering in your stomach, the restlessness in the night  the tears wouldn’t come. Wanting to cry, but the dam not bursting. 

But, Bobby came back. This wasn’t going to be permanent for her, so she just needed to hold on and come home  Bobby was eagerly awaiting for her. 

His mind wandered back to Buck, his thoughts spun with memories of not knowing if Buck was going to live, if the 3 minutes and 17 seconds his heart stopped beating were going to become permanent.

Those were some of the worst moments in Eddie’s life, the uncertainty terrified him. The certainty of knowing he needed Buck to live, if he didn’t–

Well, Buck heard him, or heard Chris. It doesn’t matter, all that mattered was he came home. 

She was probably in space, that vast place with all the stars in the world to marvel at, but it didn’t have one thing Athena wanted. It didn’t have Bobby. 

Athena and Hen didn’t know Bobby was alive, yet. Karen and Maddie tried every way available to reach them but calls never got through.

Eddie still couldn’t believe Bobby was back. 

When he saw him for the first time, he couldn't do anything, but stay still. He was afraid of his own mind,  it tricked him about Shannon and what if it dared to try the same thing with Bobby? 

He couldn’t trust himself anymore, so he looked at Buck. His steady grip. 

And when he saw Buck standing there speechless, with red-rimmed eyes. He thought, Bobby’s back and I wish I could wipe the tears from your eyes. 

His gaze found its way to Buck. 

Buck, who was grinning at something Ravi was saying. 

Eddie’s heart seized in his chest, all Eddie could focus on was Buck. His gaze was unwavering in its focus. 

Eddie wanted to drink it in.

Wait, what? No, Nope.

His brain was going to malfunction, time to hit reboot.

Eddie’s cheeks returned to its original color, he exhaled. What was that even about?

He wished Hen and Athena were here, so he could breathe a sigh of relief and let the weight on his shoulders drop.

Eddie also needed to have a conversation with Chris about this. Danny told him already that Bobby was alive. Eddie would’ve liked to be the one to deliver the good news but he didn’t even know how he’d explain something like that to his teenage son. 

Kids are so much braver. Denny just texted Chris and told him along with a picture for proof, hey, Bobby’s alive.

Eddie wished he had the ability to just say whatever came into his mind, but his parents killed that in him a long time ago. 

Eddie’s always been the type of parent to have the hard conversations, that wasn't the problem. 

It was related to a certain someone and Eddie would have words ready on his tongue, but then it was as if his tongue suddenly got tied and the key was nowhere to be found. 

He wanted to talk to Buck about so much but he couldn’t get the syllables out, so he let Buck take the lead but he was done fearing getting the best of him.

He would talk to Buck tonight. He would offer to drive Buck home, he wasn’t going to let Buck stay at Maddie’s any longer. 

Eddie was sort of baffled at that one, why was he staying with Maddie when there was a place in their house for him? It wasn’t just his house anymore, but Buck kept insisting that he was just subletting. 

Eddie didn’t understand why Buck had all those websites open on his tab about potential houses. 

They just kept appearing on his laptop, and Eddie kept closing the tabs. 

If the planned conversation for tonight didn’t go well, Eddie would be left with no other choice. He was just going to block those websites from Buck and demand he sleep at home. 

Eddie was ready to fight. 

He had Bobby to thank for the sudden surge of courage and himself, too, he supposed. Bobby always did say, I supply you with advice, you’re the ones with the free will, so give yourself some credit. 

Eddie pressed his palms into his eyes, sighing deeply. 

“Something wrong, Eddie?” 

Eddie startled at first, then his shoulders slowly relaxed. It was just Chim. 

Eddie turned to glance at Chim. “Nothing,” he shook his head. 

“Well, you were doing that thing where you’re just deep in thought… that thing with your palms.” 

A snort came out of Eddie’s mouth. He didn't know he did that. Huh, must have been something subconscious. 

Chim raised his eyebrow at Eddie’s reaction. “What’s troubling you?” he asked, his tone laced with curiosity. 

“What’s up with you, first?” 

Chim scratched his cheek, pressing his lips together. “Bobby’s talking to May and Harry right now, and I want to give them space.” 

“So, you can’t wait to talk his ear off, again?” Eddie mumbled, his lips tugging upwards. 

Chim shrugged. “Yeah, I missed him. His presence… it makes things better for everyone. We needed something positive.”

Eddie hummed in agreement, just as he was about to respond, Chim added. “Okay, now tell me what’s up with you.”

“It’s nothing, really,” Eddie waved him away. 

“It’s still bugging you, but if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s also okay. Up to you.” 

Eddie appreciated the way he went about things. Chin never pushed, but he was there when you felt ready to talk. He was a good Cap, just like Bobby. 

Eddie recalled the conversation of Buck saying Maddie had that in common with Chim. They were really perfect for each other, Eddie was really glad he got to witness their love story. 

“It’s Buck,” Eddie whispered. 

Chim’s eyebrows shot up at the mention of Buck. Eddie glanced at him in confusion. 

“Buck, you say. Okay, what’s the trouble, this time?” 

“It’s just… I want to talk to him,” Eddie muttered. 

Chim looked at him exasperated. “He’s your best friend, you can just go talk to him.” 

“It’s not so simple,” Eddie scratched his neck. 

“Can I ask, why?” Chim tilted his head in question. 

“Because, yes he’s my best friend, but I can’t just say I feel like something is different between us, that makes no sense to bring up randomly, especially today of all days!” Eddie stammered, fumbling through the explanation. 

Chim blinked, inhaling deeply. “What do you want to do about this, then?” 

Eddie pressed his lips. “I just want to be near him.” 

Chim’s lips curled into a grin at that. “Okay, do that. Go up to Buck and just be Eddie. You’ll know when it's the right time to tell him all of that.” 

Eddie scrunched his nose. “Be Eddie?” 

“You know, like yourself. You’re being yourself right now and that’s cool. So, just don’t overthink it.” 

Eddie nodded at Chim’s suggestion. Yeah, that sounded doable, actually it sounded really easy. 

“You’re not telling me to open up to him?” 

Chim hummed. “Yeah, it’s okay to take time on things, you know. I do that, sometimes.” 

“What was weighing on you that much?”

“I didn’t want to be captain, Maddie told me to take time with the decision. So, I took time,” Chim recalled the memory, his face spreading into a fondness that only appeared when his wife and kids were mentioned. 

Eddie understood, he was so damn lucky to be Chris’s dad. 

“I mean Bobby’s back now, but you’ve never wanted it during all these months?” 

Chim pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “I was hesitant, Eddie, but It was always Bobby’s place, I was trying to fill his shoes and now he’s back. Honestly that’s all I care about.” 

“Hey, you earned your title, I mean there's a reason we call you Cap, and not Chim. It’s ‘cause you were great,” Eddie stated, “and you told me to talk to Buck, so I’m returning the favor. Talk to Bobby,” he said, patting Chim on the shoulder. 

Chim hummed in acknowledgment. “Okay, wow, thank you for saying that, Eddie.” 

Eddie pulled away, he waved his hand. “Of course,” he swallowed, “I think I’m gonna see what Buck’s up to… thanks for this, Chim.” 

“Always, Eddie,” Chim replied. 

Eddie hummed, and then made his way to Buck. 

By the time Eddie made it to the kitchen, Buck was the only one left there. Ravi was nowhere to be seen. 

Eddie’s eyes darted around the station, and then he finally eyed Ravi. He was talking to Denny and Mara with coffee in his hand, he was probably entertaining them, if Eddie had to guess. Karen was coming with Maddie soon, they were going to wait for news at the station. They were all taking turns distracting the kids from all the waiting, all the unknown. 

Buck startled at the noise, Eddie blinked owlishly at that. It was so endearing, his heart fluttered with a fuzzy feeling he couldn’t decode. 

Buck’s eyes lit up as he realized that it was Eddie.

Eddie would never get tired of that gaze, he’s been living with Buck for months and it’s still yet to get old. It probably never will, because to be honest, it excited Eddie. He loved being the reason Buck smiled. 

“Eddie,” Buck said. 

Eddie tilted his head. “Buck,” he replied. 

“What… are you doing here?” Buck asked, then he heard the sizzling from the frying pan and he flipped them, one by one. His brow scrunched up in concentration. 

Eddie leaned against the counter and watched Buck, a smile spread across his face. 

In the beginning, when he and Buck began living together, Buck made breakfast from time to time, Eddie didn’t understand why Buck was restraining himself from cooking and baking, until Buck revealed it was because it was Eddie’s kitchen. Eddie had to drill into him that it was their kitchen. Buck got more brazen after that, Eddie would wake up to the smell of pancakes, and just anything Buck chose to cook in the morning. 

Sometimes, he cooked too. Eddie was used to the routine, pretty hard to let go of it when he’s been doing it for years. He loved cooking for Chris, loved hearing his opinions on his choices and teaching Chris what he knew. 

Having Buck come into the mix had felt natural, it was as if he was always meant to be there. All three of them talking amongst themselves, about everything and nothing. 

Eddie snapped out of it, when he heard Buck cough into his fist. 

“You were staring, did I have something on my face?” Buck mumbled, looking for his phone to check. 

Eddie shook his head, reaching for Buck’s wrist. 

“No, you’re fine, Buck. Fine, those pancakes are fine, too. How much are you making?” 

A perfect save, Eddie, he thought. Buck wouldn’t suspect a thing.

Buck whipped his head at the frying pan to count. “Right now, I’ve got 4 there. Obviously, not enough. I’m going to make a batch.” 

“A batch, wow,” Eddie swallowed. 

The room was starting to feel too hot, why was it so hot? It was fall! It must be the meteors, probably. Right? 

Man, those meteors were really making Eddie’s cheeks flushed. 

Buck tilted his head at Eddie. “Is everything okay? Is Bobby okay?” 

Eddie gulped. It was still so hot. “Yeah, Bobby’s fine. Why?” 

“You look like you’re in distress, man.” 

Buck put his hand on Eddie’s forehead, his gaze assessing. “You’re not hot, that’s weird.” 

Eddie gently pulled away. “That’s good,” he croaked. 

“But, you’re really red,” Buck leaned in closer, glancing at Eddie’s face in concentration. 

Eddie officially hated meteors. 

“Don’t know why that could be,” Eddie said. 

Buck blinked. “Oh, you’re sad.” 

Eddie wasn’t sad. He was worried for Hen and Athena, but not sad.

“Buck,” he started. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” Buck cut in. 

Eddie’s throat felt tight, all he could do was nod. 

“You’re so sure about everything,” Eddie murmured, almost to himself. 

“No, I’m not,” Buck shook his head, his brows furrowed. 

There was a question that Eddie wanted to ask, but he held his tongue. 

“Are you sure?” Eddie asked, trying to hide the hope in his tone. 

“Yes, Eddie,” Buck mumbled, exasperated. 

Eddie risked a glance at Buck. “Then… are you really sure about moving away?” 

Buck blinked, freezing at the question. 

Eddie froze at Buck’s reaction. 

“Yeah, I am,” Buck whispered. 

“I just don’t understand. Why? We have something good going, Buck, but you refuse to–“ 

Buck cut in. “I’m not refusing to do anything! I’m simply moving. I don’t want to overstep, that’s not a crime, is it?”

“So, you’re adamant about this?” Eddie asked. 

“Yes,” Buck responded, glancing at Eddie. 

Eddie wanted to say a lot of thighs, but what came out his mouth was something else entirely. “No,” he said firmly. 

“You can’t just say that, Eddie!” Buck stammered. 

“Who said that I couldn’t? Besides, when have any of us ever played by the rules?” Eddie questioned, refusing to budge. 

Buck blinked, sighing deeply. “I already signed the lease.” 

Eddie’s mouth clamped shut. His thoughts spun, the most prominent one was, you would do that without talking to me first?

It stung, it felt like betrayal. Eddie’s chest tightened. What he didn’t get was, why?

“Oh,” Eddie managed to say. 

“Eddie–“ Buck started. 

Eddie cut in. “You should get your pancakes, I’m gonna go.” he mumbled.

Eddie turned away to leave, but Buck’s stare continued to linger. 

“Eddie,” Buck called out. 

Eddie stopped, and looked at Buck. He’d always stop for Buck. 

“Yeah?” Eddie managed to say. 

“Drive me home tonight,” Buck said. 

Eddie’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Okay,” he croaked. 

Buck nodded at that, and then let Eddie go.

Eddie didn’t know why something so simple ached. 

Karen wasn’t a big fan of speeding, but desperate times call for desperate measures. 

She glanced at Bobby. “Sorry, I just miss her,” Karen mumbled, almost to herself. 

Bobby’s brows crinkled in confusion. “I actually appreciate you speeding,” he stifled a chuckle. 

Karen raised an eyebrow. “Really?” 

Bobby turned enough to look at her, his gaze contemplative. “I think Athena makes me reckless, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“You missed her,” Karen stated, her lips curling downwards. It made her sad to see the effects of the lost time. 

“Yeah, I did, more than I can ever describe,” Bobby managed to say. 

“Well,” Karen glanced at him, “It’s good we’re going to them, then,” she declared, her chest giddy with anticipation. 

Karen couldn’t wait to touch Hen again. A beautiful inevitability. She couldn’t wait to look at her wife and say the unspoken, that her friend came back, that she wouldn’t have to drown in bitter, aching grief. 

Karen couldn’t wait to kiss her again, she couldn’t wait to put dishes away again. 

All the routines in the world don’t seem so mundane if Hen is there, doing them with her. 

They don’t even do bad cop, good cop when it comes to their kids, they’re a team, united even if opposition is necessary. 

Karen hated opposing Hen, she hated fighting with her, they do not come often but when they come, it’s bitter. The kind that made her feel sour afterwards, so, yeah she wasn’t a big fan of raised voices and vitriol. 

She liked the easiness, she liked coming home and talking about everything and nothing, how some coworker of hers annoyed her, hearing about Hen’s shift, what antics her team got on that day, who she saved — everything and nothing. 

The rest of lives filled with that is what she liked, adored, loved. She never wanted to lose Hen and the taste of that fear lingered in the back of her mind, it always would but, the best she could do was believe her wife wouldn’t make it, and that the call wouldn’t come. 

For Athena, it was a sight, not a voice on the other end of the line. It wasn’t someone knocking on your door and saying, we’re so sorry, it was Athena herself banging on the glass witnessing what she thought was the end of Bobby, end of their love. 

Karen never imagined that they’d say their hellos again. This wasn’t a beginning of any kind, it was hitting play on what the world put on hold. 

Karen wouldn’t know how Athena would take the news, she imagined Athena would be full of relief, but it wasn’t that simple. 

Karen remembered when May told her on the phone — it was an extremely difficult situation to even wrap her mind around, but May was there, and that girl already had so much on her shoulders, so Karen held back the countless questions she had until only Bobby was in the vicinity. 

Karen and Bobby talked on the phone before she met him again after all these months, after she thought he was dead. A joyful reunion, but neither could fully relish in the moment, with Hen and Athena being lost in space. 

She had time for news to settle, she had time to come terms with it. She felt guilt springing in her chest, she just didn’t know how to go about this — how to break the news. 

Breaking the news to Maddie was already hard enough, Karen thought it was perfectly normal when Maddie looked at her like she was saying the earth was flat. 

But, then Maddie heard Bobby’s voice on the phone and the disbelief turned to shock, and to happy tears. The three of them talked a while, and it eased Karen’s nerves while she waited for news about Hen and Athena. 

“What’s the first thing you want to say to Hen when you get there?” Bobby asked, breaking the silence. 

Karen hummed, tapping the steering wheel. “I want to kiss her,” she chuckled, “I want to tell her only I’m allowed to go to space from now on,” her lips curled into a soft smile, “I just want to tell her how worried I was and how much I love her.” 

Bobby nodded at that, humming. 

“What do you want to tell Athena?” Karen asked. 

“Everything, and nothing. I want to hug her again, I want to see her again. I want– a lot,” he answered, “I want to do things I thought I had time to do,” he halted, “I don’t want to waste any more time.” 

“It’s not your fault that you lost time, Bobby,” Karen said, softly. 

“I know,” Bobby replied, “I just can’t help but think that If I just somehow escaped earlier, then you guys wouldn’t have had to suffer through all that grief.”

Karen turned left. “I think every shift Hen goes to that something might happen, but if it happened It wouldn’t be her fault, it would just be a horrible accident,” she said, slight tremor to her voice — even thinking about the possibility of losing Hen ached. 

“Thank you, Karen,” Bobby murmured

“That’s what friends are for,” Karen said, “I have what’s considered a safe job and even I ended up in an accident, sometimes life really throws shitty things at you.” 

“Sorry if I brought up memories from that, I remember Hen was really shaken up from it,” Bobby said, glancing at Karen. 

“Yeah, it was a hard time for us,” Karen admitted, “We got through it, you will too, Bobby, but it’s okay if that takes time.” 

Bobby nodded in gratitude. He eyed the time left on the navigation system, they had estimated 4 minutes left until they reached Hen and Athena. 

“4 minutes left,” Bobby whispered, almost to himself. 

Few minutes later

Athena hadn’t stopped staring at her watch. 

Karen was coming to pick them up. Her and Hen. 

She couldn’t wait to get back to her kids and then sleep for the next 10 hours. 

Her body ached from the so-called ‘crash out’ period after all the adrenaline she used saving herself and Hen. 

Athena thought she’d feel easiness when she got back to earth, but there was no such thing for her. Not anymore. It was probably her exhaustion speaking, but it didn’t taste like ash, it didn’t even taste like a lie. 

She eyed Hen, whose eyes were constantly darted, trying to find Karen in the crowd. 

It was a beautiful sight to witness. An instinct, a reflex, a human being has to be with the one you love. 

Her hands had nothing to hold at night. Bobby’s side of the bed was empty. 

Oh, it wasn’t even Bobby’s bed. 

Right. 

She banished the ugly thought from her mind.

Athena’s brows furrowed as Hen’s gaze went still. She turned towards the crowd, her mind immediately full of alarm bells. 

Her mind scanned everything in sight. No red flags yet. 

Athena managed to ask. “What’s going on?” 

Hen blinked, glancing at her. “You’re not going to believe me.” 

Athena looked at her, her eyes saying, try me

Hen pointed at a figure in the crowd, who looked eerily like Karen. That just made Athena frown in confusion. 

“That’s Karen, isn’t it?” 

Hen nodded blankly. “Look at the man beside her.” 

A man? Wait, Karen didn’t say she was bringing someone with her? Huh? 

Athena’s gaze found its way to Karen who was approaching them. 

No. It must be her seeing things. 

But, for a millisecond there was hope. 

Foolish, yes, but hope. The kind Athena no longer found familiar. 

“Hen, no.” Athena whispered, vehemently. 

“It looks awfully like him, what do you think is going on?” Hen asked, biting her lips anxiously. 

Athena was lost, she didn’t– 

She had time to plan things out, she always had a plan. This time she was lost, again.

It reminded her of when she begged Bobby to open the damn door. 

“I don’t know,” she managed to say. Her voice was oddly low. 

The closer Karen and the man got, the more and more he started looking like Bobby. He even walked like him. 

Athena missed the sound of Bobby’s footsteps. She missed his warm hands around her waist as she snorted and Bobby sighed in fond exasperation, because he could never sneak up on her. 

He was always so bad at it. Athena always knew it was him. 

Now, Athena can’t tell. 

And, that quietly cracked her heart inch by inch. 

Somehow the memory of Bobby started to get farther away. It wouldn’t be the kind of distance Emmett’s memories held, but Bobby was further away. Athena didn’t like it one bit.

Bobby was always supposed to be there, he promised but then he broke that promise. He didn’t mean to leave, he tried to stay, but– 

There was still a hole in her heart. 

Athena felt like she was taking a backseat in her own mind, that someone else was driving in her place. She couldn’t feel her own body, the only thing she could feel was the sounds of her friends. 

“Baby, what’s going on?”

”I can explain it, but I think you should see for yourself.”

The thing snapped her out of was Hen saying his name. 

“Bobby?” 

Athena turned around immediately. 

The man— who looked terrifyingly similar to Bobby was staring at her. 

He was crying, his eyes glassy and red-rimmed. 

Athena didn’t take her eyes away from the figure. He had her transfixed. The only thing she could do was focus on him. 

Athena heard Hen’s quiet sobs. Karen was murmuring reassurances into Hen’s ear, her arms around Hen. A solid fence. Safe. Comforting. Warm. That’s Karen Wilson for you. 

Athena’s lower lip started trembling. A dam broke through her chest. The tears were begging to fall, but she wouldn’t let them, not until she was sure it was her sweet Bobby. 

The figure took a tentative step back towards her. So close. Not far away this time. 

If he was Bobby, then he was close again. 

If he was Bobby, Athena could touch him again, talk to him again, say I love you to him again. 

Athena Grant knew Bobby Nash. He wasn’t able to sneak behind her, his footsteps held the same rhythm. 

“Baby,” Athena choked out. 

Bobby nodded, choking back a sob, “It’s me, I’m here. I’m so sorry.” 

Athena didn’t waste a second, neither did he. 

They ran into each other’s arms. A knee-jerk reaction. Bobby’s arms pulled her in, immediately and tenderly. Athena held onto him, the way a drowning man gasps for air. 

Bobby murmured into her chest. “I love you.” 

A tearful smile found its way on Athena’s face. 

“You said it in person,” she whispered. 

“It didn't seem like a fair deal if I didn’t, don’t you think so?” 

She squeezed him tighter. “Keep being fair then.”

“Anything for you,” he said.

Athena knew that was implacable. Bobby loved her, and it was incredible to never doubt it. 

She pulled away from his steady grip temporarily to ask him a question that had been bugging her. 

“How?” Athena managed to say. 

Bobby glanced at her, sighing deeply. “It’s a long story, honey.” 

That was a code for I don’t want to talk about it yet. He never hid the big things, so Athena let it go, what mattered most was that she had him back. Finally, at once. Fate had taken mercy on her. 

Athena eyed Bobby, she noticed how worn down he looked, she noticed the grey on his hair which was significantly longer. He had a beard, too. 

He was still her Bobby, but Athena knew he wasn’t going to be the same again just by looking at him. 

It hurt. It made her ache. It made her angry. 

Someone finally had managed to take the light away from him, and Athena missed the sparkle in his eyes. 

Bobby was able to move forward with so much, and Athena always wondered in the back of her mind, how does he do it? What is classified as too much for him? 

She was scared that this was it. She was scared of the same thing when he said his goodbye, and when he revealed the truth about the list.

Athena didn’t know what to do with these fears, maybe, all she could do was love him. Maybe, all they could do was love one another. 

That didn’t sound impossible, so Athena leaned in and put her hands gently on his cheeks. 

“What are you doing?” he whispered. 

“What I've wanted to do since the moment you got here,” Athena murmured. 

Athena gazed at Bobby’s brown eyes, full of calm that just screamed Bobby Nash. 

It was permission. It meant, go ahead, baby.

Athena leaned forward and brushed her tongue across Bobby’s. Bobby returned the sentiment enthusiastically. He wrapped his hands around her waist, his teeth in hers. 

Athena heard him taking a second to breathe.It seemed she wasn't the only one left breathless. 

They parted, flushed with want and warmth that definitely wasn’t from the weather. 

Hen coughed into her first. “Well, that definitely stopped my sobbing.” 

Bobby chuckled. Athena missed the sound of his laugh. 

“Good to have you back too, Hen,” he chimed in. 

“Get here, Cap, or else,” Hen ushered. 

Bobby took a step forward towards her, Hen closed the gap. They were standing inches away from one another, reunited at last. 

Bobby wrapped his arms around Hen, Hen melted into the hug. Bobby’s presence helped both her and Hen feel calmer, more at ease. 

Hen mumbled something into Bobby’s shoulder, the sound was low enough that it didn’t reach Athena’s ears, but whatever was said got a reaction out of Bobby. He was laughing, his posture relaxed and loose. 

Karen was watching the exchange with a wobbly smile. Athena just admired the sight. It still hadn’t settled in, but he was actually here. 

It wasn’t a dream, it wasn’t a hallucination, it wasn’t a nightmare, not even a memory. 

He was just here, existing in the same vicinity as her. It wasn’t perfect, but Athena didn’t want perfect, she just wanted him. 

“Don’t disappear again, okay?” Hen whispered into Bobby’s shoulder. 

“I’ll try my best,” Bobby responded. 

“Good,” Hen said firmly. 

They were going back to the station. Hen’s hand was interlocked with Karen’s, exactly where Hen wanted it. She wanted Karen’s hands all over her, but she would have to wait.

Agonizing, really.

“You guys go ahead,” Hen blurted out. 

Bobby and Athena looked at her with knowing glances, nodding immediately. 

Karen looked at her, exasperated. 

“Okay, we’ll wait for you lovebirds,” Bobby mumbled. 

And off they went. Hen knew they needed alone time too, to talk about everything and nothing. 

Athena loved talking with Bobby. It was one of her favorite things about her friends. Back when Bobby was captain and they had nothing to do at the station, the first thing he’d try was calling Athena. They weren’t ever bored with each other, it was as if every day they fell in love with each other more and more. 

Hen got it, she really did. She loved talking Karen’s ear off. She also loved the way Karen’s lips felt on hers. 

She was desperate to kiss her wife, she was ready to squeeze her into a tight hug and hold on for eternity. 

Being around Karen was something she was unable to put into words. 

“You’re not subtle.”

Hen snorted. “Who could blame me? It’s you.” 

Karen’s lips curled into a soft smile. “Me, huh?” 

“You, always,” Hen murmured. 

Hen leaned forward, trailing her hands across Karen’s cheeks. The kiss was tender, but firm. Gentle, but clear. 

Hen felt Karen returning the kiss with enthusiasm. The way her lips lingered on hers, and Hen could feel how much Karen missed her. 

How worried she was, how terrified she must have been. 

Karen’s teeth grazed her lower lip, and Hen wanted more. 

She felt Karen’s body against hers, full of warmth. Her heart skipped a beat, it never dared to stop beating, the rhythm went on and on, along with Karen’s lips on hers. 

It continued, and Hen got lost in the trance. 

Her heart is full, it’s at ease. It’s home. 

She pulled away for a second. “I love you,” she whispered, breathless. 

“I love you too,” Karen murmured, her lips were flushed.

Karen leaned in again. Hen closed her eyes and let herself melt into the feeling. She didn’t ever want to let go. 

Her heart fluttered, her mind was full of sweet nothings.

The silence continued to stretch between them, only growing more bigger, Buck felt further away than before. 

Eddie avoided eye contact. To be frank, he didn’t know what else to do. He already memorized every part of Buck, inch by inch, bone by bone, so he should’ve been fine not looking at Buck for a few minutes, but in the end he really wasn’t. 

This wasn’t working. Eddie’s shoulders slumped. 

Traffic also sucked, he could drive to pass the time, but the universe was working against him today. Not really, since Bobby was alive, but right now it was. 

Yeah, Bobby. That was a miracle. 

Eddie’s thoughts lingered on that, and his face curled into a small grin. The leftover grief still lingered, that was to be expected. They weren’t going to get the time back they lost with Bobby, but they also didn’t have to worry about never seeing Bobby again. 

Eddie could see him again, he could talk to him again. Bobby’s absence left a mark in his life and Eddie was really glad he was back. He missed his friend and he needed Bobby. Having Bobby outweighed anything negative he felt right now. 

Him and Buck were going through something, but at least this time around he had something to make his mood slightly lighter. Buck was like his battery, any time they were on fence, Eddie felt his mood drain. 

He’d been trying to be happy, to live in the moment ever since he came back to California, to 118, to Buck but it didn’t work sometimes, sometimes the weight on his shoulders just pulled him under. 

Oh, Buck, the things you do to me, Eddie thought quietly. 

Eddie's shoulders slumped, daring to ask eventually. “So, you’re not just going to say anything?”

Buck gave him an indecipherable look. “What else is there to say? Bobby is alive! It’s the best news of my life since fucking forever.”

Eddie blinked at Buck. “Exactly! I thought you would want to share that joy with me, you never seem to share anything with me these days.”

“Let’s not act like you’re not doing the same thing,” Buck muttered under his breath, avoiding eye contact with Eddie. Eddie had lost count how many times it had occurred. 

Eddie’s brows furrowed in confusion. “What are you even talking about?” 

“You’re happy, extremely happy and I don’t even know why,” Buck said evenly, glancing at Eddie this time around. Eddie silently wished he’d keep looking. 

Eddie’s face puzzled at that. “Maybe it’s ‘cause Bobby is alive!” 

Buck shook his head in dismissal. “You were happy before too.” 

Something roiled in his stomach. A very familiar thing. It was poor timing. Eddie didn’t have time to think about feelings right now, not when he wasn’t sure what was even going with Buck. He’d deal with it later, when things between them smoothed over. 

“Yeah, but I don’t get what point you’re trying to make here, Buck,” Eddie confessed, trying to hide the plea in his voice, “Just talk to me, I don’t know what’s going with us anymore.” 

Buck sighed in defeat. “You’re happy and I don’t know why. You never told me. I don’t know why you think I can’t be happy for you but I am, I love seeing you happy.”

“I think you’ve got it all wrong. I was just trying to be… like Bobby,” Eddie whispered, “See the positive side of things, and all of that. It’s not like I’m not happy 24/7,” a fragile grin made its way to his face.

“Oh,” Buck mumbled, “I’m sorry, Eddie.”

Eddie waved his head away. “It’s fine.” 

“It’s not fine, I was wrong,” Buck replied, “Lately everything’s felt so different between us. I don’t know how it’s come to this point.”

Eddie offered. “Maybe losing Bobby changed us.”

Buck shook his head, contemplating something unbeknownst to Eddie. “It started before Bobby died. It’s not grief, Eddie, I still feel it in my chest.” 

Eddie stilled at that. He looked at Buck very carefully, he took notice of the way Buck was fiddling with his thumbs. He only did that when he was nervous. Whatever Buck was about to confess wasn’t going to be something small, Eddie observed silently. He knew Buck, and most of the time he didn’t get Buck wrong. 

Eddie asked, very carefully. “What is that you’re feeling?” 

Buck exhaled and glanced at Eddie, looking him in the eyes for a hint for something. Eddie couldn’t deduce Buck’s gaze. 

Buck sighed shakily. “Like I’m in love with you and It terrifies me.”

Buck thought he was in love with Eddie?

The world suddenly ceased to exist. The only thing Eddie was aware of was the frantic rhythm of his chest, and it ached. It was in a good way, that had to mean something, didn’t it? 

Eddie’s eyebrows twitched in bewilderment. 

Eddie was at a loss at words,  yes obviously he did check out Buck from time to time, but that was normal! It was him appreciating his best friend and he acknowledged Buck was very hot… and handsome, but how could he not? 

Eddie wasn’t that oblivious, Buck was a catch and he wouldn’t feel anything about simply being a good best friend. 

Yes, there were lingering gazes too. Lots, and lots. Eddie was aware of where his eyes went, it wasn’t his fault Buck was nice to look at. 

That’s what Eddie felt in the comfort of his mind, but where was Buck’s revelation coming from? 

Why did Buck think he was in love with Eddie? 

Sure, it feels flattering and Eddie’s heart is practically leaping out of his chest, but he doesn’t want Buck to feel bad when his love ends up being platonic, not romantic. 

Eddie’s aware of Buck’s love, Buck wore his heart on his sleeve, but he couldn’t love Eddie romantically, he just couldn’t.

If he did– then that meant something good happened to Eddie Diaz and good things don’t happen to him.

“You feel like you’re in love with me?” Eddie managed to get the syllables out from his mouth somehow. 

Buck’s shoulders relaxed slightly at Eddie’s response, his face was flushed. “Yeah. You do something to me, Eddie,” he mumbled, scratching his neck, “Something that’s size of a fucking supernova. Isn’t that so crazy?” 

Eddie risked a glance at Buck, he knew this man. He knew what Buck looked like when he fell for someone and the way he was looking at Eddie was real. 

It should‘ve been impossible, but here was Buck in front of him, loving Eddie. 

Is it selfish to want to hold onto this declaration? 

He wanted to let go for once, he wanted to allow himself to reach for something more than ordinary. 

Eddie hoped this wouldn’t backfire on him; he was risking their friendship, something that meant everything to him to return the declaration of love. 

Eddie swallowed, “No, it’s not so crazy,” he halted, risking a glance at Buck. Buck was looking at him wide-eyed, “I get it…  I…feel it too.”

Eddie’s throat felt tight by the time he finished, Buck didn’t reply. The silence stretched for several minutes. 

It felt like anticipating an answer and also dreading it at the same time  it could go either way. 

Eddie’s thoughts spun. Yes, Buck felt like he was in love with Eddie, but what if he wasn’t? What if he realized it was something else?

It reminded Eddie of his ballroom dance competitions, he knew he’d performed greatly, but still he dreaded getting last place. 

It wasn’t about logic in the slightest, besides when has love ever been logical?

The word love felt right for the pounding in his rib cage, for the way his heart swelled and the way he wanted to be loved by Buck. 

Eddie bit his lip, gripping the steering wheel; it anchored him, forcing him to not look away; this was important. Whatever Buck responded would change everything. 

Buck finally broke the silence. “You’re straight, Eddie.” 

Eddie looked at him baffled. He didn’t expect Buck to say that out of many other possible things to say. 

Eddie wasn’t sure how to respond. Yes, he had feelings for his best friend, who was a man. That made him not straight, but he hadn’t thought further about it. He didn’t let himself go there, but now he can do that. It’s okay to do that, he can drink the juice. 

Now that he allowed himself to ponder it further, he never felt about any of the women he dated in this specific way. The way he was supposed to feel for women, he felt that for men. He felt it for Buck. 

Eddie blinked. He was gay. 

It felt right.

Maybe it was best to just be honest. “I’m not straight. I thought I was, but I wasn’t. I’m gay.” 

It didn’t taste like ash on his tongue, that was what he felt when he stated that he was straight in the past. This felt like finding a missing puzzle, and having so much of yourself make sense. 

Buck glanced at him, surprise evident in his eyes. 

Buck muttered. “You’re serious, huh?” 

He said it more to himself than Eddie, but Eddie took it as a chance to get his point across. 

“I’m serious, Buck. I’m serious… about you,” Eddie nodded, glancing at Buck. 

Buck looked at him in awe. “Eddie, I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am about us and also for you– that you shared this with me,” Buck’s shoulders loosened, his lips curled into a grin. 

Eddie could tell that wasn’t all of it. “But?” he asked, nerves fluttering in his stomach. 

Buck sighed, “But I don’t want you to feel pressured just ‘cause I said something, Eddie. I need you to know that. I’m not looking for a timeline or something.” 

Eddie raised his eyebrows. “That was… oddly specific.”

Buck shrugged, scratching his neck. “Yeah, well my ex made me feel like an asshole for wanting time to come out and I don’t want you to ever feel like that.” 

If he ever saw that asshole again– 

Right, Buck. He just confessed his love and came out. That was a lot to do in one single conversation. Eddie’s brain was going to malfunction once it fully settled in, now it was just full of adoration for Buck. 

Eddie’s heart swelled. “You’ve never made me feel that way. I trust you, Buck.”

Eddie reached out, taking Buck’s hand and intertwining it with his, his hand found its way underneath Buck’s. Buck’s touch was really warm, Eddie felt heat rising on his cheeks. 

Buck squeezed his hand gently. “I’m really glad.” 

Eddie swallowed, a smile crept up on his face. “I like this, why haven’t we held hands before?” 

Buck hummed in agreement. “Yeah, I want to do this forever and more.” 

That was the last straw for Eddie, he leaned over and caressed Buck’s flushed cheeks, tracing it tenderly, “Like this?” he glanced, testing out the limits. 

Buck swallowed, nodding, “Mhm.”

Eddie hummed and replied. “I think you want more.” 

Buck’s eyes widened at that, his lips curled into a smirk. “What if I do?” 

“Then, have me already,” Eddie whispered. 

That was the last word out of Eddie’s mouth. There was no need for words when you learned the flavor of Buck’s lips. Eddie responded just as eagerly, his mouth leaving a mark Buck wouldn’t forget, not if Eddie had anything to say about it. 

This was just the beginning, he got a taste of Buck and he wanted more. He wanted more for himself and he finally found the courage to act on that want. 

Eddie clung more tightly. He pulled his leftover hand away from Buck’s hands, he wanted to touch other parts of Buck’s too. 

Buck pressed his lips on Eddie’s, saying everything Eddie had longed for. Eddie felt his mind slip into sweet nothings, the only thing he felt was Buck’s lips and that his heart finally stopped beating irregularly, like it found its way home. Eddie understood, coming home felt quite nice.