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Heaven’s Static

Summary:

After serial killer Alastor is finally killed, he finds himself in heaven’s court instead of hell. He gets a sentence to be forever the servant of the Archangel Siblings, who are the second highest rank of angels in heaven.
One day, he has been sent down as a guardian angel for Princess Charlie of heaven’s new plan for redemption. He has to guide this sinner… a TV head…to redemption…

—————-
Or an AU where lucifer is still in heaven and Alastor is a guardian angel.

Notes:

Hello doodles
Disclaimer: i dont rlly know the bible that well sooo lore isnt accurate. I made Lucifer’s siblings and just copied the names of other archangels but since im doing this for fun, its kinda random :3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: The Trial

Chapter Text

 

96 years ago…

“We gather here in court today to discuss the case of Alastor Hartfelt, a sinner, one with grave sins, who has joined us just today.”
Sera’s voice echoed firmly through the incandescent court room, silencing the murmurs and whispers of the other lower ranked angels sitting in the balconies made of shining gold. Only the Archangel Siblings continued their talk. 

Sera ruffled all her six silver wings and smoothed down her gown. Sera’s purple eyes flitted around the large dome shaped room, before landing on the sinner in the center of the room. He had a radio vibe to him. He had tiny deer antlers that rested between his red hair, with a haircut that could have been a sin. His blood red eyes had crimson irises with slits between them. The most unnerving thing about this thing was his unwavering smile. And despite the glowing chains on his wrists, he stood tilted to one side like he was waiting simply for a train. Sera let out a breath before continuing.


“Court is now in session. Alastor Hartfelt has been suspected of communication with the underworld despite being alive. This incident happened a day before his death. Communication is strictly forbidden and only allowed to high ranking individuals.” She looked directly at the sinner and his permanent smile. “Additionally, you have taken many lives during your life time. More than any we have seen before. What do you have to defend yourself?”

The sinner cleaned his monocle and cleared his throat, before out came a staticky sound. “As the defendant, I shall say only one thing. I have nothing to defend myself, and I admit to killing many, as well as making a deal with the underworld.” He put his monocle back on. “So are we done here?”
Sera opened her mouth to speak and-
“Boo! Is that it? How boring. To think this trial would be over so fast? Honestly, thought that red guy would have been more interesting.” One of the Archangels who had been sitting on the highest seats yelled. He had a childish face and wore a loose gown with gold stripes on the border. On his head was a comically large hat with a gold snake wrapped around it. He spread out his six tiny wings as he leaned on the railing and yelled, “You suck, red guy!”

“Lord Lucifer,” Sera scolded. The youngest of the siblings had always been the troublemaker, always coming up with pranks or jokes to trick almost everyone. He had an extremely creative mind, sometimes Sera wondered if it would one day cost his downfall. “Forgive me, but just because you’re one of the Archangels doesn’t mean you can interrupt a court in session. I hope you do understand.”
One of the siblings with a soft face, Raphael, had olive coloured wings tucked behind him like a cape. They moved slightly as he leaned forward. “The apology should be Lucifer’s, Head Seraphim Sera. He spoke out of turn, so you needn’t apologize.” One of his long wings unfurled to softly swatted at the archangel Lucifer’s hat. “Lucifer, say sorry to Sera.” 
They were interrupted by the laugh of a certain static voiced sinner. “Don’t mean to interrupt the angels, but I simply don’t think this is the time for sibling chatter is it? Maybe get along with my punishment now. I could die again of boredom looking at this sick tomfoolery!” 
Whispers and frowns spread across the room. How could this mortal say such things to the head of seraphim who commands the politics of heaven and the siblings, who hold such power they are only second to god themself? Why, he simply must be insane!

Sera darkened. The disrespect of this murderer was disgusting. How could he, a horrible enough person, treat the siblings, who have saved heaven time and time again, with such little regard? So many souls he had taken, yet he shows no remorse. He truly belongs in the darkest muddiest depths of hell. He can burn there until he redeems himself, which Sera highly doubts will ever happen. 
She raised a hand, the room’s chatter fading. “It is clear to us now. He has admitted his sins.” Sera’s purple eyes flashed. “His punishment shall be to be executed and his soul released to the grounds of hell.” 
The red deer chuckled to himself, examining his nails. 


The room had once again spiralled in to rounds of discussion again. Until one thin hand rose into the air, straight as a tower. All came to a hush as they turned to the lilac haired archangel who now stood up with her geometric patterned robes flowing. “Archangel Lucifer of Hope has suggested a punishment worth considering, in my opinion. Perhaps, we make the sinner stay in heaven?” Now, the sounds of the lower angels were sounds of protests. “Please listen first, people of heaven. It is clear if we send him to hell, it will simply be fun or home for him. And killing him will not save his sins. Making him stay in heaven will be much more… let’s say, boring for him.” She pushed up her crystal glasses. “And based on analysis, we could also benefit from this. By making him a servant of the Archangels, we will be able to understand Sinners better, as well as getting extra help. What do you all think?”
Murmurs of approval went around the room, curling up together. Sera closed her eyes and sighed. If Uriel, the sibling of wisdom supports it, it must be the right choice. She hoped. 
“So be it. Sinner Alastor, for your crimes of communication between hell and the mortal world, you will serve the royal Archangels for eternity, until the day they release you. 
“Your every action, word, and decisions must be reported to the Heads and Angels. You will stand where all can see, but have no authority to act for yourself. Your will is no longer your own. Now, Alastor, step forward, for your sentence starts today.” Sera commanded with as much strength she could muster.
And yet, this ‘Alastor’ still had that stupid smile on his face. Sera felt like the punishment hadn’t affected him at all, and that only made her more annoyed. “To prevent you from using that silver tongue of yours, here is a precaution.” She looked to the Archangels as an apology. “I serve you, siblings of virtues.” With a wave of her hand, gold threads appeared and weaved across Alastor’s mouth. All he could do to protest was a muffled yelp as his smile closed and his lips stitched together. His hands shot to his mouth, smiling all the way, just with a closed mouth. Sera felt guilty for taking his speech away, but she told herself it was punishment for the disrespect he had shown the archangels. 
She really hoped this sinner wouldn’t be a threat to the siblings.


“This case is closed.”

❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ 

Present time

Alastor hummed a small, staticky tune as he poured the steaming tea to two cups—one for Lucifer of Hope and one for his charming daughter, Charlotte Morningstar. As he carried the cups in a tray and wandered the halls to the living area, he caught his reflection in the golden pillar. 


Why, he really has changed a lot since the trial so many years ago. 
He had lost his demonic eyes, now more humane and emerald green. He kept his deer antlers and ears, but he didn’t like that part of himself. It reminded him too much of the stupid way he had died. His mouth was stitched with gold, but he always kept a smile on, closed or not. He wore a much grander suit now, a proper white suit adorned with gold and a side cape. Normally, he wouldn’t care too much about fancy clothing, but wearing this made him feel like a pet, or a toy to those angels. 
“Feeling like an insignificant little fool again? Well, you should!” a static voice exclaimed. A floating staff with an eye pattern on the end floated beside Alastor as he walked. It serves as his voice and occasional…talking being, he supposes. It does have a mind of its own, but Alastor is able to project what he wants to say through it.
He doesn’t feel safe using that thing though.
The staff jabbered about Raphael, the compassion angel, and his garden and seeds, or…something. Alastor learnt not to listen to annoying talking staffs.
Eventually, he reached the huge double doors leading to the living area. Each of the archangels have their own castle, but he spends the most time in Lucifer of Hope’s castle, seeing as he’s the one who requires assistance the most, with his daughter and two pets. Razzler or something. He balanced the tray in one gloved hand as he pushed the doors open with the other. Light flooded in as chandeliers and sparkling decorations hung on the ceiling. Princess Charlotte was sitting with her back to Alastor, facing her father and exclaiming quickly about some plan involving…redemption? How fascinating.
“Calm yourself, Princess Charlotte. Why don’t you two stop to have some tea?” The floating staff asked as Alastor reached them.
Charlotte whipped around and beamed. “Alastor! So great to see you, really. Always remember though, you can call me just Charlie! Oh and thank you for the tea! Would you like to join us?” Charlotte—sorry, Charlie was up in a flash and lifted the tray off Alastor’s hands. She set it down on the glass table in front of her before smoothing out her ruffled dress. The dress shined and sparkled like it was made of pearls in a river. “I was just talking to dad about this new plan I had! I heard sinners have it really tough down there and it’s all overpopulated but…” She trailed on and on while bouncing in her seat and her white veil-like wings flapping excitedly. Alastor stayed standing though. Lord Lucifer never liked it when he sat in the same area as his daughter. Alastor nodded and smiled (yes he always smiles but this is wider smile ish) while fiddling with his staff. 
“So! I was thinking, why not we put the sinners through redemption?”


Alastor blinked. The staff twitched.“Pardon?” 


“Redemption! You know, atoning for their sins, so they can come to heaven! Then the overpopulation in hell will decrease and they’ll have more fun here too! Sounds great, don’t you think?” Charlie beamed, the light catching the veil on her dress and wings.
“Well, princess,” the staff continued. “Personally, this redemption tomfoolery just doesn’t seem entirely possible, does it? And-“ 
Before Alastor could finish transmitting his thoughts, his whole body burned, a quick and painful jolt. This happened every time Alastor had begun to step out of line. When his vision blurred back, he could see Lucifer glaring at him from behind Charlie while sipping his tea loudly.
Charlie’s face, which had a sad expression from Alastor’s words before, turned into concern as she saw him flinch in pain. “Alastor? Are you alright?” 


Alastor nodded as he fixed his cuffs. 
Once he finally got out of this “sentence”, he would have his fun with Lucifer and all the archangels, repaying them for this sentence. He couldn’t wait for that day, now that Charlie was almost 25. 
It was so soon.
The staff buzzed back. “Well, Charlie, why don’t you tell us how you plan to redeem them?”
Charlie pursed her lips, but then continued. “I was thinking, we can send someone down there to help guide and advise good decisions for sinners! Then they can redeem themselves and join us here!”


Alastor hummed. It was a childish plan, but not one that couldn’t work. It was just very vague. “So who are you sending down there to be…a guardian angel?”
Charlie finally cupped the mug and took a sip of her tea. “We were discussing it just now and…”
Lucifer set down his cup. “We’re sending you, Bambi.”