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Will groaned, lifting his head from soft cushioning. Cold brightness filled his eyes from the overhead lights which were buzzing softly. He squinted, his eyes adjusting to the change after a few seconds. It took him a moment to process where he was, since his last memory was being at the MAC—Z surrounded by flames, but it didn’t take him long to realize that he was lying on the couch inside The Squawk’s basement. How he had gotten there was a mystery to him, but he was less focused on how he was returned to safety and more focused on the aching in his limbs. It had been a long few hours, and his body had never quite been so exhausted.
Their plans were overall a complete fail, and frankly, everything was going to shit. They had managed to lose all twelve of the kids, all because of a broken pipe. They had nearly gotten them all out of the barracks, but they were caught and the groups were separated. What stung the most was that they lost Derek, who could have been safe with them had they chosen not to involve him in their plans. Now that Vecna had all of the kids, there was no predicting what he could be planning to do with them. Still, despite all their losses, there was one outcome that ended well that made everything a little better.
Will had powers. Real, actual powers. Where they came from was still a mystery, but regardless, he was excited. A small voice in the back of his head told him that they weren’t what they seemed, that there had to be something off about them, that he wouldn’t have gotten them out of nowhere, but that voice was overpowered by the loud voices shouting “You have powers!” in the front of his mind.
It didn’t help that as soon as his head moved, he heard footsteps rapidly approaching him. He snapped his head in the direction it was coming from, worried that something was coming to harm him, but he let out a silent sigh of relief when he saw that it was just Mike.
“Will? You’re up?”
Will slowly pushed himself into a sitting position, swinging his legs off the couch to make space for Mike to collapse onto. He wasn’t quite prepared for Mike to kneel down, grab his shoulders, and shake him violently.
“Holy shit dude, you saved my ass. You saved me. I thought I was toast, and then you just held out your arm, and the demogorgon just stopped mid-air! Do you know how insane that is? I don’t think even El can do that! And then you— you killed it like it was nothing. That was so awesome.”
Will rubbed the back of his head, warmth blooming in his chest. It wasn’t like nobody ever complimented him, but when it came from Mike, it made him feel a bit tingly inside. “It was nothing, really.”
“Nothing? Nothing?” Mike replied incredulously, staring at Will with furrowed eyebrows.“It was awesome is what it was. I told you, you’re like a real life sorcerer! Seriously...”
“Mike, please,” Will sighed, reluctant to take the praise, but a smile plastered on his face.
A moment of silence fell over the two. Will looked over at the other, expecting him to have the same expression as before, but worry flooded his stomach as Mike’s smile shifted to something less happy and more forced.
“I guess you won’t need me anymore, huh?”
“What?” Will asked, his head snapping up in confusion at the oddly bitter comment. Mike took longer to notice the statement that had slipped from his mouth and scrambled to do damage control.
“Nothing, it’s just—”
“Mike!” Called a louder voice, coming from the top of the staircase. The volume interrupted the quiet conversation the two boys were having, causing them both to jump in surprise. “I thought I told you to tell me when he woke up!”
“Sorry Mrs. Byers,” Mike called out apologetically, shrugging. “I guess I got too excited.”
Joyce, who now stood at the top of the stairs, shook her head exasperatedly. “It’s fine.”
She turned her attention to her son, who was sitting awkwardly on the couch, somewhat upset that their conversation was interrupted, but glad to see his mom. “Will, honey, are you alright?”
Will nodded. “Yeah, I’m just a little out of it.”
“Okay, good. I’ll tell the others to come down here, just give me a moment.” Joyce said hurriedly as she turned and climbed back up the stairs.
As soon as the basement door shut, Will turned back to Mike, wanting to address the conversation they were having before, but Mike was already trying to flee the situation. He was pushing himself off of the couch, looking away, but Will grabbed his hand.
“Wait, What’s going on? Are you okay?” Will asked, genuine concern in his voice.
“I’m happy for you. You looked… beautiful. I could barely believe my eyes.” Mike mumbled, still facing away. There was a hint of honesty in his voice, but there was also another sentiment that was being hidden away. Although the compliments still made his nerves buzz, Will desperately wanted him to turn around so he could read him, so he could understand what’s wrong. Still, even looking at him from the back, Will could tell that there was something wrong.
“You don’t look happy anymore, Mike.”
“I am. I just…” He trailed off, turning his head to glance at the other boy.
“You just what?”
He sighed, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. Mike clearly did not want to answer this question, but with the pleading look that Will was giving him, it was nearly impossible to keep the words from spilling out of his mouth.
“I don’t really know what to do now,” He confessed. “Nobody really needs me, and I can’t do anything special like you or El, so I don’t really get why I’m still here. You guys keep me around and I don’t understand why.”
“What? We need you, alright? I need you.”
“No you don’t, you have powers.” Mike scoffed, “You’re fine without me.”
“I’m more than just powers, Mike. I need you for more than my powers.” Will argued, anger creeping under his skin. Mike had done this exact thing with El, and he was going to do it with him too.
Will opened his mouth to say something else, but both boys shut their mouths once they heard the creaking of the basement door reopening, a plethora of voices coming through. Mike immediately pulled his hand out from the others, as if it was on fire. Will looked at the other one last time, trying to decipher the emotion in his eyes, but he couldn’t find anything.
Mike looked away.
The roof of The Squawk was large and peaceful. It wasn’t uncommon for people to use it as a getaway spot when things got too loud, or when they needed a quiet conversation.
The sun was setting, and the cold wind bit at the skin on Mike’s face. He sat cross legged, near the edge, right where he had sat with El a couple of days ago. The view was beautiful, sure, but he still couldn’t find the joy in the pink and orange sky.
Mike wasn’t unfamiliar with getting angry over stupid things, or making mistakes. As much as he tried to change, those moments from years ago still dig into the back of his mind, as a painful reminder of every wrong move he’s made. He’s kept pushing though, because people needed a leader. Someone who could command, who could be the heart. That’s who he’s always been. The heart.
He wasn’t so sure now. Who he was supposed to be, who he was supposed to lead. Everyone seemed fine on their own, and he didn’t know how he was supposed to help or what he was supposed to provide.
It wasn’t like he never felt this way, it’s just that he always had something to push it away, someone he could use to prove it wrong. He used to say that the party needed him, to lead, to be the DM, but then the group started growing apart. He used to say El needed him, but she started growing bigger and stronger than what he could ever be, so that was bullshit. He thought that Will needed him. That Mike could always be a shoulder to lean on for him, but now that’s not true. In all honesty, it was probably never true. Mike was never a staple in the party, he was just extra weight.
He exhaled. It hurt to be stuck in his mind, but there wasn’t anywhere to run to as long as he was alive. He thought that he had grown from throwing tantrums and treating people like shit over his own problems, but now all he wanted to do was yell from the rooftop and break something.
After sitting for a while longer, he heard shuffling footsteps behind him. He didn’t flinch, since he was expecting someone to find him at some point. He turned around to see who it was.
Will, who was standing quite a distance away on the roof, opened his mouth. At first, nothing came out, but then he managed to get a few words out, “I was looking for you.”
“It’s cold out here.” He mentioned casually, crossing the distance, and sitting down on the roof next to Mike, “I just wanted to ask about—”
“Do you ever think about dying?”
“What?” Will’s heart dropped at the unusual question, a frown immediately forming on his face. “Mike, what are you talking about?”
Mike should be panicking. He wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about feelings like this. These thoughts were meant to be locked away in the confines of his mind, not exiting his mouth. Despite what he should be doing, what he should be feeling, he felt a sort of calm.
“Back when you went missing, Dustin and I went to the quarry. Troy Walsh and his mouthbreather friends came and attacked us because we made him pee his pants,” Mike confided, chuckling softly at the memory, but Will was still looking at him with mortification. “He had a knife to Dustin’s teeth. Said he’d cut them off if I didn’t jump off the ledge.”
“...And then what happened?”
Mike didn’t respond, the small smile on his face slowly forming back into a more focused and anxious expression. It wasn’t a good memory, he shouldn’t have said anything about it, but it had been weighing on him for years and to let it out felt exhilarating.
“What happened, Mike?”
Mike remained silent. That answered Will’s question.
“...I didn’t jump so much for Dustin’s teeth, more because I missed you.” He whispered. His eyes began to gloss over, but he tried to blink it away. “I guess deep down, I didn’t have much hope left. Sure, the body was fake in the end, but I saw it. I— I saw it with my own two eyes and I thought it had to be you. And then I jumped. I figured that if we went out the same way, maybe we could meet each other. Maybe we could be together again.”
“Mike…” Will shifted closer to him, his palm landing over the other. It was warm, compared to the chilly air around them. Mike didn’t pull away, rather he flipped his hand around underneath Will’s so that they could link fingers. Mike squeezed, and Will squeezed back.
“That was a long time ago.” Mike croaked, his voice heavy.
“But do you still think about it?” Will questioned. The other boy stared at him in confusion, but Will was quick to clarify his question. “Dying, I mean.”
Mike looked at his shoes, trying to curate an answer. It was hard to say, since he felt he rarely had time to think about it anymore. But it wasn’t rare for him to stand in the face of danger for a moment and wonder, what if he didn’t move? What if he just let it happen? He didn’t think anyone would notice anyways.
“It’s all just so confusing, but I guess dying seems easier than looking for a reason to keep going. It’s not the same as it was. Back then, we needed each other. You needed me. But you changed. We changed. You can control demogorgons, El has telekineses, everyone has something and I’m just…” He gestured to himself with his other hand. “I’m an asshole, honestly. I can barely fake a limp, I can’t save a handful of kids, I couldn’t— I couldn’t save you, that night, when the demogorgon…”
“Mike, you don’t understand. You’re everything.” Will emphasized, his other hand landing on Mike’s cheek carefully. Mike didn’t hesitate to melt into the touch. They made eye contact, and now Will could see that Mike’s cheeks were wet with tears. Mike’s gaze was intense but comfortable. It felt like a hug. Will wanted to never look away.
“I’m nothing special.” Mike sniffled, looking down, then away at the sunset. Will scoffed, shaking his head. The statement seemed so out of this world. With how much Mike mattered to Will, it felt impossible to think that Mike thought of himself as anything other than special.
“I feel like my life started the day I met you. When— when I killed those demogorgons, It’s like it all flashed before my eyes, and— and you were the first thing I saw.” Will uttered, his voice beginning to shake as his eyes began to water as well. “You were all I saw, Mike. I couldn’t watch you die. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t have been able to keep going. You’re all I’ve ever seen. You’re my best friend and I need you, okay?”
Every word made Mike cry harder, but his tears changed from sorrowful and afraid to something lighter, more comfortable. It was an odd scene, two boys crying and holding each other in the cold as if it was the end of the world. Despite how odd it was, it was the happiest Mike had felt in a while. Will’s thumb rubbed his cheek to supposedly try and wipe the tears, but Mike was pretty sure he was just doing it for the sake of touching him.
“I really am happy for you, Will. I’m just… scared.” He explained sincerely.
Will’s thumb slowed on Mike’s face. He was confused at the statement, because throughout all this, Mike had been brave. So much braver than him. He led, he protected, and most of all, he never seemed scared. “Scared? Of what?”
“That you won’t care. That I’ll end it, and you’ll just…” Mike trailed off sadly. Will shifted closer to him.
”Michael. Please tell me you wont do anything to hurt yourself.” Will begged, his grip on the hand of the other boy tightening as he spoke.
”I won’t, promise” Mike reassured.
“If you died I wouldn’t be able to keep going. You’re like oxygen to me, Mike” Will breathed, so quietly as if he was telling a secret. The words were too vulnerable, implied too much, but he said them anyways. The corners of Mike’s lips lifted ever so slightly.
“Now I realize how stupid I sound. If I died, I wouldn't be with you anymore.” He spoke. It felt like the wind in Will’s lungs had evaporated.
“And- and El.” Will mumbled quickly.
“Right, yeah.”
A moment passed, the silence ringing out loudly between the two. The words had hit Will deeply. It felt like his world was being flipped upside down. He didn’t think he mattered that much to Mike, after how much they grew apart before, how much they hid from each other, the feelings that Will tried (and failed) to shove into the back of his mind for another day. Will always thought it would be him following after Mike, that it would never be the other way around, but he never considered the fact that it could be both.
“I just—” Will couldn’t hold back anymore. He yanked Mike into a hug, his arms pressed firmly around the other. Mike let out a breath that he seemed to be holding for a millennia.“ I need you so much.”
Mike smiled into the other boy’s shoulder.
“You have me. You always will.”