Chapter Text
Day 20.
--
Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and you’re bored out of your goddamn mind. If you’re this bored only about 3 weeks into your 3 year journey on this small ass meteor, you are in for one douchey awakening. You’re pacing around the common area, watching your feet take lazy steps in front of you while you fail to ignore the aching awareness of what time it is right now.
It’s not like time has much meaning, anymore. Not when you’re in the butt fuck middle of nowhere, floating through space. It’s objectively the calmest your SBURB session has been, but your skin is crawling with unease. It’s like you crawled into a den of spiders, and now you’re stuck envisioning Vriska’s fucked up spider guardian snackin you up, falling victim to the same fate all those unlucky trolls couldn’t escape from, and well, fuck. Isn’t that a fun way to snap you out of your freaky obsession with time passing?
... And now you’re right back where you started.
The sound of footsteps nearing in on you doesn’t cause you to jolt. You dealt with this on the reg with Bro, so it leaves you completely unphased. (That’s what you tell yourself, despite the cold dread sinking in your stomach. You pay no mind to it.) Almost everyone else has fucked off to some other part of the meteor, so your options for visitors are limited.
You already know Rose and Kanaya are off somewhere, and you’re crazy sure that they’re cuddled up next to each other and buried nose to nose deep in a trashy troll romance novel, so you can cross both of them out. And, tbh, all cards on the table, you’re sorta uncomfortable around them right now. You know how much they wanna mack on each other, and you definitely don’t wanna be around when it finally happens. If Vriska and Terezi aren’t asleep, they’re doing something characteristically vicious enough for Vriska to be intrigued by, and you frankly want no part in that. You don’t exactly consider Gamzee a viable guest, since you’re pretty damn sure Vriska has him chopped up in a freezer somewhere—
You know it’s not the mayor. One, because his feet have a very differently distinct, cute, barely noticeable pitter patter against the cold rock of the meteor. Two, that guy is snoozin it up. It’s lights out in Can Town, population: one sleepy mayor. It’s only right, that precious carapace needs his beauty sleep. He deserves it after all the hard work he’s been putting into his city lately. Man. He truly is the Mayor of the People. You love that guy.
Which leaves only one person left approaching: Karkat Vantas.
DAVE: hey
You mumble, voice groggy and tired.
He huffs, nodding in your general direction. You and Karkat keep running into each other early in the morning. Most times, you don’t really talk. Maybe you give each other a nod of acknowledgement and sit in silence. It’s the most contact you’ve had with another human being in weeks (other than the mayor, obviously. You hang with him all the time.) So, you’ll take what you can get. He looks about as tired as you feel.
KARKAT: HEY, STRIDER.
KARKAT: YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.
You smirk subtly, eyebrows just slightly raising at the observation. He’s blunt as ever. You’ve spent enough time around Karkat to know he’s trying to start a conversation, albeit incredibly ineptly. If it was anyone else, it would be ironic as fuck. But you know he’s sincere with the intent. It’s kind of awesome.
You let your guard down a bit. No way in hell this dork would strife you.
DAVE: thanks man
DAVE: you too
KARKAT: IT’S HARD TO NOT LOOK LIKE I CRAWLED FROM A SLITHERBEAST’S WASTECHUTE WHEN I HAVEN’T GOTTEN ANY FUCKING SLEEP ON THIS METEOR.
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: i feel that man
DAVE: when was the last time you slept just like
DAVE: out of curiosity cuz it seriously looks like you havent slept a day in your life
Karkat rolls his eyes, baring his teeth at you with a snarl of annoyance. You can see his eye twitch. Damn, he’s extra pissed tonight. Even though it’s not technically night. It’s 4:17 in the damn A.M, but who’s keeping track. Not like you have the ‘be aware of each second passing at all times’ aspect or nothin.
KARKAT: HAHA, DAVE. YOU’RE FUCKING HILARIOUS AND I’M TOTALLY IN THE MOOD FOR YOUR FUCKASSERY!
KARKAT: SO PLEASE, CONTINUE BEING A BULGECHAFING SACK OF COMPLETE BULLSHIT!
Woah. Maybe a little uncalled for, but you get it. You’d be aggro as fuck too if you had to sleep in a damn slime pod. How do any of the trolls get any sleep at all? Maybe you could try alchemizing him a real god damn bed, boom. Problem solved. Maybe you’ll see the dude relax for once in his damn life. He’s always so… tense. And angry. And shouty.
Oh. You’re getting stuck in your head again, you should probably respond.
DAVE: no man im not tryin to be a dick i was for real asking
DAVE: i know you havent slept much either cuz we keep runnin into each other around the same time
DAVE: lmfao dude its like were in a shitty romcom
DAVE: we have to stop meeting like this karkat
DAVE: yknow if i didnt know any better id—
He interrupts you, which is probably for the better. You weren’t gonna shut up anytime soon.
KARKAT: … LIKE, FUCKING WEEKS AGO. I DON’T KNOW!
Woah what. What the fuck? No wonder he’s so pissed off all the time. Dude’s a walking corpse. You watch him curl in on himself just a bit, fidgeting with the sleeves of his oversized sweater.
DAVE: dude are you serious
KARKAT: YES, DAVE! WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT?
DAVE: i dont know its not that i think youre lying its just
DAVE: karkat how are you not dead
DAVE: man humans cant even go one snoozeless week before callin it quits
DAVE: conkin out on the floor lights out buddy it was a nice run
DAVE: nice knowin you dude
He laughs, loud and breathy and exhausted. Then he’s looking at you, smug and assured.
KARKAT: JUST ANOTHER REASON TROLL PHYSIOLOGY IS SUPERIOR TO HUMANS.
You’re damn near 100% sure trolls aren’t s’posed to be awake that long, either. You don’t call him out on his bullshit, you don’t really care enough. Ironically, you’re too tired.
KARKAT: I’M RUNNING PURELY OUT OF SPITE UNTIL WE CAN TAKE DOWN THAT ASININE FUCK LORD WHO GOT US STUCK IN THIS MESS. I HAVE TO MAKE IT OFF THIS GODFORSAKEN METEOR SO I CAN STARE AT HIM AND GIVE HIM A BIG “FUUUUUUUCK YOU!” WHILE HE BASKS IN THE GLORY OF MY MIDDLE FINGER SHOVED DIRECTLY INTO HIS HIDEOUS FUCKING FACE.
You find yourself smiling, just a little.
DAVE: get his ass man
DAVE: lord english wont know what hit him
DAVE: watch out dude here comes karkat vantas middle fingers a’blazin
DAVE: hes no match for you
DAVE: your shrill ass voice will drive him up the fucking wall
DAVE: no need for a final boss battle yall karkats got it taken care of
He sits down on the couch and rolls his head back, burying his face in his hands, a deep sigh tumbling out his mouth, effectively ignoring you. You can see the little smirk he’s trying to bite down. Score. You rock back and forth on your heels for a sec, just staring at the guy. He’s sure as shit seen better days. You guess you have, too.
You flop your ass down next to him.
DAVE: so
DAVE: what brings you here on this fine evenin karkat
Karkat growls in the back of his throat. Damn. He is not happy today.
KARKAT: I WAS LOOKING FOR SOME GOGDAMN PEACE AND QUIET SO MY BRAIN WOULD STOP FUCKING SCREAMING AT ME, BUT ON ACCOUNT OF YOU SO GRACIOUSLY ACCOMPANYING ME, THAT’S OBVIOUSLY NOT FUCKING HAPPRNING TONIGHT!
You’d feel bad, but he doesn’t seem all that pissed off at you. Not anymore than usual, anyway. Karkat kinda seems to operate on a base level of pissed the fuck off, so it’s hard to tell.
... You think you kinda get it. About your brain screaming at you. Maybe that’s why you can’t stop talking.
DAVE: haha yeah im not gonna shut up dude
DAVE: everyone else fucked off to do something else somewhere else with someone else
DAVE: you literally have nothing better to do otherwise youd be done doin it
DAVE: you can handle me yappin my trap for a bit its not like itll kill you
DAVE: your stuck with my ass karkat
DAVE: my plush rump is rubbin all up on ya
KARKAT: ... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. SERIOUSLY, DAVE. ARE YOU BRAIN DAMAGED?
KARKAT: FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, I DON’T WANT THERE TO BE AAAAAANNNYYY TALK OF YOUR WASTECHUTE ANYWHERE NEAR ME.
KARKAT: AND QUITE FRANKLY, YOUR “RUMP” ISN’T EVEN ALL THAT PLUSH.
Oh hell no. Those are some fighting words if you ever heard them. Are you really gonna let Karkat talk smack about your ass like that? No/ No, you’re not.
DAVE: excuse you
DAVE: my rump is plush as fuck who are you to say otherwise
DAVE: besides how would you know
DAVE: you spending a lot of time looking there or something
DAVE: my eyes are up here karkat
DAVE: im a lady vantas and here you are ogling me
DAVE: i thought you were a gentleman yet youve really been just another pig all along i shouldve seen it coming
KARKAT: I’M NOT OGLING YOUR ASS, DAVE. JEGUS. NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING TO OGLE.
KARKAT: YOU’RE REALLY FUCKING SKINNY. YOU HAVE VIRTUALLY NO MEAT ON YOUR BONES.
You shrug, brushing him off. Karkat sounds.. almost concerned for you. Even if that concern is misplaced. But, he ain’t really wrong, you’ve always been skinny. Bro only kept the fridge stocked with swords and katanas and the like, so the only food you had access to was whatever you could sneak into your closet.
It’s a done deal. You kept yourself fed.
DAVE: i mean i guess yeah
DAVE: doesnt mean my ass cant be fat
Karkat rolls his eyes, looking at you with a pout forming on his lips. Holy shit this guy is kind of hilarious.
KARKAT: CAN WE PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR ASS.
KARKAT: I WOULD LITERALLY RATHER TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. I SERIOUSLY CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW MUCH I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR ASS, STRIDER.
A breathy laugh forces its way out of your throat before you can even think about it.
DAVE: ok fine if you insist
DAVE: have you been to can town lately
DAVE: the mayor wanted to expand the city block so were doing all kinds of construction right now
DAVE: id feel bad for wrecking their homes and shit by takin it all apart but yknow
DAVE: aint no people in them cans
DAVE: but that little dude really knows his stuff you should see what hes done with the place
He frowns just a little less at your mention of the Mayor. Hell yes. Everyone loves the Mayor. Hell, you’re sure even Vriska loves the Mayor, and you didn’t think she had it in her to love anything that wasn’t being scary as fuck. Or maybe Terezi.
KARKAT: OF COURSE I’VE BEEN TO CAN TOWN.
KARKAT: THE MAYOR’S THE ONLY THING ON THIS FUCKING ROCK THAT ACTUALLY WANTS TO TALK TO ME.
A brief bitterness flashes behind his eyes, but you watch as he blinks it back. Huh. You guess he’s been lonely too.
KARKAT: I DIDN’T NOTICE THE CONSTRUCTION, THOUGH.
KARKAT: I DON’T REALLY GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT CAN TOWN, IN ALL HONESTY. I JUST LIKE SPENDING TIME WITH THE MAYOR.
KARKAT: IF ANYTHING, I’M KIND OF FUCKING SICK OF THOSE ALUMINIUM PIECES OF SHIT!
KARKAT: IF I STUB MY PRONGS ONE MORE TIME TRYING TO DRAG MY WAY TO THE ABLUTION BLOCK, I’M GOING TO FREAK THE FUCK OUT AND THROW A TANTRUM. THERE WON’T BE A CAN TOWN ANYMORE BECAUSE I WILL HAVE DESTROYED IT.
DAVE: dude dont
DAVE: that would ruin his little day dont even joke about that
DAVE: for real can town is sacred no shit wrecking allowed
Karkat huffs, curling in on himself against the couch. He looks relaxed, at least.. More than he was before. But the guy’s always just kind of real fucking high strung. So, that’s not really saying much.
KARKAT: JEGUS, I’M NOT GOING TO ACTUALLY FUCK UP CAN TOWN.
KARKAT: I COULDN’T DO THAT TO HIM, IT’S HIS PRIDE AND JOY. JUST BECAUSE I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT IT DOESN’T MEAN HE DOESN’T.
KARKAT: I’M NOT A BLOODPUSHER-LESS MONSTER. BUT FUCK! I’M SICK AND TIRED OF GETTING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, ALREADY FUMING BECAUSE MY BLADDER IS EXPLODING WITH PISS, AND THEN-
KARKAT: PRONGS HITTING RIGHT UP AGAINST THE COLD TIN BASTARDS.
DAVE: lmfao
KARKAT: IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY, YOU ASSHOLE.
DAVE: i mean it kinda is dude just look where youre going
DAVE: not like i have to worry about that i can just float everywhere
DAVE: if i wanted to i would never have to walk again shit kinda rules
DAVE: gotta worry about my sweet little legs atrophying below me soon theyre gonna start rotting like a carcass i got gangrene up in here
DAVE: huh
DAVE: ever notice how carcass kinda sounds like karkat
DAVE: kark ass
KARKAT: YOU’RE AN INSUFFERABLE PIECE OF SHIT AND YOUR ARROGANCE IS INFURIATING.
KARKAT: AND WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT ASS TALK? NEW RULE: ESPECIALLY DON’T TALK ABOUT MY ASS!!!
You would think he was serious if it wasn’t for the small, barely there smile you can see Karkat’s given up on trying to will away. Or at least, if he is trying, dude’s not doing a very good job cuz you can totally tell the corners of his lips are upturning. Distinctively not very grumpy looking of him. Holy shit, this might be the first time you’ve ever seen him smile.
Smile is a bit of a reach, to be real. But he’s definitely not frowning.
DAVE: yknow man you say that but i can see you trying not to smile
KARKAT: I’M NOT FUCKING SMILING!
DAVE: i dunno karkat
DAVE: that frowns turnin upside down
DAVE: one might even say your frown is turning into
DAVE: a smile
KARKAT: IF ANYTHING, THIS IS A SNARL.
KARKAT: I’M SNARLING AT YOU DAVE. HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN SOMEONE SMILE AT YOU BEFORE?
KARKAT: KNOWING HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING PRICK YOU ARE, I DON’T DOUBT IT. AND THAT’S JUST SAD.
You’re confident that his “snarl” is heading progressively more towards smile territory. Yup. He’s full on beaming at you now.
DAVE: youre smiling at me right now
DAVE: hahaha karkat youre not even trying to hide it anymore man
DAVE: aw come on dont puff your cheeks out at me dude you know im just messin
He barks out a quiet laugh, and that’s what makes you realize. You haven’t thought about time once during your conversation... Well, you’re thinking about it now. But, oddly enough, it doesn’t really bother you, and huh. Isn’t that a thought. You wonder if maybe, you helped him stop thinking about whatever was on his mind too.
You make a mental note to hang out with Karkat more. He said it himself, it’s not like anyone else wants to.
--
day 60.
Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and your sister is hitting up your line.
This is a rare occurrence recently, but you get it. You hang out every few weeks, not like you’re keeping count, and you know when Rose isn’t spending time with you, she’s spending time with Kanaya.
(Occasionally with Vriska, when she shoves herself in between the two of them. Rose heavily implied it has happened several times, and you really don’t wanna think about that.)
It’s been almost a month since you’ve last talked to her. Down to the days. Knowing that you guys have the same parents is just kind of fucking crazy. You’ve just had a sister your whole life and you guys were friends but now it’s weird and you don’t know how to talk to her. Tbh. If ya gotta be frank. You are so fucking frank right now. Hell, you might even be Franklin.
And since you’re being Franklin, you gotta admit you’ve been hauling ass anytime Rose approaches you. The second you catch a whiff of nearby flighty broad sightings, your ass is heading the other way. You have really got to stop thinking about asses.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at ??:??
TT: I’ve been made aware that we have not yet had our unspoken semi bi weekly get together.
TT: And while we’re both cognizant of the fact that I have a habit of being particularly nonchalant, so much so that a licensed professional may deem my attachments “avoidant”, it’s clear that this is not due to a lack of effort on my end.
TT: The last two times I showed up at our designated meeting place, you were nowhere to be seen. And as I seem to recall, you provided no explanation or attempt to contact me in regards to rescheduling.
Yeah, she clocked your ass. Speaking of clocks, you’re kind of fucking sick of them. Ever since the two of you fucked off into the GREEN MOTHERFUCKING SUN and god tiered, You’re stuck with the constant nagging thought of the time passing by you on the meteor. You kind of want to flip your shit a bit.
TG: go ahead and reread your first message for me dude
TG: refer back to unspoken
TG: but yeah i guess it was kinda shitty of me to not let you know i wasnt gonna show
TG: so mb
TT: With an apology so genuine, who am I to stay mildly perturbed.
TT: My point remains, we haven’t talked in 2 weeks, Dave. I’m sure we both have much to catch up on.
TT: I’m sure you’d love to talk about your latest exploits with the Mayor. And you know I’d always love to talk about Kanaya.
TG: yeah believe me i know
TG: ive third wheeled enough times to spot the lesbian yearning a mile away
TG: shits gross
TG: also youre wrong its been 3 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours
TG: since our last hangout
You’ve been plenty aware of how long you’ve been trying to avoid your ecto sister. Maybe avoiding is a bit of a stretch, but you definitely haven’t been jonesing to hang out with her.
See, Rose has always had an interest in psychoanalyzing your friends, but she’s always taken a specific interest in your psyche. And you have a horrible habit of never being able to shut the fuck up and giving her more fuel to whatever new mental illness she’s decidied to diagnose you with.
And her latest diagnosis is kind of pissing you off.
TT: Hm.
TT: I’m sure you can’t help but agonize over the excruciatingly cruel passage of time.
TT: One might even say the need to dwell over it is obsessive.
TG: god damn it rose
TG: to quote the wise j egbert
TG: dont force your ocd complex onto me
TG: for real your attempts to project your various mental disorders onto me is just getting sad
TT: Yes, I am famously the one on this meteor known for projecting. And although I may admittedly have somewhat of an “OCD complex”, I have long come to terms with this, unlike a certain Strider I am pestering.
TT: It takes one to know one, after all.
TG: a hungry man thinks of bread
TG: i know youre starving for a case study you can keep yourself occupied with but i am not that guy
TG: try vriska she has loads of issues im sure youd love to unpack those
TT: Oh believe me, I’m incredibly intrigued with breaking into her psyche and tackling that horse. But dealing with Vriska is a most certain process and I must not rush it.
TG: dude
TG: dont tell kanaya that
TT: I’m being literal, that was not intended to be an innuendo.
TT: You said it yourself, Dave. A hungry man thinks of bread.
TT: And while Vriska certainly has her issues, OCD is not a problem she seems to struggle with. At least, not outwardly. But you aren’t exactly ... subtle with your compulsions.
TG: i dont fucking
TG: jesus rose i dont have compulsions weve had this talk before
TG: its not compulsive to count minutes under your breath thats just a way i pass the time
TG: its like me gracing everyone with my sick raps under my breath
TG: its just what i do ok not everything is a psychological cry for help
If you were any less of a chill guy, your blood would be boiling right now. You find it ironic that she’s being so god damn accusatory when she’s not exactly the most mentally well person herself. Your hands are shaking over your keyboard as your fingers hover over the keys. Huh, you guess it’s kinda cold in here. You don’t really know how you didn’t notice before.
TT: You seem to only do it while doing specific tasks. Like when you’re building up a particularly tall tower in Can Town. I’ve seen you do it while alchemizing on occasion as well.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at ??:??
... You close your laptop and get up, walking down the quiet cold rock hallway. You consider the possibility of Rose bumping into you. It doesn’t seem all that likely, but the thought is seriously making your skin crawl, which is completely un ill and frankly embarrassing as fuck.
It takes you 13 minutes and 7 seconds to make your way to Can Town. The awareness feels like your skin is burning which is all hells of awful, and now you’re reminded of why you’ve been avoiding Rose.
When you approach, you’re blessed with the sight of the Mayor hugging a can of corn close to his little heart. Do carapacians even have hearts? Damn you gotta research this later. Maybe Kanaya would know, but it would be all kinds of awks to ask her when you're avoiding your sister that she’s totally trying to bag.
Holy fuck who cares, you’re missing the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen in your whole life. The mayor gently places the can on top of a new structure you don’t recognize and pats the top of the can when it’s steady, and your heart squeezes in your chest.
DAVE: hey little dude
DAVE: what did you build
DAVE: it looks sick as hell
The Mayor’s eyes light up when he notices you, and he comes running over. He never fails to brighten your day. He hugs just above your knees, tugging you over to his latest project.
DAVE: oh damn dude
DAVE: did you renovate town hall its hells wider now
You watch the little guy nod his tiny head as he pulls you towards the back of the structure. Fuck yes. He even chalked up a garden. This is ill as fuck.
DAVE: mayor this is awesome
DAVE: god damn its enough to make a grown man cry
DAVE: seriously im getting the sniffles over here
DAVE: i mean i guess im not grown but i figure my off the chart meters of dope are equivalent
He blinks at you a few times, and you know he’s grateful for the praise.
DAVE: so whats next on the itinerary
DAVE: anything i can help with
DAVE: i think im technically a civil worker just by virtue of association so
DAVE: lay it on me mayor
He leisurely strolls the two of you over to the corner, drawing your attention to a tiny chalk sketch of a library, labels and all. Damn if his ingenuity isn’t endearing.
DAVE: aw sick yeah i can totally make this
DAVE: getting creative huh
DAVE: this is a lot taller than the rest of the city so far
The Mayor sits down next to the sketch, pointing towards a tiny note next to the roof of the library. “TALL!!! TOWERS AND TOWERS OF LITERATURE!!!”
Damn. Can’t argue with that. Man has a vision.
The two of you get right to it. You build the base first, and start to build the buttresses. Ha. You reach over and give the Mayor a fist bump for your comedic prowess, and he gracefully returns the gesture despite not knowing why. He’s just happy to be here. The 60 days, 17 hours, and 47 seconds spent on this meteor have been so worth it cuz you get to kick it with the chillest guy out of any possible universe or timelines.
You feel bad for all the other doomed Daves. Not really cuz of all the death, but because they never got to meet this little guy.
But now that you’re thinking about it, there’s so many doomed Dave’s. That’s not even including the ones you haven’t seen yet. Who knows how long you have until you’re staring back at your corpse in a dream bubble. You can’t stop thinking about it.
Your hands are shaking again, and you drop down a can of beans just a bit too harshly on top of the existing complex.
DAVE: whoops
DAVE: uh
DAVE: gettin a little wobbly there
DAVE: sorry man let me fix it just uh
You try to stabilize it, biting the inside of your cheek while you straighten out the cans. You are not flipping your shit just yet. You are undeniably chill.
Phew. You wipe away the metaphorical sheen of sweat building on your forehead, and keep stacking away. You’re more careful now, carefully counting the seconds under your breath. This thing is crazy tall by now, and you’re kinda tempted to keep going. But it already sorta looks like one bad drift of wind will make this thing tumble and massacre any nearby citizens strolling along the streets of Can Town.
DAVE: 83 ... 84... 85...
The Mayor looks up at you and gives you this inquisitive little look, and. Huh. You guess you were. Counting again.
You think about particularly annoying remarks from a high strung lass, and your face scrunches in mild annoyance. Obsessive your ass. Seriously, again with the ass talk. You’re surprised Rose hasn’t latched onto your affinity for that vocabulary and tried to force her way into your brain that way.
The point is, you totally don’t need to count, you just do it cuz you’re bored. So. You don’t.
.
..
...
The library tumbles the fuck down, and some of the cans almost fall onto the Mayor. You grab him and flashstep away from the rubble, hands shaking. Shit. Shiiiit. It ended up destroying some nearby apartments, too. Fuck.
Okay. You’re officially flipping the fuck out.
DAVE: shit shit sorry
DAVE: fuck im sorry man we built all that for nothing i ruined your tower
DAVE: are you okay you didnt get hurt did you
While you’re worried about him, the Mayor is gazing at you sympathetically, wrapping his arms around you in concern. Jesus. A stray hand combs through your hair and you just can’t stop fucking shaking.
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
Oh. Fuck. Here comes Karkat. You just might hurl everywhere.
DAVE: oh it was nothing dude just uh
DAVE: just a little can mishap
DAVE: happens all the time in the biz
DAVE: dw about it itll be built back up in no time
He stomps into Can Town, looking especially pissed tonight.
KARKAT: WELL, I’M WORRIED ABOUT IT!!!
KARKAT: SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO FUCKING RELAX, DAVE, WHICH IS ALREADY AN IMPOSSIBLE ENOUGH TASK AS IS! BUT OH, LEAVE IT TO DAVE STRIDER TO TOPPLE AN ENTIRE FUCKING CITY BLOCK AND DEEM IT FOR CONSTRUCTION PURPOSES! DO YOU KNOW HOW FAR THE SOUND OF CANS CRASHING AGAINST THE FLOOR TRAVELS ACROSS THE METEOR?
KARKAT: PRETTY FUCKING FAR, JUST SO YOU KNOW.
KARKAT: IS THIS NOT SOUNDING HYPOCRITICAL AS FUCK TO YOU? YOU SPECIFICALLY FORBADE ME FROM WRECKING CAN TOWN, AND NOW WHO DO I FIND AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME?
KARKAT: WE DON’T EVEN NEED TO SICK TEREZI ON THIS INVESTIGATION, YOU’RE CAUGHT RED FUCKING HANDED!!!
You swallow thickly, letting the Mayor slip out of your grasp while he scurries over to the wreckage to mourn his fallen cans. You kind of fucking suck.
DAVE: jesus dude its not like it was intentional
DAVE: i think accidental shit wrecking of can town may be an exception
DAVE: but not of this caliber i definitely just killed like 100 guys in one go easily
DAVE: uh
You swear under your breath, pushing past Karkat to help the Mayor attempt to build the structure back up, but you aren’t doing a great job. Your heart’s just not in it, and it’s a lot harder to focus on the cans when all you can think about is the seconds ticking down that you want to count so bad.
Not obsessively. You don’t need to. Rose just got in your fucking head. It’s like your Bro’s puppets all over again. A shiver runs up your spine just thinking about those fucking things. Even thinking about Lil Cal gets your skin crawling these days. You can envision your Bro shaking his head in disapproval while he reaches for his sword and promptly wrecks your shit.
You kind of can’t breath, and that’s what snaps you out of your brain loop.
When you get out of your head, you realize Karkat and the Mayor are looking at you with something that kind of feels like pity. You probably just said all that shit out loud didn’t you.
KARKAT: JEGUS CHRIST, FUCKING SCOOT OVER. I’LL HELP YOU FIX IT.
Your eyebrows raise a bit in surprise.
DAVE: oh dude really
DAVE: you dont gotta do that you can go chillax or whatever you were doin
Karkat laughs at you, brief and smug. Yup. He is not letting you fix what you started.
KARKAT: YEAH, NOT A CHANCE. NICE TRY THOUGH. I DON’T TRUST YOU NOT TO KNOCK ALL THIS SHIT OVER AGAIN. YOU’RE LIKE A FUCKING WIGGLER, IT’S ALMOST IMPRESSIVE HOW FAST I’M EXPECTING YOU TO FUCK UP THE SECOND I HYPOTHETICALLY WALK OUT THAT DOOR AND LEAVE YOU TO FIX THIS MESS BY YOURSELF.
The three of you all work on the library in silence. Your hands shake just a little less. The Mayor stays extra close to you this time, giving you an enthusiastic thumbs up every time you successfully secure a section of the library. You’d feel pathetic if it was anyone else, but you don’t mind it when it’s the Mayor.
DAVE: so
DAVE: what were you doing anyway before you decided to grace me with your presence
KARKAT: NOT THAT YOU ACTUALLY CARE, AND ARE PROBABLY JUST ASKING ME TO DERAIL THIS INTO SOME ASANINE FUCKING BIT, BUT I WAS SEATED FOR ANOTHER REWATCH OF 6 SWEEPS GOING ON 14!
KARKAT: THE COMMENTARY ABOUT THE NUANCES BETWEEN QUADRANT FLIPPING, IS... FUCK. IT’S TRULY A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE.
DAVE: dude
DAVE: are you for real
DAVE: does alternia seriously have troll 13 going on 30 and are you seriously this emotionally moved by it
DAVE: not to harsh your vibe or anything you can like whatever the hell you wanna like karkat but man
DAVE: even john dont like that movie its seriously hot garbo
DAVE: but hey maybe troll 13 going on 30 fuckin rules who am i to hate
You watch his lips curl up into a tentative smile, and you feel just a little warmer. And you guess you aren’t really shaking anymore. Huh.
KARKAT: OKAY, SHUT THE FUCK UP, I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO DIGNIFY YOUR IGNORANCE WITH THE RESPONSE YOU’RE TRYING TO WRING OUT OF ME.
DAVE: aw man
DAVE: plans foiled you caught me
KARKAT: YES, I’M SURE 6 SWEEPS GOING ON 14 ISN’T EVEN ON THE SAME LEVEL AS “HUMAN 13 GOING ON 30.” KNOWING HOW DERIVATIVE HUMAN ROMANCE IS, I’M SURE IT DOESN’T EVEN COME FUCKING CLOSE!
KARKAT: JEENAH AND MATTYY START THE MOVIE OFF ALREADY IN A STABLE MOIRAILSHIP, WITH CLEARLY RED FEELINGS ON MATTYY’S END, EVEN IF JEENAH DOESN’T RECIPROCATE.
KARKAT: AND AT SOME POINT DURING HIGH SCHOOL, IT’S IMPLIED THEY ENTERED SOME SORT OF KISMESTITUDE, THOUGH THE VIEWER NEVER GETS TO SEE THAT. IT’S MERELY MENTIONED IN PASSING.
KARKAT: BUT, WHEN JEENAH BECOMES HER FUTURE SELF AND SEES WHO MATTYY HAS GROWN INTO, SHE REALIZES SHE’S COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY FLUSHED FOR HIM. SHE PESTERS HER PAST SELF TO RECTIFY HER MISTAKE, AND BY THE END, THEY’RE MATESPRITS.
KARKAT: NOW, DAVE, YOU CANNOT SIT HERE AND TELL ME YOU DON’T THINK THIS IS PEAK ROMANCE. EVEN YOU AREN’T THAT MUCH OF A BULGESUCKER.
DAVE: yeah i totally understand what all these words mean
DAVE: and since i totally understand i can say for certain that
DAVE: it just sounds kind of lame tbh
DAVE: but whatever floats your boat
Once you all finish building the library and repairing the surrounding damaged neighborhoods and such, you and the Mayor sit on the floor and listen to Karkat ramble while he waves his hands through the air and explains the plot of shitty troll 13 Going On 30.
You let yourself indulge in the absurdity of troll romance featured in shitty troll rom coms and listen.