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You sat on your floor with a blade in hand, a couple of hard nights catching up to you much too fast leaving you both too empty but too full. You run the blade deep across your skin, leaving a cool sting that turns red and hot as thick blood slips down your arms onto your superhero pyjama pants that you’d stolen from your older brother the previous night.
Right as you move to cut into your skin for an amount unknown to you, your door that you had accidentally left unlocked flys right open in an instant, your younger brother standing in the doorway mid sentence when he stops in his tracks and seeing the red down your arm and collecting on your older brothers pants.
He stares at you in shock. Complete frozen in place as he just looks at you, unsure of what to do.
His mind suddenly catches up with the presence moment and quickly, he moves to grab the bandages and other items that you had laid out for once you were done. Mikey tries and fails to clean and wrap your wounds as he’s still shaking like a leaf from watching his older sibling slice their own skin and trying to keep his mind in order while also trying to stop all the blood flowing out of you.
In what feels like hours but is really only a couple seconds all together, your brain catches up to Mikey pressing thin tissues to your wrist that are doing very little to actually slow down the bleeding. Your eyes fill with tears very quickly and you mumble out an almost silent apology to Mikey.
He looks at you and just shakes his head. “Fuck, I-I don’t know what to do. I don’t want you to be bleeding. How do I stop it… fuckk.” He holds the couple of blood soaked tissues in his hand as he most definitely is having the start up to a panic attack. He looks up and quickly clambers off the floor. “I’m going to get Gerard.” You try to grab his arm and plead selfishly for him to not tell anyone else about this but he doesn’t even take notice and runs out of the room.
In an impressive little time a very panicked Gerard enters your room with a small, red box in hand and Mikey following not too far after him.
Gerard sits next to you and takes your arm in his hand, carefully wrapping it in bandages.
Your soft tearful apology has now grown to sobbing at Gerard to go away and just let you deal with it on your own. Gerard, of course, doesn’t listen and makes sure that you’re fully wrapped in plasters and bandages. The white of the bandage turning an ugly crimson very quickly.
Gerard pulls you in a tight but gentle hug and sweetly rubs your back. “I’m not leaving. I’m sorry you’re in so much pain and feel like you can’t come to me or even Mikey about it. We’re here for you and care about you.”
You just crumble in Gerard’s hold and his soft voice in an instant. Your cry’s muffled in your older brother’s shoulder. Mikey just stands in the doorway, stance shaky and breath just as unsure as it was when he first saw you.
You shakily sob out into Gerard’s shoulder, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I should’ve come to you. I was just scared you would hate me or think I was weak and stupid or something. Please don’t hate me… I promise I’ll be better. I promise just please don’t give up on me.”
Gerard just lets you spill your guts as you sob into his shoulder, a small wet splotch of your tears build up on his shirt. “It’s ok. I don’t think you’re weak or stupid and I most definitely dont hate you. I love you so much and just want you to know that I’m here to help and I want you to be ok.”
After a hot minute of you getting yourself together and feeling more human with the help of your older brother and breathing techniques you haven’t used since you were a teenager, you look up at Mikey, who is still stood in the doorway looking at the floor. A sense of shame flowing around him. He still had the bloodied tissues clutched so tightly in his hand that a small red tint had began to stain his hand.
“Mikey,” Gerard softy muttered as Mikey does a whole body shake as he’s pulled of his endless train of thought. “Mikey, do you feel alright?”
Mikey completely brushed Gerard off now that he’s back in the real world and everything is less of a high stress situation and he is not mid panic attack, he walks up to you. He sits slowly down on the floor near Gerard and yourself, and just lets everything cool down again. He finally unlatched the bloody tissues into the red box brought in by Gerard and looks at you.
“I’m sorry you had to see that Mikey. You shouldn’t have seen that. See me fall apart like that,” you mutter out, not really making much sense at all. But Mikey just shakes his head again. “Please just talk to us next time. I was so worried when I seen you like that and I can’t do that again. Ever. Please.” Mikey’s glasses have slipped down his nose, leaving his eyes to look over the frames and at you with the same look he’d give you when you were young and he’d asked for a second dessert.
You look at Mikey silently, not know to tell him the truth or what he wants to hear. You take a deep, shaky breath and just try.
“I’ll try. I want help and to get better. So, I’ll try my hardest.”
“And that’s all we ask of you,” Gerard reinstated as he pet your head in his brotherly way. “I think maybe we should have a little snack, maybe watch a movie and then tomorrow we can sit down and really talk about the next steps.”
Gerard smiled sweetly as he pulled you in for another tighter and longer hug that will no doubt involve Mikey some how when something happens to catch his eye.
“Are you wearing my DC super hero pants?!”