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Harry
“Uncle Aaron!”
Harry excitedly runs up to him, jacket half done up and hair falling in his face. Kid really needs a haircut, Aaron notes as Harry flashes him a grin, complete with the gap from the tooth he’d lost a couple of weeks before.
“What are you doing here? Why are you picking me up?” Harry asks, the words leaving his mouth so fast that he stumbles over them.
“Your mum asked me to,” Aaron responds with a shrug. “She thought you should spend some time with your favourite uncle.”
Bit of an exaggeration. Vic had called him two hours earlier, saying that they were up over their ears with trying to finish all the deliveries before Christmas, so could he pretty pretty please pick up Harry from school and look after him for a few hours? She’d sounded desperate, and Aaron found it hard enough to turn Vic down as it was, so of course he’d said yes even though it meant getting off work early and annoying Vinny, whom he’d promised that he’d pull his weight at least over Christmas, even more.
“Pft, you’re not my favourite uncle!” Harry scoffs, taking the hand Aaron’s offering him as they start walking towards the car. Leave it to a kid to be painfully honest.
Aaron gasps in mock offense. “What?! Then who is?”
“Uncle Robert, obviously.”
“Can’t argue with that, mate,” Aaron chuckles, quickly dismissing the tiny tinge of jealousy that bubbles up in his chest. “He’s my favourite too.”
He straps Harry into the car and they start driving back to Emmerdale, Harry keeping the conversation alive the whole time by jumping from one subject to the next without so much as pausing for breath.
Aaron looks at him fondly in the rearview mirror. You’d have to look hard to find a happier kid than Harry Sugden, who seems to be the walking embodiment of sunshine and rainbows. A credit to Vic’s parenting, Aaron supposes; with a mother like her, it would be surprising if Harry wasn’t the happiest kid in the world.
It’s hard to believe the horror of Harry’s conception by just looking at him. There are no traces of Lee anywhere, just Vic, Vic and more Vic. He’s sweet and happy and as cheeky as can be expected for an almost-six-year-old, and Aaron loves him.
He’d known he would, there wasn’t a chance in hell he wouldn’t love any kid of Vic’s. Which was why he had refused to so much as look at him initially, since it was because of that little baby in Vic’s arms that Robert was gone and Aaron’s life had been shattered into a million pieces.
Except what had happened had nothing to do with Harry, not really. And it only took a couple of seconds once the boy was finally in his arms for that to dawn on Aaron. He’d looked at Harry’s little face, and for a moment it felt like he was going to break, the inescapable reality that he’d lost Robert forever and would never hold a baby of his own like this too much to bear. But then Harry had coughed and settled, already safe and comfortable with his Uncle Aaron, and all the anger and hurt and resentment had simply melted away, love pouring in to take their place.
Harry wasn’t his first godchild, but he was the one he was closest to. After Paddy and Rhona’s marriage had broken down, Aaron had become a smaller and smaller part of Leo’s life to the point where while he still cares for the lad, he doesn’t know him.
He does know Harry, though. He’s watched him grow up and develop into this little person that’s sweet and thoughtful and funnier than any kid that age has any right to be. He’s spent countless hours with him, especially since returning to the village two years earlier, and while there will always be a sadness there - for Harry when he inevitably finds out about everything, for the life Aaron will never get back - Aaron’s way past letting those emotions grab hold of him. How could he, when the love he feels whenever he looks at the boy is so much more overwhelming?
“Tell you what, mate,” he says, cutting off Harry mid-monologue, “how about we do pizza for tea?”
“I love pizza!” Harry grins, excitedly kicking his feet.
“I thought you might,” Aaron chuckles, taking the last left turn that leads straight to the village. “D’you want to order in or should we make it from scratch like your mum does?” He still didn’t consider himself a great cook, but Vic had taught him how to make a good pizza dough a few years back and the oven hadn’t exploded the first time he’d attempted it, which was always a win in Aaron’s book.
“Hmm.” Harry scratches his chin while looking up at the ceiling, making a show of pondering the question. “Order in, please!”
“Then order in it is.”
Harry cheers and Aaron can’t help but laugh, pulled in by the genuine excitement bursting out of the little body in his back seat. Aaron may not be Harry’s favourite uncle, but Harry is definitely Aaron’s favourite nephew.
Eve
It’s the day before Christmas Eve and Aaron’s heading for the pub. Robert had called and told Aaron that the farm crew were getting a drink to celebrate a job well done, since they’d managed to get all the orders out on time, and that Aaron was welcome to join them.
Aaron couldn’t say no; even though he would’ve preferred to have Robert come home and spend the evening tangled up with him on the couch watching whatever Christmas movie they were showing on the telly, he couldn’t refuse an offer like that. Not when it meant that Robert was willingly putting himself out there, making the effort despite the whirlwind Aaron knows is ravaging through his head at all times.
He tries to hurry as best he can, not wanting to leave Robert on his own in what he knows can be a stressful environment for him. The pub shouldn’t be too busy yet, it’s still early and most people were probably rushing around trying to finish up all the Christmas preparations they’d left till the last minute, but on the off chance that the Wollie’s crawling with people, Aaron doesn’t want Robert to be alone for longer than necessary.
He stops in his tracks as soon as he walks in.
Robert’s leaning on the bar with his back to the door, head angled down towards the little person he’s talking to. Eve, Aaron realises. His little sister Eve.
The sight is so bizarre that it takes Aaron a minute to fully comprehend it - since coming back to the village, he can’t remember seeing Robert and Eve interact a single time. Strange, come to think of it, but they seem to have somehow passed by each other completely up until this point. How they’d struck up a conversation now is beyond Aaron.
Neither of them have noticed him yet, too invested in whatever a thirty nine-year-old man talks to a six-year-old girl about. Eve is swaying on the spot, her face pulled into an innocent expression Aaron knows is anything but, and while he can’t see Robert’s face, Aaron’s seen Robert around enough kids by now to know that Robert is more than likely talking to Eve like she’s a small adult, an amused smile brightening up his face.
It’s a little odd, seeing them together. Not wrong, just strange. Eve had been born just as Robert was being sent down, the pure joy at her birth mixed in with the pain and the grief over losing Robert. It was like they were part of two different lives that were never meant to converge, yet here they were, worlds colliding in the best of ways.
Aaron loves being a big brother. He hasn’t always been good at it, partly because he’d had to double as a parent in his relationship to Liv, but now with Eve, he has the opportunity to go all out, showering her with all the love and attention he hadn’t been given himself. He never wants Eve to feel unwanted, especially not by family, so no matter what he himself might be feeling on any given day, he’ll always be all smiles and cheek and cuddles where Eve’s concerned.
Eve’s eyes move from Robert and she finally spots Aaron by the door. “Sharon!” she exclaims, running straight into his arms.
“Hiya, Steve!” Aaron lifts her up and positions her on his hip. “I see you’ve made a new friend.”
Eve nods, grabbing at the material of his jacket as she looks back at the bar. “That’s Robert. He’s Harry’s uncle.”
Aaron nods, walking over so they’re standing next to Robert, whose expression is the softest Aaron’s seen it be in ages. “He is Harry’s uncle, yeah,” he agrees, reaching out to place a hand between Robert’s shoulder blades. “Did he tell you he’s also my boyfriend?”
“What?!” Eve looks between the two of them, her mouth falling open in a shocked O.
Robert chuckles, looking a little sheepish. “We hadn’t got to that part yet.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t lead with that.” Aaron leans in to peck Robert on the cheek, which is a little tricky since he’s still holding on to Eve and while she still weighs practically nothing, she’s a lot taller than she used to be and is basically all arms and legs these days.
“Well, in my defense,” Robert argues, “Eve here came up and started asking me about Harry and the farm, so it’s really all her fault.”
“Is not!” Eve and Robert start playfully mouthing off at each other, Aaron amusedly following along as Robert guides them to the corner booth where the rest of the farm crew are seated.
As Aaron watches on, following the conversation that’s now moved on to Eve informing Robert about what living in the pub is like, he has to take a grounding breath when a wave of overwhelming emotion washes over him. Two of his favourite people in the world, together at this moment in time; it’s a dream Aaron’s long since stopped wishing would come true, so he can’t quite believe that he’s so lucky as to have all of this. Almost everything.
Grace
There are signs of aging on the headstone. The marble has lost some of its shine. Bits of rust can be found in the creases of the butterflies’ wings. The engraving has just started to fade.
Our beautiful girl.
She would have turned seven two months ago. Aaron tries to picture her, what she would have looked like; just a little taller than Eve, dark hair framing her round, smiling face. Did she have brown eyes like their mum, or blue like him, like Eve? He can’t remember asking.
Would she have been headstrong and stubborn like the best of the Dingles, or would she have been gentle and kind like Paddy? What would have been her likes? Her dislikes? Her favourite food? Her favourite song? So many questions that will never be answered.
There’s only one date engraved on the headstone: 1st October 2018. That was all she got. One day, and barely even that. It’s cruel and unfair and Aaron can’t think about it too hard or the tragedy of it will stick to his bones and completely consume him.
He thinks back to her funeral. His mum’s distraught face, unable to make sense of the unimaginable. Paddy, trying and failing to make everything bearable for everyone else. Gran, her usually bright lights now dimmed. Cain, silent and stoic, helpless when faced with a problem he can’t fix. So many people who’d loved her without ever meeting her, grieving the life she would never get to live.
Maybe that’s the takeaway, Aaron ponders as he kneels in front of her grave. Not the tragedy of her loss, but the love woven into the fabric of it. She’d made a crater-sized impact on Aaron’s life despite the fact that he never got to meet her, never got to hold her, and that has to count for something. That has to be a good thing worth cherishing.
“Merry Christmas, Gracie,” he says, placing a small figurine at the foot of the headstone. A boy with a little girl on his back, a brother carrying his little sister. He’d found it in a shop in town a week before, and while it couldn’t make things right, it would show her that he’s still thinking about her. That he loves her, that he would’ve carried her through every hardship, had he been given the chance. That’s what big brothers do, right?
Liv
“I’m sorry I haven’t been ‘round much lately.”
The village is quiet, the calm darkness of Christmas Eve draping over the rooftops. There’s a couple people out, but they’re in a hurry home, where warmth and family are waiting for them.
Aaron should be heading home too; he’s agreed to let Robert show him It’s a Wonderful Life, since Robert had been absolutely beside himself with shock when he’d found out that Aaron had never seen it. Aaron wasn’t really looking forward to the movie so much as everything surrounding it - cuddling up close to Robert, listening to his commentary about the movie and why certain scenes are simply that good, maybe a shag right there on the couch once the credits roll.
But he has something else to do first. Another sister to see.
For their first Christmas together, Aaron got Liv a Christmas tree tiara, a new phone case and a new backpack. He’d only had a sister for a little while, and he didn’t know what else to get a fourteen-year-old girl whose favourite pastime was slamming doors in his face. Liv had been nice about it, since the case and the backpack was stuff she’d needed, but her face had properly lit up when she’d opened her present from Robert and discovered the expensive bomber jacket he’d got her.
At the time, Aaron had felt a little pissy about the whole thing; he hadn’t regretted taking Liv in, but he really hadn’t been prepared for looking after someone who was so much like himself, in both good ways and bad. Robert had had an easier time of it, which Aaron chalked up to the fact that Robert was already attuned to looking after Aaron, so looking after Aaron-But-Girl didn’t require much of a learning curve.
Now, he’d do anything to have a door slam in his face, have her scream rattle through his head or a too-personal comment crawl under his skin. It would mean that his sister was still here, alive and well enough to hate him, not dead and scattered in the wind.
He’d done so many things wrong with Liv, and had failed her in so many ways. Looking back, he can’t believe just how bad it got. It would always be one of those things he wouldn’t be able to get past, since he knew that if he’d just acted differently - if he’d been a better brother - then she wouldn’t have been out in the storm that day and she’d still be here, giving him grief about something or other.
Liv dying had been the straw that broke the camel’s back. Aaron had been spinning out before then, but he’d somehow been able to stand up under the weight of the divorce and losing Seb and Ben dying and Liv’s drinking, even if it was on unsteady ground. But losing Liv for good had shook the foundations so much that Aaron had toppled over, and once he got back up again he’d been in so much pain that it had warped into an almost uncontrollable rage.
It’s better now, he thinks as he leans back against the wall of the bus stop. I’m better now. And it’s true; despite everything that’s happened lately, Aaron’s in a much better place than he’d been two years ago, not only because Robert was back but because he’d worked and worked on himself so he wouldn’t feel like he’s one wrong word away from bashing someone’s head in all the time.
“It’s been a weird couple months,” he sighs, his breath turning to smoke in the cold air. “Or years, I suppose. Nothing’s quite been the same since … since you died.
“No excuse, though,” he continues, wiping the tears that threaten to spill from his eyes. “I should come see you more often, I know that. But there’s been so much going on lately and it’s not like I can just sit down by the bus stop and start talking to my dead sister, can I? Whose idea was this, anyway? I think we need to have a chat.”
It really was odd, that there weren’t any other places he could go to remember her. No grave, no hidden spot created specifically for her memory. It’s only dawning on Aaron now how disrespectful it is, both to Liv but also to those who mourn her.
“I’m gonna fix something,” he says, hoping she can hear the promise in his voice. “I dunno what yet, but I’ll think of summat. Maybe Robert or Vinny’s got some ideas. You’ll see, come springtime you’ll have your own spot.”
He shivers in the cold and knows he should be heading back. He’d told Robert he was only going to be gone a short while, and if he knew Robert by now - and he does - then Robert’s probably starting to worry, and Robert’s got enough going on without Aaron adding unnecessary anxiety on top of it.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he says as he stands up, the muscle memory of his sister’s embrace wrapping around him. “You won’t have to wait long, I promise.”
Seb
Aaron thinks about Seb a lot. Especially during Christmastime, when it feels like the world is throwing the image of the family Aaron no longer has in his face at every turn. It’s inescapable, the holiday’s insistence on family and children and togetherness souring Aaron’s taste for it to the point where he had convinced himself that he no longer wanted any part of it.
Getting Robert back had changed that attitude real quick. Suddenly, Aaron wanted all of it - the tree, the presents, the festivity, the feeling of family, everything he’d spent the past several years avoiding he suddenly needed so badly that he’d gone a little overboard, decking out the flat with so many decorations that it bordered on tacky. But he didn’t have it in him to care; he and Robert had found each other again, and that deserved to be celebrated.
Thinking back on it, one of the things that Aaron mourns the most is the fact that he never got a Christmas with Seb. For his first, Aaron and Robert had been broken up and Aaron was only just learning to accept that he was falling in love with Robert’s little boy. For his second, Seb was in Liverpool with Ross and Rebecca, and for his third he’d been ill. After that, contact had been cut and any hope Aaron had of ever spending the holiday with his son were crushed forever.
They hadn’t talked a lot about Seb since getting back together. Aaron had tried asking Robert about him, if he wanted to make contact again, but Robert would quickly change the subject, seemingly not very keen on the thought at all. Aaron understood it to some degree, since Robert was still struggling with just getting through the day and the idea of bringing a kid into that must feel overwhelming.
But Aaron is practically aching with longing at this point. When he isn’t occupying himself with looking after Robert or working overtime to not let the guilt over everything to do with John consume him, all he thinks about is Seb. What Seb was like now, what he looks like, if he ever thinks about his Daddy Aaron and Daddy Robert. If he hates them. Hates him.
Aaron knows what being abandoned feels like, and while his relationship with his mum is good now, the wounds left by her leaving would never fully heal and Aaron would probably never stop waiting for the people he loves to leave him. Knowing that Seb is probably harbouring some very similar feelings and that he’s partly responsible for it makes Aaron feel sick. It doesn’t matter that Aaron wasn’t separated from Seb willingly, at the end of the day the outcome is still the same: a little boy who believes that he’s fundamentally unlovable, because why else would he keep losing parents?
As Aaron walks the short distance from the bus stop back to the Mill, he allows himself to reflect on what life could have looked like if he’d known that Rebecca died when she did, if he’d been able to show up and plead his case. Seb probably wouldn’t have ended up with him anyway, but the possibility was still there. There’s the slightest, slightest chance that Seb could’ve been here now, holding Aaron’s hand as they walk home together, and Aaron’s heart aches at the thought.
After Christmas, he decides. After Christmas, he’ll sit Robert down and demand a straight answer from him about what his thoughts about Seb are. He refuses to believe that Robert’s just going to let Seb go, and even though Robert is less sure of himself these days, he must have at least thought about a potential plan of getting back into contact with him, even if he doesn’t want custody. Anything else is inconceivable.
There’s music playing in the flat when Aaron walks through the door, soft jazzy tones and a man singing about love and snow. The lights are dimmed and the atmosphere is cosier than Aaron ever thought this flat capable of being. It feels like home, maybe for the first time.
Aaron notices that something’s up with Robert as soon as he rounds the corner. Robert comes at him, the energy coming off of him frenetic, making him stand out against the calm of the flat.
“Finally,” he grins, practically throwing himself over Aaron and planting a kiss on his mouth, wrapping an arm around his shoulders while his hand cups Aaron’s cheek.
The kiss is hungry, but not lustful, Aaron doesn’t get the feeling that Robert’s desperate to get his clothes off. Rather, he seems overjoyed about something, giddy excitement pouring out of him in waves.
“That’s quite a welcome,” Aaron smiles, his hands coming down to settle on Robert’s waist. “That excited about the movie, ey?”
“What?” Robert frowns in confusion for a second before his face warps into realisation. “Shit, I completely forgot about that.”
“Can’t be that good a movie then.”
“It’s one of the greatest movies of all time, thank you very much. But I’ve been busy.” Robert takes Aaron’s hands and pulls him further into the flat, making it Aaron’s turn to frown in confusion.
“What’s going on?”
Robert ignores the question. “Aaron Dingle,” he says instead, positively beaming now, “what are you doing on Boxing Day?”
Aaron is, if possible, even more confused. “Um, nothing? Eating leftovers, probably. Why?”
The size of Robert’s grin is making him look a little crazy. “Wrong. You’re going to Bristol. We’re going to Bristol.”
“Bristol? Wh-” Aaron’s breath catches in his throat. “Bristol?” he says again, understanding the meaning this time.
Robert nods, his hands now on Aaron’s waist. “Yeah. I’ve been trying to set something up for ages, and I’ve finally been able to work it all out with Angela - that’s Seb’s aunt, by the way. We’re invited for lunch at her house, it’ll just be us and her and Seb. I wanted to tell you tomorrow but I just found out it’s all confirmed and I couldn’t wait.”
Aaron can’t think straight. His mouth feels dry and his heart is beating in his throat. “H- how?” he manages, trying to remember how to move his mouth correctly. “How?”
“Well, I’ve practically had to beg her to let us visit,” Robert starts explaining, “and she was obviously not keen on it at first, but I managed to talk her ‘round and she’s actually very reasonable and really cares about Seb, I’m happy she’s the one looking after him. It won’t be for very long and I don’t know how it’ll go, but I really wanna take this chance and maybe if it goes well we can start working on Seb coming to stay here with us eventually.”
Finally, Aaron’s brain starts working again and he regains control of his body. He pulls Robert back in, kissing him while a tear escapes from the corner of his eyes. “You didn’t tell me,” he murmurs, keeping Robert close to him.
“I wanted it to be a surprise.” Robert’s hands find his jaw. “And I also didn’t wanna get your hopes up in case it fell through.”
“Well, consider me surprised.” Aaron kisses Robert again, attempting to inhale him because if he doesn’t he’s going to burst.
It’s another dream coming true in front of his very eyes. It’s Robert, his insane, wonderful, incredible Robert going above and beyond for him and Aaron is once again surprised by how much he can love another person. It’s already endless, the love he has for Robert, yet it keeps growing and growing and now when it finally has somewhere to go he doesn’t have to worry about imploding in on himself anymore. He can just keep pouring it out where it belongs, right here in Robert’s arms.
“You think we’re ready then?” he asks, pulling away to look Robert in the eyes. “To be parents again?”
Robert smiles. “I know we are, Aaron. We can do anything, as long as we’re together.”
Truer words were never spoken.
