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Hayden was shaking as he rang the doorbell. Fuck fuck fuck, he thought frantically. What was he going to do? How could he tell them?
Shane answered. Thank God.
“Hayden—oh my god, what happened? Jackie—?”
“She’s fine. Can I come in?”
Hayden knew he looked like shit, and it was obvious he had been crying the whole drive over. Shane held the door open wider and beckoned him in.
“Have you been online yet today?”
Hayden could barely get the words out. He was panicky, anxious. He hated when he got this way.
Rozanov came into the room and looked curiously at Hayden.
“Pike.”
“No, we haven’t,” Shane answered his question.
Hayden took a deep breath. Ok. Shit.
“Can we sit down?”
The three men sat in the living room, Shane and Rozanov sitting next to each other on the couch while Hayden sat on the chair next to them.
“I…” I just fucked everything up. As usual. Fuck.
Hayden was shaking. He took a deep breath and composed himself. Tried to, anyway.
“I…you guys remember, yesterday, when I had to go record that FanMail video for that Brad dude?”
Shane nodded, slowly. Hayden could tell he had no idea where this was going.
“Ah shit,” Hayden could barely speak. He grabbed his phone and pulled up the video. “I’m…I’m so sorry. Shane. I didn’t mean to. I’m so sorry…”
His voice trailed away as Shane took his phone. He and Rozanov watched the video. Shane’s mouth opened in horror.
“Is that—“
Hayden lost it. He wanted to scream as he held his legs close to his chest. He looked like he was trying to become one with the chair; he couldn’t stop shaking. He was so angry with himself.
“I don’t usually watch them before I send them. I sent it to the Brad guy and he posted it on Twitter and—“
No other words left Hayden’s mouth. Just a sob as he continued to shake uncontrollably in Shane and Rozanov’s chair.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Please don’t hate me. Please Shane. Anything but that. Please.
Rozanov stood up. Hayden expected him to be mad. Shane looked at him, suddenly nervous. Was he about to get laid out in his former best friend’s living room?
Former best friend…
No. Please no. Not former.
He would take 10000 punches from Ilya Rozanov to keep his friendship with Shane intact.
Rozanov looked from Shane to Hayden. Then he said quietly, “Is ok.”
Hayden just looked at him, not sure of what he meant. Was Rozanov saying it was ok, that he’d fix Hayden’s royal fuck up? He didn’t see how. Maybe it was a language barrier thing. Rozanov didn’t understand how serious this was.
The Russian man continued. “You’re good friend to us, yes? Kept our secret for so long?”
Hayden just stared, the tears kept coming but he did stop shaking a bit.
“Ilya’s right,” Shane said. “Of course we don’t hate you.”
Hayden allowed his limbs to untangle themselves. He even stopped crying. He looked speechless.
“How bad is it?”
“It’s…it’s pretty fucking bad, guys. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”
Ilya Rozanov extended an arm to Hayden Pike. “Is okay,” he repeated. “We—Shane and I—should’ve been more careful. I’m sorry, Hayden.”
It was the apology, more than anything else, that made Hayden’s heart leap. He took the outstretched hand and Ilya helped him to his feet. Shane stood too, walked over to Hayden, and hugged him.
“It’s okay, Hayd. I promise.”
“He really makes you happy, doesn’t he?” Hayden whispered into his friends ear. “I could…I could tell when I watched the video. Before, even.”
Hayden thought about all the times he and Rozanov—no, Ilya—fought, and suddenly realized how shitty of a friend he’s been.
Forgive me, Shane. Please. I’ll make it up. I promise I’ll make it up to you.
To both of you.
“Yeah, Hayd. He does.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve been such an ass to him. And to you. Even before this video. I should’ve given him a chance.” Hayden took a deep breath. “He makes you happy. He makes my friend happy. So he makes me happy too.”
Shane thought he was going to start crying. Then, when Hayden pulled away from Shane and pulled Ilya into a hug, he really did start crying.
“I…I’m sorry, Ilya. Thank you for making Shane happy.”
Ilya wrapped his arms around Hayden, and hugged him back, but only for a moment. Then they separated.
“Okay. So what’s the plan here?” Ilya asked, taking charge.