Chapter Text
A few things to know about Madeline Ashton; she’s self-centered, she’s a great actress (a two-time Oscar nominee!), and she is deeply, ridiculously, and embarrassingly in love with her best friend, Helen Sharp.
Now, most bystanders wouldn’t even think Madeline and Helen are friends, much less that they might be in love. But beneath all the jabs and put downs and stealing of the boyfriends, Madeline has known for decades that she loves Helen. But she also knows Helen isn’t in love with her so it’s just a fact she’s had to learn to live with.
Of course, the first decade or so after she figured it out, Madeline was in deep denial. She was going to be a famous actress, she couldn’t be gay. So, she pushed it down. Deep, deep down, until all that was left was a deep resentment over the fact she couldn’t ever tell the truth. A resentment that she took out on Helen. She started stealing her boyfriends; to prove they weren’t good enough for Helen; at least that’s what Madeline told herself.
They went around in circles, following the same toxic pattern for years. Until Madeline stole and married Ernest. That was what finally sent Helen over the edge. Madeline didn’t get it. Ernest was nice enough but he was just a guy. How was this pretty generic man enough to send Helen to a psych facility for four years?
Well, Ernest actually has a theory. A theory that makes Madeline want to throw him down the stairs. Ernest seems to think that Helen is in love with Madeline. He first brought this up on their wedding night. After Helen so gracefully flew through the window and crashed their ceremony, Ernest thought he had finally figured it out. Helen wasn’t in love with him, she was in love with Madeline! That’s why she was so upset. Madeline threw a glass at his head for that. Not only was he wrong, his timing couldn’t have been worse.
However, shortly after Ernest’s revelation, Madeline realized that, while he might be wrong about Helen’s feelings, she couldn’t lie to him about her own. He may just be a toy in her games with Helen, but he was a person. However annoying he may be. So, she set him down after dinner one night, handed him a glass of scotch, and told him that she was in love with Helen. Ernest was the first person she’d ever told other than Stefan, and she didn’t even tell Stefan he figured it out.
So, imagine her surprise when Ernest just started laughing.
“What the hell is wrong with you? I just told you I’m not in love with you and that I have just been using you as a pawn, not even a month after our wedding, and you think it’s a good time to laugh.”
Ernest wipes the tears out of his eyes, trying to calm himself down. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Look, Madeline, I am really glad you feel comfortable sharing that with me - although maybe before the wedding would’ve been nice. But, I already knew that.”
Madeline freezes. “No, you couldn’t possibly have known. The only person who knows is Stefan, and he knows I’d kill him before I would let him tell any-”
“Oh please it was written all over your face that day Helen brought me to your show. I mean, what kind of person walks out in nothing but lingerie to greet their friend? You had no idea I was even going to be there so it certainly wasn’t for my benefit. But then you flirted with me incessantly anyway, so I was confused.”
“Well-”
“I’m not done. I get it. You’re a big movie star, you have a reputation that you feel you have to uphold. So, you pushed it down. Believe me, I get it,” Ernest sighs.
Madeline narrows her eyes at him. “How could you possibly understand? You haven’t spent the last couple of decades being in love with your straight best friend.”
Ernest tilts his head, “No, not exactly. But, I understand the whole… sexuality thing. I’m incredibly gay, Madeline. Why do you think I was so willing to marry either you or Helen so quickly? I, like you, have a reputation to uphold, clients to keep, and parents to make proud. I couldn’t be gay, not in their eyes and not in the eyes of the public. So, I got married to the first willing woman I could find.”
Madeline can do nothing but stare at Ernest. Then, she bursts out laughing.
Ernest grins, “See? It’s hilarious when you think about it. We’re unknowingly each other’s beards!”
“Oh god, we are aren’t we?” Madeline is wiping her tears, nodding. “So what are we going to do about it?”
“Well,” Ernest starts cautiously, “I was thinking we just stay married. I mean, we like each other as people alright and neither of us is ready to come out publicly. So why not? And if either of us finds that we want to come out, or we meet someone we actually like, we get divorced.”
“Are you insane?”
“Oh come on it’s not that crazy.”
“Yes actually, it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. We’ll have to think of something better”
“Well, I don’t want to tell my mother we’re getting a divorce, do you?”
Madeline shudders, “God no, that woman hates me.”
“Okay, so then why don’t we just-”
“Oh! I have an idea! Why don’t we just stay married! We can be together in public and attend events and play the happy couple, then if you find someone or I grow tired of dealing with you and decide to come out publicly, we can get divorced! Oh, I am a genius.”
“That’s literally what I just said.”
“No, it’s not. You were droning on about your mother and divorce, get with the program Ernest.”
“I- you know what nevermind. You’re right, that’s a great idea.”
“Perfect! We’re in agreement: I’m a genius. One thing though.”
“What?”
“Are we to be friends through all of this?”
“Well, I would like to be. You may be self-centered-”
“-Hey!”
“- and kind of a bitch-”
“-oh because you’re such a delight, fuck you-”
“- but, it would be miserable for us to live together, be married, and attend public events if we weren’t friends.”
“First off, you’re an asshole-”
“You think I’m not aware?”
“But secondly, I agree. It would be nice to have a friend to bitch with at all the events we both have to go to.”
Ernest grins. “So, friends?”
“Friends.”