Archive of Our Own ^beta

"Alright! Is everyone ready to find out who their giftee is?"

Natalie barely manages to suppress the urge to roll her eyes. Truly, only Jackie Taylor could manage to sound that chirpy after a grueling practice session.

It's December 11th, meaning Christmas is now only two weeks away. Which to Jackie, means it's time to finally kick off the team's Secret Santa event that she's been planning for over a month now. In her words, as a way to 'boost team morale'.

It's the kind of shit that Nat wouldn't normally agree to participate in for multiple reasons. But since everyone else on the team had somehow miraculously been on board with it, she didn't have much of a choice.

She may not typically care too much about what others think. But even she isn't callous enough to be the one person trying to bring the 'Christmas spirit' down.

Jackie, still decked out in her uniform, walks down the rows of lockers, handing each teammate a green envelope with their name written across it in neat handwriting. "The name of your giftee is inside. Please try to keep it a secret until we meet for the gift exchange on the twenty-fourth!"

There's various murmurs of agreement around the locker room.

Honestly, Jackie maybe should have given them the envelopes before practice rather than after. Everyone might have been a bit more focused then.

Nat is just pulling out her clothes from her locker when Jackie approaches her, delicately placing an envelope into her free hand.

"And remember," Jackie says over the quiet chatter. "The matches were made completely randomly. So no complaining about who you did or didn't get."

When Jackie moves away from her row to pass off some envelopes to the girls on the other side, Nat overhears Van whisper something to Tai a few lockers down. "She only says that because she's letting Quigley participate and some poor soul is going to get assigned to her."

The words are said in Van's usual joking tone but, despite everything, Nat still feels one of her fists clench uncontrollably.

No matter what happened…or how much time has passed since they talked to each other on the regular, Nat still didn't like it when people needlessly talked shit about Misty. Not even her teammates.

Suddenly in a sour mood, she grabs her clothes and the envelope and stalks off to a different area of the locker room to finish changing.

She doesn't look at Van or Tai as she walks away. But just barely within earshot, she can hear Van murmur something else.

"Was it something I said?"

Once Nat is dressed and out of the locker room, she decides to sit down on a bench outside of the school and open the cursed envelope to find out who she's meant to scrounge up a gift for.

She kind of hopes it isn't Jackie or Lottie. Even though she knows they both probably wouldn't give a shit, it's going to be intimidating enough figuring out a present for anyone with how broke she is, let anyone for someone that's rich as shit.

The air around her is chilly, especially now that the day is coming to an end. Shivering slightly, she buttons up her jacket with shaky fingers before opening the envelope.

Only to freeze at the name she sees written nearly on the tiny piece of paper inside.

Misty

No. Oh fuck no. This is worse than getting Jackie and Lottie combined.

Stuffing the piece of paper with Misty's name almost aggressively into her pocket, Nat immediately gets up from the bench and heads towards back towards the school.

It sometimes takes Jackie a bit to actually leave the school with Shauna. Nat might be able to catch her before she takes off.

Thankfully, Nat does manage to catch her. She finds Jackie outside the gym, having fully changed into her normal clothes.

Nat is a little relieved when she realizes that Shauna is nowhere to be found yet.

When she notices her walking towards her, she looks confused. They don't normally talk to each other outside of the group. But she managed one of her signature Jackie smiles that seems far too happy to be real.

"Hey Nat," Jackie begins. "I'm just waiting for Shauna…"

Nat cuts her off. "I need to talk to you."

Jackie must sense the seriousness in her voice because that plastered on smile of hers quickly drops. "Is something wrong?"

Suddenly, Nat feels a little ridiculous getting this worked up over a Secret Santa of all things. But she wouldn't be feeling this way if her history with Misty wasn't so messed up. "Can we go somewhere private?"

Jackie looks towards the gym, seemingly checking for Shauna. When she still sees her nowhere in sight, she gives Nat a nod.

The two of them walk off together to get further away from the gym, eventually stopping once they're a good twenty meters away.

Nat does a quick look around to make sure that none of their teammates are within earshot before jumping right into it. "I need you to change who I'm getting a gift for."

Jackie's face falls, telling Nat right away that she isn't pleased with this. Well, too fucking bad. She lets out a sigh and shakes her head. "Nat, it's like I said back in the locker room. They were chosen randomly and I can't have everyone asking me to switch. It defeats the purpose."

"I understand that. But you need to make an exception for me. I…can't give a gift to Misty."

"Why not? Look Nat, it's one gift. Can't you just suck it up?"

Jackie probably assumes that Nat is complaining about the idea of getting Misty a gift for the same reasons everyone else on their team would. That concept upsets her more than she'd like to admit.

But she also doesn't really want to disclose her real reason. It's not something she typically likes talking about.

Nat gives her a firm look and shakes her head. Jackie sighs again.

"Listen…I said that they were all chosen randomly. But I actually purposefully chose Misty for you."

Nat's eyes widen a fraction. "Why the fuck would you do that?"

In her indignation, she doesn't realize that her voice had risen a few pitches until Jackie gives her a stern look in response. She gives another look around before responding.

"I thought you would be the only one willing to do it and not throw a fit about it. Was I wrong?"

That causes Nat to pause. It's true that everyone on the team made a habit of making Misty their punching bag, whether to her face or behind her back. It's something that's always pissed Nat off, despite her own history with Misty, and she's made a habit of occasionally shutting it down.

Apparently enough to where Jackie had noticed.

All of that causes Nat to soften and let down some of her defenses. But she's not ready to give up entirely.

"Why can't you give her a gift then? Since you're so worried about it."

"I'm having her give me a gift," Jackie says, sounding exasperated, as if that's something Nat should have guessed. "Having me be both her giftee and Secret Santa would make it too obvious that it was rigged. Unless you want to switch roles?"

Nat only thinks about it for a second before shaking her head no. The only thing that would be more awkward than giving Misty a gift would be accepting one from her.

"So, will you do it?" Jackie asks. "I guess I could maybe ask Lottie or Taissa but…"

"Yeah, fine. I'll do it," Nat says, although her tone still probably makes it clear that she isn't happy about it.

But this doesn't seem to dampen Jackie's spirit. She only looks relieved. "Thank you so much Nat! I owe you one."

"It's fine." Now that she's accepted her fate, she just wants to move on from the conversation.

Jackie looks like she's about ready to say something else but fortunately, Shauna finally makes an appearance, stepping out from the gym with Lottie by her side.

"I'll see you later," Nat murmurs, taking the out and turning away.

Fortunately, Jackie seems willing enough to accept it. "Alright. Thanks again Nat."

Nat stalks off without another word, mood somehow even more sour than before.

She already hadn't wanted to do this dumb secret Santa thing. And now she wants to do it even less.

She supposes she could have put up more of a fight about it. Let Jackie try to maybe convince Lottie or Taissa to give Misty a gift. But…knowing Misty the way she does, or at least the way she used to know her, there's a small part of Nat that maybe wants her to be able to get a gift she'll actually like.

And unfortunately, she doesn't really trust anyone else on the team to really do that. Even on the off-chance that they actually tried to.

Then again, there's a decent chance Misty wouldn't appreciate a gift from her either. No matter what it ended up being.

Four years ago

"Pssst. Misty."

Natalie isn't sure why she's attempting to whisper at her, knowing full well that she wouldn't be able to hear her through the glass of the window. But to her current high mind, it seems like a good idea. She also taps on the window again for good measure.

That seems to do the trick. Misty turns away from her bedroom desk and sees Nat standing outside the window.

And then Nat is rewarded with the sight of Misty's bright smile of excitement at seeing her.

Even on a normal day, that tends to put Nat in a better mood. But while she's high on shrooms? It's the best thing she's ever seen.

Quickly, Misty walks over to the window and opens it wide to allow Nat entrance into the bedroom, stepping back as to get out of the way.

Nat steps into the room without hesitation, secretly thankful that she didn't trip from the vague sense of dizziness she currently feels.

"What are you doing here?" She hears Misty ask. Her tone is genuinely curious.

It's then that Nat remembers she was supposed to be hanging with Kevyn, Joey, and Robin all night. It's no wonder Misty didn't expect her to show up like she normally does, despite it being far from the first time that Nat has sneaked into her bedroom window for a random sleepover.

"I can't drop in and surprise my best friend?" She asks, unceremoniously dropping herself onto Misty's bed.

Misty giggles and joins her on the bed, lying down beside her. "I always want you here. I just…didn't expect it this time."

She feels Misty's fingers begin to move over the skin of her arm, the feeling so soothing and familiar that Nat finds herself closing her eyes for a moment, completely relaxed.

Until Misty's next words anyway.

"Nat, are you high right now?"

Instant mood killer. Nat tries hard not to let it affect her too much but it's clear from Misty's tone that she isn't happy.

That's been a struggle between her and Misty lately, among other things. She doesn't like the drugs. Or really anything fun that doesn't involve sitting around in her house watching movies apparently.

"It was just mushrooms," she argues, voice somewhat pleading. She doesn't really want to fight with Misty right now. Not while she's like this.

"Where did you get them from?" Misty asks, eyes narrowed.

"Kevyn." No way is Nat admitting to hanging out with Joey tonight, knowing full well how Misty feels about him.

Unfortunately, the name Kevin doesn't seem to relax Misty either. She immediately has a scowl on her face that Nat might've found kind of cute if she wasn't so annoyed.

She lets out a sigh, barely containing her exasperation. "Since when do you have a problem with Kevyn?"

"I don't have a problem with him," Misty counters, but her tone sounds far too defensive for Nat to buy it.

At Nat's probing look, Misty blurts something else out. "I think he likes you."

Nat frowns. She'd be lying if she said she's never noticed that Kevyn had a crush on her. But as long as he never made any moves, she was mostly fine with it. "Yeah so?"

Misty adjusts her glasses in that way she does when she's nervous about something. Nat has no idea what could be causing it now. "Do you like him back?"

Where the heck is this coming from? "You know I don't," Nat eventually replies.

"Oh." Misty seems to visibly relax. Somewhat anyway. "Well, tell me if he ever bothers you."

To anyone else, it might seem laughable that a tiny girl like Misty would be a threat to anyone. But Natalie knows better. Over the years, she's done plenty of things to people that range from purposefully giving someone food poisoning and damaging property.

Nat softens a bit at that , some of her irritation melting away. "Can we not have a fight?"

"Okay." Misty's own body seems to relax. "I just get scared sometimes…when you hang out with them."

It's far from the first fine they've had this conversation. Nat tries not to let her annoyance flare up again. "You can hang out with us too you know."

"They don't like me. I'm not stupid."

Nat knows she can't really argue with that. Joey especially has made it clear that he doesn't understand why she and Misty are friends.

But it doesn't help that Misty hasn't even given them a chance. How can they grow to like her if she acts weird every time they're around her?

"Maybe they could if you gave them a chance," Nat murmurs before she can stop herself.

Misty deflates. "I want things to go back to the way they were before."

"We're not kids anymore Misty."

Natalie is fourteen years old now. A teenager. She can't spend every day sitting around watching movies and painting nails anymore.

Misty is her best friend. But she sometimes wishes she would start growing up a little too.

At Misty's crestfallen expression, Nat sighs and lays back. "Come here."

Misty obeys, lying beside her on the bed. She looks at her questionably and when Nat gives her a nod, she wraps her arms around her.

Misty always does give the best hugs.

"I'm sorry," Nat says. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"It's okay," Misty replies, snuggling further in. "I just worry."

"About what?"

Misty seems hesitant but eventually seemingly decides to go for it. "About the drugs….and that you might decide you like them better than me."

Nat isn't sure whether she feels more annoyed or guilty at that response. Misty has always been weird about her making other friends and that's never felt fair.

Misty is her best friend. She has been since they were eight years old. But Nat should be allowed to have other friends.

"I can have other friends. But you're my best friend," she responds after some thought. Her hand instinctively moves to grasp one of Misty's. "And don't worry about the drugs. I'm always careful."

Misty doesn't look convinced. But for once, she seems to realize it's a fight she won't win right now. She lets out a yawn. "Okay."

Nat grins, relieved that they seem to be settling back into how they normally are. "Are your parents asleep?"

Misty's brown eyes light up. "Yes. Wanna go downstairs? I made cookies earlier today."

Misty's homemade cookies sound pretty good right about now.

Natalie ends up staying the night and she and Misty get ready for school together the next morning. She's relieved that she thought to leave behind a fresh outfit of clothes in Misty's drawer the last time she spent the night.

Misty makes them chocolate chip pancakes and as usual, her parents make no comment about Nat being there as they silently sip their coffees.

For normal parents, it could be a sign that they're cool, letting their daughter have her friend over so regularly. But Nat knows it's because they don't pay much attention to Misty at all.

It makes her mad. In the past, she's lashed out about it before and for herself kicked out of the house because of it. She only stopped doing it because Misty begged her to, saying that it wasn't worth Nat getting herself banned from staying the night.

Nat had relented, as much as she still wants to go off on them sometimes. Mostly because she has to tell Misty the same thing about not saying….or doing anything to her parents during the rare times she sees them.

She and Misty ride the bus to school together. And then they go their separate ways for most of the day except for third period, where they have English class together.

Directly after school, Nat meets up with Kevyn and Joey.

Kevyn hands her a cigarette without preamble. They're a good enough distance off campus that they shouldn't be bothered by the security guard. "Where did you disappear to last night?"

Nat hesitates. If it was just Kevyn, it'd be one thing. But she knows she's going to hear shit from Joey if she tells the truth.

Fuck it.

"I spent the night with Misty," she admits.

The various groans that sound from both of them are predictable but also annoying.

"She wasn't mad at you for being high?" Kevyn asks, disbelief clouding his voice.

"We worked it out," Nat replies with a shrug, taking a drag from her cigarette. She thinks she's getting better at this. The burning sensation she got in her throat when she first started smoking is barely there anymore.

Kevyn seems to accept this answer, even if somewhat begrudgingly. But Joey takes the opportunity to pipe up.

"I don't get why you don't cut her loose. She hangs onto you like a leech…"

"Hey," Nat cuts him off, glaring at him warningly. "I'm the one who went to her house last night. Shut up about her."

It's far from the first time Joey has ran his mouth about Misty. There's been times where it was kind of understandable. But sometimes, he seems to do it for fun.

Fortunately, he seems to listen to her once. "I'm just saying." He throws his cigarette to the ground and stomps it out. "Anyway, I say we hangout at the the field tonight. I managed to get some good stuff the other day."

The field is really a field…behind an abandoned old church that still hasn't been torn down. It's the perfect place to hangout because hardly anyone goes there or suspects people to be there.

Kevyn whistles in approval and nods. "I'm game." He looks over at Natalie. "What about you Nat?"

"Sure." After the huge homework load she's had throughout the week, she could use a night of letting use. Maybe doing something like that on a school night isn't the wisest thing in the world but fuck it. You only live once right?

Joey grins and opens his mouth to speak again but pauses, his expression becoming one of annoyance instead. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

Nat looks behind her at where he's peering and immediately sees the source.

Misty is standing a few meters away, clearly having been hiding in a bush and only just now making herself visible.

"Are you stalking her?" Joey asks scornfully before Nat has a chance to get a word out.

"Cool it," Nat murmurs at him before walking towards Misty. "I'll see you guys later." She grabs Misty's hand and steers her further away from Joey and Kevyn.

Fortunately, Kevyn and even Joey seem to take the hint and don't try to follow them.

Once they're a good distance away from the boys Nat stops in her tracks and turns to face Misty. "What are you doing here?"

She can't quite read Misty's expression, which is a first that she doesn't like.

"I wasn't stalking you!" Misty blurts in a rush. "I just saw you leaving the school and followed you."

Nat is pretty sure that could be called stalking. But she doesn't feel angry about it. Instead, she lets out a small laugh. "Okay. But why were you hiding?"

Misty doesn't quite answer her question. Instead, she replies with one of her own.

"Are you really going to go with them to the field tonight?"

Fuck. Nat had really been hoping that she somehow hadn't heard that bit. Somewhat reluctantly, she nods. "Yeah. I want to."

She knows how Misty feels about Joey and that it definitely isn't the answer she was hoping for. But she hopes she won't make it a huge deal.

So much for hoping.

Misty immediately has her signature grimace on her face that would almost look scary if not paired with a tiny blonde girl. "Nat, I don't think spending so much time with Joey is a good idea."

Natalie sighs. This is another conversation they've had before. It's never been a secret that Misty doesn't like Joey. To be fair, he did have kind of a bad reputation at school. But after getting to know him, Nat has learned that a lot of it was just people being dramatic.

Maybe Misty would realize that too. If she gave him a chance.

"I'll be careful, I promise," Nat says, trying to keep her voice level and void of any of the frustration she currently feels. "I'll come over to your house after we're done hanging out."

Misty still doesn't seem convinced. She reaches forward and takes one of Nat's hands into hers. It might seem like a tender and sweet moment, if not for how hard she's squeezing her hand. "Please Natalie. Just don't go."

For a moment, Nat is tempted to just give in. Over the years, she's realized that's sometimes the best way to deal with Misty when she won't budge on something.

But…fuck that. Misty needs to learn that Nat can have other friends, even if she'll always be the most important. Things can't always stay the way they were when they were kids for fuck sake.

"I'm going Misty," she says after a moment, gentle but firm. "It'll be okay. We're probably just going to do what we did last time. The mushrooms weren't bad yesterday right?"

"But Joey…"

"He's not as bad as everyone says he is, you know," Nat cuts in somewhat defensively. "And even if he was, I can take care of myself." Her voice leaves no room for argument.

Misty still doesn't look happy. But she seems to have realized that she isn't going to convince Nat to give into her demands this time.

Suddenly feeling a little guilty, Nat gives her hand the tiniest of gentle squeezes now that Misty doesn't have a death grip on hers anymore. "I'll come over to your house after we're done. I promise." She shoots her a grin. "Maybe pick out a movie for us to watch?"

Misty smiles slightly in a way that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Okay."

Nat nods and releases her hand. "Wanna walk home together?"

After finishing up the last of her homework for the week with Misty's help, Nat heads out to meet up with Kevyn and Joey.

She's the last one to arrive to the field, which isn't too much of a surprise. She had to put a little more work into convincing Misty to not try to stop her.

"About time you showed up," Joey says with a whistle.

Kevyn nods along with him, offering Nat a faint smile barely visible in the darkness. "I was starting to think you weren't going to show."

"I told you I was coming," Nat says, dismissing it without further comment. The last thing she needs is for Joey to start talking about Misty again. She steps closer to them, peering at Joey. "What do you have?"

They end up smoking a joint. It's the first time Nat has ever tried it and she accidentally takes too large of an inhale during her first go, making her cough and causing both Kevyn and Joey to laugh.

But she gets the hang of it quickly enough after that.

It feels nice. And exactly the kind of thing she needs at the end of the week. Misty will probably be pissed about her being high again when she goes over to the house but she'll get over it.

Everything is fine. As the minutes go by, Nat feels herself begin to relax more and more.

"Got any plans for the rest of the weekend?" Joey asks them both after a while.

Nat isn't really sure how long they've been here now. Everything is starting to feel a little fuzzy.

Kevyn answers the question first. "I have a physical science test on Monday that I need to cram for."

Joey groans, clearly not impressed with the answer. "Tough luck."

Nat holds back a small snort. Even with everything changing recently, Kevyn is still the same nerd she met in elementary school.

"What about you Nat?" Joey suddenly asks.

Suddenly that good mood she's in deflates somewhat. She does have plans this weekend. With Misty. It's actually something she's been looking forward to for a while. Her parents will be gone for the whole weekend and they'll have the whole house to themselves.

She knows Joey will say shit if she tells him that. And Nat hates herself for being a little hesitant to tell the truth for that reason.

But…fuck it.

"I'm hanging out with Misty," she says with a shrug, taking the blunt back from Kevyn.

The reaction is as expected.

"Of course you are," Joey says. Nat doesn't need to be looking at him to know that he's rolling his eyes.

Nat whirls on him. "You know, you could…"

"Shhh!" Kevyn cuts her off suddenly, pointing towards the edge of the field.

She and Joey turn to the direction he's pointing and freeze.

A cop car is pulling up.

"Shit! Get down!" Joey whispers heatedly before throwing himself onto the ground, hiding amongst the tall grass.

Nat and Kevyn quickly join him, lying on their stomachs as a cop steps out of the car, waving his flashlight towards them.

Nat can feel her heart racing slightly. If they catch them…this wouldn't be her first offense. She could potentially be in some deep shit.

"You think they saw us?" She whispers into the darkness.

"I don't know," she hears Joey respond. "Probably." He curses low under his breath. "No one ever comes here. Someone must have tipped them off."

Nat's chest feels suddenly heavy at the realization that there was only one person she knew of that could've done it. Unless Kevyn or Joey told someone they were going to be here…

But no. There's no way. Misty wouldn't do that.

"This will be my third offense," Joey continues lowly. "Fuck. Who knows how long they'll give me this time."

The cop is inching closer, actually stepping into the field with the flashlight.

Kevyn speaks up now. "I'll go out there and say I'm alone."

Nat looks at him, eyes wide. "We can't expect you to do that."

Kevyn seems determined. "It'll be my first offense. I'll get in less trouble than you two would."

Before either Nat or Joey can say anything more to argue, he's standing up and walking towards the cop.

Nat barely resists the urge to yell after him.

She and Joey stay on the ground, watching as Kevyn walks up to the officer. It doesn't take long before he's handcuffed and being promptly marched away from them and towards the car.

Nat can hear the faint sounds of the two of them talking, but not enough to make out what they're saying. Nonetheless, it seems the cop is buying whatever story Kevyn is spinning to convince him he came out here alone.

She hates herself a little, but she feels a stab of relief at the knowledge that she isn't going to get arrested tonight.

She and Joey don't speak until both Kevyn and the cop are out of sight.

Once that happens, Joey wastes no time. "You know it had to be her that called the cops right?"

Nat shakes her head as they stand up, now that the coast is seemingly clear. "Misty wouldn't do that."

Natalie knows that. Misty is a lot of things but she's never once been a snitch. The two of them have pulled plenty of things together throughout their friendship that definitely would have warranted a Juvie stay. From simple things like sneaking into a hotel pool after hours or more extreme things like vandalism or shoplifting.

"If you say so," Joey says, not sounding convinced at all. "Come on. We should probably get out of here."

Nat follows after them, the two of them walking towards the edge of the field, careful to keep watch of anyone that may be around.

She hopes that Kevyn will be okay. His parents were a far-cry from being like Nat's but she knows that they're strict. And now he was getting arrested all because of…

She catches up to Joey. "You didn't tell anyone else that we were going to be here?" She knows Joey likes to show off. She wouldn't exactly put it past him to run his mouth.

"No Nat," Joey says shaking his head. They step out of the field together. "I didn't tell anyone shit. Like I said, it had to be the psycho you call your best friend."

"Hey, don't fucking talk about her like that," Nat snaps, losing the rest of her patience. "You don't know shit."

Joey must sense something in her tone because he does actually back down for once. "Fine. I'm just saying…she gets weird about you hanging out with anyone that isn't her. It doesn't seem normal to me."

"I'm done talking about this," Nat replies, firm and leaving no room for argument.

Thankfully, Joey seems to get the message. The two of them walk the rest of the way out of the field in silence.

When Nat got home the night before, her mom was asleep and her dad out somewhere, as usual. She'd been thankful for it because it gave her the chance to just go straight to bed.

Not that she ended up sleeping well anyway. Instead, she'd spent the night tossing and turning thinking about Misty…wondering whether Joey's suspicions that she'd been the one to call the cops held any weight to them.

If you had asked Nat only a few months ago whether Misty could have done it, she would've said fuck no. Misty has done her own fair share of mischief and would never be a cop caller.

But now….she can't help but think of the almost manic way Misty has been acting whenever Nat makes moves to befriend anyone else. The desperate way she had tried to convince Nat not to meet up with Kevyn and Joey the night before.

She needs to just straight up ask her about it. And hopefully the conversation will make Nat feel completely ridiculous about ever considering it.

So that's what she does. After walking to school extra early, she heads straight to the library.

Misty has a habit of coming to school early on Friday mornings for studying because she's a little nerd. It's always been something that Nat has playfully teased her about.

She wishes her mood was that light right now.

Sure enough, Misty is sitting at one of the round tables in the library. Only, she isn't alone. Sitting across from her is a boy that Nat doesn't recognize and they're leaning across the table towards each other far closer than necessary.

For reasons Nat doesn't understand, the sight immediately annoys her.

"Hey," she says, announcing her arrival as she walks over to stand by the table.

Misty quickly looks up at the sound of her voice, her eyes lighting up as they always do at the sight of her. Nat tries not to let it affect her too much, reminding herself that she's mad at Misty right now.

"Hey," Nat replies, shortly. She blatantly ignores the guy Misty is sitting with. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"

Misty either doesn't realize that something is wrong or she's trying to pretend that she doesn't because she gives Nat a big smile. "Sure. I'm probably ready for a break from this study session anyway."

With that, she stands up to follow Nat away from the table.

Nat can't help but feel a little smug that she doesn't even bother saying goodbye to the guy she was sitting with.

They walk walk outside, stopping at a corner of the library building that's relatively deserted.

Nat wastes no time in starting to talk. But the first thing out of her mouth is far from what she expects it to be.

"Who the fuck was that guy?"

Misty blinks, appearing surprised by the question. She gives off a small laugh. "Oh that's just Grant. He's in my physical science class. Mrs. Simmons asked me to help him study for the pop quiz today."

Nat can't help but feel relieved that it's just some random guy from one of her classes that Misty has no actual interest in. Her shoulders visibly slump, losing some of their stiffness. "Oh. Okay."

Misty peers at her curiously. "Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?"

Nat shakes her head, crossing her arms over her chest and giving herself another reminder of why she's here. "A cop showed up at the field last night. I think someone ratted us out."

Secretly, she's studying Misty's expression carefully. Looking for any flicker of a hint that she knows what Nat is talking about.

"Oh my gosh. Did anyone get arrested?" Misty's eyes are wide with surprise and concern. "I did tell you not to go…"

Misty is good at faking. She always has been. To anyone else, it may seem genuine.

But Natalie knows her better than that.

Nat looks around quickly to make sure they're still alone and lowers her voice, but still trying to keep it just as fierce. "Did you call the cops on us Misty?"

"No! Why would I…"

"You were the only person who knew we were going to be there."

Misty must sense something in her expression that tells her it's a losing battle because she suddenly lets out a sigh. "Nat, please don't be mad…"

Nat lets out a long sigh, reminding herself that they're at school and she can't completely lose it on her right now even if she wanted to. Still, her voice isn't entirely kind as she responds. "Why the fuck would you do that?"

Even though she had started to suspect that Misty was the one who did it once they started the conversation, it's still throwing Nat through a loop. Never ever did she think Misty would do something like this.

Misty seems to shrink, eyes going soft. "It's like I said before. I was worried about you."

Nat studies her more. Misty does this thing where she makes herself look smaller on purpose whenever Nat is mad at her. She wonders if she's doing that now.

It's not a good enough answer anyway.

"You know Kevyn got arrested because of you. He could be in jail right now," Nat says through gritted teeth. "What if it was me? Would you be happy about getting me arrested?"

"At least you would be safe," Misty replies, still looking far too casual about it all for Nat's comfort.

"I was fucking fine."

While this is definitely the most extreme example, it isn't exactly the first time Misty has tried to force Nat to do what she wanted. And Nat can maybe believe that a part of it had been out of worry. But she also can't stop thinking about what Joey said.

Is Misty really lashing out because she doesn't want Nat spending time with anyone other than her?

"I'm really sorry Nat," Misty says, looking at her earnestly. Nat hates that she can't quite figure out whether or not she thinks it sounds genuine. "I was scared."

But….damn it. Nat feels herself softening just the smallest amount. "You can't do that again."

Misty perks up. "Does that mean you're not mad?"

Nat shakes her head. "No, I am. But I'll be even more pissed if you do it again."

She feels like it shouldn't even be this easy. She should be screaming at Misty. It's her fault that Kevyn may be in jail right now and she very easily could've gotten Nat arrested too. Might've even been hoping for it.

Nat tells herself it's because they're at school and she doesn't really have the space to fully go off on her right now. But deep down, she knows she has a habit of letting Misty get away with things.

Misty smiles in a way that's much too bright for Nat's current mood. "I won't."

She reaches forward suddenly to take one of Nat's hands into hers and Nat lets her without any kind of struggle, hating the feeling that it evokes.

It's always like this with Misty. Even holding hands with her has a tenancy to soothe and ground Nat, even when she's pissed at her. Even when Misty is acting crazy.

"You're still coming over this weekend right?"

"Yeah," Nat answers, automatically and without thinking about it. She always spends the weekends at Misty's place. It's like second mature to her at this point.

"I'm still pissed at you," she insists somewhat weakly in the wake of Misty's excited smile that also seems a little too smug for her taste.

Misty nods and gives her hand a squeeze. "I know. But we can talk more about it later." She peers at her eagerly as Nat slowly let's go of her hand. "I just like to look out for you Nat."

There's a few things Nat wants to say in reply to that. Ask Misty if it was about protecting her or jealousy about her making new friends.

Natalie suspects that it might be a mixture of both, which makes how she feels about it all even more complicated.

The bell for first period rings. For once, Nat is actually a little relieved to be going to class.

"I'll see you later," she murmurs to Misty before turning away from her.

She doesn't need to be looking at Misty to know that she's still smiling that bright, victorious smile. "Okay! See you during third period!"

The rest of the school day passes by Nat in a blur.

She can't stop thinking about Misty. More specifically, what Misty did.

She should've been more pissed during their confrontation. And the longer she thinks about it, the more she is.

It doesn't matter that Misty was "worried" right? Calling the cops on someone whose supposed to be your best friend is a messed up thing to do.

How is Nat ever going to branch out in school if Misty is going to be this weird about her having other friends?

Nat lets out a groan to herself as she walks out of the school at the end of her final class. Maybe she just needs to talk to Misty again. Assure her that no matter what, she'll always be her best friend. Maybe then she would cool it a little and this won't be something that happens again.

Maybe.

"Hey Nat."

Joey. Natalie looks up and sees him standing a few meters away from her, by the end the sidewalk leading away from campus.

Nat does a quick look around to make sure they won't be overheard by the wrong people as she approaches him. She speaks in a low voice.

"I didn't see Kevyn at all today. Have you heard from him?"

Joey nods. "He's out now. But they kept him overnight. But no other charges. Seems like it was mostly a warning."

Nat lets out a sigh of relief. "Good."

Other than reeling over what Misty did, Nat had spent the day worried about Kevyn too. She owed him big time for taking the fall.

Joey is giving her a hard look. "You talk to Quigley?"

Nat deflates. She definitely doesn't want to talk about that with Joey. "Yeah. I'm working on it."

"So she for sure did it?"

Nat doesn't respond to that but Joey seems to take her silence as an answer. He throws his hands up.

"Are you really going to defend her after Kevyn went to jail?"

Nat bristles, frustrated. "I'm not defending her. But…"

"She's obsessed with you Nat."

That causes Nat to pause. Misty has always been…intense. While this incident might be the worst thing she's done, Nat knows it isn't the first time she's pushed boundaries where she's concerned.

In the past, Nat mostly brushed it off. Even when Misty did make her mad, they made up quickly. Maybe a part of her enjoyed the attention she got from Misty from time to time.

But now….is it starting to become overwhelming?

"I'm going to talk to her about it more," she says after a moment. But her tone is weaker. Less sure.

Joey doesn't seem convinced. "Whatever."

"I am."

Joey looks at her blankly for a moment before speaking again. "My parents are going out of town this Saturday. I'm throwing a party. You should come…if you can get away from her."

"Oh no. But…we can still hang out! I can come over to your place and bring you soup and…"

"No," Nat says, cutting Misty off. She holds the phone up to her ear, trying to sound as sick as possible. "I don't want you to get sick too. And you know my place sucks."

Misty has been to her trailer only a couple times throughout their years of friendship. It never ended well. They quickly decided that it was better for Nat to go over to Misty's house instead.

"You can still come over to my house," Misty insists. "We can hide that you're sick from my parents."

"Misty…trust me, you don't want to get sick like this."

"But I can take care of you! I know your mom won't."

She sounds angry when she says that last part and it makes Nat soften slightly. Misty has never hidden the fact that she hates Nat's parents.

She does always look after her too.

Trying to shake off the guilt that makes her feel, Nat replies. "I'll be alright . But I'll call you if I change my mind. Okay?"

There's a few moments of silence. Eventually, Nat hears Misty sigh. "Okay fine. But I'll miss you."

Nat can't help but smile at that. "We see each other almost every day."

"I know. But we always spend weekends together."

Nat's feels her chest grow a little heavy at that. "I know."

Truth be told, she'd been kind of looking forward to staying at Misty's place this weekend. They always did have fun together, even if it was just her listening to Misty ramble on while they attempted to watch a movie.

But there was always next weekend. And maybe by then, Nat will be done feeling mad at her enough to fully enjoy it.

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay? To make sure that you know I'm alive," she jokes, trying to lighten the mood a little.

To her mild disappointment, Misty doesn't laugh. Or even sound a little amused. "Okay."

They talk a bit longer before eventually hanging up, Nat putting the landline phone down and trying to ignore the waves of guilt she feels.

She doesn't lie to Misty often. And she's never told her this big of a lie. It doesn't feel right.

But…Misty called the cops on her last night. All because Nat was hanging out with other people. If she didn't do that kind of stuff, Nat wouldn't have to lie to her. They could've even maybe gone to the party together.

Nat tries to remember that to make sure her anger is stronger than her guilt.

It's not difficult for Natalie to sneak away to Joey's place.

Her mom is still passed out when she leaves. And her dad is thankfully still out. Then, it takes her only fifteen minutes to walk the rest of the way.

Joey's house is relatively small. But at least it's an actual house. When Nat arrives, there's already what appears to be at least ten people there.

"Nat!"

She's both surprised and relieved to hear Kevyn's voice be the first one to greet her among the crowd.

She walks towards him, where he's standing with Joey and another girl that Nat doesn't recognize in the front yard of the house. "Hey! I thought for sure you'd be grounded for the weekend."

Kevyn smiles thinly. "Both my parents and the cops went easy on me. This time anyway."

Nat nods, clearing her throat somewhat awkward. "Well, thanks. For doing what you did."

It makes her feel mad at Misty all over again. She really could have gotten into trouble if Kevyn hadn't been willing to take the fall.

"No problem."

For some reason, Nat still senses something tense about him. She bumps his shoulder a little to hopefully lighten the mood. "So…what happened to studying this weekend?"

Her attempts to loosen him up don't seem to work. Instead, he clears his throat awkwardly and gestures towards the girl standing beside him. "This is Maddie. She kind of convinced me to come."

Maddie is blonde haired and blue eyed. The smile she gives Nat seems genuine. "It's nice to finally meet you Natalie."

It's then that the realization hits Nat. The way Kevyn has his arm wrapped around Maddie. The way his eyes seem to drift back and forth between them.

Shit. Is Kevyn trying to make her….jealous? A very small part of Nat, the more mean one, might've laughed. But mostly she feels uncomfortable.

She's always known that Misty was probably right about Kevyn liking her. But up until now, he's never tried to do anything about it. Now, he could be ruining everything.

Nat had already started feeling some regret about coming to this party as she walked over. But now, she's feeling it even more strongly. Despite being mad at her, she'd much rather be at Misty's house than dealing with whatever this is.

She's just about to respond to Maddie with a neutral 'it's nice to meet you too' but is interrupted by Joey suddenly speaking up.

"What the fuck?"

He's looking at something behind Nat.

….Or rather someone. When Nat turns around to look, it's Misty standing there behind her, arms crossed over her chest and a glare on her face.

Shit.

"I thought you were sick," Misty says in a way that sounds taunting. She's clearly trying to look angry but ruins the look a little when she reaches up to adjust her glasses.

It's something Nat might've found cute in different circumstances. But right now she feels angry and defensive.

"Did you follow me here?"

It wouldn't even be the first time Misty has done something like this. Which makes it even worse.

Distantly, she can hear Kevyn shift uncomfortably behind her and speak to the others. "Maybe we should go inside and give them some privacy."

There's a few murmurs that Nat doesn't pay any attention to. But luckily, it seems that they listen to Kevyn because the crowd moves towards the house behind them.

Quickly, she and Misty are left completely alone together.

Misty seems completely unashamed. "I had a feeling you were lying about being sick."

Something about the words hits a nerve through Nat, even though she is guilty of what Misty is accusing her of.

She speaks without thinking. "Maybe I wouldn't have felt like I had to. If you hadn't fucking called the cops on me yesterday."

Misty bristles. "I told you Nat, I was trying to protect you. I was worried and…"

"Oh bullshit," Nat cuts her off harshly. "You just don't want me to have any other friends."

That's the crux of it. As much as Nat hates to admit it, Joey had been right about that.

"That's not true!" Misty says, practically stomping her foot. "I don't care if you have other friends. I just don't want to be replaced. And now you're lying and ditching me to hang out with other people." She pauses to catch her breath.

She's heaving in a way that tells Nat she's being overstimulated. The protective side of her threatens to pop up. The instinct to wrap her arms around Misty in a comforting way like she has in the past. To apologize.

But just as quick as she felt it, Nat squashes those feelings down like a bug.

"You're the one whose being a bad friend right now," Misty finishes after a moment. "You're supposed to be my best friend."

"Yeah. Well maybe I'm tired of it. Maybe I can't fucking take it anymore," Nat blurts before she can stop herself.

A part of her regrets it as soon as she says it. But there is some truth to it.

Being best friends with Misty Quigley took patience. A lot of it. And maybe Nat just doesn't want to deal with it anymore. Maybe she's burnt out. Maybe she just can't do it anymore.

Misty looks at her wide-eyed. For the first time since this conversation started, her mask seems to slip.

"Cant take what anymore?" She asks, voice smaller than it was before. "Me?"

Fuck. Now she feels bad again.

But then she remembers last night. And every other incident before it where she felt suffocated by Misty. Where Misty refused to let her have any kind of life.

So she peddles on.

"Yeah," she eventually murmurs in reply. She doesn't really know what to say st this point.

She can't quite read Misty's expression. But it's clear that she isn't happy.

"Maybe I don't want to be your friend anymore either," Misty eventually says. "If all you're going to do is get mad at me when I try to help you."

Nat snorts at that. She can't help it.

Misty called the cops on her. She's been extra controlling for the past year. Or ever since they started middle school really. But she's trying to make Nat feel like she's the bad friend.

It's very typical of her.

"It's not my fucking fault that you don't have any other friends," she bites out, impulsively and venomously.

Now Misty's face finally cracks. Completely. Suddenly, her eyes are glassy. Her chin is quivering in a way that Nat knows is a sign shes trying not to cry.

And now Nat really feels like an asshole. Despite everything.

She lets out a sigh. "Misty…"

They're interrupted by the sound of the house's front door swinging open.

"Hey. Is everything okay?" Kevyn.

Nat turns to look at him. "Yeah. We're fine."

But when she turns back to look at Misty, the other girl is already turned away from her, running away.

Nat doesn't try to go after her.

Everyone picks up on what happened pretty quickly after she follows Kevyn into the house. At least the main gist of it. That she and Misty had a bad fight that ended with Misty leaving.

Joey lets out a whistle as he cracks open a beer can. "Good riddance."

Nat tries her best to ignore him, even if she has to clench her fists to ignore that familiar feeling of wanting to get defensive on Misty's behalf. To protect.

There's no need for her to do that anymore.

Still, she can't get the image of Misty storming away from her, clearly hurt, out of her mind.

Only Kevyn seems to notice that she isn't exactly in a party mood. He gives her a gentle nudge as the two of them sit in Joey's tiny living room. Nat is holding a beer in her hand that she hasn't taken a single sip from. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." The rough words seem forced, even to her own ears.

Instead of taking the hint that Nat doesn't want to talk about it, Kevyn presses. "Maybe you should go talk to her."

Nat is somewhat surprised that he's suggesting that. While Kevyn has never been as aggressive about it as Joey, Nat knows he's never exactly been a huge fan of Misty. She always figured he'd be happy if their friendship ever ended.

She only considers his words for a moment before she shakes her head. "No. It's for the best."

It was always going to happen eventually. Something like this, anyway. She didn't want to accept it at first but her and Misty's friendship has had an expiration date for a while now. For more than one reason.

No more having to worry about Misty following her without her knowing. Ruining Nat's chances at making more friends. Or fucking calling the cops on her.

No more spontaneous sleepovers. Or riding the bus together side-by-side. No more listening to Misty talk on about various subjects and helping Nat forget about the shittier aspects of her life.

But she wouldn't think of those things.

It's for the best. It is.

Present

Misty had tried to talk to Nat a few times after that fight. But she always brushed her off.

After a little while, Misty's attempts at contact had become less and less frequent. Until they eventually stopped completely.

Then it was four years of complete silence between them. With just the occasional awkward glances when Nat couldn't avoid it.

Until now anyway. Now, Natalie apparently has to get her former best friend a Secret Santa gift. As if she has any clue what she even likes now.

….Admittedly, that's not entirely true. Based on Nat's observations over the years anyway, it's pretty apparent that Misty hasn't changed much. A fact that somehow annoyed and endeared Nat in equal measure. But the point still kind of stands.

When she gets to the trailer, Nat is relieved to see no sight of either of her parents. After the day she's had, it's the last thing she wants to deal with right now. It also gives her the opportunity to pretend to already be asleep by the time one of them does get home.

Upon entering the trailer, the first thing she does is head towards her bed. She gets down onto her knees and pulls out a box that she's had under it for years.

Inside the box is a small collection of Misty momentous she's kept over the years. Things she's never been able to bring herself to throw away, even at some of her angriest moments. Moments where she was drunk or high and thought too deeply about the way they fell apart.

Nat has avoided looking at anything inside it until now, for various reasons.

After taking a deep breath, she opens the box and begins to gently search through its contents.

The memories begin to pop up rapidly, one-by-one.

A scarf that Misty knitted for her when they were thirteen. A tiny first aid kit that Misty had once gifted her filled with 'basic essentials' in case Nat ever injured herself at home. A strip of photos that had taken together in a booth during one of the various times they snuck into an R rated movie together.

Then Nat's eyes land on the last thing in the box.

A handwritten 'cook book' that was really just a three-ringed notebook filled with cooking and baking directions. Nat opens it up and leafs through the pages that are decorated with Misty's bubbly and neat handwriting.

She stops at a certain page towards the back and can't help but smile a little at what she sees.

It's a recipe for peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. Instantly, memories of the two of them staying up late together on the weekends and baking them while Misty's parents were away in a noc shift at the hospital hit her.

Misty had always loved those fucking cookies. So much that she had written down how exactly they were made so she could always make them perfectly, among other things.

Nat isn't entirely sure how Misty's nerdy little notebook ended up in her possession. Maybe Misty had accidentally left it in Nat's overnight bag one night and just never had the chance to get it back before they stopped being friends. But Nat has kept it stashed in this box for years.

She thinks she might have an idea for a gift. But the concept makes her feel so unbelievably vulnerable that she isn't quite sure if she can go through with it.

Natalie has gone four years trying in vain to do her best to forget that Misty Quigley exists. She's never been able to actually do it.

But now that she knows she's meant to be getting her a Christmas gift, it's even harder. She hadn't even known that was possible but apparently it is.

Every time Misty is within seeing distance from her, Nat is hyper-aware of it. It's all she can do to force herself to not look in Misty's direction.

As the last couple weeks before Christmas Eve go by, Misty consumes Nat's thoughts. As well as the frankly fucking ridiculous anxiety that the stupid Secret Santa thing is bringing her.

She knows it's illogical to feel the way she's feeling . And instead of worrying about it, she should be trying to figure out an alternative gift for Misty. But she doesn't, placing herself at a standstill.

But the world apparently decides that she isn't dealing with enough. On December 20th, four days before Christmas Eve, Nat practically runs into Misty on her way home from school…the last day before winter break.

"Shit!" She exclaims as the impact hits. Misty had been carrying a small stack of books that promptly fall onto the snow covered ground.

She doesn't know why this is even happening. Misty always rides the bus to and from school. Nat knows this because she's spent the last four years walking in an attempt to avoid her.

Why is she casually walking on the sidewalk? On Nat's route to home no less?

Forcing her usual instinct to flee down, Nat leans over to pick the fallen books up from the frozen ground, wincing at the knowledge that the back covers at least are now wet from the snow.

"Sorry," she murmurs awkwardly, handing them over to Misty without looking her in the eye.

"No problem!" Misty's voice is far too perky, as usual. Nat doesn't need to be looking at her to know she's smiling. "It was mostly my fault, I think."

She takes the books from Nat and their hands briefly touch. Nat hates the way she can feel her heart immediately skip a few beats at the contact.

It's the first time she and Misty have touched in years.

Nat opens her mouth to say something along the lines of 'bye' but Misty beats her to it by speaking again.

"So….it's been a while."

Fuck. This is why she always makes moves to avoid Misty as much as possible. To prevent something like this from happening.

Nat forces herself to look at her, praying that it won't give her unwanted flashbacks of a fourteen year old Misty, eyes shiny with tears, as Nat told her that being her friend had become too exhausting.

"We see each other at practice all the time," she says shortly.

For a moment, Misty seems almost startled. Like she wasn't expecting Nat to actually talk back to her. She supposes that's fair, considering how hard Nat usually tries to ignore her.

But just as quickly, that surprise is replaced by a bright smile. Nat hates the fact that she finds it cute.

"Oh you know what I mean, silly. It's been a while…since we've seen each other like this."

Alone. Nat knows that's the word she's implying.

Nat doesn't really know how to respond to that. Deep down, there's a million things she wants to say. Maybe even say sorry and admit to the fact that she has missed her over the last four years.

But as pussy as it is, Nat knows if she even tries to say any of that, there's a possibility of her throwing up from the nerves.

So instead, she turns away from her. "I'll see you later. Sorry again about your books."

She only takes a few steps before Misty is yelling at her. "Nat, wait!"

Nat's feet freeze almost without her control. "What?" She asks, voice probably harsher than she means.

A few beats pass. Nat wonders for a second whether the way she responded scared Misty off.

But of course it didn't.

"I was just wondering if you were planning on going to Jackie's party on Christmas Eve," Misty says.

Before she can stop herself, Nat turns around to look at her again. "I kind of have to. She'll kill us if we skip out."

That should be a given. She has no idea why Misty is asking her this…other than maybe a mere attempt to keep a conversation between them going.

Misty smiles in a way that doesn't look as bright as her one from before. If anything, it seems kind of sad. "Are you okay with the fact that I'm going to be there?"

No. Nat is not okay with it. She's not okay with the situation at all. But she's not enough of an asshole to voice those thought out loud to Misty. Especially since it has more to do with Nat's own issues than anything Misty has done

Instead, she merely shrugs. "We tolerate each other just fine during games and practices. I don't think this will be any different."

"I never have to tolerate you," Misty suddenly blurts. She turns red and then, as if realizing what she said, places a hand over her mouth. "I mean…"

To her annoyance, Nat thinks she feels her own face heat up in response. At least maybe she could blame it on the cold weather.

The implication that Misty apparently doesn't hate her…that she still holds some sort of torch for Nat after all this time…even after what she had said to her the last time they really talked, is something that Nat doesn't really know what to do with.

So she doesn't.

"I'll see you around Misty," she says shortly before turning away from her again. Inwardly, she curses at herself for the wording she used. It implies the possibility of them talking to each other again in the near future.

And Misty very quickly seems to read into it. "Okay, bye Nat! Talk to you later."

Nat keeps walking, having to remind herself to not look back.

Nat isn't sure if it's because she's limited on time and can't think of any other ideas. Or if that random run-in with Misty a few days ago had triggered something. But in the end, she does decide to go with that dreaded gift idea.

Which is why she's now standing in Kevyn Tan's kitchen the night before Christmas Eve, after having asked him if she could come over and use it.

She hunches over the kitchen counter, eyes going over Misty's homemade 'cook book' one more time to make sure she has all of the ingredients she needs, before continuing to mix the dough in the large bowl.

She's trying not to feel too ridiculous. If Misty hasn't changed much, and Nat gets the feeling that she hasn't, she's going to be thrilled with getting any kind of gift. But cooking and baking has never been one of Nat's strong suits. There's a reason she hasn't really done it since she and Misty stopped being friends.

She hopes the fact that she's following Misty's old directions to a science will be enough for them to come out at least decent.

A few feet away from her, standing by the kitchen table, Kevyn looks at her with amusement. "Look at you go, Betty Crocker."

"Shut up," Nat murmurs as she finally seems to finish with mixing the dough. For the first batch anyway. She takes a sample off of her spoon, popping it into her mouth, and is satisfied when she realizes it tastes exactly like the peanut butter cookie dough Misty used to make back when they were kids.

Maybe this baking shit isn't as hard as she thought.

Kevyn is looking at her expectantly and Nat rolls her eyes, offering a spoon filled with cookie dough to him.

He doesn't make a move to grab it from her. Instead, he merely opens his mouth.

Nat stiffens.

Kevyn has been doing this thing lately where he makes his crush super fucking obvious through various weird attempts at flirting. It never fails to make her feel awkward.

It'd been a little easier to ignore when they were younger. But these days he was attempting to be more forward about it. Nat doesn't know how to tell him that there's no chance of it ever happening.

"I'm not feeding you," she says dryly after a moment, holding the spoon up higher. "Take it or leave it."

Kevyn pouts but relents, moving forward to take the spoon of cookie dough from her hand. He gobbles it down quickly.

"This is good," he murmurs after swallowing. "Is it something you made up?"

"Try not to sound so surprised asshole," Nat replies with a chuckle. She hesitates, wondering if she should tell him the truth.

She hasn't really talked to anyone about Misty in years. No one on the team really brings up their old friendship. Nat's pretty sure that some of them might not even know it existed.

Kevyn is one of the few people that for sure knows about her old friendship with Misty. And maybe…she wants to actually acknowledge it to someone.

"It's Misty's recipe," she blurts before she can stop herself.

The surprise is instant. Kevyn blinks, looking more confused than anything. "Okay….I thought you two didn't talk anymore."

"We don't," Nat replies. She looks down at her feet, hating that she's somehow feeling weirdly vulnerable all of a sudden. "But I have to get her a gift for Jackie's stupid Christmas thing."

Kevin whistles in sympathy. "That's rough." He looks at the bowl of mixed dough. "And you decided on cookies?"

Nat shrugs. "We used to make them together all the time when we were kids. Figure she'll like it."

She regrets saying that right after it's out, far too aware of how sentimental it sounds.

Kevyn gets a strange look on his face that Nat can't quite read. "You miss her?"

Nat's first instinct is to deny it. She hasn't spent the last four years actively avoiding all thoughts of Misty Quigley for nothing.

She also knows she shouldn't really miss her. It'd been far from a perfect friendship . Far too co-dependent. While Natalie still regrets the last thing she had said to Misty during that final fight, she knows there are genuine reasons why it fell apart.

But Natalie also can't deny that she misses a lot of the good parts of it. She has missed them for a while now, if she were to be completely honest with herself. It's just now harder to ignore with this damn Secret Santa Christmas exchange bringing a lot of feelings to the surface.

The sleepovers at Misty's house where Nat could just escape her shitty home life for a while and do dumb things with Misty. Even listening to Misty chattering on about random subjects could be soothing in its own way, often serving as a distraction.

Her and Misty sneaking into R rated films together. Wandering the streets and egging the houses of people they didn't like because neither of them had parents that gave enough of a shit to notice they weren't at home.

The two of them riding the bus to school together every morning, one of them sometimes resting their head against the other's shoulder.

Passing Misty teasing notes during class. And how sometimes Nat would get rewarded with the sight of Misty blushing in response to what she wrote.

Eating lunch together and Misty always bringing Nat food, excusing it as her mom 'always packing her much more than she needs' even though Nat always knew she was lying.

The way Nat could always tell Misty's real smile and laughs from the fake ones she used as a front around other people. How her real smile always seemed to come out most around Nat…

"You okay?"

Kevyn. Nat had gotten so lost in her thoughts that she almost forgot that she was in the middle of a conversation. She rapidly shakes her head.

"Of course not. But having to get her a gift is fucking with my head a little."

The words don't sound convincing, even to Nat's own ears.

If Kevyn doesn't believe her, he gives her some mercy by not commenting on it. Instead, he merely shrugs. "You need any help making the other batches?"

Right. The cookies…

Nat shakes her head right away. "Nah. I got it."

Kevyn ends up going into another room, leaving Nat alone in the kitchen, which she is grateful for.

She rolls the dough up into round balls and presses them on to the cookie sheet, trying to ignore all of the messy feelings she has and failing miserably.

The next day, Natalie is feeling even more antsy.

Jackie's Christmas party, where they were all meant to exchange the Secret Santa gifts, wasn't until later that evening. She'd told everyone to arrive 'around six'.

Which is why Nat isn't sure why she's currently walking in the direction of the Quigley residence, a plastic container filled with the cookies she had made the night before in hand.

She's done everything she could to avoid Misty ever since that day they had that fight four years ago. And now here she is, handing herself over to Misty on a silver platter.

Maybe it's because she can't forget the way she had felt when Kevyn asked her if she missed Misty the day before, as much as she desperately tried to. Or maybe because she doesn't really want her giving the cookies to Misty to end up being a spectacle for the others.

Jackie would probably want to kill her for ruining her little Christmas game but fuck it.

Nat almost loses her nerve and has to fight against the temptation to run away when the house comes into view.

It's the first time she's been within view of it in four years.

Biting down on her bottom lip, she forces her feet forward and knocks on the door.

A couple moments pass. And then, quicker than she expects, the front door swings open.

Misty is standing on the other side of it. Nat isn't sure if she's more relieved or nervous about it being her instead of either of her parents.

"Natalie….hi!" Misty seems surprised to see her standing there but not at all displeased. Her brown eyes are shining in a way that immediately reminds Nat of when they were younger. She feels her traitor of a heart skip a couple beats at the sight of it. "Not that I'm not happy to see you but…what are you doing here?"

Unceremoniously, Nat shoves the container of cookies towards her. "These are for you. I um…I was your Secret Santa."

There. Misty has her gift. Mission accomplished. Now Nat can get the fuck out of here and pretend like the last couple of weeks hadn't happened.

Only instead, she remains frozen in place as she watches Misty take in the gift.

Peering at the container in what looks like curiosity, Misty opens up the lid and takes a cookie out. "Did you make these?"

Nat nods, as if on autopilot.

Misty bites into the cookie and her eyes go wide at the taste. It's obvious that she recognizes it. "Is this…"

"Yeah, it is."

Misty still looks amazed, as if that single cookie is the answer to all of her problems. "I haven't had these in years."

Nat shuffles her feed awkwardly. "I kind of stole your old cook book."

Why she admitted that she doesn't know. Apparently she wants to humiliate herself today.

To her surprise, Misty giggles at that. Nat can sense that it's her real one. "Oh I remembered the recipe. It's just…making them didn't feel right anymore."

The air between them thickens right away because they both know exactly what she means. The peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies had always been something they made together.

That suffocating, drowning feeling comes back in full force. She needs to get out of here. "I'll see you at the party I guess." She turns to leave, but a sudden hand on her wrist stops her.

"Nat, wait."

Against her better judgment, Nat turns back to look at her.

Misty's brown eyes are wide and hopeful. The kind of expression that Nat used to say made her look a little like a puppy. "Would you come in for a moment? It's only fair that I let you have some of these cookies."

Nat shrugs. "They're a gift for you. I don't need to eat any of them."

"Please? Just for a few minutes?"

She should say no. Nat knows this. She should say no and put this behind her like she once did everything else that had to do with Misty Quigley.

But it's not what she ends up doing.

Instead, she lets out a sigh and allows Misty to guide her inside the house.

The memories envelope her quickly, reminding her sharply that she shouldn't be doing this. They walk through the kitchen, where they had spent many nights cooking their own meals and desserts while Misty's parents were at work or asleep.

Misty sets the container of cookies on top of the counter as Natalie glances into the living room, where a Christmas tree is set up and decorated in one of the back corners.

The same fake Christmas tree that Misty's family had used every year during the time that Nat came here regularly. Except that one time when they were thirteen and had sneaked in a real tree against Mr. And Mrs. Quigley's wishes.

It's crazy how this place was once pretty much her second home. More of one to her than her actual home, really.

Nat sucks in a deep breath, forcing herself to keep it together. She hopes that Misty doesn't notice how tense she's become.

Misty looks at her. "Do you want to sit down in the living room?"

No she doesn't. Nat actually wants to get the fuck out of here before she thinks even more about what she's lost for the last four years.

"I can stay for a few minutes."

Misty brightens. "Great!"

They move into the living room and take a seat beside each other on the couch. Even the furniture hasn't changed.

Misty wastes no time in launching into chatter. "Thank you so much for the cookies Natalie! It makes me happy that you still know how to make them. And you really nailed the the peanut butter and chocolate chips balance…"

"What are we doing right now, Misty?"

The question bursts out of Nat's throat like a geyser, rough but kind of choked. All of this…being in this house again…being around Misty again so casually is too much after the last four years they've spent apart. After what Nat had last said to her.

Why doesn't it seem weird to Misty? Does she not feel like she's drowning in it too?

She half expects Misty to respond with more chatter, maybe talk mindlessly about how long it's been and that they really need to catch up. She doesn't expect her to shoot back with a question of her own.

"Why did you come here?"

Well…shit. How is Nat supposed to really answer that when she doesn't even fully know herself?

"I wanted to give you your present before the party. Seemed…better that way." Not completely a lie, even if she won't elaborate on why exactly it felt like that.

"Oh." Misty seems to fumble around, until she's suddenly handing Nat what looks like a tiny gift wrapped in red and green paper. "Well, I guess I can give you your gift too!"

What?

Gingerly, Nat unwraps the gift. Inside, there's what appears to be a photo album. Admittedly very curious, Nat opens it up without hesitation.

Inside, there's various photos of her and Misty in homemade scrapbook formation. Nat finds herself gently flipping through the pages, mesmerized.

She recognizes a lot of the pictures, even though she's pushed most of the events they depict into the back of her mind.

Her and Misty sitting on the couch, most likely watching a dumb musical. Nat has a grin on her face and Misty's head is resting on her shoulder.

Some photos of their school trip to the zoo when they were eight. Nat vaguely remembers them taking turns with Misty's old Polaroid camera to snap pictures of each other with the animals.

Pictures they had taken of their various masterpieces in the kitchen. Some actually good and others complete messes.

The two of them during various holidays. Dressing up for Halloween and sitting by the tree during Christmas.

A photo of them lying in Misty's bed together when they were fourteen. Cuddled into each other in a way that Nat has never been with anyone else since.

The memories surge through Natalie harshly, and she suddenly feels like she can't breath.

"You didn't have to get me a present," she says. Even so, she puts the scrap book carefully onto the coffee table in front of her. 

Misty blinks, seemingly not expecting that as a response. "Of course I did. That's how this thing works, right? We exchange gifts?"

Nat frowns then. Something isn't adding up. "Jackie told me that you were her Secret Santa."

Misty's expression falls. Busted.

"What's going on, Misty? And don't fucking lie to me."

Misty presses at her glasses, a gesture so familiar that it makes Nat's chest ache. "I might have asked Jackie to pair us together."

Of course. Of fucking course. Nat should've known that there was more to this situation. It's classic Misty. Nat would bet on her life that their 'run in' on the sidewalk hadn't actually been a coincidence either.

It's somehow both infuriating and weirdly comforting that Misty really hasn't changed at all.

"Are you mad?" Misty asks after a moment of silence. "Please don't be. I just wanted a chance to talk to you…"

"Why did you call the cops on me? And don't give me that bullshit about protecting me."

Natalie actually isn't that mad about this. Maybe she should be, since it's yet another incidence of Misty trying to control every situation. But maybe a part of her has been waiting for a reason to talk again too.

….And maybe it feels kind of good that she apparently matters that much to Misty after all this time. Enough to scheme a little to get a chance to talk to her again.

"I…I was trying to protect you Nat," Misty says. Before Nat can cuss her out, she continues. "No, really! You were doing drugs and…I did not like the fact that you were hanging out with Joey! Everyone knew he was bad news."

Nat can concede that she kind of has a point there. Joey had been bad news. And her friendship with him had only lasted a year after her and Misty's fallout because of that.

"But…" Misty continues, seemingly reluctantly. "I guess I was a little jealous too."

That much was obvious. Though Nat is a little surprised that she's actually admitting it, even four years later. She sighs. "You didn't want me having any other friends but you. That wasn't fair…"

"You were my best friend. I didn't want to lose you."

That softens Nat momentarily. Nothing excuses Misty calling the fucking cops in her book. But…Nat can admit at least to herself that there had been times where she let Joey and others influence her. That maybe they somehow were causing her to subconsciously distance herself from Misty a little. "Misty…"

"And I knew Kevyn liked you. I didn't like that either."

Something about the way she says that has Nat's curiosity peaking. "Why do you care whether he liked me?"

Likes her. But Nat doesn't really want to talk or even think about Kevyn's long-standing crush on her right now.

Misty's face turns red. Nat can't deny that she still finds it cute even after all this time.

Misty shifts uncomfortably. "You're going to think I'm weird."

Nat has always known Misty is weird. But she knows that probably wouldn't be comforting for her to hear right now.

She does have to get something in though. "I don't think there's much about you that can surprise me anymore."

"Right." Misty lets out a giggle that sounds fake and nervous. Suddenly, she seems to be avoiding looking Nat in the eye, which is a first. "I don't want you to leave because of it."

"I won't," Nat promises.

"Okay."

Another beat of silence. And then Misty says it in a rush.

"I think I liked you. Not just as a friend."

Nat freezes. It definitely isn't the response she was expecting. But it also doesn't feel too shocking, somehow.

All of those moments where Misty got weirdly jealous and bitter around Kevyn. In a different way than she did everyone else Nat befriended. The way Misty always gushed about how 'pretty' Nat looked and seemed to make every excuse under the sun to touch her.

And….admittedly, even on Nat's side. How mad she would get during the rare times she saw Misty talking to a random boy. The thrill she always got from successfully making Misty blush or smile her real smile.

The way she's never really been able to hold down a romantic relationship.

Shit….has that always been a thing between them?

The scary thing is that it doesn't feel unnatural as it maybe should.

Body moving forward beyond her control, Nat finds herself leaning closer to Misty, their lips only inches apart.

"Liked? Or like?" She whispers.

Misty returns her gaze now, seeming awed. Nat watches as she takes a few deep breaths before answering.

"I'll always like you Nat."

Nat isn't really sure who leaned in first. But suddenly, they're kissing.

It's a little clumsy. Probably partially because it's most likely Misty's first kiss. But something about it feels so damn right that it causes Natalie's heart to pound.

Misty's lips are so soft and taste like cherry lip balm. Nat lets out a soft, pleased whimper as she feels Misty wrap her arms around her neck, pulling her closer.

The kiss lasts for a minute longer or two before it eventually breaks, though they don't move away from each other. Misty's arms are still wrapped around Nat, and Nat is leaning her forehead tenderly against hers.

"Wow," Misty breaths, and Nat finds that she returns the sentiment.

I guess maybe I like you that way too. Those are the words on Nat's mind. But she can't say them quite yet.

"That stunt you pulled with the cops? You can't ever do something like that again."

Misty pulls away from her a little to look at her with wide eyes. "I…okay."

Nat frowns. "I'm serious Misty. Don't ever do that shit again."

Misty nods quickly. "I won't! It caused me to lose you. I won't let that happen again."

And fuck. It's hard to keep up a stern exterior when Nat is pretty sure her face is bright red after hearing that. "And in return…I'll try to listen to you when you have a bad feeling about someone."

Misty nods but she still looks apprehensive about something. As if she's forcing herself not to hope too much quite yet. "Does this mean you're giving me another chance?"

Nat should be asking herself that too. Is she really going to let herself go there again? She wasn't wrong when she told herself that there were reasons their old friendship fell apart.

But if she's being honest with herself, she hasn't really felt complete in four years. She knows, even with all the craziness that comes with it, that she's much happier with Misty than she is without her.

"Yeah. I guess I am," she eventually replies.

She's rewarded with the brightest, happiest smile she's seen from Misty since they stopped being friends.

Misty reaches forward and lays a gentle hand on Nat's cheek. "I missed you so much."

Nat leans into her touch on instinct. "I missed you too." She clears her throat, preparing to confess something else that's haunted her since the day they stopped talking. "That shit I said about you not having friends? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, no matter how pissed I was."

It's an apology that's four years too late. But at least she finally said it.

"It's not like you were wrong," Misty says, sounding far too casual about it.

Nat shakes her head. "I still shouldn't have said it." She leans in close again. "Fuck everyone else anyway. It just means I get you to myself."

Misty giggles and blushes in that way Nat loves.

"Natalie…can I kiss you again?" Misty asks, seemingly reading Nat's mind.

"Yeah," Nat breaths without hesitation.

When they kiss this time it's a bit more passionate and practiced, now that they've gotten a feel of each other. Before Nat knows it, Misty has her pinned onto her back on the couch, hovering over her as they continue to kiss.

"Are your parents not home?" Nat says in between kisses, letting out a gasp as Misty's mouth latches onto her neck. She briefly wonders if Misty has done her research on this kind of stuff outside of just having experience.

Natalie wouldn't put it past her.

"Nope!" Misty answers brightly. She then pauses after coming up from Nat's neck, where there's sure to be a mark later from where her mouth had been. "But we do have Jackie's party to go to soon."

Nat lets out a groan. She had completely forgotten about that. "I don't really give a shit about the party Misty."

She already didn't want to attend it. Now she really doesn't want to.

"We can skip it then?" Misty's glasses are a little crooked from their kissing and Nat feels a wave of fondness in her chest. "I mostly only wanted to go for you anyway."

Nat knows that's probably not completely true. Misty has always jumped at the chance to be involved with the team, at least based on Nat's observations. But she can still read between the lines.

Natalie is more important to her than that.

"Fuck it then. Let's skip it." Nat will undoubtedly get shit for it from Jackie or Shauna but she doesn't really care.

Misty beams. "Okay."

Nat grabs her and pulls her back into her for another kiss, the glow coming from the Christmas tree somehow matching her current mood perfectly.

There's more for them to talk about. More to figure out. But right now she just wants to bask in the feeling of being complete again.