Chapter Text
I hate loud noises. That's why I like to come to the top of the city's radio tower from time to time. Because up here, it's actually quiet. I can't hear the loud honks from cars stuck in endless traffic, or the sound of all the rude people who talk and yell at the top of their lungs as they walk down the street. Or the loud clinging and clashing of the train's wheels as it arrives at the station, or the sirens from the ambulance as it races to the next pointless emergency. No, from all the way up here, it's surprisingly quiet.
I like it.
People might think it's dangerous to climb all the way up here. And they're right. It's well over 300 meters tall, and one teensy little misstep, or one gust of wind, is all that it would take to knock me off. And that would be it. I couldn't do anything to save myself afterwards. I'd be doomed.
And I think I'd be okay with that.
There's nothing for me to look forward to, anyway. My days and nights are all the same, spent wondering where exactly I went wrong. I try to figure out what I did to deserve all of this, in the hopes of eventually finding some kind of meaning. Because at least then, I'd know that it would make sense, that it'd be logical. What drives me mad is thinking that there is no reason.
No one at my school wants to be around me. It would make sense if it was because I did something bad to them before, but I swear I've never done anything. I sit by myself in the very back of the classroom, and from time to time I can hear them whispering about me. They say very mean things about what they think about me.
It makes me angry. It makes me want to hurt all of them, but I can never bring myself to do it. I always think about doing it, but I can never actually do it. I don't know why, but I feel the same way when I come up here and think about jumping off. It's like there's something stopping me. I hate it. Because it makes me feel like I'm not in control. I want to be in control. I almost hurt some people at school today too, if it wasn't for that one stupid girl.
I was walking down one of the empty school halls on my way to my next class. A group of 3 girls from another class spotted me walking by myself. I had seen them before, and they always looked like they wanted to do something to me, but never did. Except today, they finally got brave and quickly ran over to me. They looked like they eagerly wanted to tell me something important.
"Hey, Toga! There you are!" the tallest one said. I was surprised she even knew my name. She had long blonde hair that went well past her shoulders.
"Professor Rito has been looking for you! He said he wants to speak with you in his office immediately!" the shortest girl said. Her voice was really high-pitched, and she sounded like what a squirrel would sound like if it could talk.
My heart felt like it skipped several beats and my eyes widened. Of the many mean and cruel people in this world, Professor Rito was certainly not one of them. He actually listened to me, and he treated me like a normal person. He never lost his patience with me when I didn't understand something, and he had no problem explaining things to me over and over until I got it right.
That's why I loved him.
It certainly helped that he was only a few years older than me and yet still looked so cute. I've spent hours upon hours daydreaming about living a life with him.
It'd be perfect.
I imagined waking up every morning next to him, kissing and hugging his face until he begged me to stop. Then I'd make him the most delicious breakfast his cute little mouth had ever tasted, and he'd never want to leave me. It'd be perfect. He'd be mine and I'd have complete and total control over him.
That's why I didn't hesitate when I turned around and immediately walked over to Professor Rito's office, which was just down the hall from where I was.
I stood nervously in front of the door, taking a moment to look at myself in the faint reflection of a window nearby. I wanted to look my best for Professor Rito, so I quickly fixed my hair as best I could. It had been a while since I brushed my hair, much less showered, so I wanted to straighten out my bangs so they'd be as even as possible. And knowing that the professor is probably attracted to women closer to his age, I unbuttoned the top few buttons of my shirt so he could see and admire how grown I really am.
I took a deep breath and gently knocked on the door, but I noticed that the door was ever so slightly open, so I walked in.
"Professor Rito?" I asked quietly as I looked around his tiny office.
But the professor wasn't even there. I walked further into his office, and saw there was a note left on his desk that said "out of office until tomorrow". I was beyond confused.
That's when I heard fast footsteps approaching behind me, several of them. I was suddenly pushed down against his desk, and my face was being smashed against several of Professor Rito's belongings. I turned my head to see what had happened, and saw those 3 girls from earlier, all grinning from ear to ear. The tall one was holding my arms behind my back and pressing me down against the desk so I couldn't break free. I tried to fight it, but she was surprisingly strong for her build.
"You stupid whore! I knew you totally had the hots for Professor Rito!" the tall girl said, pressing down harder on my back.
"Did you see she unbuttoned the top of her shirt? She really thought she had a chance of impressing him with those things." the short one said, causing them all to laugh.
"What...you guys, tricked me?" I asked, understanding that I'd have been deceived by these three snakes.
"Oh, it was hardly a trick. Here, I'll pretend to be Professor Rito," the tall girl said as she used her leg to spread my feet apart. "Ugh, you smell terrible, when's the last time you took a shower? Gross.." she added.
"Stop it!" I yelled as I desperately kicked my feet, trying to hit at least one of them. But instead one of them held onto my foot and started twisting it inwards, which felt like torture. I started to yell out in pain, but she covered my mouth with her hand and all I could do was cry and murmur out for help.
But I had learned from a young age that I shouldn't ever expect for help to come. As a child, it almost never did. So I gave up trying to fight back. It was best to just give in and wait for them to stop. It had become like an instinct to me, to know when to just close my eyes and give up. That's why I was especially surprised when I heard an unfamiliar voice call out from outside the office after a few seconds.
"Hey! What's wrong with you guys? Let her go!" a girl said. I opened my eyes and looked. The 3 of them suddenly let go of me, all at once.
"Uraraka! Uh, we were just..we caught this girl trying to break into Professor Rito's office! We thought we'd show this little thief why they shouldn't be snooping around where they're not supposed to.." the tall one said.
"Is that so?" Uraraka said, not fully believing their story.
"It is, I swear!" the girl replied.
Uraraka turned her attention to me, and stared into my eyes. I don't know why, but it felt like she was staring right into my soul. She squinted her eyes ever so slightly and lowered her eyebrows as she looked at me, almost as if to ask- 'are they telling the truth?' I was panting heavily from the pain they had inflicted on me, and I looked at her in return with a tired expression. She must've believed me, because she turned her direction back to the tall girl and had a stern look on her face.
"Then I'll handle it from here." Uraraka said, stepping closer.
The three girls didn't hesitate backing off of me, and they all quickly left the office after this Uraraka girl had finished talking. I got myself off of the desk and dusted myself off, then tried my best to get everything on Professor Rito's desk back the way it was. A ton of things had been knocked over and onto the ground when they pushed me down.
"Hey, are you alright?" Uraraka asked me, trying to get a better glimpse of my face. But for some reason, I felt embarrassed. I didn't want this girl to see me. Not like this.
"I'm fine," I said, kneeling down to pick up a few pencils from the floor and placing them back into the professor's mesh pencil holder.
"Are you sure?" she asked, moving in front of me to get a look at my face. Our eyes locked onto each other for a split second, and I think she must've seen that I was holding back my tears, because her expression grew more worried. I saw the insides of her eyebrows raise ever so slightly, like she had just found a hurt puppy on the side of the road and wanted to take it home. She reached her hand out and gently touched my cheek with the back of her hand, and I quickly swatted her hand away.
"I said I'm fine!" I yelled, putting the professor's note back to the same way it was originally. I turned around and quickly ran out of the office. As I ran down the hall, I looked back once more and saw Uraraka standing outside of the office, that same look of worry and concern on her face as she watched me leave.
I buttoned my shirt back up as I ran downstairs to the nearest bathroom. I ran into an empty stall and locked the door behind me, then sat down on the cold tile and wept. I couldn't stop thinking about that stupid Uraraka girl. Who even was she? I don't remember seeing her around at all before. Then again, I never really paid attention to anyone who wasn't Professor Rito. But why did all those other girls stop when she told them to?
Deep down, I envied this Uraraka girl. Because I want to be the one in control, like her. I want people to do what I tell them to, instead of always being the one that gets told what to do. I wondered what made that girl so important. And why did she even tell them to stop? Why didn't she join them in tormenting me like everyone else did? How could she possibly have benefitted from helping me?
I reached up and rubbed the spot on my cheek where she had touched me earlier. Somehow, that part of my face now felt all warm and fuzzy. It felt nice. I remembered how the back of her hand felt so soft, and when she leaned in closer to me, I thought she smelled really good too. Part of me regretted swatting her hand away. That same part of me wanted to feel her hand again. I swatted her hand away because I thought she wanted to hurt me too. I can't trust anyone, I've learned that lesson. But the more I thought about her touch, the more I longed for it.
Nothing was making sense to me, not even my own thoughts. And I hate things that don't make any sense. I want to find meaning. I stood up off the floor of the bathroom stall and walked to the sink. I stared at my reflection, but all I could see were her soft brown eyes reflected in mine. And as I did, an enticing idea popped into my head, and I liked it so much that I couldn't help but smile like crazy. I walked out of the bathroom, determined to learn more about this girl, and feel her touch once more.