Archive of Our Own

"I hope you know I'm only telling you this out of pity." Kyu-chan's voice sounds exhausted. "Consider it your Christmas present."

"I hate it already," Rei mutters. "Fine. What is it."

He hadn't spoken to their former broker in almost an entire year. One year of bliss—well. Comparatively speaking. A year of almost dying from a self-inflicted gunshot wound that he couldn't go to a hospital for. A year of looking over their shoulders, constantly on guard for any vestige of the Suwa family to come creeping up on them. A year of trying, and failing, to figure out how they were going to survive without relying on anyone's blood money.

But it had also been a year of Miri, growing from four to five (too fast!) and making life worthwhile. A year of learning, because you never stop learning when you're a parent, apparently. A year of… of Kurusu Kazuki.

"Someone's taken a hit out," Kyu-chan starts, and Rei sighs.

"It was only a matter of time," he says dully. "What, did someone want to clean up my father's loose ends, or do they still think I'm a threat?"

"Oh, it's nothing to do with the Suwas." Kyu-chan has that unamused tone in his voice, probably from being interrupted. "And you misunderstand. You're not the one they're after, Rei."

"…I'm not?"

"This is a hit on Kazuki."

It feels like he's swallowed an ice cube, and it freezes everything on the way down. "…What," his voice is scratchy and far away.

"It's a revenge hit." Kyu-chan gives him the name, it sounds vaguely familiar. They probably worked it together, but Kazuki ended up pulling the trigger. "And usually, if you were still employed by the Family, it would be handled under the table and everything would be fine. But they must have found out about your retirement, and…"

"Got it." Rei sighs. He doesn't have the fucking energy to deal with this; the incoming press of winter makes his arm hurt like a bitch. "Thanks for the heads up."

They couldn't bribe their way out of it anymore, and if Kyutaro knew who was coming, he would have said so. They were on their own, waiting in the dark—and Miri's daycare performance was just four days away.

Why does this shit always happen to them on Christmas?

Miri was five now, which was practically a grown-up, according to her at least. Kazuki didn't really think he'd ever be okay when she wasn't physically in his line of vision, but he'd learned to accept the necessity. Even if her papas were out of work right now, she had friends at daycare, she was learning, and with Christmas rolling back around she was busy practicing for her class's performance of 'Joy to the World'.

She was going to be so good!! His daughter was really the best, she sang like an angel and smiled like an… even bigger angel! Or something. Look, Kazuki wasn't winning any awards for his writing skills, he just had a lot of feelings, okay?

So, it's not unusual for him to show up early at the daycare for pickup. That's pretty normal. The moms all know how much of a helicopter parent he is, they think it's cute that he's so dedicated.

What's not normal is Rei showing up half an hour before pickup time, out of breath like he'd run there.

"…Rei?" Kazuki frowns at him. "What's wrong?"

"We need to talk," he growls, hooking the hand of his good arm in Kazuki's and yanking him close. "Come on. Somewhere private."

"This is private, could you not have called—okay, okay, I'm coming!" Jeez. Even down an arm the guy was still freakishly strong.

When he deemed them alone enough, Rei takes a deep breath. "…Someone's after you," he mutters. At Kazuki's dopey look, he flatly explains the situation, as quickly and concisely as he can.

"…So. My plan is to get you and Miri somewhere safe, then I can trap the house—"

"You can't do shit!" Kazuki hisses, gesturing at the arm dangling on Rei's right side. "Forget it. You're my partner. We do this together."

Rei's face gets that pinched, annoyed look that Kazuki honestly loves so much. "What about Miri?"

They both fall quiet. This was a situation they had both, individually, been expecting and making plans for—probably—but after months of silence, they'd let it go. Rei's bedroom had stayed locked, all this time, Kazuki hadn't even seen him go in to do cleaning and maintenance of their arsenal like he used to. Probably because that was the kind of thing that sucked trying to do with one working arm.

"Okay! Okay." Kazuki blows out a breath. "Look, we'll figure it out. I'm not willing to fuck up Christmas for our daughter, first and foremost, so that's our first priority. We will make fucking sure that nothing happens to her, or us, because that's what we do. That's… basically the only thing we do. But we're good at it, I'll give us that."

Rei narrows his eyes. "I give us a… B- at best."

"Yes, well, that's not important. Let's pick Miri up, then we can figure out what to do next."

There should be some kind of award, Rei thinks, for cleaning guns with a dead arm while keeping your five-year-old kid from finding out about said guns.

Actually, that's not a bad idea. Rei comes back out onto the balcony. "Hey… Miri?"

"Yes papa!" she shouts from downstairs.

"Did you help make those origami medals on field day?"

Miri nods eagerly. "YES! We all made a whole bunch but our senseis made the shiny ones. It was fun!"

"Do you remember how?" He can't help a fond smile as he looks down at her bright smile.

"Yeah! Does Rei-papa need medals?"

"Make a whole bunch of them. Kazu—" but his other half is already pulling out some origami paper, setting it down with her ruler so she can use it to crease the folds.

He glances up, then flashes a grin from under that floppy blond hair. As usual, he looks absolutely silly, and Rei's only smiling at Miri. Not him.

Kazuki doesn't need to be told the plan. He never does. He's insanely intuitive, and once Miri's happily folding away he climbs the stairs and gets right up in Rei's space. "Need help, aibo?" he murmurs.

That. That thing. Kazuki needs to stop doing that thing, where he… well, all of it. Everything. He's doing all sorts of things.

The thing is, they've been functionally married with a kid for two years now. Dysfunctionally, before. And when his arm got infected, it only made sense for Rei to sleep in a real bed, and they just had a mutual agreement to leave the gun room locked, so. He'd started sleeping in Kazuki's bed, for good.

Kazuki himself had started on the couch, but he had to play nursemaid so often it just… became easier for them to share it. It's not like there wasn't enough room. Miri joined them sometimes, when she got lonely. So that's how that happened.

And it turns out, when you sleep next to someone every night for a whole year, your body just gets used to being close to them. And suddenly it doesn't matter if they're on the couch, or standing in the kitchen, or where the fuck ever—neither of them have any concept anymore of personal space. Kazuki lets his arm rest along Rei's shoulders when he games (and Kazuki was also the one who ordered two different types of one-handed controllers so he could choose, what the fuck). When Kazuki's cooking, Rei puts his good arm around his waist—to steady himself, okay, but Kazuki doesn't push him away.

Now, in what used to be Rei's room but was really never more than a place to store all their business equipment… Kazuki rests a hand on the small of Rei's back. His palm is warm, burning away a chill he hadn't even realized was seeping into his core, just by being here.

"Need a hand?" Kazuki says with a wink.

Rei has too many guns.

Seriously! Too many fucking guns! They could probably sell half of these and make enough to live on for half the next year.

"Maybe," Rei says with a sigh. "If it comes down to it."

They've mostly been living on all that backlog money Kazuki tried to give his sister-in-law. A few odd jobs here and there have helped their prospects, but Rei was basically unemployable thus far and Kazuki… well, he was doing okay. Except that he'd always put his daughter and husb—um.

Partner. Right. He'd always put his family first, is what he means.

They bicker, soft and familiar, as Kazuki holds and Rei cleans. Handguns, he's familiar with, but when they move on to the rifles and semi-autos he's a little more out of his depth.

"You don't need to know how to take apart a semi to point and fire," Kazuki tries to explain.

Rei snorts. "You should. Not like it's hard."

"For you, maybe," Kazuki bites back.

There's a smile on Rei's face. That's been happening a lot more often, too, and he never thought he'd see the day that Rei with a gun in his hand and soft, smiling Papa-Rei would overlap, but here they are.

"…Are you gonna tie your hair back again," Kazuki teases, brushing a long lock of bangs back from Rei's face. It might be time for a trim, though he knows Rei keeps up on shaving the sides. It's been a long time since he's seen it up in a ponytail, though—he's definitely missed it.

"Can't," Rei mutters.

"What do you mean, can't? It's definitely long enough to—"

His voice dies in his throat, and Rei just watches him. Steady, patient. Tired.

"…You can't with one hand," Kazuki murmurs.

There was a lot Rei had had to adjust to. Kazuki had bought him that controller before he could even consider getting depressed about not being able to game, whew, fended that one off. Honestly, at this point, Rei could pretty much do anything with one hand that he could do before, but. Every now and then, they ran into some unexpected snag.

Writing, for one. Rei was almost ambidextrous to begin with, so it wasn't his handwriting that was the problem—he apparently usually kept his wrist up when he wrote, a vestige of learning kanji with a brush. But without a second hand to hold the paper, he had to re-learn how to write. Unexpected, but manageable.

Then there were the things that, simply, you needed two hands—or an assistive device—to accomplish. Opening jars and bottles. Tying shoelaces. Cutting food. Shaving armpits. Trimming nails.

Every roadblock they encountered, they made it through. Kazuki got to learn which things he could help with, no problem—the shaving and nails and cutting his food up, it was nothing he hadn't done for Rei before—and some things were an easy swap. Slip-on or zippered shoes. One-handed jar opener from Amazon. Soda cans instead of bottles.

But what upset Rei, what weighed on him, were the things he could no longer do for Miri. He couldn't tie her shoes. He couldn't cut her food for her. He couldn't lift her up with both arms and place her on his shoulders.

And now, Kazuki realizes, he couldn't put his hair up and hold a sniper rifle with both hands to protect his family.

God, Kazuki loves him. He's loved him… basically forever, even when he was a nasty wet cat of a man and Kazuki wanted to punt him off the nearest balcony. No, he still loved him. He'll love him forever, probably, he can only be pathetically grateful that Rei cares more about Miri than dating, and Kazuki aims to keep it that way.

Selfish, the voice in his head yells, selfish, selfish, SELFISH—

Kazuki reaches up with both hands, letting the gun slide down to the bed, and he takes two handfuls of Rei's hair, pulling it back from his face.

"I can help with that. Of course I can. And I'll help with this, too—you're not the only one with a body count in this house, you know."

Rei was better. He probably still was, even with one hand out of commission. But Kazuki knows that feeling anything less than his best has to be terrifying for a guy like Rei.

It doesn't matter. He's not alone, neither of them are ever going to be alone ever again, and they can do this. Kazuki knows it.

"You didn't tell me that I was the target!!" Kazuki screams as a bullet whistles over their heads, exploding into the brick wall above.

Didn't he? Rei checks the cartridge on his handgun, popping it back in by slamming it into his hip. Good enough. He waits for the right moment, listening to them move, then—

Okay, he tries to twist around and pop a shot off, only his stupid flappy arm goes wide and hits the railing they're hiding behind.

"FUCK!!" he shouts, doubling over at the pain.

"There they are!" he hears the assassin say, and Kazuki swears as well.

He can barely see, let alone uncurl himself, but the gun stays in his hand—you don't drop your fucking weapon, that's been beat into him enough times. He pants for breath, blinking furiously and trying to get ahold of himself.

He's no stranger to pain. He's really not. He barely even flinched when he shot himself in the first place. Hell, he can't even feel anything in the arm most days. What the—

"You dislocated your shoulder," Kazuki says quietly beside him. He's bent over too, picking through their bag. "Stay down. I've got this."

Rei crouches, cradling the gun to his chest. He can hear the tinny Christmas carols echoing from the mall they'd just left, on their way to Miri's class recital. He should have fucking known. That thing is probably cursed.

The only upside, he thinks, as Kazuki pulls out a frankly alarmingly large shotgun and loads the barrel, is that getting attacked in the street like this meant a couple of things: they didn't know where Kazuki lived, and consequently, they weren't all that good to begin with. In fact, Rei would be willing to label them… outright incompetent.

Kazuki straightens up, and—he takes a wide step to open his stance, directly over Rei's body. Literally, he is standing over him, the shotgun loose and easy in his hands, with a look on his face as effortlessly casual as if he was here to make conversation.

Except, Rei can see a pyre roaring in his eyes.

Oh, he thinks. I'm in love with him.

That explains a lot, honestly. (Their attackers rush around the corner—Kazuki just waits, that pleasant smile on his lips.) Really, it shouldn't have taken him this long to figure it out, but he didn't know how to be a human before Kurusu Kazuki, give him a break. (They try and shoot at them, Rei isn't even worried at this point. Kazuki's shoulders are shaking with equal parts rage and laughter.) They're literally married with a daughter and he didn't know, that's so lame. (Kazuki snaps the shotgun up and—BOOM!! Nails them both through the chest with one scatter blast.) God, how long has he been in love with him? Probably forever. What a mess.

"What a mess," Kazuki sighs, wiping blood and other bits off his jacket. "Wait, what time is it? We're going to be late!!"

"Calm down, you've got something—" Rei tries to point to his face, but Kazuki aggressively wipes it with his sleeve, smearing a tiny dot of blood into a whole streak. "…Oh my god. Stop moving."

Kazuki goes still, looking helpless and worried and almost as cute as their daughter, a daughter they raise together, as a couple, in their apartment, because they're fucking married. God. Rei is an idiot.

He pushes up to his feet, tossing the gun back in the bag. With one motion, he grabs his dead arm and shoves it back into place, an absolutely sickening crunch of bone and sinew. Kazuki winces. He's such a big baby, out of the heat of the moment.

But he still doesn't move. Rei reaches up, rubs his thumb along the line of blood—it doesn't do much, it's already drying, they're going to have to stop home and rinse off. "Dummy," he mumbles, then pushes up on his toes and kisses Kazuki right on the mouth.

It's not a long kiss. It's not a first kiss, either. He kisses him like he's done it a million times and he'll do it a million times more, like he'd kiss his husband if he was very sexy while he defended their family but they really need to get going, now. He pats that cheek.

"Come on. The recital's going to start soon, let's get cleaned up."

"You were always late! Always! To every single one!!" Miri insists, slapping her hand down on the table.

"It was a preschool recital, Miri!" Kazuki whines. "Come on, we made all of them once you started elementary school!"

"That's not the point! Neither of you ever give me a straight answer about it, and…" her voice quiets, tone turning more serious. "…And now that I know what you used to do… I have to know the truth. Cmon, papa~" she wheedles, reaching out both her hands across the table towards Kazuki and batting those big brown eyelashes at him.

Rei sighs. "When you were four, your mother had just died in Kazuki's arms. Protecting you."

"Rei!!" his husband snaps, but Miri… Miri has a firm, determined look in her eye. She nods.

"And then?"

"And then… we had to make sure no one would come after you again. We stormed my father's mansion, killed a whole fuckload of goons, then I forced him to back off. That's when I shot myself in the arm. To cripple myself so I wasn't worth anything anymore. To him," he adds with a small smile. It's been a long time since Rei truly thought of himself as worthless.

Miri looks… stricken, to say the least. She knew the arm was self-inflicted, but… they'd always said it was an accident.

"We got to the recital as fast as we could," Kazuki insists. "We were both so full of bullets and bleeding on everything, I'm shocked your sensei didn't catch on."

"She probably did," Miri says as kindly as she can. "I think Anna-sensei just… always saw the best in people, you know?"

They tell her about the firefight when she was 6, too. That one was when Kyutaro was trying to get out, so they were storming the Suwa mansion again, but this was just a search and grab. Still, it was inconvenient timing, and they'd just managed to squeak in before Miri started singing.

"Well… if it's for Kyu-chan I can accept it." She frowns. "Hang on. We're missing one. What happened when I was five? Joy to the World?"

Rei taps the fingers of his good hand on the table.

"Oh! That! Well, you see, that was actually the first time we had a hit out on us since we got out, and… it wasn't like Kyu-chan could protect us, so we had to take care of it. They didn't even figure out where we lived, just ambushed us on the street like common thugs." He shakes his head, so mournful.

Miri narrows her eyes, glancing between the two of them. "Papa…"

Kazuki lets out a brash, nervous laugh. "Hahaha, what is it, pumpkin?"

"There's something you're not telling me…"

Rei folds immediately. "We did get shot at but that's not why we were late."

"What?? Why, then," she insists.

"We stopped home to clean off the blood and we ended up fu—"

"OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH!!" Kazuki shouts.

"—shower, and then again when we tried to get dressed—"

"STORY TIME IS OVER!!"

"—and we almost made it out the door but your papa looked like he'd been eaten alive so—"

"REI!" Kazuki's almost crying. "C-can you not traumatize our child??"

Miri gives him a very, very unimpressed look. "I've been living with you two for ten years now. Unfortunately, I already know too much."

"Fine! What about me! Can you not traumatize me?!"

Rei and Miri exchange a long look, father to daughter. She smiles—soft and understanding, and Rei will never know what he did to deserve her.

He does think he deserves Kurusu Kazuki, though. "Exposure therapy time. By that I mean, get naked and I can traumatize you all over again."

Kazuki screams, Miri laughs, and Rei's heart is so, so full.