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“Put that cookie down!” Jack’s outraged bellow echoed through the Hub loud enough to set Myfanwy squawking in her eyrie, indignant over having her nap so rudely disturbed.
“Fine.” Owen scowled at his boss as he dropped the giant Christmas cookie back on the kitchen counter, causing it to break into pieces inside its cellophane wrapping.
If anything, that just made Jack even more furious. He stomped up to Owen with a face like thunder, looking ready to throttle the other man.
Owen took a step back. “What’s got your knickers in a twist?”
“I said PUT it down, not drop it!” Reaching past Owen, Jack picked up the broken cookie. “Now look what you’ve done! You’ve ruined it!”
“So what? It was just sitting there and I’m hungry. It’s a cookie; it’s supposed to be eaten, not admired.” Sometimes, possibly even most of the time, Owen lacked the sense to realise he was only digging himself a deeper hole. Then again, Jack had long suspected that apologising wasn’t in the medic’s vocabulary.
“I bought that cookie for Ianto! That’s why it was in the kitchen, beside the coffee machine, so he’d find it when he came up to make coffee for us!” Jack snarled. “I was so careful getting it back here unbroken. Now I’ll have to go out and get another one!”
“Great, you do that. Guess that means I can have this one.”
“NO IT DOES NOT!” Jack drew himself up to his full height, glaring down at Owen. He wasn’t much taller, only three inches, so it didn’t make him as intimidating as he would have liked, but sometimes you just had to work with what you’d got. “If you want a Christmas cookie, you can go out in the rain and get it yourself, instead of stealing one meant for someone else!”
“It’s not stealing when something’s just left lying around where anyone can find it. Finders keepers, losers weepers,” Owen chanted. It was the wrong thing to say, but before Jack could make that clear, they were interrupted.
“Alright, what’s going on here?” Ianto asked, striding purposefully into the kitchenette area. “I could hear the yelling before I was halfway up the stairs. It’s upsetting Myfanwy.”
“He’s pissed off over a stupid Christmas cookie,” Owen said, scowling.
“You were going to eat it! I didn’t get it for you, and now it’s all broken!”
“It’ll still taste the same.” Owen had obviously decided not to back down, no matter what. This was about more than not wanting to apologise; he wasn’t even going to admit that he was in the wrong.
“THAT’S NOT THE POINT!” Jack turned to Ianto. “I’m sorry!” He looked mournfully at the shattered cookie in its bag. “It looked so nice when I bought it for you, but Owen just had to spoil everything, because he’s a mean-spirited Grinch who hates Christmas and doesn’t want anyone else to enjoy it either! I promise I’ll get you another Christmas cookie. One that isn’t broken into bits.”
“It’s alright, Jack.” Ianto took the bag of cookie bits from his lover. “It’s the thought that counts.”
“But I wanted you to have something nice, just for you! Every time I bring anything into the Hub, the others act like a horde of locusts, and by the time you’ve served coffee, all you get are the crumbs, or the things no one else wants. Even when I try to save something for you, even when I put your name on it, someone else usually gets there first. Probably Owen.” Jack pouted. “It was supposed to be a surprise, that’s why I put it by the coffee machine. But as usual, Owen decided he’d just help himself, because he’s all he cares about.”
“I still don’t get why you’re making such a fuss over a soddin’ cookie.” Owen shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I’ll ‘ave my coffee down in the med bay.”
“No you won’t, because YOU won’t be getting any!” Jack snapped. Then to Ianto, “He doesn’t deserve it.”
“Oh, come on, Jack. Be fair. It’s nearly Christmas! At least let me give him what he DOES deserve, that cheap, nasty instant decaf I keep just for him.” Ianto was having a hard time keeping a straight face.
“Even that’s too good for him,” Jack grumbled. “But if it’ll make you happy.”
“Thank you.” Ianto leaned in to give Jack a quick kiss. “And thank you for the cookie too. I’m sure I’ll enjoy it.”
They both ignored Owen as the medic stomped away, grumbling.
“I’m still going to get you an unbroken one,” Jack insisted. “They’re so pretty, and you didn’t get to see it. You deserve something perfect, because… Well, you do, and it’s Christmas, almost, and at Christmas people should tell the truth, because it’s the season of good will to all men, women, aliens, people, and stuff, and it’s good to be honest, as long as you’re not mean, and… and… Well, you should only have perfect things because to me, you’re perfect!”
Jack stared at Ianto with such sincerity that for a moment, Ianto thought maybe his lover was under some weird sort of alien influence. It wouldn’t be the first time, or even the tenth. But no, Christmas was only a couple of weeks away, and the festive season always brought out Jack’s sentimental side, more so now than ever before, as this would be their first Christmas since moving in together.
“I’m really not, but thank you anyway. Why don’t I make coffee, and then we can share this cookie.”
“But I bought it for you!”
“And you already said you want to get me an unbroken one, so it’s only fair that we share this one. Especially since it’ll annoy Owen even more.”
“That’s true.” Jack beamed at his lover. “You think of everything, because you ARE perfect!”
“Owen can have cheap instant decaf, and if he’s hungry, I think there’s half a packet of stale crackers in the cupboard. It’s a step up from bread and water. If he’s not satisfied with that, he can go out and get himself something from the coffee shop.”
“It’s pouring with rain out,” Jack said.
“Really?” Having been in the archives most of the morning, Ianto hadn’t been aware of that. “Well, he’ll have to take his umbrella, won’t he?”
“He doesn’t have one. He’s too macho to use a brolly.”
Ianto smirked. “Well, isn’t that just too bad for him? Decaf and stale bickies it is then. Owen really is his own worst enemy.”
“I know! You’d think he enjoyed being punished.”
“Ah well.” Ianto’s grin widened. “Christmas is a time for giving, so everyone should get what they deserve.”
“I couldn’t have said it better myself.”
The End