Work Text:
Karina, Jacob, and Nathan sit in Karina's room as they take the quiz.
Jacob (Submissive, Breedable, The Fool™): "It says I'm a Submissive Omega."
Karina (Barely holding it together, Ready to snap, Effervescent): "Yeah, I'm a Loner Alpha."
Nathan Clone 4, henceforth referred to simply as Nathan (Normal, Nurturing, Effervescent): "I got Soft Alpha."
Jacob: "What!? How is that 'alpha'!?" (No, I can't be the only omega on the team!)
Nathan: (Should I explain that his conception of alphas is inherently warped around the Alpha Male toxic masculinity model rather than the ABO model? Should I tell him that what he thinks of as an alpha is the equivalent of a whips-and-chains dominatrix while what I am is more akin to a dommy mommy and that both are ultimately the same, though approach their craft in very different ways? Should I pull my pants up real high and remind him I'm the Big Boss Man? Nah, I'll just read what the result says.)
Nathan: "It says I am an Art Main and expected to be Submissive Omega."
Karina: "Yeah, I can see it."
Jacob: *bratty omega noises*
Karina: "OMG, you're being SUCH an omega right now."
Jacob: (Oh no, she's right. I have to act like it doesn't bother me that I'm an omega. I need to deflect!) "I'd be fine with it if Nathan was a beta like he should be!"
Nathan: "We can say I'm a beta if it makes you happy, Jacob."
Jacob: *slowly realizing he's surrounded by alphas at all times*
Cut to the Andrews-Lepetit home. Julia and Felix are watching the patron stream from the couch. Olive and Joy are battling to the death in the background.
Felix (Growing so fast, Already 10 feet tall, Effervescent): "Verily! Father art such an omega!"
Julia (Mother of monsters and also Felix, Probably tired from overworking herself, Effervescent): "Oh cool, I got the same thing as Karina."
Felix: "Forsooth!"
Cut to the top floor of Kaiba Corp.
Nordy (Straight, Secretly Kaiba in a wig that he puts a second wig on to cosplay as himself, Effervescent): "I am an Aggressive Alpha! I must tell Karina this instant!"
Cut back to Karina's room as she gets a text.
Karina: "Julia says she's also a Loner Alpha."
A second text comes in.
Karina: "Nordy's an Aggressive Alpha. He says he wants you to be part of his pack, Jacob."
Cut to the Andrews-Lepetit home.
Julia (Letting her Long Island out in a rage): "This bitch here is trying to steal my omega!"
Felix (Now 12 feet tall): "Cry 'Havoc!' and let slip the cats of war! Joy! Palm Olive! We ride at dawn!"
Olive (In position to make her finishing blow, Occasionally Saturn, Effervescent): "You live this night, sister! The prince hath need of us. Take heed and learn from your mistakes!"
Joy (At the mercy of her sister, Gremlin, Effervescent): "Joke's on you! I never learn!"
Julia: "No, sweetie. First, we write a threatening letter. If he doesn't apologize, then we can ride to war."
Felix: "Thou art wise without measure, Mother!"
Cut back to Karina's room as she gets a text.
Karina: "Nordy says he didn't know what he said could be taken sexually and he apologizes to your wife and child, then he just starts begging for his life for some reason."
Jacob: *bratty bottom noises*
Karina: "You're being such a bratty bottom right now!"
Jacob: "No I'm not! I'm being really strong and cool!"
Nathan: *happily drawing bread with a funny face while he lets his friends play, like the Soft Alpha he is*