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You didn’t know one could learn the patterns of a hospital so in detail before Vecna happened and Max almost fell a victim of him. Or she still could, but you always silenced that quiet fear in your head if it threatened to creep in and make itself home in your heart.
She looked so small, lying there. Smaller than she had looked like when she first mounted a skateboard, when she came back with scraped knees and hurting, you bandaging her legs, only for her to do it again and again until she was better than many other skaters around Hawkins or the whole state of Indiana.
On top of it all, you felt yourself falling in love with Robin with every heartbeat you spent with her. And you knew it was stupid when Robin could be herself so freely, but you were afraid of a backlash that would ensue. You, with a woman, when everyone had expected you to end up together with a man. What a disappointment you could cause to your family and everyone who were excited to see you wearing a princess dress. With a woman, you could never marry. Such thing was seen as immoral, blasphemy even.
It hurt, of course. But since Max had fallen into a coma, you just retreated into your shell, not letting anyone close again. You brushed everyone’s concerns off, sitting by Max’s bedside day and night, sometimes going home and forcing yourself to sleep even a little, just to have strength again to sit at the hospital for as long as you could.
Even so, you just couldn’t stop thinking about Robin. You couldn’t help but wonder if she had found someone because you were distancing yourself from the group, or if she’d wait for you — if she even felt the same as you did, that you had a connection. But at the same time you felt like your wish was a selfish thing, seeing that you weren’t ready to scream it from the rooftops, that you happen to like women and it’s nobody else’s businness than yours.
It wouldn’t be fair to expect her to wait around forever. But the thought of her finding someone else was a squeezing feeling in your chest, something unbearable. You were in love and you knew that, but you were too much of a coward to get it out and follow her example. Let yourself free.
You looked at Max laying there, slowly withering away. The nurses didn’t have much time to keep her muscle mass treated properly, they usually hurried it through, forcing you to read medical books so you could take care of it but truth to be told, you weren’t very good at it.
One day as you were working with her, you heard slow steps coming into the room. Honestly, you expected it to be that one nurse who didn’t really like you always hanging around, muttering you pestering them and making their work harder. Oh, how many times you had wanted to tell her off.
So you didn’t even glance at her, just continuing to treat Max to the best of your ability. But then… a voice mumbled, “Hi.”
You froze. Robin.
You turned slowly to see her standing there with an awkward smile. “I thought I might find you here. How is she?”
You blinked, not really registering what she said at first but once you did, you swallowed. “No changes. The nurses don’t really do anything for her, everyone keeps saying she won’t wake up.”
You almost forgot your walls, but they rose again soon. “I’m fine. You can go.”
She shifted on her feet. “We’re allworried about you.”
“No need to be,” you mumbled. “I’m fine.”
She was silent, and you knew she didn’t believe you. Who would, really.
She cleared her throat after a moment. “If you need anything, talking, a shoulder to cry on… I’ll be here for you.”
“Mm.”
She stood there for a moment longer, but eventually you heard the heavy door of the room opening and clicking shut, and you closed your eyes for a moment before grabbing Max’s hand. “If you were awake, you’d never stop telling me how I’m an idiot.”
You almost saw her roll her eyes at that from pure memory mixed with imagination, and smiled slightly at the mental picture. Max would absolutely lose her mind over you pining over Robin, and in your mind you promised to her — and yourself — that if she ever woke up, Robin would be the first person whose arms you would run to. But you wouldn’t be able to confess without your little sister, your brave, amazing sister.
You lifted her limp hand to your lips, clasping it between your both hands. “Please wake up,” you muttered against her fingers, and for a moment you thought you saw her eyelids fluttering, as if she was just about to wake up, but it disappeared in the next moment.
But it was enough to give you a slight sliver of hope.