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"Niccolò di Angelo!! You march your sweet patuti over to that infirmary and just tell him!”
Those had been the final words that echoed in the death silence of the Hades cabin before the mist of the Iris message had dissolved into the air.
Reyna had been his last resort, his last hope.
But all she did was just repeat what everyone else had already said.
The words might have been different but the message had been the same.
What none of them understood was that Nico simply couldn’t.
He couldn’t march his sweet patuti to the infirmary and ask Will out.
He simply wasn’t good enough… He wasn’t good enough for that sunshine boy.
The universe and the gods had blessed him more than enough to have Will be his friend, be in his life. Asking for anything more would be… it would be too much. It would be an affront to what he already had. So he simply couldn’t.
Yet, he longed for it. He longed for it more than anything in the world.
He longed for Will’s gazes, for his smiles, even for his touch.
And not that he was not getting those with them being friends, best of friends as Will would often correct him, but Nico wanted those to mean something else.
But he was not good enough for that. He did not deserve it.
And it wasn’t even that he was gay. No…
It had taken years, and many, many talks with all his friends, mostly long nights talking with Will, for him to get over those hangups… at least a little. They will always be at the back of his mind, and the son of Hades will likely never erase them from his being completely. But still, he could walk somewhat proud on the path to accepting himself. After all it is a journey.
And for those precious first steps he has Will to thank. Again.
So much of what he is today he owes to Will. And this is precisely why he can’t do what everyone is telling him to do. Because Will deserves the world, he deserves everything. He deserves someone that is not broken, damaged beyond repair as Nico is.
He deserves better…
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A soft hand on his… shoulder, yeah shoulder, halts Nico’s spiral.
“Hey Neeks, are you with me?”
When did Will come to his cabin?
Better yet, how did Nico find himself on the floor?
Oh… His thoughts had spiraled again, hadn’t they? This was another anxiety attack, wasn’t it? Another episode where his demons and internal turmoil were attacking him, right? And in broad daylight of all things…
And once again Will was here to save him.
Nico couldn’t take it. He would never be good enough.
Never…
He curled even more on himself and squeezed his eyes shut.
No use. Silent tears still stream down his face as the quiet sobs wrack through his body.
He doesn’t want Will to see him like this, but there is no escaping this. And this very thought fuels his anxiety even further.
He is sure that he is shaking.
And then all of a sudden everything stops.
Strong hands pull him in and envelop him as if in a soft blanket.
Safe…
Nico feels safe.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…” Will’s soft voice fills the cabin, making Nico feel even safer.
“You make me happy when skies are grey…” Will held him tighter, one hand buried into Nico’s messy dark locks, as the other ran calmingly up and down his spine.
“You’ll never know dear, how much I love you…” Nico grabbed at Will’s ever-present plaid shirt and fisted till his knuckles were white as bone. If only Will knew. If only he knew what this meant…
“Please don’t take my sunshine away…” Will placed a soft kiss on the crown of Nico’s head as even more tears flowed down his cheeks. Still, with every touch, every hum, the son of Hades relaxed, the sobs slowly subsiding until only the silent tears remained.
Will was patient.
He never stopped holding Nico, no…
His embrace never faltered.
After what felt like forever, he slowly moved Nico’s face, so he could brush away what remained of those salty rivers.
“Will you tell me what is going on in this head of yours or should I guess?” Will’s voice tickled his ears, even if it was just above a whisper, as if something louder would break the spell they were under.
“I…” Nico tried but the words would not come out.
What to even say.
Should he tell Will everything? Should he stay quiet? Should he explore hypotheticals? Or should he just thank his friend for saving him once again?
Nico’s mind threatens to spiral again as more tears well up in his dark chocolate eyes.
Will takes a deep breath and bends his head to kiss them away.
Nico’s mind is short circuiting.
Did this really happen? Is this a dream?
Does he want to wake up if it is?
“You are thinking you are not good enough, aren’t you?” Will asks, and Nico’s frozen brain stalls even further.
How does Will know? When did he learn how to read Nico’s mind? Is this even an ability the kids of Apollo possessed?
“You talk in your sleep, sunshine.” Will spared him from another spiral. “And have plenty of well-meaning and very much prone to meddling, very good friends. WHo before you send armies of the undead after them, have not said or done anything directly, but have very much nudged and prodded. So spare them the trip to the Underworld. They love you very much.”
Nico could only blink rapidly at the other boy.
Nothing made sense, but he was still cozily stuck in Will’s lap, warmed up and soothed by his embrace.
“And so do I… very much…” Will whispered, as he lowered his gaze. Nico examined his face. Soft pink dotted his cheeks, merging with the gorgeous freckles that the son of Hades loved gazing at.
Nico slowly raised his hand to cup Will’s cheek and turn his face so that they looked into each other’s eyes.
“I… I was waiting for you to tell me yourself,” Will started. “I wanted to give you the time and space. If you ever wanted to, that is… I didn’t want to put any pressure on you. Even if you choose to just be my friend, I would be fine. I just want you in my life Nico. I can’t lose you.”
Good enough or not, Nico was through denying himself this.
If Will felt the same, then Nico would be brave for the both of them.
He gave a shy smile and slowly drew Will’s face down.
The kiss was brief, barely a press of lips, the faintest of touches but it was a promise.
A promise for many more.
A first step on a longer journey.
And this was good enough…
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